Remember the past events are italicized, and her current standings aren't. Enjoy reading.
You couldn't keep a secret, even if you wanted to, not in Charming.
Tara knew the moment someone recognized her face, the Charming Chatters would have the rumor mill so warmed up, she half expected a welcome banner on her way into town. Though who was she kidding. She meant very little to anyone, no one would probably even care. The only person aware of her actual presence was her father's estate attorney, who would greet her at the house. It was fitting actually. When she left, she left with no fanfare as well. Her father had driven off to some local dive to drown in liquor and she shuffled off to the airport to be dumped by Jax. Steve Knowles didn't know how to say goodbye to his daughter. It was ironic that Tara never got to say goodbye to him in the end. Her selfish cousin, more concerned about saving the insurance money for herself, swiftly agreed to have him cremated, leaving Tara no way to actually mourn. Had she actually had a funeral for Steve Knowles, she doubted that anyone but her and the priest would have been present.
But Charming would have known she was back then, and maybe a certain someone would have been there to comfort her. But not today. Today no one knew she was making her way back home months after her father's death and she wasn't leaving anytime soon.
The lawyer said when her father passed a few months back, the house was so packed the EMTs could barely get inside. Tara had no idea what she was about to walk into, the state of her father's home was just like her life, full of unwanted shit that blocked out any light. She hadn't been home in so long, she was walking into unknown territory.
Josh had even found a way to make her father's death about him. Things were rocky by then, but he hadn't shown his true colors yet. She got the call from her cousin one afternoon, after an exhausting day with two long surgeries back to back. She'd been perusing the break room for carbs and caffeine to keep her from going comatose, when her cell phone rang. Josh had been calling her all day, but she had chosen to ignore him. The relationship was weighing on her. But this call was from a San Diego area. Tara rarely talked to her cousin; after two years of living with her, Tara knew some long distance relatives were meant to be long distance for reasons.
"Hey Mona."
"Tara..."
"Yeah, I'm actually about to head to surgery," Tara wanted to keep this conversation brief. Usually Mona would call to try to get Tara mixed up in one of her disability schemes. "What's the matter?"
"Oh Tara, I'm so sorry. I just got a call... about your dad-" Mona sniffed into the phone. Tara couldn't tell if Mona was doing one of her famous overreactions or if this was something real. But her gut told her this was something real.
"What call?" Tara said slowly, dread filling her eyes.
"He's gone, baby. He...he died in his sleep or something. You know he wasn't doing well..."
"How...how?" Tara wobbled and had to take a seat before she fell over. She knew this day would come, her father had obliterated his liver and kidneys a long time ago. Tara tried to talk to his doctors but he never gave her official permission. In fact he told her to mind her own business. That if he was going to die, she couldn't stop it. She just wasn't expecting it to be today.
"He passed out and he had a hemorrhage in his brain-"
"An aneurysm?"
"Yes. I'm still making calls, Tara sweetie. I don't know what kind of papers, insurance or money he has-"
"I need to go...to Charming...," Tara said slowly, ignoring the tears that spilled onto her cheeks. "I need to take care of everything."
She stood up, but her feet didn't move. The break room felt cold and empty and so far away from where she needed to be.
"No dear, no...you stay right there. I'll do it. I got him to put everything in my name a few years back-"
"Mona, you shouldn't have done that," Tara was trying hard to stop the tears from coming. She didn't have an easy relationship with her father, but she loved him. Suddenly, guilt overwhelmed her that he became collateral damage in her quest to leave Charming behind. She rarely spoke to her father anymore, save his birthday and Father's Day.
"Sweetie someone had to. Your father was sickly and honestly Tara, I'm sure you have so much to do. I just know there isn't much insurance and...look sweetie I really gotta call you back. Stay where you are, okay?"
Tara nodded, even though her cousin couldn't see her, swiping violently at her eyes. Her father was dead. Now she really felt like an orphan. She had no family at all. No ties to anywhere. The call disconnected and Tara sank back onto the couch, staring at the screen of her phone, her face flushed and wet with tears.
For the next few hours, she walked the halls of the hospital. She told her supervisor about her father, but asked for some privacy and time. Tara felt like shit, like she had abandoned her father in order to abandon everything she lost in Charming. Sure, he had abandoned her long before that, letting alcohol be his only priority, and allowing his only child to raise herself. But she couldn't hold it against him. That existence, the one she hated, made her strong, made her determined, made her resolute. She knew whatever she would face, she could do it with her chin high and shoulders straight, like she practiced so often before she went to school and was teased about being the drunk's daughter.
Finally, after ending her walk with a glimpse at the new precious babies in the nursery, Tara went home. She'd call Mona in the morning and get a ticket back home. She'd take care of her father's arrangements herself. As she put her locks back into place, she turned to see Josh sitting in her living room, watching television. Tara jumped, she hadn't invited him over tonight, and he didn't have a key.
"Josh! What the hell?" she yelped, pressing herself up against the wall.
"Sorry to scare you, I had your super let me in. I've been calling you for hours."
Tara's shocked face twisted quickly to indignation. "You had him what?"
"I was worried-"
"You can't just come into my apartment when you want!" she hissed, storming past him to cut off her television. She couldn't with his shit, not tonight of all nights. She wanted to be alone, she wanted to mourn her father in peace.
"No reason to get upset there, Tar. I just wanted to check on you baby. Been calling you all day. I had a big bust where this guy pulled a knife on one of our agents and-"
She shook her head as he talked, just wanting him to shut up and get the fuck out. He kept babbling about some case and she couldn't take it anymore.
"-and that just leads to more paperwork, but the forensics of it-"
"My father died today," she spat out, her eyes still closed. "My dad...he's gone."
He stopped talking and regarded her for a second before reaching out to hug her. "Oh Tara-"
She stepped away from his grasp. "I want to be alone Josh."
"Tara, of all nights, surely not tonight-"
"No, definitely, tonight," she said, her voice succinct and clipped. "I need to just... be."
"I'm sorry-"
"Thank you," she said shaking her head, hoping he would move to the door.
"-I'm sorry you never got to introduce me to him," he continued, causing her to look at him. Josh smiled a bit as he said proudly, "Fathers love me. Always have. It's a gift I guess."
Tara tilted her head in confusion to his completely inappropriate response to one of the worst days of her life. Her mouth opened and shut with no words.
"I can order us Chinese?" he said, rubbing his hands together. Tara glared at him, her breathing becoming steadily erratic as her temper flared. She shook herself out of her shock and walked over to her door, opening it for good measure.
"Good night Josh," she said, standing beside the open door.
Josh looked at her, gobsmacked she wanted him to leave. Nevertheless, he stiffened his shoulders and walked out the door. Tara shut it without even saying goodbye.
The next day she was booking a flight to California when Mona called.
"Hey Mona, I'm trying to see if I can head out there by this afternoon-" Tara looked at the flights online and was about to settle on one.
"Oh dear, no," Mona sighed. "No need for that."
"What it is? What are you talking about?"
"I had him cremated."
"W-what did you say?" Tara didn't think she heard her right. "You what?!"
"The insurance was shit, Tara. Your father let most of it lapse. The best I could do was get him cremated and have his ashes shipped to you."
"Mona," Tara's eyes grew red and she was trembling, angry tears now on her cheeks. "What did you do?"
"I made a deal with the funeral home for the lowest cost. They did it last night, quick, cheap, and it's probably already packaged and shipped to you. It's best this way dear, a funeral is too expensive. The house and all that junk is the only thing he left you."
Tara nearly dropped the phone and it took everything in her not to curse Mona three ways 'til Sunday. "Why the hell would you do that?!"
"Who else was gonna pay for it?"
Tara hung up in her face and swiped her arm bitterly across the desk, sending her laptop flying. Luckily it handed on her couch. She broke down into hard sobs, angry and fed up with everything in her life turning to shit.
Tara stepped out into the warm California sun, and put on her new pair of Ray Bans. It'd been awhile and she'd have to readjust to the brightness and temperature. She rented a car from the airport, packed in her suitcases and sat with the car running for ten minutes before she was able to put it in drive. As she drove to Charming, she smiled at the sight of flora and fauna she remembered, billboards with west coast staples of her childhood, and the warm breeze on her face. She felt lighter than she had in days. Her flight was complicated. She had gotten a long distance taxi from Chicago to Milwaukee, and then took a bus to Des Moines. It was only from there she took a flight to Seattle, Washington, drove to Oregon, and then got another flight to California. She wanted to make it difficult for Josh to track her, but now she was jet lagged, her credit cards were maxed out, and she just wanted her feet on solid ground.
Soon, her surroundings became a tad familiar and she was amazed at how San Joaquin County had changed. But the closer she drove towards Charming, the more things looked like they hadn't changed at all. When she saw the Welcome to Charming sign, her hands gripped the steering wheel, and she momentarily thought about whipping the car around and fleeing to Mexico. But the moment passed and she drove down the streets of her youth, the stores, and roads so achingly familiar, that she could find her way home with her eyes closed.
Tara briefly thought of driving past an old haunt, the clubhouse, but decided against it. She wasn't ready for that just yet. She thought long and hard about coming back to Charming, her first initial belief was that she would go because that was where Jax would still be. But now that her plans were in action, she realized she had no right to ask him for anything. Jax was married for all she knew, and had moved on. She couldn't come roaring back into his life, disrupting what he'd built for himself after she left him, and asking him to fix her problems. No, she wouldn't do that. Instead, she felt better just thinking that he was happy now, or at least she hoped.
At least one of them should get to be happy.
"You make me happy, when sky's are gray..." Tara quietly sung the song her mother used to sing to her as a child. It was the only thing keeping her mood light as she walked home in the rain after school, pissed off there wasn't an umbrella any where to be found in her house. "You never know, dear, how much I love you, please don't take my sunshine away..."
She had a good six more blocks before she'd be home, and by then she'd be soaked to the bone. Singing helped the time pass. Her hoodie was already wet and the hood was useless as it soaked up the water slapping against her. She should have took David Hale up on that offer for a ride but she didn't want to give him the wrong idea.
No doubt when she got home, her father and his precious cutlass would be gone, so calling him for a ride from school would have been useless as well. Oh well, worst scenario, she'd get sick and miss school.
Beside her, cars whizzed by, no one at all giving her a glance. In a way, Tara liked being invisible, liked when people acted as if they didn't see her, because when they did acknowledge her, it was out of pity for her being the drunk's kid. Behind her, roar from motorcycles grew closer, and Tara expected them to whiz by her as well. As two bikes pulled ahead of her to the stop sign, the guy on the bike closest to her turned and looked at her walking.
She knew him. Jackson "Jax" Teller, junior class bad ass, and infamous high school lothario. Despite having the blondest hair, prettiest eyes, and beaming smile, he couldn't keep himself out of trouble. He looked as if he should be somewhere surfing or modeling but from what Tara had seen, he was a degenerate and he reveled in that. Tara didn't hang with anyone at school, surely not Teller, but she'd seen him around, all swagger and bravado, and rebel without a cause. Girls threw their panties in his general direction, and depending on the guy, well, they either feared, hated, or wanted to be him. From what she knew, David hated him and his "crowd", Teller being from a crew of bikers that Tara saw ride through town. She knew one biker or two, Piney Winston and Jax's late father, who were kind enough to bring her own father home after a drunken night.
The rain was coming down harder now, and she ducked her head to stop it from hitting her face. As she passed them on their left, he said something to his riding companion, and veered in her direction. Tara looked suspiciously at him as he got closer to her, facing the opposite of his original trek. He slowly stopped up ahead of her, and cut off his bike, stepping up on the side walk.
Tara squinted her eyes, as he waited for her to pass him.
"Hey," he said as she walked by.
"Hey," she threw back, continuing on. That was weird.
"Uh, it's raining you know," he called out, behind her now.
She turned and looked at him. "What?"
"I said it's raining. Pretty hard."
"Yeah?" she shrugged, wondering why Jax Teller was even talking to her.
"You need a ride somewhere?"
She wasn't expecting that. She pulled at the straps of her heavy backpack and wiped the water off her face. "N-no...I'm just going home. Thanks."
With that she turned to walk again, but he kept talking. "I can give you a ride. I don't know if you noticed, it's getting ugly out here darlin'."
Tara stopped again, and looked at him once more. Why was he so concerned? He didn't even know her. And calling her "darling", what was with that shit? Irritated, she asked, "Do you even know me? Or you just giving all of Charming rides in the rain?"
"I mean, I don't know you know you, but I know your name is Tara. I've known you since we were in elementary school," he scoffed. "And I saw you walking here, and thought I could get you home quicker."
Her eyes went wide at the sound of her name coming from his mouth, that he even knew her at all. She'd never introduced herself, had never spoken to him. She always thought she was unknown to people like Jax Teller, who surely didn't have time to know the name of the nerdy girl who walks home in the rain.
"Jax, what the fuck?!" his biker friend beckoned from afar, probably tired of waiting.
Jax nodded his head at the guy and seemed amused with Tara's sassy attitude. "How far away do you live?"
"Seriously, I'm fine-"
"You'd be there faster if you quit arguing with me and just got on my bike," he said smugly.
"I've never ridden a bike." She hadn't but she wasn't sure she should be accepting bike rides from sixteen year olds. Particularly ones that she believed didn't know she existed until a few minutes ago.
"Well, today's a first. Come on, 'cause now I'm getting wet too," he extended a helmet to her. Tara took a second, feeling the water soak deeper into her skin, before relenting and stepping to take the helmet.
"You're soaked," he said. Tara thought she saw a bit of worry in his eyes, which she wasn't sure why. They never talked at school, and he never paid attention to her before. She hoped he hadn't thought he could resort to picking up girls off the street now.
"I'm fine," she said, fastening the helmet. "I live on Kent and Albie."
Jax took her bag and attached it to his back saddle bag. He then got on his bike and she followed his instructions on how to mount as well. "Swing your leg over, don't be shy. Shyness gets ya thrown off. Now you have to wrap your arms around my stomach, here and hold on."
She looked at her wet sleeves. "My sleeves will get you wet."
"I'll survive, it's just water, " he said, looking back at her and smiling. "Scoot closer, you gotta get secure. Hold on."
Tara nervously scooted closer, sinking in behind him, his back strong and taut. She had never touched a boy this way. Jax revved his engine and she clung to him, her arms linking and her cheek between his shoulder blades. She'd never ridden a bike before and she was scared shitless. He turned the bike back towards the direction of her house, meeting back up with his fellow biker who she recognized as Opie Winston.
"Hey! Taking her home!" he yelled to Opie. Opie just nodded as they sped forward.
She closed her eyes, nervous that she wasn't holding on tight enough. The scent of his plaid shirt entered her nose, fabric softener and a nice masculine cologne. He smelled good for a teenaged boy. The bike glided through the streets, wind and water hitting her thighs and back, but his body shielded the water from her face. She did not think her day would end with her wrapped around Jax Teller on the back of his bike.
Her blood pumped with adrenaline as they cruised around corners and streets, finally and too quickly, hitting her street where she leaned forward to his ear and said, "The blue house on the left."
His back stiffened, but he nodded and pulled over, Opie following suit. The rain had let up a bit, and Tara thought she would have been fine walking after all, but this was a strange turn of events.
She unlatched her arms, took a deep steadying breath as Jax looked back at her. "You okay?"
She nodded and started to take off the helmet. "Um, yeah...that was...um...thank you...for the ride."
She felt like such a ditz, stuttering and stumbling over her words because Jax Teller was talking to her. Like all the other brainless bitches at school. For two seconds she hated herself. He felt sorry for her walking in the rain, because she was the drunk's kid, she was sure. That's all this was.
Tara handed Jax the helmet, her fingers briefly touching his. It unraveled her, and she felt so strange suddenly, Jax seemed to blush too. Which was ridiculous, and she must be seeing things, or the rain just got in her eyes. She unhooked her bag and stepped back onto the yard. Her father's cutlass was gone, as expected.
Tara was about to walk towards her door when Jax reached out and touched her arm. "You're welcome, Tara. See ya around."
Jax gave her a small smile, before revving back up and back to Opie and they went down the street. Tara tried not to smile as she walked towards her house.
The lawyer offered to come inside with her, but Tara told him that she would be okay. She watched him pull out of the driveway and then she turned and looked at the house she left so long ago. The shutters were falling off and the bushes were overgrown but it was still the same house. The firm had called the electric company and other facilities to change things over to Tara, but no one had been in the home since her father. The lawyer also stated that the city was concerned about the junk inside, to which Tara told him, it'd be a long process but she hoped to have most of it out by the end of the week, before she started work at St. Thomas.
She slowly walked up the steps and put the key into the front lock, turning slowly and the door popped. The house smelled musty and was full of dust, and there was no sound but that of a ticking clock that belonged to her grandfather. The living room had stacks of boxes and old magazines, her mother's white floral couch covered with newspaper, knick knacks everywhere, and other clutter. She walked further in, not cutting on the lights, shutting and latching the door behind her. She walked in the kitchen and saw even more clutter. Her father tried to bury himself with this crap.
Tara went to her bedroom and was shocked to find it still decorated like she left it and surprisingly without the clutter in the other rooms. It was like her father preserved it for her. Tara sat at the edge of her old childhood bed, her fingers spread over the comforter. She missed this bed. It was her only comfort in the house. She'd done homework on this bed. Dreamed of leaving Charming on this bed. Read books under the covers. She'd lost her virginity to Jax on this bed.
As she looked around at her old life, Tara let out the breath she had been holding in painfully since Chicago. Tara Knowles was finally home. She would rebuild herself, be strong like she knew she could be. She'd be aware of Josh as a threat, but here in this room, he hadn't touched her or ever hurt her. She'd be a new Tara but mixed with her old self, and she would finally be okay. She didn't know what would happen when the shit hit the fan. What would happen if Josh found her, or when Jax found out she had come back. Her future was unknown, but right at this moment- in her old room, even with the uncertainty she felt, there was a relief she hadn't felt in months.
A/N: Next up, Tara gets spotted in Charming. Thanks for the feedback. Sorry about the long wait, I'd taken hiatus from fanfiction, and I had stick my toe back in the water. Seems fine.
