The morning of Blaine's first day back at McKinley found the boy standing in front of his mirror. He analyzed his outfit carefully. Thankfully, most of his clothes worked well with accommodating his stiff arm and sling; he was wearing a green button up and a black cardigan, and of course, the sling to support his left arm.
He had started physical therapy two days before, on Monday. Blaine wasn't sure which he preferred. Before, he could barely move or feel his arm, other than the constant throb in his shoulder. Now, there was ever-present pain throughout the entire limb. His physical therapist had explained that they needed to work on mobility and strength building, but Blaine was sure that it was just a fancy way of saying they wanted to torture him some more.
The one good thing in his life at the moment was Kurt. True to his word, the other boy had made sure to schedule time for Skype dates and phone calls with Blaine every day.
Blaine knew he had every right to be nervous about returning to school. His parents had even offered to let him take another week off. But he hated the idea that he was hiding away, once again, from everything bad rather than confronting it.
He grabbed his satchel and slid it on his right shoulder before heading downstairs to meet his mother.
As soon as he stepped through the front door, Blaine knew that every eye was on him. Students and teachers alike weren't even attempting to hide their gapes as he slowly began to walk down the hallway. He shivered nervously and clutched the leather strap of his bag tighter before heading to his locker.
To his immense relief, Sam and Tina were waiting for him.
"Thought you might need a few friendly faces," Sam commented.
"You have no idea. Have you ever wondered what it feels like to be an animal in a zoo? Because I can assure you that it sucks."
His friends laughed sympathetically as they walked toward their first period class. Blaine stopped by the teacher's desk and struggled for a few minutes to pull his homework from his bag before taking his seat. There was a flurry of movement as he turned toward the desks as his classmates pretended to be busy.
This was going to be a long day.
The first big problem that Blaine encountered was when he was walking with Marley and Tina to the cafeteria. When they were about to turn down a hallway, Blaine froze suddenly.
"Blaine?" Tina asked, concern evident in her tone.
"It's stupid," he said quietly, shaking his head. "I just… I can't."
The two girls exchanged confused looks before realizing what Blaine was talking about. Just down the hallway was the still-locked choir room. No one had dared to enter it since the shooting.
"Of course," Marley said.
"We can take the science hallway instead," Tina added. "That'll probably be less crowded for you, anyway."
"I'm sorry," Blaine whispered as the two girls turned him around.
"Don't be, Blaine. No one here is going to judge you for anything."
Blaine couldn't go to glee club after school; he had physical therapy instead. It would continue like this for however long his therapist deemed necessary. His parents had offered to change the appointment time, but Blaine had said no. He didn't want to tell them how scared he was.
Still, everyday at lunch, the other glee members talked about the amazing solo they had planned for him at regionals. He smiled tightly at them, but said nothing.
Kurt was the one who finally realized what was going on.
"Why don't you want to be in glee anymore?" Kurt asked bluntly during one of their skype dates.
"What are you talking about?"
"Well, Sam said that you rarely show up when they have rehearsals planned during the school day, and I know that your parents said you could change your PT so you could make it to glee."
"Who told you that?"
"Cooper. He's really worried about you, Blaine, and he hates that he had to go back to LA before you were better."
"I'm fine, Kurt."
"Really, Blaine? Because the Blaine Anderson that I know could never consider himself anywhere close to 'fine' if he wasn't performing every chance he got."
"Yeah, well, I've changed a bit in the last few months, Kurt."
"Blaine, please. Talk to me. I want to know what's going on in your life. Communication is the key to making this work again."
Those were the magic words.
"I'm scared," Blaine whispered.
"Why, baby?"
"I know it's stupid, but it's just – we were having a glee meeting when – when it happened. I can't even walk past the choir room, did you know that? How am I supposed to stand on a stage and sing my heart out when every second I'm terrified that something is going to happen?"
"Blaine, baby, it's okay to be scared. It's normal to be scared. But the glee club – they're your friends. They want to be there for you, to take care of you and protect you. And I'm worried about you pulling away again."
"I just hate all this attention. And I feel like keeping up with glee will get me more."
"Blaine Anderson hates attention? Who are you and what have you done with my boyfriend?" Kurt asked, trying to alleviate the mood.
"You know what I mean, Kurt. I hate people staring at my arm like I'm some kind of … circus act or something. And I'm afraid that that's all people are ever going to think of me again."
"So show them they're wrong, Blaine. Go downstairs, tell your mom you want to change your PT, go to glee tomorrow, and help them blow the roof off at regionals."
Blaine smiled in spite of himself. "Okay. I love you."
"I love you, too."
Blaine's first glee club rehearsal was just one week before regionals. He tried to convince everyone that he should just sing in the background, that someone who had been there the whole time deserved a solo, but they insisted.
"It's the perfect song for you," Brittany insisted, about Pink's newest single.
Blaine grinned, but still spoke up. "Actually, I have a different idea."
No one in the glee club breathed a word of Blaine's plan for regionals. That wasn't the only secret, however. Despite constantly bemoaning the fact that he couldn't see Blaine, Kurt had already purchased his tickets home. He planned to surprise his boyfriend backstage after regionals and then take him out for a romantic dinner. Both boys were in for surprises when the competition rolled around.
Blaine's arm was slowly healing. He could move it and was allowed to lift very light things with it now, which made his everyday life much easier. He still had to wear it in a sling, of course, but it wasn't as uncomfortable as it had been at first.
The Warblers came to support Blaine at regionals – except Hunter, of course – and they all greeted him backstage before the show.
"Thanks, guys, really," Blaine said, embracing each of his old friends in an awkward one-armed hug, "you have no idea how much you've helped me these past few weeks."
"Anytime," Jeff said.
"Once a Warbler, always a Warbler, right?" Trent added.
Blaine laughed and talked with them for a few more minutes before rejoining the New Directions. They were up last, which Blaine was thankful for, because he didn't think he'd be able to stay in the auditorium much after his performance. He politely cheered for the Unitards and Aural Intensity as they performed, but felt confident that he and his teammates would blow them away.
The first two songs in their set were happy but subdued, filled with all the energy and emotion expected from a New Directions performance, but there was a new depth and truth to their voices.
The lights went down at the end of the second song, and Blaine took a deep breath as he walked to the microphone at center stage.
The spotlight found him a moment later, and he took a deep breath as he began to sing.
"Last day of the rest of my life
I wish I would've known
Cause I didn't kiss my mama goodbye…"
There was a gasp throughout the audience as people began to realize what the song was despite the major rearrangement and, more importantly, who was singing it. Blaine ignored the crowd, and focused instead on forcing the words out of his mouth. This was just as hard - if not harder - than confessing to Kurt that he had cheated all those months ago.
"But who knew that this day wasn't like the rest
Instead of taking a test
I took two to the chest.
Call me blind, but I didn't see it coming
Everybody was running
But I couldn't hear nothing.
Except gun blasts, it happened so fast."
Blaine looked up for the first time, his tear streaked face betraying all his fear to the crowd. One face, one face that he hadn't been expecting, stood out to him more than any other. Kurt.
The rest of the New Directions joined him on stage in time for the chorus.
" We are, we are, the youth of the nation.
We are, we are, the youth of the nation."
There was no choreography, no special New Directions flair. They had only rehearsed the song twice, maybe three times. And that made the performance all the more raw and powerful.
"Who's to blame for the lives that tragedies claim That I feel inside, I'm tired of all the lies I guess that's the way the story goes There's got to be more to life than this
No matter what you say
It don't take away the pain
Don't nobody know why
It's the blind leading the blind
Will it ever make sense
Somebody's got to know
There's got to be more to everything
I thought exists"
Blaine took a deep breath, barely able to force out the last words of the final chorus. He felt a warm hand inside his right, and looked to see Sam smiling at him through the tears. From his left, Tina threaded her arm around his waist.
As one, the group took a breath and sang, "We are, we are, the youth of the nation."
The music ended, and the auditorium was deafeningly silent. Blaine collapsed into Sam's arms seconds before Kurt, the Warblers, and his parents all stood up, tears streaming down their faces, and began to applaud.
When the curtain fell, the applause was still going, but Blaine didn't notice any of that. None of the New Directions did. They huddled together, hugging each other tightly, crying.
"Thank you guys," Blaine whispered.
Kurt tore backstage as soon as the curtain went back down. He was blinded by his tears, but still managed to fight his way back there. When he found the green room, he burst in without a second thought for anything else.
"Blaine," he sobbed, finding his boyfriend surrounded by his teammates.
Blaine let out a strangled sob and ran into Kurt's arms, not caring about his still-tender left shoulder.
"Kurt," he sobbed. "Kurt, I love you. I love you so much."
"I know, Blaine," Kurt consoled. "I love you, too."
The New Directions were announced as the winners of regionals, but Blaine couldn't focus on that. All he could think about was a more important personal victory: His strength had won out over his fear.
fin.
Thanks for reading, everyone! Originally this was just a quick drabble which was why I was posting it here first, and then it just … grew.
Song featured in this chapter is "Youth of the Nation" by P.O.D. I usually try to avoid including copious amounts of lyrics in fics - when I'm reading other fics, I usually just skip them - but this one was too hard to cut. The lyrics - inspired by the 2001 Santana High School shooting (and also Columbine) - are just too powerful. The New Directions perform an acoustic version of the song, a bit softer and more lyrical, but still emotional. The actual song isn't really my preferred kind of music which is why the New Directions rearranged it so much in my story :)
