She was dreaming of Han.
Not any specific memory of Han; like many of her dreams, this one was vague, just the two of them in an apartment—Coruscant, Alderaan, Hosnian Prime?—puttering about, doing everyday things. But together. He was always in frame, tugging at the periphery of every one of her memories.
In tonight's dream, she went to a coat closet and returned with a dark blue hooded anorak. "It's cold there. You'll need this." It comforted her to dress him warmly. "If you're really leaving," she added.
Han nodded, then smiled at her, his usual confident smile. "Will you miss me?"
"You know the answer to that."
"That's why I leave," he said smugly, affectionately. "So that you miss me."
She tilted her head and gazed at him. She needed to ask him something very, very important. Before she could speak, though, he said abruptly, "I think the Falcon's coming back."
Leia's eyes opened. She stared dully at the clock by her bed: dawn. Earlier than she needed to awaken, but she never slept very much nowadays. She had become accustomed to walking around the base before officially checking in for the day, inspecting the buildings and people to make sure everything was as it should be, taking in the rich scents and colors of the D'Qar jungle. It helped clear her head. A little.
She rolled onto her back and closed her eyes again for a moment. Stupid dream, Leia thought. What was I going to ask him? The dream had ended just before she reached the really important part…just like their relationship had ended.
"There's something I've been wanting to say to you for a long time," Han had told her before leaving for Starkiller Base. She had stopped him. Stopped him before he could tell her…what? That he loved her? That he was sorry for the separation of the last decade? She sighed. Just one more thing she regretted, in a long, long list of things she regretted.
Leia stretched her toes and sat up wearily in her cold bed. She was worn out. Too tired, even, to be angry anymore. She used to feel angry all the time—angry at Vader, at Tarkin, at Palpatine, at her colleagues in the Senate, at fate. Anger fueled her, though not the way it fueled Vader. Like an alchemist of emotions, she could convert fury into passion—passion for the Rebellion, passion for engagement. Or for Han. Plenty of passion for him, she mused.
But her anger had most often translated into a need to fight injustice. And it worked. It had worked. It wasn't really working for Leia anymore, though. Now she was merely sleepwalking through life, waiting for one child to come to his senses, for another child to come home.
She was just…waiting. No spark. No longer that brave girl who had grabbed Luke's blaster and taken charge of the situation on the Death Star. She felt like a shell of her former self. Reacting, no longer acting.
For her first nineteen years, Leia had felt the emotional support of her parents. Her entire homeworld had praised her, encouraged her, and cocooned her. Then she lost them all. Yet within a few years of that cataclysm, she had gained a new family in the form of her brother, her husband and children. That was her Alliance. Her new homeworld. Their absolute love for each other bound them together with warm cords that gave her strength, courage, contentment. Until she lost them all. For the second time in her life.
Leia felt dislocated. Homeless. Rootless.
Even in her weariness, though, something tugged at the back of her mind. A warm, familiar presence was reaching out to her.
Leia? Leia?
Don't give up. We're coming.
Leia sprang to her feet. There were only three people left in this galaxy that could energize her, and two of them were on a ship, flying towards her.
The Millennium Falcon lowered slowly onto the rich earth of D'Qar. Years of practice told Leia exactly where to stand. She placed her hand over the boarding ramp's control. One year after they'd met, Han had decided to give Leia handprint access to his beloved ship; he had held his warm hand over hers and pressed it to the control panel until it had mapped her. She'd trembled at his touch.
She still remembered that first touch, as the ship still remembered her. The ramp lowered obediently. Hello, it whispered at her. Nice to see you again.
Leia took in the familiar sight and smell of the Falcon while sprinting down the main corridor, directly into the arms of her brother. She buried her face on his shoulder and wrapped herself in his warmth.
"Oh, Leia," he murmured gratefully, just as he had once said above Cloud City. "Hi."
She laughed, her face still pressed into his robe. After seven years, that's all it took? "Hi there," she replied simply.
The twins didn't really need to communicate aloud. Now that Luke was in front of her, his Force presence enveloped her. She felt his unwavering love for her, his relief at seeing her safe, his bottomless sorrow for Han, his still-painful guilt at losing control over Ben. She hugged him fiercely. "It doesn't matter," she managed to say. "Nothing matters. I'm just glad you're here."
I need you here, she begged silently. Don't ever leave like that again. Don't leave me again. Please don't leave me.
"I won't," Luke whispered hoarsely.
Sagging in relief while willing herself not to burst into tears in public, Leia stepped back and looked her brother up and down. His face had aged more than it should have, worry-lines etched around his eyes. But his eyes still sparkled like bright Alderaanian turquoise. He smiled at her. "Guess what I brought you?" he said teasingly.
"What?" she breathed, still staring at him.
Luke gestured to his left. Leia followed his eyes to the young woman standing patiently on the side, waiting her turn. She was grinning, but when Leia looked at her, Rey's little nose wrinkled and her beautiful smile widened even more. Her hair was wrapped around her head in twin braids, making her look breathtakingly like Leia at the same age…if she'd ever had a reason to smile that broadly at nineteen.
Leia held her arms out in welcome, and Rey launched herself at her like a vornskr. They clung to each other.
"Hullo, mother," Breha whispered sweetly. "I missed you. I've missed you very much." She paused, looked at her tearful mother, then continued with more confidence. "I'm back now. And I won't leave you again."
And with that, Leia Organa was back.
Alive. Ready to fight. Rooted.
Finis
Thank you so much for reading!
I tried to end with a nice American happy ending, despite all the sadness the Solo/Skywalker family has endured. Particularly Leia; I love her, but I think Carrie Fisher is right when she says Leia these days is probably feeling "defeated, tired and pissed." So I tried to lift her spirits a little. There's only so much heartbreak a person can take.
But now Luke's back, with a trained Rey in tow, and the family is now ready to take on the bad guys…and get Black Sheep Ben back into the fold. There's a German word which fits the family now but doesn't translate well: kampfbereit. Ready for battle, ready for a struggle, ready to roll up your sleeves and go at it. Han had lost that quality-giving up on Leia and on the Republic-but he regained it by the end of TFA, and I hope Luke & Leia do too.
A few of you have asked if my character of Anakin Solo is the same as in the EU. No, he's not, though I thought the name was appropriate. I added a middle brother for three reasons:
1. Someone had to mispronounce Breha as Rey, and Ben was too old (he's 9 years her senior).
2. Nine years is a long time to go between children. Why wouldn't they have had more?
3. Han and Leia had a solid, I-love-you-more-than-life relationship. It took a hell of a lot to break them up, and the TFA explanation rang hollow for me. You don't separate because your son "has (some) Vader in him." But the death of a child, combined with the kidnapping and disappearance of another child—THAT would wreck them. According to the TFA novel, Han had never seen Ben as an adult. He left before Ben fell to the dark side. Rey's abduction must've been the impetus.
