A.N.: So sorry, this took a while. I know. But I've been busy and I have other stories, also. (:

-Midnight Ambivalence.

"Bella, Bella." I could hear Edward's angelic voice, trying to part me from my dreams.

"Mmm.." I mumured, shooing his soothing hand on my forehead away. I heard a chuckle in return and groaned. His cold hand continued to move across my forehead, gently. I could tell by his movements around me lately that he'd been trying his very hardest to commit each one as gentle as possible. They were so much of a change in him around me lately. I know he tried to act like everything was alright most of the time, and he was a good actor. But I could see through him. I could see how hurt he was inside and that hurt me too.

Sighing, I opened my eyes and blinked multiple times, attemtping to adjust them to the intense light shining down on my hospital room. I turned my head slightly, meeting Edward's gaze. He was sitting only a few short inches away from my bedside. He smiled at me, inching closer. I grinned back, placing an elbow beneath my back to arch me upward. With an attempted-avoided wince, I had my back against my pillow, in a somewhat sitting position. When I turned back to Edward, he was frowning. I sighed and looked around once more.

"How long have I been asleep?" I asked, my memory a bit vague.

"Almost 30 hours," he returned casually. I looked at him, suprise only taking a part of me. It's true I'd been sleeping so much more than usual for I woke up exhausted. It was quite aggravating, actually. To always be tired. To always feel a yawn creeping up your throat. It made this experience all so much more difficult.

Just like it had the day before, dozens of memories suddenly flooded through my mind. Memories of my last awakening. And before that. Jacob's cold expression. The talk with Edward. But did the situation with Jacob change that? Did he still want me forever? My vision was remotely turning blurry. Though instead of passing out like I often did when my vision turned blurry, I could feel trickles of tears traveling down my cheeks.

Edward moved onto the bed with me now, though I wasn't much aware of his presence. I was too busy having a nervous breakdown. Surges of confusion and pain shot through me, hurting like an unbearable pain. An ache traced the outlining of my heart, teasingly. A lump took it's place in my throat and the tears continued to come. I couldn't see anything. I wasn't there. All I could see was a past memory that had haunted me for so long. I was in the forest. As was Edward. A vision of him walking away from me, for good, or so I thought; continued painfully trancing through my head. It was all I saw. The man I could love for eternity walking from me. "Bella, we're leaving." "I don't want you to come with me." "I'm no good for you, Bella." "Of course I'll always love you... in a way." "You're not good for me, Bella." "It will be as if I never existed." His antagonizing last words to me overwhelmed every part of my body and mind. I couldn't think straight. "It will be as if I never existed." I took deep breaths, sobs breaking through my lips. I couldn't hear Edward's present coos or questionings. I couldn't hear anything aside from the horrible things said in the forest that day so many months ago. Finally, I couldn't take it anymore and through my sobs, I let out a bloodcurdling scream. Then no light shown through my closed eyes.


Edward POV

Quickly, though aware of her fragile state, I moved onto the bed with Bella. She appeared to be so disturbed. So horrified. I placed my arms around her, not positive that I wasn't hurting her for the sobs kept trailing on. I had no idea what this was about. We weren't fighting. I could only come to one conclusion. That the encounter with Jacob was hurting her.

"Shh, Bella. It's alright." I murmured into her hospital gown as she continued to cry into my shoulder. Her arms werent around me as mine were around her. It was as if she wasn't aknowledging my presence in the slightest. This cut me. I didn't want her angry with me. I loved her more than she could ever comprehend and hated all of this. I hated the fact that I left her in the first place. I hated this sickness. I hated that she was to be enslaved in this horrible room until she passed. I hated the way no one had been with her the majority of her time spent here. I hated everything. I hated myself for leaving her. I hated myself for not being able to take the sickness out of her and let the cancer run through my veins, rather than her beautiful, fragile ones. I hate this. Without warning, sobs broke from me as well. But I did my best to contain them. My weakness didn't need to provoke Bella's tears.

"Bella, I'm sorry." I whispered, my fingers running through her beautiful brown hair, lovingly. "I'm sorry, Bella." I continued, taking deep breaths in, in attempt of keeping my dry weeping on the inside.

"We'll fix things, with Jacob, I mean." I kept going. I just needed her to stop crying. Each sorrowful sob that escaped her, each tear fallen from her beatiful face, broke my retired heart. I couldn't stand my lovely girl in so much pain. It was too much. "You two can be together," I tried, a new thought process forming in my mind. That she was crying because she wanted Jacob with her during her last precious moments, rather than me. I was hoping to get a reaction to that one. But no. She just continued to cry aimlessly. She didn't react at all to my soothing words or comforting touch. But kept crying.

She began shaking her head, frantically, to my relief. But the relief was only momentarily, for she began to weep more. Damnit, you've upset her further, a patronizing voice called from inside my mind. I held her tighter, pulling her gently into my lap.

"It's alright, my Bella." I told her, rocking her back and forth in my arms. "Anything you want." I choked out desperately. "I'll give you anything," I coaxed, meaning every word. I just didn't want her in anymore pain. I couldn't have her in anymore of this wretched hurting. I would give her anything to rid her of it completely.

This time, she responded. But perhaps, not to my notion. She broke off from the sobs momentarily and released a horrible high-pitched scream. It lasted over a terrible minute long. I held her tightly in my clasped arms, the sobs coming from within me.

A nurse broke through the door, her expression, much like mine; horrified. She made her way frantically over to Bella, asking what was wrong, yelling over her scream. I shook my head, intent on holding her close to me. And within another moment, the screaming stopped and she lay limp in my arms. Horrified that I had squeezed her to death, I quickly layed her on the bed and listened for a heartbeat. To much of my relief, there was a speeding one there. I let out more sobs and scooped her up in my arms, placing her in a comfortable position on the bed.

I turned to the nurse. "She's only passed out," I explained, relief clear in my choking voice.

The nurse shook her head in awestruck horror. Her mind was frantic. The girl. Oh God. The doctor spoke of this. To get him immediately when it happened, not if. That it depended on her life. I must get him. And suddenly, she raced out of the room, leaving me behind in panic and confusion.


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