Captain's personal log, Stardate 1154.71 Captain James T. Kirk recording
Due to unknown complications - again - the engines have stalled, and the Enterprise is dead in space. All life support systems are fully operative, nothing is draining the power, phasers and shields are completely operational, inter-ship communications, turbo-lifts, computers, medical equipment...everything except the food processor, (which I suspect Ensign Ivannovitch is probably sabotaging,) is in perfect working order. Scottie reported that the dilithium crystals are as they should be - and yet the engines stalled for no reason, leaving us completely adrift and vulnerable for attack from hostile life forms.
Unfortunately, there's nothing we can do except sit and wait for engineering to discover and rectify the problem. And with 400+ people unable to do anything on a stalled Starship, it stands to reason that there's going to be a nigh-incurable epidemic.
As I expected, the epidemic has made itself known, and nearly everyone aboard the Enterprise, myself included, is infected.
This epidemic goes by the horrific name of Boredom.
And naturally, 400+ people unable to do anything on a stalled Starship while infected with Boredom is a sure recipe for disaster.
This was proven earlier when a number of us were standing around, trying to think of something constructive to do. (And then, when that failed, something nonconstructive.) Anything to break the monotony.
Unfortunately, certain persons, (Lt. Riley,) took "anything" and ran. He suggested a Russian Roulette tournament, using Sulu's collection of antique arsenal.
He promptly withered under a cross-fire of death glares from Chekov and Bones, while Sulu beat a hasty retreat, probably to find a secure hiding place for his collection. Who knows where he - Riley, not Sulu - is now, and what devilry he's getting up to...


Ship-wide dispatch
From: Supreme Chef Ivannovitch

Captain, superiors, peers, subordinates, and peasants, I bid you good afternoon.
I inwite you to join me in the kitchen at 0900, 1200, and 1500 hours today for a special sampling of some of the finest coagulated milk ewer inwented! I vill be giwing a presentation on the history and making of this superb garnish during the tasting.
I vish you all good day, and hope to see you in the kitchen for this ewent!


On-board dispatch
To: Captain Kirk, personal quarters
From: Dr. Leonard McCoy, Sickbay

Are you going to this cheese lecture the Ensign is hosting?


On-board dispatch
To: Dr. Leonard McCoy, Sickbay
From: Captain Kirk, personal quarters

I thought I might look in on it and see what it's all about. Why?


On-board dispatch
To: Captain Kirk, personal quarters
From: Dr. Leonard McCoy, Sickbay

Jim, what am I going to do with you?


On-board dispatch
To: Dr. Leonard McCoy, Sickbay
From: Captain Kirk, personal quarters

Let me go to the cheese lecture?


On-board dispatch
To: Captain Kirk, personal quarters
From: Dr. Leonard McCoy, Sickbay

Like you care about the lecture part. You just want to see if there's some Dubliner Stout available. And I'm telling you Jim, if you keep disregarding the diet I've put you on, stout is exactly what you're going to be.


On-board dispatch
To: Dr. Leonard McCoy, Sickbay
From: Captain Kirk, personal quarters

Sorry Bones, but I still outrank you. You can stay and play Russian Roulette with Lt. Riley if you want to. I'm going to the cheese lecture.


Personal notes of Dr. "Bones" McCoy

Damn that man. Sometimes I wonder why I even bother to try.


On-board dispatch
To: Lt. Bauer, botany lab
From: Lt. Riley, engineering

Hey Joyce, want to go to this presentation of coagulated milk with me this afternoon?


On-board dispatch
To: Lt. Riley, engineering
From: Lt. Bauer, botany lab

I'd rather go out with a Klingon.


On-board dispatch
To: Lt. Bauer, botany lab
From: Lt. Riley, engineering

...Ouch. That was uncalled for. What's wrong now?


On-board dispatch
To: Lt. Riley, engineering
From: Lt. Bauer, botany lab

Absolutely nothing's wrong. I'd just rather go out with a Klingon than see you anymore. I'm sure Shelby would like to go to the presentation with you, though. She seems to enjoy going everywhere else with you.


On-board dispatch
To: Lt. Bauer, botany lab
From: Lt. Riley, engineering

Shelby helps me out with making trouble- I mean, playing harmless pranks. I can't help it that I spend more time with her, she's just more portable.


On-board dispatch
To: Lt. Riley, engineering
From: Lt. Bauer, botany lab

Oh, lovely. So I'm upstaged by a dead Tribble simply because she's "more portable"?


On-board dispatch
To: Lt. Bauer, botany lab
From: Lt. Riley, engineering

That's not what I...! Joyce, no one could ever replace you; dead, alive, natural, supernatural, human, alien, old, young, ensign, admiral...nobody. You're a queen among women in my eyes, and you always will be. You should know that. And if it makes you happy, I'll throw Shelby out the nearest airlock. ...Okay, maybe I won't do that. But I'll lock her in a drawer and not even look at her for a week.
Now will you go to the presentation with me?


On-board dispatch
To: Lt. Riley, engineering
From: Lt. Bauer, botany lab

Drop dead, Riley.


Journal of Lieutenant Riley - Private!

Drat it! First the engines go on the blitz and leave me bored out of my handsome head, then one of my pranks goes horriblely wrong, (I'll be coughing out Tribble hair for a week,) and now I've gone and lost my girlfriend! Which means I have to go to this stupid cheese thing alone.

Unless...


On-board dispatch
To: Chief Engineer Scott, engineering
From: Lt. Riley, personal quarters

Hey Chief, were you planning on going to the cheese tasting/presentation this afternoon?


Well, this is the last chapter I had written and stockpiled, and I currently have writer's block so badly it'll probably be at least another week before I can get another chapter done. I was grasping for plot bunnies already when I wrote this one. (It is, if you'll pardon the expression, pretty cheesy. XD) But I hope y'all enjoyed it, and I'll try to get another one done soon

Oh, and if anyone's wondering, no, Riley is not slash. He just wants company. xD