Sheldon couldn't move. He didn't understand why he felt such a terrible emptiness. Dating Penny would be ill-advised, inconvenient, chaotic and...
The door opened again, and Penny stuck her head into the apartment. "Hey, Sheldon?" she asked, her voice sounding strained. "Do you remember when you asked me what happens after two people hook up? I said either one of two things would happen, and then you asked me if there was a third option."
"I believe my exact wording was 'alternative', not 'option', but go on," he replied.
"What if… what if we had a third alternative here? I mean, I don't want to lose you as a friend, but have you ever thought about…"
"About what?" he asked.
"About asking me out," she said in a rush as she stepped into the apartment and closed the door behind her. She took a few steps closer. "I mean, we already spend a lot of time together. It would just be more one-on-one time. I know you don't do romance, but when you think about it, I don't really either." She gave a short laugh. "So if you look at it that way, we're perfect for each other."
Her words made his breath catch in his throat. They were dissimilar in so many ways, and yet no woman had ever made him want to change his routines, to alter his lifestyle so she would have a place in it. Torn between two conflicting desires, he hesitated. Two years versus six, the logical side of his mind pointed out.
He shook his head slowly. "You know Leonard has had feelings for you since the first day we met. Even if I have come to care for you, I can't betray him."
Penny's heart almost skipped a beat at his last words. The idea that he would give up this one chance at happiness out of loyalty to his friend made her want to both cry and kiss him senseless. She looked into his face and wondered how she'd ever thought he wasn't boyfriend material. Sure, he was quirky and arrogant, insulting even at times. But underneath all the social awkwardness, he had a good heart. She wasn't going to give up just because there were some obstacles to their dating. Realizing that she had just labeled Leonard as an obstacle in her mind, Penny knew she would never again feel sorry for him because of his puppy-dog eyes and self-pitying stories of his difficult childhood.
"Would Leonard do the same for you?" she asked softly.
After a pause, he answered, "It would never even occur to him to do so."
Penny closed the remaining distance between them and laid a hand on his arm. "Let me talk to him," she urged. He looked down where she was touching him, and she could see on his face the internal struggle he was experiencing.
Finally, he nodded. "No matter what the outcome, I believe he will be more receptive to what you have to say."
"Okay, I'll talk to him tomorrow. He's pretty upset right now, so that'll give him a chance to cool down." She raised up on her tiptoes and kissed his cheek. "Goodnight, sweetie." She took two steps toward the door before she hesitated and turned around. In one swift movement, she closed the gap between them, threw her arms around his neck, and kissed him hungrily. She didn't let go until he relaxed and kissed her back. This time, when she left, Sheldon was looking slightly dazed, and Penny was absolutely determined to somehow make this work.
Leonard came out of his room about half an hour later to find Sheldon writing on his whiteboard. "So, is Penny your girlfriend now?" he asked sarcastically. He had to ask it that way, even knowing that Sheldon never picked up on sarcasm. If the answer to his question was affirmative, sarcasm was the only way he could assuage his hurt feelings.
"No, the matter between us has not been settled," Sheldon answered as he wrote something else down on the board. Leonard craned his neck to look at what Sheldon was working on. It wasn't physics; those were statistical analyses covering the board. He turned his attention back to the real issue. "What do you mean, it's not settled?"
Sheldon didn't look at him as he kept scribbling away, although it seemed like his hand shook slightly as he added another equation to the board. "I told Penny you were my friend first, and I couldn't betray you. Then she asked me if you would do the same, and I have to admit, I don't believe you would."
"What? What are you talking about?" Leonard asked angrily.
Sheldon flinched as Leonard's voice rose in volume. "I refer you to the disaster that occurred when we attempted to collaborate on a paper, leading to public humiliation for both of us. There was also the time when you had no compunctions about stealing Howard's date, Dr. Stephanie Barnett. Or the fact that you had coitus with Leslie Winkle two days ago in the laser lab while still feigning romantic interest in Penny. You have a long and well-documented history of doing what is best for yourself, regardless of the consequences to others, especially your friends."
"That's not true! I'm friends with you, aren't I?" Leonard cried.
Sheldon paused and erased some numbers. "Yes, you are," he said quietly.
Something about the way he spoke made Leonard feel ashamed, but he kept going. "And I called dibs on her, right? You remember that, don't you?"
Sheldon erased an entire line. "You know I'm incapable of forgetting," he answered in a low voice.
"You can't do this to me. I've never met someone as beautiful as Penny who was actually nice to me. You have no idea what it was like for me growing up with parents who didn't love me." Leonard's voice began to take on a slight whining tone.
Sheldon's hand, still holding the felt eraser, jerked spasmodically, wiping through several lines of equations. He stared at his whiteboard and then started erasing it viciously. "No, I have no idea what your childhood was like. All I had to deal with was an alcoholic father who was verbally abusive and sent me off to boarding school when I was ten because he couldn't cope with having a son who was smarter than he was. And a mother who hit me with a Bible and made me keep secrets from my father and had me hospitalized in a mental health facility because she thought I was clinically insane-" The torrent of words suddenly ceased, and Sheldon dropped his hand as if he just realized he'd been trying to erase a perfectly clean board for the past several seconds. He carefully returned the eraser to its tray, taking care to line it up precisely. "Excuse me, Leonard," he said and disappeared in the direction of his bedroom. Leonard watched him in astonishment. Sheldon rarely mentioned his past and had certainly never used sob stories about his childhood to try to get a girl to feel sympathy for him. It made Leonard feel mean and petty. Sheldon frustrated him so much, and one of those reasons was that for all his quirks, Leonard knew Sheldon was the better man in almost every respect.
Penny came to see Leonard the next evening after her shift at the Cheesecake Factory. Leonard knew she must have timed her visit after Sheldon's bedtime so the two of them could talk privately. He felt another stab of guilt when he saw her. He was afraid that this was how he would continue to feel every time he looked at either her or Sheldon, unless… he couldn't even verbalize that thought. How could he give up his dream of Penny and their beautiful, smart babies?
Penny sat down on the edge of the leather couch, and he took a seat next to her. Both of them scrupulously avoided Sheldon's spot. "Look, Leonard, I know it's late, and I'm really beat, but we need to talk," she began.
"Wait, Penny, let me say something first. What happened between you and Sheldon was a mistake; I think we all know that. You ended up in this really weird situation where you felt grateful to him, and so you expressed your gratitude in a... a certain way. I get that, although if I'd had any idea what would happen, I would have paid any amount of money to be the one to go with you…" He broke off as Penny's eyebrows drew together and her nostrils flared. "What I mean is, I'm not going to hold it against you. But you know I've been the one who's been in love with you ever since you moved in next door. If you gave Sheldon a chance, then shouldn't I get one too?"
Penny's face went blank with shock. "A chance at what?" she hissed. "A chance to hop into bed with me? Listen up, mister, I was going to try to be nice to you, but I'm really not feeling it anymore. I didn't sleep with Sheldon because I felt grateful to him. It happened because I could tell he was attracted to me, and I… I started to think of him as more than a friend. I don't know if we can turn this into something real, but I can tell you that he wants to. He wants us to be more than just friends."
Leonard gaped at her. "But he's a robot…"
"Who's learning how to be a real boy," Penny replied in a sardonic tone. "That really is what it's like for him. He struggles so hard to understand people, and his biggest fear is that he'll lose your friendship. I don't think, if the tables were turned, that you would do the same. In fact, after seeing you steal your last girlfriend out from under Howard's nose, I'm almost certain you wouldn't. Your friendship means a lot more to him than his does to you. That means you have power over him. You can make his life a living hell, and he would take it because he's scared to lose his only close friend."
"I wouldn't do that," Leonard began uncomfortably, squirming because that was exactly what he had begun to do. He'd seen Sheldon's emotional conflict, enacted on the tableau of his beloved whiteboards, and heard all sorts of awful details from his childhood come pouring out as if the dam that had held them back for so long was finally beginning to give way. Up until that moment, Sheldon had only ever hinted at the traumas of his past.
"Look, this was his very first time. If you stop talking to him because of it, he could easily develop some kind of complex. I doubt he'd ever act on his feelings for a woman again, and even your mom didn't mess you up that bad. If you want to be mad at someone, be mad at me. But if you keep on holding a grudge against Sheldon, you could destroy his ability to trust anyone ever again. And let me tell you, I wouldn't want to be friends with somebody who acted like that."
Leonard swallowed hard. He didn't like the way Penny had portrayed him, but he saw the consequences if he continued to act the way he was doing now. He dropped his head in his hands. "I've seen it all along," he muttered. "I've known it since day one."
"What do you mean?" she asked.
"You looked at his whiteboard and called him a genius. With anyone else, he would have calmly agreed. But he smiled at you, and he almost never smiles… not real ones, anyway. That was when I knew that somehow, deep down inside, he was attracted to you. But I wasn't really worried because I thought he'd scare you off. After all, he insulted you, argued with you and strung your lingerie up on a telephone wire."
"Yeah, he does take some getting used to," Penny commented wryly.
"Actually, once you realized that Sheldon isn't emotionally mature enough to express his feelings like an adult, his actions make perfect sense. He's acting like a twelve-year-old boy with his first crush. He wanted your attention, but knowing him, he probably had no idea why. I don't think he had any idea how he felt about you for a long time, and once he did, he didn't know how to handle it."
"It sounds like you know him pretty well," Penny said gently. "In fact, you sound like his best friend, and right now, he could really use one. What do you think?"
He squinted thoughtfully at her for a moment, then he swiftly leaned in and kissed her. She shoved him away, saying, "Leonard, what the hell?"
"Did you feel anything?" he asked hopefully.
"A little like punching you in the nose," she replied with saccharin sweetness.
"Then I guess this is goodbye," he said sadly.
"Goodbye? What do you mean? We're still going to be friends, right?"
"Yeah, we are. I just need to say goodbye to my dream of you falling in love with me. We were going to have smart and beautiful babies together, you know."
Penny laughed. "Then I guess in your dream, I was one of those Stepford wives. I don't want to think about marriage and kids yet. And honestly, we're all wrong for each other. Don't get me wrong; you're a nice guy. But you're too nice. You would let me walk all over you because you thought you were in love and then resent me for not being the person you built up in your head."
Leonard sighed. "That's unbelievable. You read people almost as good as my mom, without the PhD. I have a feeling you're going to need every insight you've got to deal with Sheldon."
She sat up and leaned forward eagerly. "Does that mean…?"
"Yeah, you have my blessing. I'll tell Sheldon tomorrow morning."
Penny squealed and hugged him. "Thank you. And I promise, when the right girl for you comes along, you won't have to pretend anything in order to make it work. The right girl really will be perfect for you."
Sheldon was sitting at the kitchen counter, having a bowl of "big bran" cereal. Given his apprehension over Leonard's reaction, he felt he needed a high-fiber breakfast. He hadn't seen his roommate yet that morning, just a quick glimpse of the back of his ratty old robe as he stumbled sleepily toward the bathroom. He wondered if Penny had talked to him yet as she had promised. The hope of being with her was almost enough to ease the churning in his stomach at his fear of losing his best friend.
There was a soft click, and he turned around. His mild surprise at seeing his front door open gave way to complete astonishment as Penny crept in. Her eyes alighted on him, and a huge smile spread across her face.
"Morning, sweetie," she said in a voice still husky with sleep.
"Penny… it's 6:30 in the morning. What are you doing up?"
She laughed softly. "I talked to Leonard last night, and I got him to come round. If you want to ask me out, he won't stand in our way."
"Are you certain?" he asked apprehensively.
She walked over and ran her fingers through his hair. "Yup," she said with a big smile. Then she squeezed onto his lap and cuddled up against him.
"Will a romantic relationship with you always involve so much touching?" he asked with a hint of a whine.
She grabbed the lapels of his robe and pulled his face closer. "Hell, yeah." Her lips fused perfectly with his.
Despite his lingering concerns about Leonard, he couldn't help but respond a little before he pulled away. "This is gonna take some gettin' used to," he murmured. The Texan twang accented his words as it did in rare times of high emotion. "Does this mean you're my girlfriend now?"
She grinned at him. "Do you want me to be?"
"Considering the alternative, yes."
"What's the alternative?" she asked curiously as she put her arms around his neck.
"You not being my girlfriend. Seeing you date other men," he replied. It wasn't easy for him to speak coherently with Penny sitting in his lap.
"Aww… you're cute when you're jealous," she whispered and kissed him again. Suddenly, she sat up and hopped off his lap.
"Oh. Hi, Leonard," she said, looking over his shoulder and blushing a little.
Sheldon turned around in surprise to see Leonard squinting at both of them through his thick, dark glasses. Good heavens, he thought. He had completely lost track of the time while talking to Penny. Glancing at his watch, he saw it was almost a quarter to seven.
Leonard was looking back and forth between the two of them. "This is like an episode of the Twilight Zone," he muttered. "I guess she already told you then."
"So it's true that you no longer object to our dating?" Sheldon asked Leonard. "Not that I'm questioning your veracity, Penny, but I would like to hear it directly from him."
Leonard ran a hand through his messy curls and sighed. "Yeah, buddy, it is. I've never seen you show the least interest in any woman until now, so I guess I'll just have to deal. You're my best friend, you know."
Sheldon's whole face twitched, and for a moment, he seemed too taken aback to respond. Finally, he said, "Thank you, Leonard. You're my best friend, too."
"Just… try not to mess this up. She's special," Leonard said with a sad smile at Penny.
"No, she's not special," Sheldon replied, prompting a gasp of outrage from Penny. "She's unique… peerless… incomparable." This was directed to her, and her face softened as she hugged him.
"Isn't he adorable?" she said to Leonard with a grin.
Leonard could only shake his head, and then squinted in disbelief as the roommate he had once believed to be asexual bent his head and kissed the woman sitting on his lap. "Definitely the Twilight Zone," he commented with a mock shudder as he headed for the shower. The way things were going between the two lovebirds, he had no doubt he would need noise-canceling headphones very soon.
