A/N: Sorry this is so late. I know I said I'd do it on schedule but Thursdays became my busiest days all of a sudden. So I'll just update it every couple of days whenever I have time since it's all written.
Chapter Eight - Letter (Posted 11 February 2012)
Harvey was moved into one of the empty bedrooms while his was cleaned up and a new window was put in. He didn't protest. He didn't apologize for the mess. He barely said anything to anyone.
Until he got a letter in the mail. From Mike.
-Dear Harvey, I'm scared. This woman says she's my grandmother, but I don't know her at all. I miss you. And Mom and Dad and the others. I don't like it here. I'm all alone at night, and there's no one to push me on the swing. I want to call you, but I lost the paper with your phone number. And I can't remember it. That scares me even more. I'm so scared. I hope you come and get me soon. Love, Mikey.-
Harvey cried when he got the letter and sent a reply the same day. Finally, there was some hope that he hadn't completely lost him. He tried to call, to be able to talk to him in real time, but no one ever picked up. Every hour or so, he dialed the number the social worker had left with his parents.
Then his letter was returned, saying there was no Mikey Ross at that address. And there was no forwarding address. He asked his parents, but they didn't know. The social worker wasn't allowed to tell them if they'd moved, and certainly couldn't tell them the new address if they had.
So he'd never get Harvey's letter. And Harvey would never know if he was still scared. Would never know if he got his memories back. Hell, he'd never know if he was even alive.
That's when he permanently embraced the cold demeanor he'd worn on and off since he learned Mikey had to go. Suddenly he just couldn't let himself feel anything anymore. He had no reason. Nobody ever talked about Mikey around him, they knew better. And he demanded that no one ever call him by his first name, even in jest, unless they wanted all their teeth to fall out.
X
Mike stared at his boss. He didn't know whether to be shocked or sympathetic. Or both. "So that's why you stopped showing your emotions. You just... held them in, not even acknowledging them..."
"It was the only way I could live through it." Harvey said darkly. "I did everything I could to find him. When I got older and moved out of the house, I started going by 'Harvey' again, in hopes that maybe he was looking for me too. I thought it might make it easier."
"Why?"
"I didn't tell you?" Harvey asked. But he knew he hadn't told him, for fear it might trigger the memories to come back before he wanted them to. But maybe now he could risk it. "When I was younger, I hated my name. So I made everyone call me by my middle name."
"Alan." Mike clarified.
"Yeah. But my brother liked Harvey better. So I let him call me that. Just him."
"I can understand that." Mike said, examining him. "You don't look like an Alan."
Harvey waited. But still nothing. No look of realization on his associate's face. "So I've been told."
Mike licked his lips nervously. "I just have one more question."
"Ask away."
"Why are you suddenly letting your emotions slip through?"
Harvey had known that one was coming. But he didn't know when. He'd hoped it would be after Mike knew the truth, but life didn't work that way. "What do you mean?"
"Well... if you say you refused to have emotions... I want to know why you suddenly seem emotional. Unless I'm imagining things."
"You're not imagining it." Harvey admitted, looking down.
Mike reached across the table they were sitting at, thinking it was harmless as the restaurant they were in was mostly empty. He laid his fingers over Harvey's, but Harvey pulled back at lightning speed. "Sorry..."
"No..." Harvey said, slowly putting his hand in Mike's. "I'm sorry. I know you're just trying to help." He felt the same tightness in his chest that he'd felt the last him he held Mike's hand.
Mike gave a small but encouraging smile. "I'm just worried about you."
Harvey nodded, feeling Mike squeeze his hand. "I know."
"So? Are you going to tell me? I know I'm just some kid to you, but..."
"You are not just some kid, Mike." Harvey told him.
"Then let me help you."
"You're right. There is a reason I've been slipping up lately."
Mike waited. "Are you going to tell me what it is?"
Harvey considered it. He wanted Mike to know. But what happened after that? Would he hate him? Would it be worth it, to see him look at him in disgust rather than adoration? "You."
Mike blushed. "Me?"
"Yeah." This was it. The moment of truth. There was no going back. He had to tell him now. If he didn't, he'd regret it. And it would give Mike even more reason to hate him if he found out later. But... "You... You remind me of him." He just couldn't.
