A ray of light peeked through the curtains and Arthur found himself creaking an eye open, staring blankly at his white ceiling. A sense of déjà vu washed over him, but this time he knew its different. Things will be quite different now. A statement that he has drilled into his mind ever since the events from yesterday. No one will wake him up anymore. No one will remind him to eat anymore. And no one can be there for him anymore. There will never be another knock on his door in the morning. The curtains probably won't ever be pulled back anymore either. Arthur couldn't be bothered to do it before, let alone now.
He tries to ignore the ache in his limbs as he forces himself out of bed. Arthur dragged his feet to his bathroom and stood in front of the large mirror. He stared at his own reflection, as if condemning his very existence. He sighed heavily and thought, 'What's the point of all of this?'. How he wished to be blessed enough to even bother making up an excuse as an answer. After washing up, Arthur sloppily dressed himself. He hadn't even bothered to comb his hair or to take another look in the mirror. His eyes wandered to the photograph on his bedside table, admiring the serene beauty in it. Owen always tells him that he has his mother's eyes. He wondered if the butler was blind. His eyes were nowhere as close as to how beautiful his mother's own pair was. Her kelly green eyes shined so brightly, so brilliantly, that you could almost see another world in them. And in that world, it promised a utopia, a place full of hope, and pain had no place in it. Arthur always found comfort in those eyes, whereas in his, there was nothing to be found. His pupils looked like a void, a dark abyss, surrounded by a plain field of green. His eyes were dead, if anything, and he just doesn't understand how Owen could even compare his mother's eyes to his. He remembered when he was younger, small enough to fit in her lap. She cradled him in her arms and looked at him with those loving eyes, without a care in the world, or because her entire world was already in front of her.
"Did dad fall in love with your eyes? Like how the prince had fallen in love with the princess' ones?" He remembered asking, referencing the book his mother had read to him.
She chuckled, and Arthur was sure no music in the world could compare to how sweet it sounded. "Why do you ask that my dear?"
"It would make sense if he did. I love mom's eyes, they're always so pretty and shiny when I look at them."
His mother had laughed at her child's statement. Arthur would never forget what she said next.
"It's only beautiful because I'm looking at you Arthur."
Although it had been years, it wasn't until recently that Arthur had understood what she meant by that. His reminiscing thoughts of his mother's green eyes travelled to a pair of azure ones. They held a different kind of beauty from his mother's, but it was beautiful in its own way. He found strength and courage in those eyes, and they shined every time they looked at Arthur. He wonders if the feeling he felt every time those ocean blue orbs stares into his emerald ones were what his mother had meant. To look at something that meant the world to you, it brings a certain sparkle to someone's eyes. And Arthur knew his own eyes shined too whenever he looks at Alfred, finding a whole new world in the other.
"My eyes may shine for him, but how can eyes like his shine for mine?" he muttered to himself, laughing bitterly as he did so.
He had to do something. Such that those eyes will never lose their sparkle.
As Arthur made his way to the dining hall, he contemplates breakfast. Eventually, he decided to skip it, finding himself to not have much of an appetite this morning. Owen would most probably give him a lecture if he knew. The thought had made Arthur smile wryly. Instead he directly made his way to the front door. Before he could reach for the handles, a voice had stopped him.
"Oh! Arthur, where are you going?" Arthur turned to look at the owner of the voice, a female servant who looked like she was in her late 30s.
Arthur gave a strange look at her and looked back down on himself as if the answer's obvious.
"School." He said plainly.
"Oh, well, I just wanted to let you know that the mistress has assigned me to look after you. So please do let me know whenever you need to go somewhere. I need to report it to her."
Arthur internally rolled his eyes. He knew the term wasn't really 'looking after' but more like keeping a watchful eye of him.
"I'll keep that in mind." He replied.
"Oh, and I almost forgot, my Lady has ordered me to tell you that if you don't stick strictly to your curfews, ah, well…" She trailed off.
Arthur knew what she meant nonetheless and he didn't need her to finish her sentence.
"I know." He said and quickly turned to open the door and swiftly shut it close.
He knew she had more to say. A list of what was expected of him probably. But Arthur really didn't need to hear them right now. He was running late for school after all.
He wasn't really running late for school. He had intended to be early. Earlier than usual. Such that he wouldn't bump into Alfred. To say that he was trying to avoid the other was completely correct. Although doing that proved to be a hard task. Especially when Alfred was everywhere Arthur was, and said American was trying to talk to him. But Arthur managed somehow. He had arrived to class earlier than Alfred and thus, had requested someone else sit beside him. Someone else being Kiku who had happened to have the same class. Kiku only gave Arthur a concerned look, no doubt having the American in his mind, but Arthur brushed it off with a smile. When Alfred had arrived, the look of disappointment was blatantly obvious on his face. Kiku gave an apologetic and pitiful smile while Arthur made it a point to completely ignore him. Before Alfred could say something, a girl had called out to him, enthusiastically asking him to sit beside her. Alfred hesitates, looking back at Arthur who was looking down on his book, then sighed and forced a smile before taking his seat beside the girl.
"Arthur, did something happen with Alfred?" Kiku managed to ask.
Arthur said nothing, merely nodded into his book.
The Japanese man waited for a further elaboration, and when there was none, he decided Arthur wouldn't tell him even if he asked.
When they had their break, Arthur had rushed out of the classroom, pulling Kiku with him before Alfred could reach them. He was sure he was being childish, but he really didn't want to talk to Alfred right now. It wasn't that he was mad at the American, surprisingly. Arthur had been thinking things over. His very being was toxic, he would only hold the other back. Alfred had been a wonderful company, and Arthur was only taking from him, never giving back. How could he ever do something like that to him? The only person that Arthur had let inside his heart, and the only person who had accepted him. His flaws. His weakness. Alfred had embraced every part of him. Yet he still couldn't be honest with the other. His feelings were a burden. It was this very reason he had refrained from being so attached to someone. With his current predicament, it would never end well. Arthur knew, there was no way an emotional bond with Alfred would work out. He had to sever it, whatever he was feeling. It wouldn't be easy, but Arthur had to try somehow.
"Arthur, is everything okay?" A meek voice asked.
Arthur snapped out of his thoughts and looked to Feliciano. On other days, he would be sitting with Alfred, just the two of them, and no one else because Francis had told him that 'people could see hearts bouncing off them and quite honestly, no one wants that in their food'.
"Of course, why would you ask that?" he replied.
Feliciano looked worriedly at Arthur and then to Alfred, who was sitting on another table a few distances away, trying his best to cover up his constant glances at Arthur while pretending to engage in a conversation he was clearly not interested in with some other people.
"Well, to start, you've been avoiding Alfred all day. He's usually clinging to you."
"I don't know what you're talking about, I am not avoiding him." Arthur tried to say with a smile.
"He is. He refused to even look at Alfred for the entirety of today." Kiku said to Feliciano and Ludwig who was sitting across them.
"I don't know what happened, but wouldn't it be better to talk things out with him?" The Italian said.
"I agree. Miscommunications between rulers can lead to drastic consequences for a kingdom." Ludwig added.
"This isn't something I can just talk to him about."
"Why not? I'm sure whatever it is, Alfred would understand. He's so in love with you, there's no way he would just leave you or anything." Feliciano said as he looped his arms around Ludwig's, as if to make an example.
Arthur choked and he felt his face heat up.
"H-he's not in love with me!"
There was a short silence as the three rulers of Hearts stared at Arthur incredulously.
"You're joking, right?" Kiku said, speaking the minds of the other two at the table.
"I should be the one saying that! Why would you ever think Alfred would… like someone like me?" Arthur said, the last part coming out in a softer voice as his brows furrowed slightly.
"Are you kidding Arthur?!" A strongly accented voice that did not belong to anyone at the table cuts in.
Francis took his place beside Arthur with his arm around his shoulder.
"Francis, no one invited you." The Brit said as he shrugged the arm off.
Francis removed his arm, much to Arthur's relief, but stayed where he is.
"Sorry, I can't help but overhear."
"You mean eavesdrop."
"But Arthur, how dense can you be?" Francis said, ignoring the other completely.
"Have you even seen how Alfred looks at you?"
"Yes, he looks at me the same way he does with everyone else. With his eyes." Arthur replied, rolling his eyes.
"Non, non! You have heard the phrase of looking at someone like they hung the moon yes?"
"Oh! I do! I often come across that phrase while reading a romance novel." Feliciano chipped in.
"Oui. Well Arthur, ask me how Alfred looks at you. Go on! Ask!"
Arthur sighed, but decided to play along, "How?"
"He looks at you like you're the moon itself."
Arthur immediately laughed, despite himself. The Frenchman just looked at him with serious eyes and his laughter slowly died down.
"Wait. Was that not a joke?"
He could hear the Japanese man sigh beside him.
"You're hopeless."
"I agree."
"Seconded."
"Thirded."
Arthur could only look around him confusedly.
"You should talk to him. Not only about whatever it is between the both of you right now, but about your feelings as well." Francis said, exasperated, as he rubbed his temples.
"What are feelings?" The other blond questioned, sarcasm heavy in his tone.
Kiku snorted while the others looked on unamused. Well, only Kiku would ever appreciate his dry humour anyway.
"Well then let me ask you. What is love? And don't quote that one song by Haddaway." Francis asked.
"You're no fun." Arthur chortled, only stopping when the four people around him stared at him in silence.
"Alright fine." He sighed. "Love, when referred to as a noun, means a strong feeling of attraction or affection towards something or someone."
"Yes, that's the definition of love. But what is love to you?" The Frenchman continued.
"An unnecessary emotion in the human brain. It causes depression, destruction, and it crushes everything that it encounters. The bane of humanity." Arthur said with a deadpan expression.
Francis' hand flew to his forehead dramatically.
"Exactly. You have no experience in love whatsoever. None. Zero. Zip. Zilch. Nada. You avoid it at all costs, and how do you expect to be loved if you don't let it?"
"I don't need to be loved. I can do without it thank you very much. Love takes up unnecessary time and energy, and honestly, I don't have enough of those two already."
"But Arthur! Love is a wonderful thing! It's not a waste of time. I'm sure you'd be singing a different tune of you could just have a taste of what it's like to love someone and be loved. I can't even remember what life was like before I met Ludwig! He's the best thing that's ever happened to me." Feliciano chirped, eyes shining as he snuggled closer to the German beside him.
Ludwig's cheeks were dusted with a tinge of pink but nonetheless, gave a small smile at the Italian snuggling him. Arthur was about to say something but Francis beat him to it.
"Our dear Jack of Hearts is right. Love is not something to be feared Arthur." He started.
"Maybe not. But that doesn't change the fact that the very thought of being emotionally attached to someone terrifies the fuck out of me." Arthur responded.
Francis only smiled. "You may be afraid of it now, and that's okay. It's perfectly fine to be afraid of something new, something unknown. But don't let it stop you from wanting what you want. Love is not supposed to hurt. Love doesn't hurt. Rejection hurts. Losing someone hurts. Losing love is what hurts. But love? It's supposed to take away the pain. It's supposed to stop everything that's hurting. It's fine if you don't feel an attraction to anyone. In fact, it's fine if you will never feel an attraction to anyone. But Arthur trust me when I say this, when I see you look at Alfred, it reminds me of someone so very much in love. You want to him to look at you. You want him to talk to you. You want him to want you. You want him to be happy, and you hope that it's with you."
Arthur could only stare at Francis, speechless.
"And that's perfectly fine, isn't it?" Kiku finished, to which Francis' smile widens and nods.
For the first time, he had nothing to say. Nothing witty. Nothing sarcastic. Nothing that came to mind. Arthur stared down at his hands, clenched tightly on his lap. A myriad of thoughts invaded his mind and he felt lightheaded.
"Arthur?" Francis asked, after noticing the other's silence.
He waited for a response. Anything. He waited for the other to yell, get angry, hit him, cry, get flustered, deny everything that he just said, just anything. But he never expected the reaction that came.
Arthur raised his head, made sure he looked at everyone at the table and closed his eyes as he slowly took in a deep breath before letting it out.
"I'll think about it."
He did think about it. In fact, it was all he could do ever since lunch break ended. Arthur was surprised that he even considered it. Never in his life would he expect to get a love advice from Francis and actually listen to him. But they were right. Arthur really can't ignore these feelings he had for the American, as frightening as they were. He tried to remember what Francis told him.
Love is not something to be feared.
'If that's true, then why can I feel my heart pulsating in my throat at what I'm about to do?' He thought. He was waiting outside the classroom of Alfred's last class. Arthur almost jumped when the bell suddenly rang and students scrambled out of the class as if on cue. His eyes searched for the familiar dirty blonde hair with a strand that sticks out constantly. The classroom was emptied quickly and the crowd started getting lesser and lesser. But he couldn't see Alfred anywhere.
"Huh, maybe he skipped." Arthur muttered to himself.
He waited for a few more minutes before the hallway was empty of any significant people before he decided to leave. 'I'll just… talk to him tomorrow I guess.' He thought disappointedly. Arthur turned but before he could take another step, he felt his arm being grabbed and he was roughly shoved against the wall and a hand slammed at the concrete surface mere inches beside his face. Arthur groaned and slowly opened his eyes and stared at a pair of very familiar blue ones. This time though, they weren't shining at all. They were dark and furious and they were glaring right into Arthur's.
"A-Alfred." He croaked out. "L-let me go!"
"No." Came the firm response.
Arthur shuddered at his tone. "This isn't funny."
"Am I laughing?"
The Brit flinched and clenched his fists tighter.
"Look, if you're angry at me, I understand. I want to apologise. That's why I'm here." Arthur tried to explain.
It seemed to work as Alfred's eyes softened slightly, but he kept his position, trapping Arthur under him.
"Do you even know how I felt? I was trying to get your attention the whole day, but you kept avoiding me! Listen, I'm sorry okay? I'm sorry for how things turned out yesterday, I really didn't expect it to go so badly. Hell, I barely slept a wink last night! I felt so guilty, I kept myself up with all these thoughts. Would Arthur forgive me? Would he be angry? What should I do? I know I'm an idiot. I do things without thinking them through and I make stupid and rash decisions. But only you can rile me up so much. Only you can elicit such reactions from me, and what makes things worse is that I don't even hate it." Alfred droned on.
Arthur stared at the other silently, unknowing of what to say. He was trembling slightly. He let out the breath he was holding and bit his lip before responding.
"Why?" He wasn't sure what he was referring to. Why did Alfred say such things? Why did he blame himself? Why did he feel the way he did? Why does Alfred care so much?
Alfred removed his hand from the wall. Instead, it went to the back of Arthur's head and his other hand placed itself at the small of his back. Then, Alfred did something that took Arthur completely by surprise. He leaned his head forward and smashed his lips against Arthur's. Any thoughts completely flew out of his mind and Arthur had to process what was happening. Alfred was kissing him. And he wanted to kiss back, he really did. But his shock led him to stand there, unmoving, as his eyes remained opened and wide. Alfred's lips felt hot against his, and he felt the King's hand tighten his grip on Arthur's head slightly, but not enough to hurt. Before Arthur could react, Alfred slowly pulled back, his eyes half lidded, and rested his forehead on Arthur's. Arthur's cheeks reddened, finally given enough time to react and he could practically feel his heart trying to jump out of his chest. He was sure Alfred could hear it's loud thumping. His heart almost stopped when he heard what Alfred said next.
"Maybe it's because I like you."
Hello! Ahhh, I rushed out this chapter as fast as I can, so it probably seems a little rushed as well. Sorry about that!
Again, I really can't thank you all enough for simply reviewing. I want to do a little special shoutout to GreyLady1575 though, I never had anyone say such things about me so I'm really quite touched about what you said! I don't think myself as admirable as I never should've been so irresponsible for my own story in the first place, but thank you for thinking so! But all in all, even simple reviews gets me going. I really appreciate every one of them, long and short. I also appreciate your favourites, follows, really just anything that shows your interest towards this story!
I wanted to get this chapter out by Christmas, but Christmas is already over for me. I know it's probably still Christmas for some of you, so Merry Christmas! And I'm sure I won't be able to get chapter 9 out by new year, so Merry Christmas and have a happy New Year! I apologize in advance if chapter 8 is full of mistakes, it's 4am here and I'm really not in the state of mind to properly correct anything.
As always, thanks for reading!
