Chapter 8 - Sine qua non
Author's Note: This final chapter contains the alternate ending from Chapter 7 to the story. Thank you everyone for your support, this was an enjoyable story to write.
Sine qua non: "That which is absolutely indispensable; an essential element."
"Daddy...Daddy...wake-up...I need to go pee" Deanie was telling Sam, who had fallen asleep kneeling beside Dean's bed, while Deanie had held his hand, and had clearly stayed there through the night. "Daddy...Daddy" Deanie was trying again to get Sam up.
Sam was awake, but pretending to be asleep. He felt that today may be the day when his big brother returned to his older self. He was sensing a shift in Dean, nothing too noticeable, but something was changing and although he was looking forward to having his big brother back, he was sure going to miss having Deanie. He quietly reached under the blanket and began to tickle Dean's foot.
"Daddy, you's awake, I hear you laughing" Deanie was laughing now too, as Sam looked up at him. "What a wonderful sight, what a wonderful laugh" Sam was thinking.
"You got me buddy" Sam was saying, as he got up from the floor and bent down to give Deanie a kiss. "Did you have a good sleep?" Sam asked. "I did Daddy, I was holding your hand" Dean was saying as he got up off the bed and ran to the bathroom. "Thank you for that Dean. I had a good sleep too because you were holding my hand" Sam called after him. Deanie popped his head around the bathroom corner and smiled back at Sam. "Oh, he's a cutie this morning" Sam was thinking, as he looked over the contents on the table for the birthday card, he'd forgotten to give Deanie yesterday.
When Dean came out of the bathroom, Sam was sitting in one of chairs holding the card, waiting for him.
Dean came over to his Daddy and leaned against him, Sam put his arm around him.
"Dean, Daddy forgot to give you something important yesterday on your birthday, so here it is today, it's your birthday card, I'm sorry I forgot it yesterday" Sam was saying as he looked up at Dean. "That's okay Daddy, I's forget things too" Dean told Sam, as he leaned in closer to him.
Sam read the card to Dean.
"For Deanie
Happy birthday my big boy. You're 5 years old today.
We're going to have a really fun day.
Always remember, you are my heart's delight!
I love you Deanie, you're the bestest!
Daddy
xoxo"
Dean looked at the card and then at Sam and then back at the card. "Daddy, what is those?" Dean asked pointing to the x's and o's. "They mean kisses and hugs my angel" Sam explained to Dean. Dean bent down to Sam's face and shoulder level, looking at his Daddy intently. "X - kiss, O - hug, X - kiss, O - hug" Deanie was saying, as he gave Sam a kiss and then a hug, then another kiss and then another hug. "What a wonderful guy you are" Sam told Dean as he stood up and pulled him into a full hug.
After breakfast and as they were getting dressed, Sam cranked the stereo up with some classic rock and roll. They both had a ball dancing around the rooms to the beat of the music. Deanie particularly loved when Sam went into his zombie dance mode and chased him, playing catch-me-if-you-can to the music.
Sam suggested some outside time. It was the time of year when everything was coming into bloom again. "Look at all those dandelions Deanie, aren't they beautiful?" Sam was asking Dean as they walked out into the field, which was carpeted full of the flowers (or weeds dependent upon your point of view). "They is pretty Daddy" Dean was saying as he bent down to pick one.
Sam thought of a long ago game Dean had taught him, he wanted to share it back now with Deanie.
"I know this really fun game Dean" Sam was telling him as he reached down and picked a few. He positioned one between his thumb and forefinger, glancing over at Dean as he did so. Dean was watching and waiting. Sam started to sing "A mother had a baby and it's head popped off" as he popped the head off of the dandelion stem. Dean really enjoyed it and tried the one he was holding in his hand. They both sang the line together, over and over, as the dandelion death toll rose, both laughing, in the slanted rays of the sunlight.
A wasp kept buzzing them, Sam kept trying to get it away, Dean was watching it's every move.
Deanie got it right on the kisser. The wasp was fast and efficient, Dean's lip was already swelling, as his emotions played out across his face - surprise, fear and hurt. "Aah no" Sam thought as he looked over at a hurting Deanie.
"Hey buddy, let me have a look okay" Sam said gently, as he pulled Dean's hands away from his mouth. Dean was watching Sam, as Sam bent to get a closer look. "Damn it, the stinger was still in the tender flesh, it was going to be a bitch trying to get it out" Sam thought as he was deciding what he should do. He looked into Dean's trusting eyes and felt the truth would be the best course of the action. He put his hands on Dean's shoulders and told him about the stinger still being in there and that he needed to get it out and that he was going to have to squeeze Dean's lip together really hard to get it out. Dean was getting more frightened by the moment and slowly began to back away from Sam. Sam held firmly to his shoulders, not breaking eye contact. "Deanie, I'll be as gentle as I can, I promise" Sam said reassuringly, brushing away the tears which had begun to fall. Dean moved fast and took off, surprising Sam.
When Sam finally caught up to Deanie, he took it slowly, not wanting to cause Dean to be anymore scared than he already was. Dean was sitting on the concrete, head down, outside their door. "Hey baby boy, what'ya doin?" Sam asked as he knelt down beside Deanie. "Think'in" Dean said. "Think'in about what my darl'in?" Sam questioned, as he leaned back to sit beside Dean, leaning back against the sun warmed wall, and putting his arm around Dean. Dean leaned into Sam. "About us Sammy" Dean said, trembling. Sam shifted to look at Dean - his older brother was back.
"It's good to see you man" Sam smiled at his big brother. Dean finally met Sam's eyes.
"Are you mad?" he asked "For what?" a taken aback Sam asked. "Dean" Sam shifted a bit, keeping his arm around his brother "you're awesome dude, I'm not sure how you did it, but the fact that you somehow did manage to pull off this whole thing and let me get the chance to be a Daddy, it's the gift of a lifetime. We both were there with that Doctor when he said what he said. Who knows how much time I have left, but this last while has been golden and that's all thanks to you and only you big brother" Sam's words came from the heart.
Poor Dean, his lip was swollen, his eyes were red rimmed and he thought Sam was going to be mad at him. He leaned further into Sam and explained fully what he'd done. When he got to the part about giving Sam the elixir, he heard and felt Sam's intake of breath. "You did all this for me - God, Dean, I sure lucked out getting you for a brother" Sam exclaimed. "Right back at ya Sammy" Dean replied.
As they sat huddled together, in that shared moment, they had each other, their thoughts and their hopes.
"You know we still have to get that stinger out eh Dean?" Sam was saying. "Umm, I bet it'll come out by itself, how about we just leave it for awhile and see" Dean was trying to convince Sam.
"One good squeeze Dean I promise, no more than that and if it doesn't come out, then we'll leave it okay?" Sam said, trying to ease Dean's fear, for even at twenty-nine and being the expert hunter that he was, did not exclude Dean from childhood fears, and removing a stinger was one of them. "Okay Sam, go ahead before I change my mind" Dean said, giving in.
Sam re-positioned himself to sitting cross-legged in front of Dean. He winced right along with Dean, as he worked to get it out, which he did, to the relief of both of them. Growing up, they'd had a small white eraser and when hurts got too big for either of them, they'd gently rub the eraser over the hurt to make it better. Sam finished off by pretending to have the eraser now, and erasing this latest hurt of Dean's.
"I have your big brother birthday gift, wanna open it?" Sam asked as he helped Dean to his feet. "I already got it Sammy" Dean said, looking at a confused Sam. "How could you Dean, I put it on the top shelf of the closet" Sam was saying. "Not that type of present Sam, the one where the elixir is working and you're still here - that one!" Dean said, nudging Sam.
They were sitting across from each other, the present resting on Dean's knees, waiting to be opened. "Open it Dean" Sam was encouraging. Dean ripped the paper and opened the box. Inside, was a talisman, in the form of a small silver disc, a companion piece to the one that was currently residing around Dean's neck.
He picked it up and turned it over - the inscription read: Sine qua non. Dean looked at Sam questioningly. Sam smiled at Dean and explained that it meant that which is absolutely indispensable; an essential element, which Dean was to Sam. Clearly, Dean felt the same way about Sam. Together, they were sine qua non, to and for each other.
"Do ya like it? Sam asked. Dean got up and knelt in front of Sam, wrapping his arms around him in a warm hug. "Thanks so much Sammy, you're the bestest" Dean whispered in Sam's ear. Dean felt Sam's tears on his shirt, as he continued to hold him.
Later on, Dean placed a call to Bobby, filling him in on the latest happenings, the most important being the fact that the potion was working on Sam, it was holding and that it was all good, they were going to take it day by day. Dean asked Bobby to let Ellen and Missouri both know. Bobby was a lot happier when Dean disconnected, then the last time he'd spoken with him.
"Wanna go for a drive Dean, I need some open space?" Sam asked. "Sure Sammy, you drive okay" Dean said as he followed Sam out the door.
They weren't saying too much to each other in the car, just enjoying each other's company.
A short time later, Sam pulled into the park and turned off the ignition. Something was on his mind, Dean was thinking, as he got out from the passenger side.
They were both standing in the parking lot, facing each other, Dean waiting for Sam to say what was on his mind, and then Sam did.
"There's still a chance Dean, you know that right?" Sam was reminding Dean of that from now until it happens possibility.
"Heard you Sammy, loud and clear, but I'm not listening" Dean told Sam directly. He was putting his money on the long-term with the elixir, not the short-term. They'd deal with whatever came their way, when it came and not before.
Dean grabbed Sam around the waist, pulling him in close and tight. He wasn't ever going to let him go, he'd come too close to losing him, way, way, way too close to that reality - never again!
Sam threw his arms around Dean and hugged him back equally as tight. They'd both made their choices now - live in and for the moment, it's the best place to be.
As they pulled back slightly to look at each other, Dean reached up to brush a strand of Sam's hair from his eyes.
"Get a bed" the driver yelled out from a passing car. The one finger salute was Sam's preferred choice of reply.
As they climbed back into the Impala, with Dean in the driver's seat, he looked over at Sam smiling "Hey Sammy, I have an idea, do you want to go visit Gabby?" "Oh yeah!" Sam replied, smiling back at Dean, as Dean placed the call to Gabby.
Dean was laughing as he disengaged after talking with her. "She's waiting for us" Dean was telling Sam "and you're never going to believe it, but then again we are talking about Gabby. Apparently the actor who plays the older tv brother on her favourite show is going to be doing live theatre in Texas next month. Guess who cashed in some of her life savings, has gone into debt and is going to Texas?" Sam threw back his head and laughed, picturing Gabby and her excitement with this. He could hardly wait to see her! "She even has a title for her trip - Two Nights in June with Jensen. She then told me that she can't believe they're going to be breathing the same air for those two evenings." Dean was laughing as he thought of Gabby and 'her boys', geez it was sure going to be great to see her, as he started up the ignition and pulled the car onto the highway.
