I had never been so hunger over in my life as I was the day after our dinner. I slept in late and then I woke up to a little blonde monster bouncing on my chest. I didn't puke, much to my surprise. It took me all day to bounce back. I spent most of it in bed with Dylan watching a movie she picked. Halfway through I realize that Bellamy hadn't slept in the bed. When I went downstairs I saw the blankets on the couch. He wasn't home, there was a note telling me he was out. He didn't come home until after we went to bed. He didn't sleep in his bed that night either.

That was almost a week ago now. He was avoiding me. At least that's what it felt like.

He wouldn't look at me when he talked, he only said a few words. We were both skating around each other, too afraid to ask the other what they really felt. I would catch him staring at me in the evenings, but when I met his eyes he would look away. I didn't come to him for this, that's exactly why I didn't tell him how I was feeling.

I was too afraid of losing my best friend. I could handle everything else. I couldn't handle losing Bellamy on top of everything else. I knew Dylan wouldn't be able to either. This awkward air around us was worse than losing him all together. I needed to talk to him about this, but every time I tried he found an excuse to leave.

I didn't have a lot of time to worry about what was happening between us. Because after our dinner Dylan got clingy.

Dylan was fussier than normal for the next couple days. She wouldn't let anyone but me and Bellamy hold her. She wouldn't go to sleep for me either, she wanted Bellamy. He would rock her to sleep, her little body warm. I would watch from the doorway, listening to him hum a little melody to her. She might look like me, but she sure as hell looked like she belonged to Bellamy.

That's how the last week went, Bellamy taking care of Dylan and avoiding me. We would have small conversations, few words passed between us. Bellamy would leave me notes telling me he had picked up work, or that he was out with someone. Usually it was Roma, which rubbed me the wrong way. I mean he sounded pretty sure he didn't want her anymore that night. When he was home he would talk to Dylan, he would play with her. If he had to interact with me it wasn't for long. We would eat together, I would try to start a conversation and he would nod his head.

I hated the change that had taken place between us because we kissed. But I had no idea how to reverse the affects it had.

While Bellamy was out dealing with whatever it was he was dealing with, Finn took me to see his lawyer friend. Octavia had offered to watch Dylan for me while we were there. I was grateful, I knew she wouldn't want to sit in a boring office all day long. Especially since it was almost a forty minute commute both ways.

He was pretty nice, he told me I had a case. I showed him the pictures Octavia took of my face my second night here. He put in a request for a restraining order and told me I had every right to have sole custody of my daughter. He didn't push me for more story, he didn't seem to be interested in anything else. He was nice enough and he was doing Finn a favor. He told me if we went to court he would give me a break on the cost. I was grateful for that.

Things seemed to be looking up after that meeting. John kept away, Bellamy must have scared him pretty good. Octavia and Dylan were getting along famously, she took to her as much as Bell. They would giggle and laugh, she would chase her around. I think Octavia had more baby fever than she was letting on. I was grateful for his sister, if he was going to be awkward, at least I had her to converse with.

It was exactly a week after our kiss that her body temperature spiked. Bellamy was out with Roma, Dylan was fussy because he wasn't there to rock her. She felt safe in his arms, I understood. I felt the same way. Except I was too much of a coward to ask him about our kiss. I was too afraid I would break the thin ice we were so carefully walking on ever since it happened.

I had been trying to feed her little pieces of crackers all day. She had spent last night throwing her dinner back up. She couldn't hold anything down, she wouldn't stop crying. Between the fever and the chills she wasn't comfortable. I hated seeing her this way, but I didn't know what to do. I knew after another hour of screaming I had to take her to the doctors. I took her temperature and it was higher than it should've been.

I bundled my baby up in a blanket, she was shivering even though her skin was clammy and wet from sweat. I put her in the car and took her to the emergency room. I didn't know what was wrong. The stress of the situation must have taken its toll on her too.

I didn't want to do this alone, but I didn't want to bother Bellamy. I didn't care after the doctors looked at Dylan in my arms and rushed her away from me. I didn't even get to ask them what was wrong, or tell them her symptoms. They took her through the swinging doors and left me standing there without my heart in my chest.

Tears were in my eyes as I called him. My heart was pounding as I waited for him to answer, "hello?" His deep voice didn't sound agitated.

I sighed, "Bell, I uh. I brought Dylan to the ER. She's really sick. God I'm messing up your night. I'm sorry. I just didn't want to do this alone."

"I'll be right there Clarke," he didn't even hesitate. I hung up the phone and fell down onto the waiting room chair. That was the longest conversation we had had in three days. I ran my hands over my face, exhausted.

I closed my eyes and then I heard footsteps. I looked up and he was standing there in front of me, "Bell. Thank god."

A tear fell down my cheek as he sat down beside me, "what happened?"

I shook my head, "I don't know she was sick all night. She can't hold anything down, she's burning up but she keeps shivering. They took her away from me when I got here."

He picked up my hand. I had missed his touch, "she'll be okay. She's strong, she's just sick."

"I can't lose her, Bell. Not after I've lost so much," I glanced at him, "not when I'm losing you too."

He squeezed my fingers, "you haven't lost me."

I laughed, "you sleep on the couch. You barely say two words to me when we're in the house together. You kissed me," I knew this wasn't the place but I couldn't stop the words once they came out. I was sleep deprived and emotional, "I didn't make a move on my feelings because I didn't want to lose my best friend."

His eyes were wide and I could tell he understood what I was saying. I took in a deep breath, his fingers lacing through mine, "you'll never lose me Clarke. I promise."

"As a friend," I said nodding my head and hearing him loud and clear, "just friends."

He shook his head, but he didn't answer me. A nurse called my name, "Clarke Griffin? The doctor would like to talk to you and your husband now."

I blushed as I stood up, not correcting either of them. Bellamy kept his hand in mine as we walked through the doors and into the office she directed us to.

We sat down and he smiled, "no need to worry your daughter is fine. She was very dehydrated, the flu can do that to a little body like hers. We've got her on some antibiotics and fluids. You can see her if you want."

I nodded, "yes I want to see her. When can she come home?"

I noticed Bellamy squeeze my hand at the word, "as soon as she wakes up. I just wanted to monitor her for a little longer, to make sure the medicine works."

"Thank you," I stood up and followed him out of the office and towards the room where my baby was waiting for me. The mess I had made with Bellamy could wait, right now I had to focus on my daughter.

Dylan woke up an hour later. She was fussy at first, scared of another new place she woke up in. But once she saw me she calmed down. She reached for Bellamy first, that still made me smile. Once she was settled in his arms the nurse gave her more fluids. She had more color in her face, she perked right up once she had Bellamy's attention. It was like a completely different child was in that bed.

They released her an hour after that. The car ride home was quiet. Bellamy had left his date with Roma to be with me, I felt bad about that. But I wasn't going to apologize, I was done apologizing for things that I did. He had graciously asked to drive my car back, which gave me a chance to relax. I took in a breath as we got back to the house and carried her in.

I took her up the stairs without waiting for Bellamy's help. I knew he would've carried her, but she was my daughter. I needed to take care of her. He didn't have to save both of us, I could save her on my own.

Bellamy stood in the doorway as I laid Dylan down in the bed. I could feel him watching me, his eyes on the back of my head. She was sound asleep, Bubbah making himself comfortable beside her. Her fever had died down slightly, but she was still warm. I couldn't stop worrying about her. This was all too much for her little body to handle. I turned back towards him, the darkness making his body stand out. It had been a long time since anyone had looked at me the way he was. It had been a long time since I was with anyone. I needed this, I needed him.

I walked forward, closing his bedroom door. His hands came to my hips, "Clarke."

I shook my head. Ever since he kissed me I couldn't stop thinking about doing it again. I took in a breath and filled the space between us. I ran my fingers through his hair as I pressed my lips to his. His fingers tangled themselves in my shirt, pulling me in closer to his chest. I couldn't get enough of him. He was like a fresh breath of air shot down into my lungs.

I was done talking about things. Talking was getting us nowhere, I just wanted to be with him. I wouldn't think about the consequences and what would happen in the morning. All I wanted was to feel his skin against mine.

"Bell," I whispered his name as he pressed me against the wall. His hands moved under my shirt. My heart was pounding as his lips grazed my shoulder. I shivered as his teeth moved over my skin.

I was breathing heavily as he unclasped my bra. My own hands found their way under his shirt. I arched my back as his fingers slid over the soft skin of my chest. I heard myself moan, my legs getting weaker as we stood there together. I opened my eyes and he pressed his mouth to mine again.

In the middle of our kiss he picked me up easily. He walked forward, pushing me against another door. He carried me into the guest bedroom, his lips never leaving mine. I felt my body hit a soft bed as he laid me down underneath him. I shivered as he pulled my shirt off, then pulled his own off. He sat up above me, his beautiful body staring down at me. I ran my fingers down his chest, his warm skin making me smile.

"Bellamy," my voice was small as he pressed his lips against my neck, leaving a trail of kisses down my chest, "I love you."

His hand was on the button to my jeans, "I've always loved you," he whispered, pressing his mouth to mine once more.

He kissed me harder, faster as his hand slipped between my legs. His eyes were big as I felt him push aside my underwear. I gasped against his lips when he pressed his fingers into me. My entire body trembled as I remember the feeling of pleasure. He moved in and out slowly, making my whimpers turn into moans. I closed my eyes, my stomach building with a pressure.

I cried out when I felt it release, "Bellamy."

I opened my eyes to find him smiling at me. He looked so proud of himself as he kissed me once more, "it's beautiful, to hear you cry my name like that."

I wrapped my arms around his neck, my hand brushing over his pants. I could feel him between us. I didn't want that fabric to be in my way anymore. I pushed against him, this time he moaned. I smiled as I pushed them down with my hands. We both braced ourselves for the main event.

"Clarke?" He looked down at me, making sure I was ready.

I nodded my head, lacing my fingers between his. I pulled myself up and kissed him. Then I gasped as he moved inside me. At that same moment he moaned, pushing further in. I closed my eyes, my mouth open as he moved. I never thought it would feel this way, I never thought I would love someone as much as I loved this man.

Our bodies knew what they were doing, even as we both fumbled to grasp how amazing this was. Bellamy was staring down at me, his hand finding my chest again. I wrapped my legs around his waist and he moved faster. My eyes rolled back as I felt myself start to give into that same pressure that had been there before.

"Clarke," he said my name as he started to fall apart. I giggled as he kissed me, my eyes closing.

Bellamy pulled me into his arms once we were both satisfied. I grabbed his black shirt and pulled it on, hoping Dylan would actually sleep through the night. I laced my fingers through his, feeling a tear fall down my cheek.

"Never has a girl cried after we were together," he whispered, pressing a kiss on my shoulder.

I let out a small breath, "I'm scared Bell. I'm scared of this, of us. You've always been here, if this messes us up, I don't want to do it. I feel like my life is already so upside down, I can't question my relationship with you too."

Bellamy pulled me in closer to him, kissing me again. I felt his lips travel up my neck, stopped behind my ear, "no matter what happens, I'll always be here."

I turned so that I was facing him, our legs tangled together. Tears gathered in my eyes as I held his gaze, "promise me this doesn't change anything. I don't know what I'd do without you. Not since I lost so much already."

Bellamy laid there looking at me, his eyes shining in the dim light. He pulled me in close, his lips soft against mine. This kiss was light, soft the same way that very first one we shared had been. I smiled as he pulled away, his fingers pushing back a stray curl.

"Nothing can change us, princess. You belong here with me," his voice was low. I squeezed his hand and I prayed to my dad, to god, whoever was up there watching down that he was right. I didn't want to belong anywhere else.