Itsuki hefted his grocery bag higher on his shoulder. Every day he had to go shopping he regretted that he couldn't take the Mononokean to and from the store. Unfortunately, he had been caught trying to go into supply closets and employee-only doors one too many times. If he was caught again, the manager at the local grocery warned him he would be banned. And so he walked back home with these massive reusable grocery bags like the normal human he was, but didn't want to be.
His phone buzzed in his pocket and Itsuki knew it could only be Ashiya. He only had three contacts on his phone—Ashiya, Fusshi, and Saga—and the only reason he had the two others' numbers was because they'd been foisted on him. He received a group text from Saga and Fusshi only during the school year, specifically for lunchtime errands. Therefore, no one but Ashiya would be texting him on a weekend.
Also, Ashiya had been texting and calling him nonstop since the incident a week ago. Fortunately, Itsuki had never told him where he lived, so all Ashiya could do was text and call; as long as Itsuki stayed away, Ashiya couldn't get to him. He pawed in his pocket and managed to slide the phone out.
We need to talk.
He could feel the annoyance wafting from the text. Itsuki blew out a breath. He knew they needed to talk, but he couldn't muster up the courage yet. Not after the way he completely freaked out and threw everything he had been building with Ashiya out the window. Although, he didn't regret putting a stop to the energy transfer project.
A chill trickled down Itsuki's spine as he remembered Ashiya laying cold and limp in his arms. It was a scene straight out of his nightmares, except in his nightmares the Executive was to blame. The reality was so much worse, because it was Itsuki's fault. He was Ashiya's employer, the Master of the Mononokean, expert on all things spiritual and supernatural. He was supposed to keep Ashiya safe. But he failed.
Ashiya was eager and inexperienced, and he didn't fully understand sometimes the forces he was dabbling in. It was Itsuki's fault he collapsed funneling all of his life force into him. He should've warned Ashiya about the dangers, or not allowed Ashiya to be the giver without proper practice. But even then it would have been a dangerous undertaking, because Itsuki himself was not well trained in these kinds of practices. He knew the Underworld and youkai inside and out, but when it came to human interaction, he was cripplingly deficient. He had been stupid enough to think he could feign competence and everything would be fine. That was his second failure. If he hadn't acted quickly and been incredibly lucky, the cost of his hubris would have been Ashiya's life.
The phone buzzed again and Itsuki's shoulders sagged. Ashiya wanted to yell at him and fight to try the energy transfer again, but he couldn't face another failure, not when it put his and Ashiya's lives at risk. He would study up on energy transfer and revisit the matter once he felt confident, and not a single moment before.
But, he knew that he couldn't look into Ashiya's angry, pleading face and not feel guilty, so, for the first time in his life, Itsuki was hiding from a confrontation. I just have to not see him for...a while. His chest ached, but he told himself it had to be done. He had lived alone before,when the only other person he loved left him.
Itsuki checked the second message.
You can't keep avoiding me (メロ´)
He stared down at the kaomoji and couldn't decide if its usage was meant to be lighthearted or was an escalation of Ashiya's fury. He was leaning toward the latter. There was something ominous about the face, cutesy though it was.
He switched the grocery bag to his other shoulder and decided to take a detour to buy curry bread from the stall in the park. After his fight with Ashiya and his subsequent vow to not see or talk to him, Itsuki discovered he had a tendency to stuff the hole in his heart by stuffing his face. This was a new development in his personality that he decided to blame on Ashiya, who was an unabashed foodie.
The park was well populated due to the temperate weather. Older couples huddled like lovebirds on the benches as grandchildren ran amok and teens chattered excitedly with one another about summer plans. Itsuki ignored all these in pursuit of his bread. He had to change course to get around a gaggle of preteens who decided they owned that portion of the park, as preteens were apt to do.
When he came out on the other side of the group of children, Itsuki stopped dead in his tracks. The bread stall stood where it had always been, smelling seductively of fresh baked goods, and in front of it was Ashiya Hanae. Not only was Ashiya in front of Itsuki's bread stall, but he was leaning on the wall and glaring directly at Itsuki, as if he had been waiting for him to show up.
How did he find me?
Itsuki didn't know what to do. Was it cowardly to turn around and make a run for it? Yes, most definitely. But did he want to do just that? Yes, most definitely. Ashiya made the first move though, and it was in Itsuki's direction. Despite the stern look on Ashiya's face, he walked slowly, which was somehow scarier. Itsuki stayed put.
"Here," Ashiya said, and tossed something in an arc toward him.
Itsuki caught it. It was a package of curry bread. "...How?"
"Don't you think I know what kind of bread you like? I buy you lunch half the time."
"Right…."Itsuki stared at the bread, trying to buy time.
"You don't have to avoid me," Ashiya said, voice tight. "Now who's the five year old?" Itsuki flinched. He hated how weak it made him feel, but it apparently helped take some of the edge off of Ashiya's anger, because his voice softened when he spoke again. "I get it, Abeno-san. I know why you reacted the way you did."
Itsuki hazarded a look at Ashiya. The tautness in his shoulders had dropped. His blue eyes were concerned. He didn't look at all angry and Itsuki felt terrible and selfish for freezing him out.
"I know—" Ashiya halted and bit his lip. Itsuki's stomach squirmed. The expression on Ashiya's face was complicated and uncertain and Itsuki had no doubt it was his doing. "I know you were scared," Ashiya managed after a moment. "So was I, okay? I'm sorry. But I don't want to fight anymore. Can't we just make up already?"
Ashiya took a step forward and held out his hands in a peace offering. Itsuki's gaze darted from Ashiya's hands to his hopeful eyes. His defenses shuddered. He didn't want to fight anymore either. He didn't want to keep avoiding Ashiya and starving them both of the closeness they both felt and desired. And Ashiya hadn't mentioned revisiting the energy sharing.
"You don't need to apologize." Itsuki sighed and slipped the curry bread into his grocery bag. "It was my fault. I'm sorry—for not being better prepared, and for acting like a jerk and avoiding you."
Ashiya smiled. "No problem. So, no hard feelings?" He lifted his arms a bit higher and beckoned for a hug.
Itsuki blinked at him, but he should have expected something like this. Ashiya had always been one to express himself affectionately; his openness was part of the reason Itsuki fell for him. Hugging did not come naturally to Itsuki, so his heart fluttered at the prospect. He put his grocery bag down and walked cautiously into the embrace.
Ashiya was a great hugger. Too many people went through the motions of a hug without putting any intention behind it, and a hug was not restorative unless you meant it. Ashiya always meant it. Today he really meant it. He wrapped his arms tight around Itsuki's waist and curled his hands up to rest on his upper back. And then Ashiya's face pressed into the crook of his neck.
Itsuki stiffened. "Erm… Ashiya?" His mind fuzzed in instant fluster.
"I'm sorry, Abeno-san," Ashiya murmured against his collarbone.
"It's ok—" The words froze in Itsuki's throat. His head was more than just fuzzy now, it felt light and floaty, and so did his body. "Ashiya!"
He tried to jerk out of the embrace, but his legs wobbled beneath him. Ashiya clung to him tighter, supporting Itsuki's weight as the energy ebbed out of him and flowed into Ashiya where his cheek pressed against Itsuki's skin.
Itsuki remembered in that moment the youkai he'd encountered in the astral plane, how he had assumed Ashiya's likeness and tried to cozy up to him. He never imagined the real Ashiya would take advantage of him in the same way. His chest ached, with hurt and betrayal and confusion.
"Stop right now or I swear to god I will kill you," Itsuki snarled. By now his body felt so weak he couldn't even summon the energy to turn his head, but he felt Ashiya flinch.
Ashiya's voice was steady, though, when he replied, "My defenses are down too, Abeno-san. You can take the energy back."
Itsuki knew this was a test, and he was so indignant and humiliated he wanted to seize the challenge, but beneath that anger lay the old fear and uncertainty. He hadn't practiced enough to feel comfortable playing with Ashiya's energy again.
"Damn you, Ashiya," Itsuki hissed yet more venomously.
"Look, I have a reason for doing this, just"—Ashiya began to drag him toward an open bench—"give me a chance." Some people walking by glanced at them in concern, but Japan was a hands-off culture and no one got involved in other people's business unless absolutely necessary.
Ashiya dumped him on the bench and Itsuki lay there and glared as Ashiya ran back to retrieve the abandoned grocery bag. His body felt like the muscles and veins had been filled with sand, but his mind was firing on all cylinders.
"I know you're angry," Ashiya started, nudging the grocery bag against Itsuki's feet.
"That's an understatement."
"But I had to do it this way. You know I had to. You were avoiding me and I need to talk to you, and I was afraid that if I didn't make you sit down and listen to everything I have to say, then you'd just keep on ignoring me."
He was babbling. It seemed that now that he had successfully pulled off his deception, Ashiya realized just how terrible and mutinous the act had been. Ashiya began to pace. Itsuki watched him with the simmering rage of a caged panther.
"I have a few things I need to talk to you about. The first is, I can do energy transfer just fine! See," he gestured to Itsuki's slumped form, "I just did it to you, and I had perfect control. It's not dangerous anymore—I practiced all week! With my mom, with Zenko, and Saga and Fusshi. I mean, most of them didn't know I was practicing on them, but the point is, I didn't make a single mistake. What happened last weekend will never happen again, so you don't have to be afraid anymore."
Ashiya stopped pacing and watched Itsuki earnestly.
"This was not the way to go about proving yourself."
Ashiya ducked his head, looking like a kicked puppy. "I know. I wasn't… I just wanted to talk to you. I needed you to understand how hard I worked, and I thought you'd never believe me if I didn't show you I could do it. And there's another thing I wanted to talk to you about… And it's better asked in person..." He wrung his hands, leaving irritated strips behind where his fingers raked the skin. "The way you act around me, Abeno-san… I was wondering if you… Um..." Ashiya paused and glanced at him, and the anger in Itsuki's chest turned to dread.
Oh no. He didn't… He hasn't… His mouth went dry.
"I... I was wondering if you're tsundere," Ashiya blurted.
"...What?"
Ashiya winced and cleared his throat. "Well, ah… You're always so hot and cold. It's really frustrating, and you hurt my feelings a lot. I talked to Zenko about it and we decided you're definitely tsundere. So… I think you should stop. Being like that, I mean." Ashiya made a face like even he was surprised by the nonsense coming out of his mouth.
"I…" Itsuki didn't know how to respond to that accusation. "So let me get this straight: You betrayed my trust so you could prove you could do energy transfer—which I explicitly told you not to do—and also to yell at me for my personality flaws. Is that right?"
"No…" Ashiya's voice was very small. "Not exactly. I mean, I wanted to prove the thing about energy transfer, but the other thing, I..." He huffed and started pacing again. "Alright, look, I did want to talk to you about something else—not the tsundere thing. Although you are one, if you ask me—but it feels cruel to ask when you can't move.
"I'm going to give your energy back, but you have to promise not to punch me or tackle me or run away before I ask you the question. Promise?"
Itsuki narrowed his eyes. "I can punch you after you ask the question?"
"Yes. If you still feel like punching me, you can punch me. I won't resist."
"Fine."
Ashiya stepped over to him and took his hands. Itsuki's fingers tingled, then his arms, and then the buzzing reached his chest and shot through the rest of his body. It felt a little like pins and needles, but warmer.
Itsuki straightened from his undignified slump and scowled. He couldn't wait to punch his mutinous friend in his pretty little face. "Well?" he demanded. "What is it?"
Ashiya swallowed and gripped Itsuki's hands tighter. Then, looking directly into his eyes, he asked, "Abeno-san, are you in love with me?"
Itsuki's heart stopped. His ears stopped. His brain stopped. The world ceased to move and there was nothing but a blank, muffled void inside him. He stared into Ashiya's deep blue eyes and struggled to pull breath into his constricted lungs.
"No." The word was a gasp.
"No?" Ashiya's eyelashes fluttered and his hands loosened around Itsuki's.
Itsuki squeezed his eyes shut. No. His chest felt like it was being prised apart. It wasn't supposed to happen like this. It was supposed to be a sunny day on a windswept hill, or at a blossoming garden, or in the soft light of Ashiya's bedroom. Not this tortured whisper, this forced confession.
"Abeno-san."
Ashiya let go of his hands and a piece of Itsuki went with him. Emotion flooded back into his body, building hot and terrible in his throat, pounding his his head. Ashiya pressed a cool hand against his cheek.
"Itsuki."
He opened his eyes.
"Do you love me?"
Ashiya's face looked calm, but the light in his eyes burned blue. He had waited a lifetime to see that look reflected in the other boy's eyes.
"Yes," Itsuki breathed.
Then he pulled Ashiya forward and punched him in the face.
