I woke up at 1pm. It was dark in my room, because the curtains were closely shut. It was Saturday. Finally. I thought that week would never end. Saturday meant no work, no students, no people I had to encounter… And then I remembered. I had a meeting to attend to. With very cryptic veterinarian, ever-scowling Alpha, hyperactive kid and ever-appropriate girl. I growled and pressed my face deeper into my favorite pillow.
I forced myself up, to open the curtains and get some light into my room. The sun was shining brightly and made falling snowflakes flicker. It was beautiful. And so peaceful. Like the weather didn't know what has been happening in the woods and the city. Like there were no werewolves, no Kanima and no personal dramas…
I sank into my bed and covered myself tightly with comforter, like it could shield me from everything. I didn't want to get up. I just wanted to sleep away all of that. It was very weird how me and my mother dealt with problems: we just slept them away. When we wake up, we have the solution for the problem or have fresh mind to think the problem trough. Well, I didn't have the solution. I just wanted to sleep and relax.
I was stressed because of last two weeks and this wasn't promising for anyone in my surroundings. Because when I was stressed, I became the worst bitch from the deepest circles of hell. People say that's the way a woman behaves when she's having a period. But little did they know, that's not me. I'm completely opposite. The only time I'm meek, is when I have my period. It's because of the pain that is so fucking hard to stand, that I just want to curl up and wait for it to end.
So back to being stressed. If you haven't caught why I was so stressed, let me explain it to you. First, it's my work. In about six months I'm finishing my PhD studies and I have completely no idea what I will be doing next. I don't know, if I get a job at the University or what. This is the great unknown. Then, connected to my work are students. Students, who are usually too lazy to pay attention to what I'm saying to them during my classes or too stupid to at least cheat properly at my tests. They are insolent and disrespectful and I can't stand the way they carry themselves. Someone once told me, that it might be a sing I'm getting old. Maybe it is, but I always had very conservative opinion on raising children.
Second, people in general. I don't like meeting new people or being in a crowded places. People irritate me. The way they act or lie. I don't trust them. I have a very small circle of friends and that is enough for me. I know them for years and know what to expect from them. It is very hard to become friends with me, but when you finally manage to get through my defenses, you'll know it was worth the effort.
So having met this bunch of kids and some adults past this week, was too much for me. The fact that they were teenagers wasn't helping. Their ridiculous problems about their love life, fitting into the right clique at school or not having a flawless skin weren't on my list of things to listen to. I was very, very glad that I'm past that time in my life. Although, I never had problems like those above. I simply didn't care about them.
Third, the "werewolf stuff". Can you fucking imagine werewolves exists?! What the hell?! This was un-fucking-believable! If I hadn't experienced it on my own skin, I would never believed it. But it was fucking true and now part of my life. And how it became part of my life? I was just walking in the woods. That's it. Mental note for me: never walk in the woods again. The worst thing about this "werewolf stuff" was… I don't know what. Was it the Alpha Pack? The missing kids? The obvious magic involvement? The dysfunctional pack? The ever-angry Alpha? Or… or maybe something completely else. Oh, you could get a headache just thinking about it!
Forth, me being also a supernatural creature. WTF!? How?! How the fuck was it possible? As far as I knew, my parents were humans. Have it run in the family, but no one was aware of that? Or maybe they knew about that, but no one was talking about it? Because unlike werewolves, you couldn't be bitten to become a werecat. That is why we are so rare. Because it's genetic. And if it was genetic, it has to be on maternal side of my family, because all the women there were strong and independent. Unfortunately most of that side of the family was dead… I hoped it wasn't any indicator.
Stiles once asked me how I change… Well, it's not easy. It's not easy to summon all negative feelings and memories you have. The ones that you try to shove down deep into your subconscious and never again let them emerge. But you do it. You do let them emerge. And you let them fuel you until you are made only of anger and pain. Until you are on the edge. And there, on that edge, you make a decision: whether you enslave them and dominate over them or do you let them enslave you and push you into the abyss...
Derek was surprised I learned control so fast… Seriously, I didn't have to learn control, because that's something I learned a long time ago. The thing I had to learn was how to recognize the feeling I had to control. Because that was not the normally felt anger or pain, it was something more complicated, something more personal, something like another me inside me. Something more primal, aggressive and without inhibitors. Something that can only be called as my Feline. Every time I was connecting with her, with them in fact, I could understand more about them and about myself. That's why I accepted them so quickly. They were me, why wouldn't I accept myself? I wasn't a teenager anymore and those identity crises were past me long time ago. I accept myself exactly the way I am, and if anybody doesn't like that, that's his problem, not mine.
And that's how we got to the fifth. The fifth is my problem with men. Yes, I realized I had problem with men. And what is more surprising, I know why I have this problem. It is because of my character. My character is not easy, I am aware of that, but that's who I am. From unnoticeable grey mouse I was in high school, I changed into an independent woman, who knows what she wants. Is that bad? Precisely, I changed using my not-easy character traits. And men don't like them. They don't like that I'm independent, pride, honest, assertive, introvertic, responsible, critic, mean, sarcastic, easy-angered, irritable. They don't approve that I don't: cook, wear high heels, hate: chores and those elegant jackets, usually: swear a lot and have black sense of humor. But most and foremost: I. Am. Independent. No one will tell me what to do. There are people, whose opinion I will consider, like my parents, but I will definitely not be told by a man. No, and NO. I will not be submissive. And men sure like submissive women. They need to feel this power over a woman, because that's how it was since the beginning of the mankind. The man was always first, and then, after him was a woman. Oh my god! How do I hate it! Yes, you can call me a feminist, but a healthy one. I'm not saying men should go into labor, but should help women during pregnancy and after, rising the child. Because hellooo, it takes two sides to make a child, and most men forgot about that…
I opened my eye and checked the time. It was 3pm. Whaaat?! I must have fallen asleep during my thinking. Not good, not good. I jumped out of bed, turned on my laptop to play some powering music and ran to the bathroom. As I got back, Oscar (my roommates' dog) was lying unceremoniously in my bed. I rolled my eyes, scratched him behind his ear and played remixes of Nine Inch Nails. Oh, I was falling in love with NIN…
I was late, and driving like crazy. Late because I had to eat breakfast. And having 30 minutes to do all the things you do in the morning is definitely not enough. Driving like crazy, because 15 minutes to get to the clinic and park your car is also not enough in this city. So it was around 4pm. when I stormed into the reception and then to the exam room. My boots were leaving wet track of melting snow, coat and scarf in total disarray and my hair everywhere. All of them looked at me: Derek, Isaac, Scott, Stiles, Deaton, Lydia and Jackson. I squinted at them. There was too many of them. Then I realized, I should say something.
- Sorry. I overslept - I took off my coat.
- It's four - Stiles pointed out.
- I'm a cat - I grinned.
- How did you… - Isaac, as always quite observant.
- Mountain Ash? - I figured - It doesn't affect me.
- And what does affect you?
- You don't want to know… - I grinned, 'coz couldn't stop myself.
- I was suggesting Stiles, that he should learn concentration… - Deaton spoke.
- Oh, that's good - I nodded.
- With you - he raised his eyebrows. I believe, I made a stupid face, because that dumbfounded me.
- I… - I couldn't find words for a second - Why do you think he should learn that with me?
- Do you see here more appropriate candidates? - well he had a point, but me? Me?! - He needs someone composed and serious. And patient, like you - I almost felt praised.
- She, patient? - Jackson snorted. I growled.
- She is - Deaton assured. I took a deep inhale, looked at Stiles, who was also disoriented like me and exhaled.
- Ok - I finally said - but we have to do our best - I looked at Stiles again - You understand that? No fooling around - I was very serious.
- Yeah… - he scratched his head nervously - I mean, if he's going to teach me runes…
- Wait! What? - I shouted. And I shout very loud and unpleasantly. They scowled - What. The. Fuck. Deaton?! Are you seriously thinking about teaching him how to use runes?
- Yes - he answered calmly - Is there something wrong with that? - I snorted.
- Something wrong? This is no child's play. Are you sure he can handle this? - I was skeptic, sorry Stiles.
- It seems like you don't have faith in him… - Deaton said.
- It's not that I don't have faith in him, it's that I think he doesn't have faith in himself - I explained.
- Nice… - disappointment was rolling off of Stiles - You know, not everyone is were-something and have super abilities. Why can't I learn runes? - he was angry now. I felt bad for making him angry, but he didn't understand…
- Stiles… - I moved closer to him - It's not that… To me… you are like a younger brother I never had - I said quietly - I care about you and I don't want anything bad happen to you… - his eyes became huge, his mouth slightly open, just like I liked it - And runes… Runes could be dangerous…
- That is why you should teach him the basics - Deaton reasoned with me.
- Help me learn. Please, Agnes… - he was making the puppy eyes and fuck it, I couldn't resist them - You said, we have to learn how to protect ourselves and the ones we care about, so let me do it - oh, he was throwing my own words at me now, little bastard… I huffed.
- Ok. I'll do it - Stiles almost jumped in happiness - but if we're talking about runes, we have to do more than just "our best", got it Stiles? - I said decisively.
- Yes - he was determined. This was not the start of the year I was looking forward…
- And what about Lydia? - just hit me with everything you got and get over with it already.
- I gave her some books to read - oh for fuck's sake! Could he just for once stop being so cryptic?!
- Like? Could you be more specific with your statements? Or is it a punishment for me being late? - I was getting aggravated. And it wasn't good thing to come. Everyone except Derek smirked.
- Herbs, potions. I was told that one of things Lydia is very good at is chemistry, and brewing potions is about mixing right substances together. So I thought this should be appropriate for her - he was very pleased saying that.
- Alchemy… - was my first thought.
- That's magic, Agnes - Stiles cut in.
- No, Stiles. Alchemy is knowledge. It's 90% knowledge, including chemistry and 10% magic. And Lydia's got that 10%.
- Why do you…
- What about… - I didn't let Stiles finish his sentence, but was not quite sure how to ask next question - her other abilities? - everyone looked at me suspiciously - I'm talking about the fact that Peter used her to come back from the dead. Was she prone to his manipulations because of the bite? Or because of something else? - it was bugging me for a while now and I had to know the answer.
- You are very meticulous - Deaton smiled.
- Yeah, well… It will be the death of me someday, but there are things I just have to know.
- But unfortunately, I don't know the answer to your question - he smiled sadly. I scowled.
- That's not the answer I was expecting…
- I don't have all the answers Agnes. I just point the directions.
- Which in this case are?
- Herbs and potions - he answered patiently. And that seemed to end the discussion. Well, I wasn't satisfied. I wanted more. But knew, that now I won't get anything more. And then, something popped into my mind:
- Is there any way to boost our already enhanced sense of smell? - Deaton looked at me suspiciously.
- What for?
- I… We were looking for Alphas one day and I lost track of them. I was wondering, if you know something that might help?
- If alphas doesn't want you to find them, you won't. Even using boosts - I was getting tired. And this conversation led nowhere.
- Ok - I said resigned. And looked at them. Deaton was explaining Scott what to do with the animals under his care. Stiles was visibly bored and started playing on his phone. Lydia was flipping through the books Deaton gave her. Jackson inspecting his nails, leaning against the wall. Isaac was bored too, but was listening to Deaton instructions. Derek approached me. Quite close. It was weird. He leaned and whispered to my ear:
- About what you said yesterday… - his voice was husky, he smelled like man&forest and he was warm… I caught myself on wanting to bury myself in him… I was tired. Very tired.
- I said a lot of things - I looked into his eyes, the green forest, I wanted to be in it.
- Bowling.
- What with it? - I raised my eyebrow at him and he raised his two. Then, understanding came to me - Oh, you want me to say about it? - he just nodded - Why won't you do it yourself? - he growled right into my ear. It vibrated inside my whole body. I growled lowly, but not in anger - Hey, do you know a bowling place open late in the evening? - I said casually.
- I happen to know - I was surprised, it was Lydia who answered.
- Is it open tomorrow at… - Derek was looking at me questionably. Was he silently asking me when I have time? That was unbelievable…
- At six? - I finished his question and looked at Lydia. She measured us and nodded.
- Yes, it is. Are you planning to bowl tomorrow? - She asked not looking at us, but I felt her interest and everybody else.
- Actually, I was wondering if we all could go? You know, spend some time not planning tactics for upcoming war - I felt Derek tense beside me. I lightly brushed his hand with my fingers and felt him loosing up a little.
- Did I hear bowling? - Scott popped in his big head, smiling.
- Don't start it McCall - it was Jackson. I almost forgot he was here - Last time we played, it wasn't daisies and rainbows for you - he smiled menacingly.
- Maybe it's time for a re-mach - Scott challenged him.
- Remember this when you lose: you asked for it - Jackson pointed finger at him. I rolled my eyes.
- I just wanted to play, not compete - I complained.
- To late - Lydia said cheerfully - So, tomorrow at six, at Prominent - she set up the meeting quickly.
- Prominent?
- It's the name of the club, McCall - Jackson rolled his eyes and was leaving with Lydia.
- Well, that went smooth… - I summarized. Stiles and Isaac looked at me weirdly.
- Man, I'm beat - Scott yawned - but anyone want to grab a burger?
- Oh Scotty, you know what I need - Stiles had his arm around Scott's shoulders - Burger and curly fries - Stiles grinned. Isaac almost whimpered and looked pleasingly at Derek.
- Go. Don't do anything stupid - of course he had to said that second part…
Kids were gone and Deaton was closing his clinic for today. As me and Derek were walking towards our cars, I could feel Deaton's eyes on us. I also could feel contentment and worry coming off of him.
- You were too embarrassed to propose bowling on your own, weren't you? - I mocked Derek, but was smiling warmly at him. He just scowled, but wasn't angry - Yeah, I thought so - I smiled again, because vision of my bed was making me happy. I wasn't thinking when moved and pecked him on the cheek, his stubble scratching my lips - Till tomorrow Derek.
