Thanks for all the replies! I can't say enough how much I appreciate them!
Now, I had some trouble with this one. I wanted something; my muses wanted another thing so I just stood in a middle ground, a little bit of both. Hope you enjoy!
On another note, today is the 10 year anniversary of Owen Hart's premature death, so go and watch a video of him and remember him as one of the best wrestlers of his days! He is still missed =(
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
He sits at my bed, and even though it is my bed now I feel the obligation to remain standing. I don't want to scare him off or something…
"So" He says looking around the mess I have made. "I see you were having a little party here"
I shrug, taking a look at all the cans scattered around. I try to count them, but when I reach to seven I decide to stop, it depresses me. "I would offer you one but I ran out of them…" Well, I drank them all to be more specific.
He nods while biting at his lower lip, his eyes fixed somewhere in the floor. For a while we both remain in silence; me musing on how awkward this whole thing is and he… well, I really don't know what he's thinking.
"Didn't saw you today at the arena, I was looking for you" He says looking up to me.
I blink a couple of times, I'm dumbfounded. So he was looking for me…? The man he didn't want to talk to only three days ago? Why was he looking me for? I clear my throat. "I wasn't feeling so good so I left early"
He nods again. "Look" He scratches his chin for a long while and then takes a deep breath. "I just came here to apologize for what happened. I overreacted and I had no excuse to act the way I did and… well, I'm sorry"
I open my mouth to reply but nothing comes out. This is clearly the highlight of my day… no, I must correct that. This is the highlight of the last past few days. Maybe not everything is lost; maybe there is still hope… at least with him.
I walk to the bed and sit down. I still guard my distance because like I said, I don't want to scare him off.
"No, I should have told you… it was my fault, and you shouldn't have to find out the way you did" Yup, that's just me being me; I'll take all the blame.
He turns to me, his green eyes more lively than they were when I opened that door to find him standing outside. "But still, I shouldn't have reacted like I did, what you do with… the thing is that I have no business in your stuff. What you do is yours business, not mine"
"But I should have told you" I say turning to him too. This is getting nowhere, we can sit here all night long playing this game of who is to blame or we can try to make this work out. I choose to try to work this out; even when my mind is not at its clearest point tonight I know what I have to do.
"You are like a brother to me, and I guess I was afraid of the way you were going to react. I didn't want you to reject me or get disgusted by me"
"Well, I was shocked. I mean, seeing you two making out was something I never expected to see in this lifetime, but I don't think I was disgusted; shocked, yes, disappointed… yes"
"I disappointed you?" I ask in a broken whisper.
He runs his hand along his face before giving me his answer. I'm afraid he will say yes, because I hate to be a disappointment.
"Not of you. I guess I was disappointed with myself, because if two men I consider to be my best friends had to hide something like this from me, then it means that I'm not such a good friend to them…"
"Adam…"
"Let me finish. So I was bummed, I was jealous and I just freaked out. I was afraid that since you and Chris were… together, you were going to dish me and forget all about me and all those silly things one muses about. So I took it all on you because as much as I care about Chris, it was you I was afraid to lose… I mean, you are the brother my mother refused to give me and I'll love no matter what"
I sniff because that's the most beautiful thing he has ever told me and because fucking alcohol makes me teary. I want to give him a hug, but of course I don't.
"Now don't get all sentimental on me Reso" He laughs reaching to me to wipe a tear that had just escaped me.
I laugh it off and wipe at my eyes. I feel like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders, like there is light at the end of the tunnel. "I'm not sentimental" yeah right. "I love you too dude"
He sighs and looks around the room. "So where is Chris? I've always wanted to lecture someone about the risks of dating you"
I grunt and throw myself backwards into the bed. "Well, save it, he's not here"
"Don't tell me he went to buy more beer" He laughs and I wrinkle up my nose.
"No, he went back to his wife"
I can't see his face from here, but his silence tells it all.
"What do you mean he went back to his wife, like in he dumped you?" His tone is severe and I can tell he's getting angry.
"He didn't dump me… it's not like we were dating or anything…" and technically, I am correct. We never said anything about dating; we just allowed things to carry too far.
"Yeah right… and that's why you drained all this beer on your own… God I'm going to find that son of a bitch and kill him"
I feel him starting to stand up and I struggle to sit up and reach out for him to grab him by the arm; I don't want him to go and kill Chris, why would I want that? "It's nothing Adam, really"
He sits back. "I don't know why are you defending him Jay? It's clear that he used you"
I chuckle; I don't want to believe that, he cares about me… he told me so. "I'm not defending him Adam, just forget about it. Tomorrow I'll feel better and everything will go back the way it was, ok?"
But only I know they won't… not without Chris.
He snickers and shakes his head; at least he remains sitting here. "Tomorrow you will have a hell of a hang over, I tell you that"
I laugh because I'm drunk and because I know he speaks the truth. After a while of just staring at me he just laughs along and the tension is off the air. It is just me and Adam, like in the old times when there was no Chris and no Denis and when he didn't had all those divorces under his belt…
I miss those times.
After a while we stop laughing and just get lost in a comfortable silence.
This is really nothing, if I got over Denis I should get over this Chris thing too. The only difference is that after I kicked Denis out of the house I didn't have to deal with her anymore, that's why I pay my lawyer for.
But with Chris is different because I will have to see him every time I go to work, which are more days that I care to count. I will have to see him and pretend it doesn't hurt; I will have to act like if I'm fine while on the inside I'm dying for him to talk to me.
How did I end up so fucked?
"So how was it?" Adam asks taking me out of my trance.
"How was what?" The beer?
"You know… kissing a guy and all that"
Oh no… tell me this is my drunk imagination speaking and that he is not asking me that. I've never been comfortable discussing the intimate aspects of my life, not even when I was with women.
But I should have expected him to ask, he had always been curious like this.
I sigh. I'll go through the safe route, I'll tell him without giving away too much details. "It was ok, I guess. Just like kissing a woman"
He closes the distance between us, sitting close enough for his knees to touch my thighs; I frown and leer at him. "So have you always liked men or is it a phase or something?"
I chuckle. I don't know if it's a phase… I guess it's not, because as I sit here I want nothing more than to be with Chris right now… or maybe it is a phase, I will call it the Chris' phase.
"I don't know… it just kind of happened" I don't want to categorize myself with terms such as gay, straight or bisexual… I'm just a man than happens to like another man… a lot.
"I see…" He bits at his lips, and old habit of his. "Well, will you show me?"
I slowly, very slowly turn my head to him. "Show you what?" I ask in apprehension, I'm not liking this.
"How it's like…" He asks raising his eyebrows.
I'm not getting this, I'm really not. It must be the alcohol. "You want me to show you what it's like what?"
He rolls his eyes. "To kiss a guy, I just want to know what it's like"
I just stare at him, my brain slowly registering what he just asked me. He wants me to kiss him?
I chuckle and run my hand through my hair. This is messed up. "I… I don't know… I already fucked up things with Chris and I don't want to do the same with you"
"So I'm not kissing material… Chris is but I'm not"
God! Do I really deserve all this punishment; am I so bad of a person that you sent me to hell while alive?
"It's not that…" I chuckle again. Doesn't he understand that he's like my brother and I had never kissed a brother of mine! Kissing him would be the closest thing to incest I would ever get.
"Then why won't you?" He asks while giving me the look, the one that always manages to convince me to do about anything.
I sigh. I blame that I'm actually considering doing this to a combination of those eyes with the alcohol. I know I shouldn't do this… "Fine, but just a quick one"
"Ok"
I turn to him and I don't know what feels weirder, he asking me to kiss him or the fact that we are just sitting here, waiting for the other one to take the first step.
"Should I just…" The confidence in his voice is long gone and he makes a gesture with his hand, asking if he should come over to me.
And hell yes he should, he's the one that wanted this. Why doesn't he just kiss me and be over with this.
You know what? Fuck it, if I wait for him we'll be sitting here all night long and probably good part of the morning. I don't have all that time; I have to hit the road early, so I'll take the first step… I know I took it with Chris…
So I lean into him and press my lips to his. It's chaste, is quick and it's safe; I hope it's enough to satisfy his curiosity.
But apparently it is not enough because he had just placed one of his hands at the back of my head to hold my in place, making our lips linger together more than its necessary.
After a while of just pressing his lips to mine, he allows his tongue to escape his mouth to meet mine lips in a slow caress, asking permission to go in. This is wrong in some many ways, and I should just step back and stop this.
I know how messed up this could get.
But I don't stop him; I just part my lips for him so that he can slide in. Hell, I can add this to the list of mistakes I've made while drunk.
And right in he goes!
And as much as I hate to admit it, I'm kind of enjoying this. He was a little hesitant at first, but after he tasted the waters and all he got more comfortable, tasting and exploring as if I'm a delicacy he doesn't want to finish just yet.
The man does know what to do with that tongue, and I'm liking this more than I have a right to.
Chris's kisses were always hungry and full of passion; he always made me crave for more. With Adam is different, he's more tender, something I never expected him to be. His kisses are sweet, full of promises to come.
His tongue explores me slowly but thoroughly while his hand pushes my head even closer to his, deepening the kiss. I can do nothing more than to respond to him.
But I shouldn't; this could get out of control if I don't put an end to it like right now. I don't want this to turn into another friendship gone wrong, I can't risk losing him too, not after I just got him back in good terms.
So I pull back, my breath a bit ragged. I won't lie, I liked it, but he is not Chris, no one would ever be Chris… that thought depresses me.
He pulls back as well, biting on his lips as his hand go up to run along his hair.
"Well… it is kind of like kissing a woman… only if that woman had a beard"
My hand automatically goes up to my chin to rub there. "I guess"
We submerge into another lapse of silence and I try to think on something to say. It's inutile, my mind is blank.
"I guess I better go now" He finally says while getting up to his feet.
I nod.
He walks to the door and before he opens it he turns to me. "And Jay, Chris is a dumbass to let you go"
I look up to him but before I can think of a reply he's gone.
TBC
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Well, my Jericho muse is pissed as hell! But after being so naughty with the Christian muse I think he deserves it ;-p If he behaves nicely I might make it up to him!
