#7: When You were Mine

Artist: Tegan and Sara

Santana watched them out of the corner of her eye, wincing as she realized that seeing them together still hurt. Brittany and Artie had been dating for several months now, and Santana was getting used to seeing less of Brittany.

Sometimes Santana would call Brittany up and invite her over, only to be reminded aprubtly of the fact that Brittany was a part of a couple now. Britt would either mumble that she was at Artie's, or ask if Artie could come hang out too. They tried that once, hanging out the three of them. Artie had shot glares at the two of them as they cuddled on the couch, laughing and basically ignoring Artie. He had grown more and more upset, until he finally announced he could see he wasn't welcome and wheeled himself away. Britt had looked at Santana, full of confusion and regret, and then left, chasing after her boyfriend.

To Santana, something was broken that day. Brittany had chosen Artie over her, and that meant that they weren't the same. No more sleepovers, no more kisses in the dark, no more whispers in the middle of the night in Brittany's ear. Now Santana sat in the dark, hearing the rough sounds of Lima Heights Adjacent, knowing that she was truly alone for the first time.

Last night, Santana had been drunk and had called Brittany up to ask her to come over. She'd been really horny, and thinking about Brittany's body had made her so wet. She had almost shrieked when Britt picked up the phone, but her heart dropped when she realized what she was hearing on the other end. Brittany sounded out of breath and was panting slightly. She kept whispering for Artie to be quiet, or to stop that, she was on the phone. Santana's heart shattered in that second, and she hung up, ignoring the calls she was getting from Britt's number. She sat in the dark, in a tight fitting tank and undies, and had cried and cried until she had no more tears. She had shut off her phone, so she wouldn't hear the ringtone that Britt had set for herself.

Finally, she pulled herself out of bed and padded downstairs. Her mother was on a night shift this week, and that meant that Santana had the place to herself. She quickly found her mother's stashed rum bottle, and poured herself a large glass, all while lighting a cigar. Her mother would have dropped dead at the sight of her sitting, drinking rum straight while taking large drags of the cigar in her finger. Brittany would have frowned and told her that it wasn't safe. Santana gritted her teeth, and allowed the alcohol to fuzz her brain, taking the edge off the pain she felt in her heart. But the pain didn't completely go away, and she desperately wracked her brain for something to make it leave her alone. Then she called up Puck, and hooked up with him, hoping that the feeling of him in her would take away any thoughts of Brittany's sweet touches. Puck finished quickly and fell asleep next to her on the bed, and Santana didn't feel anything but hollowness. It had taken away the pain, but left her feeling empty and hollow, void of any emotions at all. The only emotion she felt, deep deep within, under all the layers of numb, was the knowledge that she loved Brittany S Pierce more than anything in the world.

When you were mine,

You were kinda sorta my best friend,

So I was blind

I let you fool around

I never cared

I never was the kind to make a fuss

Then he was there, sleeping in between the two of us

I know that you're going with another guy

I don't care, cuz I love you baby, that's no lie

I love you more than I did when you were mine