Oh I had a lot to say
Was thinking on my time away
I missed you and things weren't the same
'Cause everything inside it never comes out right
And when I see you cry it makes me wanna die.
I'm sorry I'm bad, I'm sorry you're blue
I'm sorry about all the things I said to you
And I know I can't take it back
I love how you kiss, I love all your sounds
And baby the way you make my world go 'round
And I just wanted to say
I'm sorry.
Sorry - Buckcherry
Chapter 8
I'm Sorry
Axel awoke with a groan, squeezing his eyes shut and trying to raise a hand to rub his eyes. A stab of pain went through his arms, making him wince and forget the action.
"Well, well, he awakes."
The redhead forced his eyes open to meet smug blue eyes. He blinked, and then frowned. "Cloud?"
The blond raised an eyebrow. "Hello to you too."
"I'm dead and you're here to punish me for eternity, right?"
Cloud snorted. "As if. However, if you ever make my brother cry like that again, I will personally make sure that you wish you were dead."
Axel blinked. "I… made him cry?"
"Yea. For about… 4 hours or so, depending on when you actually left. It could have been longer." Cloud said, idly checking the redhead's IV and morphine drip. "Are you in pain?"
"A little. Nothing I can't handle." Axel replied.
Cloud folded his arms, staring silently at Axel. "You know, Roxas has never really showed this sort of interest in anyone. It really surprised me when he brought you home, but I suppose he is the oddball of the family."
"Yea…" Axel said softly. "Picked me of all people."
The blond nodded. "That's right. I'll tell you something though. Roxas really believes in you. He believes in you like I've never seen him believe in anything since our mother died. That's gotta mean something. So I'm going to stand behind him, even if it means dealing with you the entire time."
"Really?"
Cloud was silent for a moment. "Let's get this straight. I don't like you. I don't like the way you act, I don't like what you do. I don't like you. But for some unknown reason, Roxas does. And I'm prepared to deal with that. But you screw up one more time, and you will be begging for death. Roxas has had more than enough to deal with in his life, and he doesn't need you adding more onto the load. It that clear?"
Axel nodded. "Clear as mud."
"I'm serious, Axel." Cloud said sharply. "I'm not going to let you just slide like he does. This is your last chance. You screw up again, and I'll get you out of our lives. I'll move him if I have to. I won't let him be hurt anymore, that's the promise I made to myself when I took over caring for them."
The redhead nodded. "I understand, I promise. I won't screw up again. I don't… I don't want to hurt him again. That was the worst feeling I've ever had in my life. Even worse than when my Mom stopped caring."
Cloud smiled slightly. "Good. I'm glad you understand. Now, you get healed. Roxas is beside himself with worry."
"Will he come see me?"
"I don't know, actually. He hasn't yet. It might take him a while to convince himself to come here." Cloud responded as he headed for the door. "I'm not going to encourage him though, if that's what you were hoping. It's a decision he has to make on his own."
Axel looked down. "Yea. And Cloud?"
"Hmm?"
"Thanks."
Cloud snorted. "If nothing else, I'm doing it for Roxas."
Axel smiled slightly. "Still. Thanks."
"Whatever."
Days passed, and still Roxas didn't come. Axel healed slowly, and he spent most of his time thinking on what had happened. He knew now that he shouldn't have acted so impulsively. He'd only caused more pain, and it hadn't helped anything.
He sighed, rubbing a hand over his face as he stared at the ceiling. He wanted to see Roxas, but at the same time he didn't. He didn't want to see the pain that would no doubt still be lingering in Roxas' eyes.
There was a soft knock at the door, and then it opened slowly. Axel turned his head to meet bright blue eyes. Roxas smiled as he came in, shutting the door slowly behind him. "Hey."
Axel smiled. "Hey."
Roxas moved forward, sitting in the chair next to Axel's bed, his eyes flickering back and forth between Axel's face and anything else in the room. Axel studied him, and then his eyes widened.
A glint of silver was lying against Roxas' collarbone, and Axel felt a part of him warm as he realized that it was his mother's ring. Roxas was wearing it.
"You're wearing the ring." Axel murmured, his hand stretching out to touch the chain.
Roxas nodded. "Yea."
"That's my mother's wedding band. From the ring that my real father gave her." Axel said softly, withdrawing his arm.
"It's very beautiful." Roxas replied, his fingers ghosting over the band where it rested against his shirt. "Thank you for giving it to me."
Axel nodded, but didn't speak. They were silent for a long moment, and then Axel sighed. "Look, about what happened…"
Roxas shook his head. "Don't. Just… leave it alone. I think that we both… said and did some things that we didn't mean to do, and so the best thing to do now is to just let it go."
Axel shook his head. "No, I can't just let that go. I did something that was… horrible. I betrayed your trust, I lied to you, and I don't deserve forgiveness."
"Everyone deserves forgiveness once and a while." Roxas said softly. "Even when you screw up as bad as you did. Cause let's face it, you screwed up big time."
The redhead snorted. "Yea, Cloud already gave me that lecture."
"The whole 'hurt my brother again and I'll kill you' speech?" Roxas said with a grin, his blue eyes finally sparkling faintly.
Axel nodded. "Complete with the 'I don't like you' one."
Roxas smiled, shaking his head slightly. "That's my brother for you. Cloud's always been protective of us, it's just who he is. He's been taking care of us for a long time, ever since Dad walked out on us. He's used to being the wall between us and anything that might cause us pain." He snorted faintly. "You should have seen him when Sora met Riku, his current boyfriend, for the first time. That was an interesting experience."
"I think that you deserve to know where I was really going." Axel murmured after a few moments of silence. "I never did tell you, did I?"
Roxas shook his head. "I know where you went; you went to that big house. You don't have to tell me."
"No, you don't know the whole story." Axel said forcefully. "When I left my parents house, I wandered for a long time, trying to figure out what to do. I was found by a woman named Larxene. I was starving at the time, and I had nowhere to go, so she took me back to her house. That mansion. She… She was the one to get me hooked. She's the one that I have to keep going back to."
He snorted slightly. "She made the comment once that she owns me. I guess in a way she does. Just like the last time that I tried to cut myself off, I almost killed myself over it. She really does own my life."
Roxas frowned. "Not anymore. You don't have to go back to her anymore."
Axel nodded. "I sure hope so, Hero. I hope so."
They sat in silence for a few moments, and then Roxas pushed himself to his feet. "I really should go."
Axel's face fell a little. "Please don't."
Roxas blinked. "I really do need to go. Cloud's expecting me home soon."
"You can't go." Axel pleaded. "You can't leave me alone."
"You'll be fine without me, Axel; the world's not going to end if I'm not here." Roxas said, his eyes a little concerned.
"You can't leave me alone!" Axel said sharply. "I go crazy every time you're not here! Just look what I did last time I left!"
"Axel…" Roxas sighed. "You'll be fine, I promise. There are lots of people here to take care of you. Besides, I'll be back before long."
With that he turned to leave, but Axel reached out, grabbing his wrist tightly and pulling him backwards towards him. Roxas let out a faint squeak as he was yanked backwards, turned around and flung over Axel's thin body.
Axel grunted faintly as Roxas landed on his chest, his arm automatically going around the blond's slender waist. He opened his eyes slowly, and stared into shocked blue orbs.
Their faces were mere centimeters apart, breath mixing as they stared at each other. Axel was still for a long moment, and then he moved, acting on instinct to close the distance between their lips.
Roxas stared at the redhead, and then pulled away sharply, leaping off the bed and backing towards the door. Axel put out a hand, his eyes a little panicked. "Wait! Wait, I didn't mean it! Don't go!"
But the blond didn't listen; he turned and ran from the room, leaving Axel alone in the white hospital room.
The apartment building was quiet when Axel walked into the living room. He closed the door quietly behind him, and then smiled slightly when he looked to the couch. Roxas was lying there, curled up on his side with one arm pillowed beneath his head, the other hanging off the edge of the couch to brush the floor.
Axel grabbed the throw blanket that was over the chair, carefully draping it over the blond's slender body to ward off the chill of the apartment. As the blanket settled over his shoulders, Roxas shifted slightly, his eyes fluttering open.
He smiled. "Hey. I waited for you."
Axel smiled in return, touching the boy's face gently. "Thanks, but I didn't deserve that." He was quiet for a moment. "I'm sorry."
Roxas snuggled into the couch, already mostly asleep again. "Don't worry… you're forgiven…"
Axel stayed there for a while, just smiling at the boy that lay on the couch in front of him, a little in awe that this wonderful person could want to help someone as hopeless as himself.
"Thanks Hero…"
We don't own "Sorry" by Buckcherry
