At exactly eleven o'clock, the three of them all leave Scott's house at the same time. Lydia hugs Liam, something Scott hasn't see her do before, before she gets into her car. She waves at them before she spurts off. Scott and Liam return the gesture. Then, the older one offers his second helmet. Liam takes it gratefully, putting it on. Scott gets onto his bike first, then motions for Liam to hop on. Scott feels his stomach tighten when Liam wraps his arms around his sides. His grip is strong, fearful, and it makes Scott smile because he maybe finds it a little cute.
He takes off towards Liam's house. The night proves to be cold again, even though the day had been so nice. He can feel Liam shiver against his back occasionally, but that could also be because of the corners Scott's cutting. A quick look up at the sky tells him tomorrow is gonna be just as good, given that the sky is almost clear.
He comes to a halt in front of Liam's porch. They both get off, taking off their helmets – this time Liam doesn't need Scott's help with the strap – and they're stood opposite each other for a moment. Liam hands the helmet back and Scott accepts it. Their fingers linger for a moment.
"It wasn't too bad, was it?" Scott asks unsurely. "With Lydia and all?"
Liam shakes his head. "No, it was good."
The older one exhales a sigh of relief.
"I expected it to be way worse," Liam jokes.
Scott shoves him playfully, before becoming a little more serious again. "I'm sorry she made you cry, though," Scott apologizes again. "She didn't mean to, either."
Liam sticks his hands into his pockets. He wiggles onto the balls of his heels, rocking himself back and forth. "It's okay. It happens, I guess," he says.
"Yeah, but it shouldn't. You shouldn't be crying as much," Scott responds, feeling a bit beaten. He catches his bottom lip between his teeth.
It's Liam's turn to sigh. He looks away uncomfortably, before looking up at the sky. Then, a small grin starts to grow on his face and Scott scoots a little closer, curious. "What?" he asks.
"Come on," Liam suddenly says. "I want to show you something." He nudges his head towards his house and Scott really is dumbstruck as to what he's up to. Therefore, he obliges silently, following Liam.
But instead of going through the front door, Liam turns left and unlocks the door of a high fence, supposedly leading into his garden. Another nudge follows and, again, Scott obeys. His heartbeat has sped up. He can feel it thumping against his ribcage.
Liam's garden is big, with a lot of vegetation varying from plants to flowers, from small bushes to actual trees. Scott's never had a tree in his garden. There's patio furniture in the corner, where the grass is replaced by sand-coloured stones. They give the entirety a kind of exotic look, even in winter.
Liam moves to the back of the garden, grinning at Scott, who is still wondering what they're doing there. Suddenly, Liam slumps down into the grass and goes to lie on his back. Scott blinks at him from above, tilting his head.
"Isn't it cold?"
Liam shifts his gaze towards him. "It's alright," he assures him. "Come on." He pats the spot next to him.
Scott hesitates for a few seconds, but then shrugs and figures, why not? He slumps down next to Liam, instantly sensing the coldness of the earth creeping into his warm clothing.
Nevertheless, it subsides after a while, and then Scott has to agree; it's alright. He turns his head to look at Liam, noticing he's playing with a button on his coat with one hand. The other is tossed aside from him. His stare is upwards, so Scott mimics the motion, figuring there has to be something up there Liam wants him to see.
The moon is only half full, casting a faint light across the garden. It's just enough for Scott to make out the contours of Liam's body. His face look soft in the silver, a bit serene, even. And Scott reminds himself to look up again. There are some stars visible, but Scott doesn't know anything about them.
"So, do all of your friends know about me?" Liam suddenly breaks the silence. His voice is barely a whisper, but in the stillness of the night it sounds like he's talking normally.
Scott freezes a little. "Yeah, they do…" he presses his lips together. "Do you mind?"
Liam shrugs lightly. "Not really… It's just that…people tend to see depression as this sad little thing," he says. "They think we can't take care of ourselves and that nothing makes us happy. That we need to grow a thicker skin."
"But that's not true," Scott replies softly.
Liam smiles. "It's not. But they only see the outside. They just see us crying a lot and at some point, that starts to become meaningless." He licks his lips. "I hate that."
Scott nods a little. "I get that. But my friends don't think of you that way."
"I know. It's not even about that," Liam continues. "What I hope is that people I meet in the future won't think of me as some cliché. I mean, they're bound to find out…" he raises his left arm briefly. "And I don't want them to think of me as this fragile little thing they should be cautious around all the time. That would be horrible." He clears his throat, noticing his voice has become a little louder. "I like to be compared to this," he says, raising his eyebrows as he stares deeper into the sky.
"To the universe?" Scott wonders. He has a hard look on his face.
"Yeah," Liam confirms. "Because, like, with the universe, we can only see the stars. And they seem so close. But we also know that there's way more behind them. There's infinity in the universe and what we can see from down here is only a fraction of everything that it actually contains."
Scott turns to his side. Liam only twists his head. They lock eyes and Scott says, "Are you saying you're like the galaxy?"
"I know, quite cocky, isn't it? But it just makes me feel…content…" Scott's mind flashes back to the café. "...The universe is so big and it makes me feel so small. Like, if I'm that small, then how much could my problems actually mean, you know?" Liam grins.
Scott smiles gently, "I guess almost next to nothing."
"Exactly."
"That's what I find scary," the older one suddenly admits. He can see confusion grow on Liam's facial features; eyebrows knitting together.
"Why do you find that scary?"
Scott raises his shoulders a little. "It makes me feel irrelevant, like what I do doesn't really matter."
Liam's frown deepens, but his lips curl. "That's quite funny. It makes us both feel irrelevant, but I like it and you don't."
Scott shows a lopsided smile. "It is, isn't it?" He slides a hand through his hair. "I guess I just like feeling like I have a purpose."
"Is that why you're so nice all the time?"
Scott snickers. "I'm not nice all the time. I can get angry or sad."
"Yeah, but not easily."
"Okay, maybe you're right; not easily."
Scott sighs, pondering for a moment. There are words on the tip of his tongue; a story he'd suddenly like to share. A very personal one; one he hasn't really told many people. And maybe it's because of the intimacy the night brings or maybe it's because he already knows so much about Liam that he wants to share it with him, but anyhow, Scott starts telling.
"My dad left my mom and me when I was five," he says, almost able to see Liam's ear perk up. "One day he was gone, just like that, without explanation. He's back now, though, has been for a couple of weeks. Somehow my mom bears with him, which means I have to, too." He huffs. "She is letting me do it at my own pace, however, which is nice, and she once told me there's a reason my dad left. But…" He moves his shoulder blades a little, getting more comfortable in the grass. "…I don't think I want to hear it." He squints a little. "Him leaving us has...changed... me. I spent years thinking it was my fault, that I wasn't good enough as a son and that I was just…"
"…Worthless," Liam takes the word out of Scott's mouth. He glances at him.
"Yeah…" Scott continues. "I guess that's why I care so much about other people. I don't want to have to experience that feeling ever again. I want to matter, to make a difference. I need to have worth."
Liam nods slowly. Scott's words linger in the air between them; thick and heavy, sticky like syrup. Scott averts his gaze back to the stars. That is, until Liam catches his attention again.
"I don't think you're worthless," the younger one whispers.
Scott catches his eyes. "And I don't think you're a sad little thing."
A thankful and sincere smile lights up Liam's face. "I know."
Scott returns the gesture and even though all he can see is Liam, he's still watching the galaxy. There are stars in his eyes and suddenly it dawns on Scott that there's nothing he'd want more than to explore the universe behind Liam's eyes, which is odd because Scott has never found himself particularly interested in astronomy. Yet, somehow, now he would love to learn about stars and about the constellation that is Liam Dunbar; seemingly close yet so far away. Even though he has done his research, there's probably still more that he doesn't know and a lot that he doesn't understand about him. Like how his moods are like the weather, but his smile is as warm as summer. And how his touches are as reviving as spring. He doesn't get how it could be raining behind those beautiful ocean coloured eyes. They're far too mesmerizing to be hiding sadness.
He turns onto his back again, but in the process scoots a little closer. Their shoulders brush together and at first Scott senses the awkwardness that comes with unexpected contact, but when neither of them moves, he settles into it. The ground suddenly feels a little bit more comfortable and Scott sighs.
A shiver creeps through Liam. Scott can feel it in his arm. He turns to look at him again and asks, "Are you cold?"
"A little," Liam answers, "but not too much."
"Oh…"
"What? Were you gonna offer me your jacket?" he jokes, catching Scott's eyes.
The older one chuckles. "Do you want me to?" he dares.
Liam's smile grows, but Scott can see a dull shade of red has covered his cheeks.
"No," the younger one answers before turning back, eliciting another laugh from Scott.
They lie like that for a while longer, losing track of time. So close to the ground like this, Scott's sure he can feel the world slowly turning under him, which is crazy, but that's how relaxed he is. His left arm is still touching Liam's right one and suddenly Scott feels a soft tickling sensation on his pinky finger. His first response is to pull away, because it's most likely some bug, but somehow it feels softer. He glances at Liam from the corner of his eyes and just about catches him look away. The blush on his cheeks has now turned a deep crimson and Scott is suddenly aware of his heart that's thumping rapidly inside his chest. He moves his hand ever so slightly and then Liam's finger brushes over his knuckle. Scott's breathing feels heavy in his lungs from the tension. He dares a little closer and then their pinky fingers are suddenly tangled together.
Scott finally releases the air from his mouth and he can hear Liam swallow. Even though Liam still thinks of himself as a sad little thing, at least after tonight he knows he's not alone. They have all got their baggage, but they're dealing with it.
They're content.
