Disclaimer. Not my characters. Albus decided to be awfully chatty and so Fred/George will be next chapter. Don't blame me, blame Albus. Thanks to everyone for reading. Some minor DH spoilers.
Fawkes the Phoenix was attempting to slumber. He was aiming to match the breathing rate of the man that was acting as his living pillow so that they would 'resonate' in order to promote healing, and someone was disturbing them. Therefore, he could not be blamed when he opened one black eye to glare a silent warning. After all, Fawkes had been given an assignment, and unlike other flighty members of the feathered kingdom, Phoenixes never shirked their duties.
"Hush."
He was a Phoenix, who dared to shush him? That indignity caused him to open both eyes. Ah! It was the female that always spoke to Albus, and who had been his mate for several seasons. He heartedly approved of her… but what was her name again?
Minerva
Plus there was the smaller, older male that often whistled to him. It was pleasant that at least one of Albus' companions attempted to appropriately converse with him, plus the small man often had snuck him Phoenix Treats. Not that Albus failed to give him the occasional treats, but for someone that loved sweets as much as Albus did, he was rather... chintzy... with dispensing Fawkes' treats. Not so the little one and Fawkes wholeheartedly approved of the one Albus called Filius. He often spent his free time when he wasn't keeping a protective eye on Albus, listening to Filius' assorted musical groups. Least, Fawkes listened to the more proficient ones, as some of the younger students' attempts at music sounded like bending metal and were far too painful for his sensitive Phoenix ears.
"Fawkes, I'm just covering Severus with a blanket. Do you want to be tucked in also?" Minerva asked.
He dismissively chirruped as her amused tone, and the woman doubtfully looked at Filius. Alas, she had no aptitudes for language!
"Sounded like no to me," he helpfully offered. "A rather offended no, actually. Phoenixes are notorious in maintaining their dignity."
The man beneath him drifted out of his deep sleep, twisted on the couch and moaned. Fawkes gave both humans a very annoyed 'See what you did!' glare and then began softly crooning, trying to lull his patient back to sleep. The boy was experiencing a nightmare regarding something that had happened with Filius. In spite of Fawkes' best attempts at calming, his patient woke and realized Filius was there. For some reason, Minerva stepped out of the boy's view, and she was unfolding an emerald green blanket behind the couch.
"Filius?" Fawkes' patient asked; his voice hoarse. He reached for Filius' hand and clung to it.
"Aye, lad. It's me." The man's voice was almost a croon, suitable for soothing a frightened nestling.
"Had a bad dream... you washed your hands of me..." he whispered.
"Not getting rid of me that easily. Go to sleep, Sev. I'll talk to you later about rescheduling our game."
"We're still playing?" he pleaded hopefully.
"Aye, but I think it's time to teach you Go. I have a spare set somewhere. You'll like it, lots of strategy. The game can be won or lost based on the placement of a single game piece. But that's for later, now you just close your eyes, and sleep. I'll put a temporary ward up so you can sleep. You're too exhausted to safely play with mind charms, lad."
Fawkes' patient nodded his head, and closed his eyes. The Phoenix approvingly crooned as the boy slipped back to sleep.
"Fawkes? Would you mind moving for just a second? I'm setting up a ward."
After the ward was placed, and the green blanket covered his patient just so, Fawkes crawled carefully back into position, ensuring that his talons did not harm his patient.
"Take good care of him, Fawkes," requested Filius.
For some reason the man laughed at Fawkes' glare. How... humiliating!
Albus, being a keen observer of humanity and all its various quirks, quietly watched the scene.
Naturally, Filius had checked on Severus, but Minerva... Minerva was acting distinctively unMinerva-like.
Considering how very well he knew Minerva and her Scottish quirks, and even appropriately discounting the tawdry tale Dolores Umbridge had no doubt distorted beyond all glimmers of reality, he had expected her to storm over to his desk and demand that Severus Snape be taught the decorum expected in a Staff Meeting. No, instead the witch had hovered behind Flitwick, letting him take the lead as they both checked on the boy. She had even conjured a blanket for Severus, a rather protective gesture towards a man whose numerous heated arguments with her were the very stuff of Hogwarts legends.
Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore understood Severus Tobias Snape far better than the boy could ever realize. He comprehended the spiritual cost for a lonely boy to turn his back on friends and the devastating horror of discovering trusted souls were foul and corrupted beyond redemption. Because he had lived through a similar situation after all, and Albus knew the price. It had taken Albus too long to confront his one time friend after he realized the ugly truth about Gellert Grindelwald... and in that time, far too many innocent people had died because he had done nothing.
If he had only been as brave as Severus, perhaps his own life would have been... different.
Perhaps Ariana…. No… he would not allow himself to think of that. He needed his wits about him, needed to be sharp and clear thinking, not sorrowing and maudlin.
But even the bravest man could shatter, especially if his support system was lacking. Albus was growing more and more uneasy about Severus Snape's intense reliance on Filius, and the Hogwarts Head Master disliked the fact that he was the one responsible for that particular dependency.
Having Filius mentor the lad had seemed like a perfect solution to the thorny problem of soothing an understandably worried Hogwarts staff and calming a reformed Death Eater who was the knife's edge of sanity. Filius was composed, not prone to panicking, possessed a good heart and was possibly the only staff member who would be willing to give Severus Snape a fair chance.
And yes, Filius Flitwick had been one of the three staff members currently at Hogwarts who was stronger in magic than Severus Snape.
As Head Master, he wasn't supposed to think like that.
Cold. Calculating. Measuring.
Each student should be accepted on their own merits, and encouraged to excel as much as they were capable of doing. He wasn't supposed to weigh each student's magical strength, estimate their knowledge and willingness to experiment in order to estimate a threat level.
But he did, he had done so and he would continue to do so until he breathed his last. And when Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore weighed and measured Severus Snape's ability, his thirst for knowledge and seasoned it with a deep concern about how fragile the boy's grip on his sanity was, his only choice for the boy's guardian and executioner had been Filius Flitwick.
Because if the boy went mad, and turned on everyone at Hogwarts, Minerva McGonagall didn't possess the sheer cold-blooded pragmatism needed for a Final Strike.
Filius Fitwick did.
And Filius Flitwick having made that terrible decision once before in the bloody corridors of a magic school overrun by insurgents, would not lightly make that choice again. Certainly the decision would not be made in a fit of pique over Severus Snape's irascible nature.
Again, unlike Minerva McGonagall.
During one of their fiery arguments, his brother Aberforth had called him manipulative, accusing him of treating people as though they were chess pieces.
His astute brother was in fact, both quite correct and absolutely incorrect. In some ways, Aberforth was a far better man that Albus could ever hope to be... except for Aberforth's rather bizarre fascination for goats.
Albus Dumbledore did manipulate those around him. Unlike Horace Slughorn, he pulled at strings and pushed at events not to promote his own influence, but towards what he defined as the Greater Good. But his shenanigans and manipulations weren't being done on a chess board with just so many predestined movements. A rook and a knight each had their set ways of moving across the board, and you couldn't change the way they moved, no matter how much you wished.
No, he was playing a game of Go, with each carefully placed stone creating an almost infinitesimal way of winning... or losing everything. The playing board wasn't a mere 19X19 square, but a game board encompassing the entire world.
Each white stone was placed deliberately to counter and contain a black stone that Tom Riddle placed so uncaringly and recklessly. For Albus, each stone was a person, a friend, whose death would weigh on his already heavily burdened conscience. For Tom Riddle, people were merely game pieces to be sacrificed toward the final goal.
And Severus Snape was a gray marker.
In traditional Go, there were no gray playing pieces. They were either white or black, but not so in this game. So much heavily depended on that one gray piece, the boy could be swayed either way, and the entire game would be in turmoil. He had placed the white playing piece for Filius next to the gray marker that represented Severus and so he had hoped that Filius would help Severus develop more alliances... friendships… among the white markers.
Instead, the boy had bonded too strongly with Filius, and Flitwick, still traumatized by Mumbai and seeing in Severus an opportunity to save a student, had not discouraged the relationship.
The white and gray playing pieces were almost completely surrounded by black, and it was highly possible that in a few short moves, both men would be surrounded by the darkness and removed from play.
And now other hidden players were placing their markers on the board.
A pink stone was in play and the effects of Dolores Umbridge were now commencing to ripple across the board. Who was she playing for? Herself? Most certainly! Fudge? Perhaps, but why did he sense the sewer like taint of Tom Riddle in her all too bright smile?
Whenever he studied the mental game board, all he saw was far too few white markers, lost among the black markers. Bloody, bloody hell! They weren't game pieces though, they were people!
Remus Lupin, alone among the werewolves, Hagrid with the giants, Bill Weasley and the goblins.
A few brave, shining souls, all alone in the night.
Harry Potter.
He had turned his back on the boy, hoping to deflect Riddle's growing interest in Harry by his apparent disinterest in Harry. How Albus hoped and prayed that Harry's friends and surrogate family would be enough.
It was time for his move, and Tom was growing impatient with his wool gathering. So regretfully, Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore placed his fingers on the white marker that represented Minerva McGonagall, and slid it toward Filius Flitwick and Severus Snape. It moved her closer to Tom Riddle, yet her presence strengthened the Filius-Severus alliance.
It was... the Unholiest of Trinities, an alignment so full of potential that even he was uncertain of all its possible ramifications.
He looked up when he heard fidgeting and he saw that both Filius and Minerva were in front of his desk. Though to be completely honest, he barely saw the diminutive Flitwick's shock of black hair over his desk.
"Take a seat, please. It is time to talk about important issues, my friends. But first, may I offer you a sherbet lemon?"
It must be his imagination, but when the Instructors took their seats, he believed he heard Tom Riddle cursing as he reviewed the latest game move. And Albus Dumbledore tried hard not to smile, but he knew that he failed.
Your turn, Tom.
"What happened?" Albus questioned. "Feel free to speak. Severus will sleep until I inform Fawkes to wake him."
Neither witch nor wizard said anything, but instead they just glanced at each other, and then looked at Albus. The two of them looked like nothing more than two embarrassed Prefects caught snogging in the corridors and sent to the Head Master's office for the speech about Expected Proper Behavior. So, having had to mouth several decades worth of platitudes about Proper Behavior to teenage miscreants, Albus knew perfectly well how to get them to spill their guts.
He just beatifically smiled, and said not a word.
For good measure, he didn't even endeavor to hide his enjoyment of their discomfort.
One could hear the ticking of his clock in the silence of the room.
Let them focus on the loud, ticking beats... ten...nine...eight...
And they disappointed him not. Between their guilty consciences, the beating of the tell-tale clock and his obvious amusement, the mischief makers always cracked.
Three... two... one...
"It's my fault," Minerva and Filius both said in perfect unison.
Albus peered over his half moon glasses, giving them the mandatory Head Master's stern glare of disapproval before he ruined the effect by chuckling. The two of them DID sound like naughty Prefects! He held up his hand to silence their protestations.
"So far three people have claimed to be at fault for Severus' behavior today, and all three of them are currently in the room. Therefore I feel it behooves me to also state that I am also at fault for Severus' behavior today. "
Filius and Minerva were both utterly startled by that statement, and were not quick enough to school their features otherwise.
"Filius, as of this moment, Severus can no longer frequent the brothels of Knockturn Alley. Do you wish me to tell him?" Albus questioned.
"I will. I'll see if there's something I can do for him…" Filius paused for a moment, intent only on the problem at hand.
Minerva McGonagall giggled. Filius was confused for only a moment by her laughter before he turned pink and nearly fell out of his chair. Luckily, Minerva was blessed with lightning fast reflexes as she saved Filius from a rather nasty and embarrassing fall.
"Minerva McGonagall!" Filius squeaked. He was rather mortified as he had just realized anew that Minerva had a very dirty mind. "You saw what happened in the Staff Room, and you know that I refused him."
Minerva stopped giggling in mid-chuckle and immediately settled down, looking suitably chastened.
Fascinating. Filius had obviously made Minerva privy to the reasons behind part of Severus' unconventional behaviors.
Albus quickly questioned Filius, "Filius? I didn't realize he made you that offer also. You never mentioned it to me."
"Yes," Filius admitted slowly. "He has offered… numerous… times… I refused every single advance, Albus. It is fortunate that you told me about his little idiosyncrasies. The first time I just ignored what he was offering, as I was rather curious how far he'd take it. He went... quite... far... as he was absolutely frantic to get back into my good graces. We discussed the matter in depth, and Severus knows that I will not accept that particular type of apology. It's just every now and then when Severus gets exceedingly rattled or uncertain, he reverts back."
"He's too dependent on you, Filius." Albus stated it as fact, not coloring his comment with any hidden meaning. He would not chastise Filius for the way in which the relationship between the two men had developed.
The Charms Instructor sighed and nodded his head in agreement.
"Yes. He is. But I took him on, willingly, Albus. It's just now... I'm getting old, Albus. I discussed the matter further with Minerva, and I've decided that it won't work with the two of them...But never fear, Albus, I will continue to look after him."
"I have to disagree, Filius," Albus interrupted. "Do you remember what happened the last time he returned from a Dark Revel? You needed help then, Filius, and I wasn't available. You need to bring Minerva into the circle of people Severus must trust."
"What happened?" Minerva questioned. "Was the boy injured?"
Filius shook his head. "No, no, no. It was just I couldn't get him into bed. He was completely out of it, and I couldn't lift him by himself. He ended up sleeping on the floor that night."
"Lift? You tried to physically lift Servus into bed? Why couldn't you use… magic…?" Minerva tried to understand why the diminutive Flitwick, who knew every charm ever created besides inventing most of them, hadn't merely flicked and swished his wand to put the boy to bed. From the looks on the two men's faces, she was missing something painfully obvious.
"When Severus returns from one of his trips, he is tetchy and super sensitive to magic. If you use any magic on him, he instinctively reacts in a defensive manner. The first and only time I used magic on Severus, it was to heal an injury. Severus freaked out and bounced me off the wall. I broke three ribs, Minerva, but I never told him because he had become completely undone in his fear that he had hurt me. It took me hours to calm the boy down. Plus it was my fault; I should have been ready with a counter spell to cushion the impact. It's not easy being his keeper, Min. Constant Vigilance!"
Filius banged his tiny fist on Dumbledore's desk in a fair impersonation of Alastor Moody and Fawkes chirruped a soft warning.
"Oops, too loud. So sorry, Fawkes!"
"Minerva…" Albus began.
"No, you said you'd agree with my decision on this, Albus." Filius interrupted. "I made a mistake; I don't believe that bringing Minerva into this situation will work. Severus is too volatile to be handed off to Minerva like a brightly wrapped Christmas package."
The two men glared at each other. Filius being particularly eagle like in his stare while Albus was being rather Phoenix like in his. The testosterone filled stare down would continue until one of the wizards blinked, and she was damn sure that they had both casted the No Blink Spell.
Men! They were little boys, just with bigger wands!
She waved her hand into the middle of their visual battlefield, deliberately breaking their concentration. Both men rapidly blinked, and turned towards her.
"I'm willing to try, Filius. But you know that Severus and I are not friendly, I just want to know why you originally thought of me."
Filius turned pink even as he said something very quickly and under his breath.
"Beg your pardon?" Minerva questioned.
"I thought it would work… because you're on good terms with all your former lovers, Min." Filius slowly admitted. "Lupin. Moody. Kettleburn, before and after he lost his legs..."
"Kettleburn?" Albus inserted, obvious in wanting confirmation of that particularly tasty tidbit. "Before and after?"
"The women of the faculty had an interesting going away party for Dragomir. Got him drunk and wore him out in bed," Filius patiently explained to a rather incredulous Albus. Counting off on his small fingers, Filius began listing the various women involved, "Aurora, Pomona, Poppy, Charity, Bathsheba, Rolanda…"
"Rolanda?" interrupted Albus.
"Rolanda. Rumor has it that the farewell was her idea," Filius snickered.
"Rolanda Hooch?" Albus repeated, as it was apparent that even the all knowing Albus Dumbledore didn't comprehend everything his staff was doing behind his robes.
"Yes, Rolanda… along with Min and Sybil."
"Sybil Trelawney?" Albus interjected. "Sybil TRELAWNEY?"
Filius Flitwick snapped his fingers at Albus like he was a daydreaming first year, and his tone was brusque. "Yes, Sybil Trelawney is apparently quite the wild cat, Albus as it seems that she likes far more than crystal balls. Now, moving on with the discussion I was attempting to have with Minerva… can you get your mind out of the gutter, Albus? We're discussing Severus Snape, not the rather tawdry sex lives of your female faculty members."
Albus Dumbledore was, for quite possibly for the first time in all of recorded history, at a loss for words. Perhaps it was the mental image of Sybil Trelawney lost in orgasmic rapture that had stilled his tongue, or perhaps, more likely, he was worried that if he spoke again he'd miss the next tawdry tidbit about the Hens of Hogwarts.
"As I was saying, Min, you are on good terms with all your former lovers," Filius explained. "That's not always easy to accomplish."
"You make me sound like a tramp. I don't have that many notches on my bed posts," sniffed Minerva McGonagall.
"No… I never inferred that. It's just that…" Flitwick paused. "You're a healer, Min. Not a physical healer like Poppy is, but spiritually, emotionally, psychically, you ARE a healer. Alastor, Remus, Dragomir, myself? All soul weary and spirit battered men, longing for a little taste of self-peace. You're a balm to men like me. I'm a better man for being your lover for all those years, Min."
Filius and Min turned toward an incredulous Albus and they both stated in unison.
"Yes, Albus, we were lovers for six years and you never noticed."
A rather surprised Albus rubbed his head as that tidbit appeared to be entirely Too Much Information for him to process. After he finished massaging his temples to let that tidbit enter his weary brain, he sighed. Albus looked hesistant when he began to speak.
"That's the reason why you thought of Minerva? That's a very good reason why not to have chosen Minerva. I can say no more."
"Albus, I know how Severus feels about Minerva. I've known for years, Albus. Min's aware also. The issue right now is… Severus knows that Minerva is aware of his feelings toward her. For someone like Severus, who is rather… chary of trusting people, it's an explosive situation," Filius explained.
"That's why he made the comment about the whores," Minerva inserted. "I believe it was directed towards me, as I was not very sympathetic to him when he revealed his true feelings."
"You weren't compassionate?" Albus questioned. "I find that hard to believe, Minerva. Almost as difficult as I find it to believe that Severus willingly mentioned his feelings toward you."
"I pretended that the lad was joking," Minerva explained. It wasn't the complete truth but she wouldn't tell Albus everything. "Don't look at me like that. I truly believed that it would save face, Albus."
The three sat in silence for a bit, each trapped in their own thoughts. At last, Albus broke the silence.
"He'll be waking soon. I'll speak to the three of you then, but I must insist, Filius, that Minerva be brought in as part of Severus' Inner Circle. I do not care what you have to do, Minerva, but I need Severus Snape to have more than just Filius to depend upon."
Minerva opened her mouth to protest, and Albus silenced her with a sharp gesture of his hand.
"The boy should not sleep on the floor, Minerva, just because Filius can not physically put him to bed. The road Severus Snape walks is onerous and full of pain. We need to give him what small kindnesses we can for that random act may make the difference. Small acts of compassion may not seem that much to you, Minerva, but without them, we are no better than Voldemort."
"Filius, I must regretfully ask you to promote this idea to Severus. The time is fast approaching where I may no longer be at Hogwarts. Dolores Umbridge is dangerous, Filius. What will happen to the boy if you're not here, Filius?"
Filius appeared old, weary and defeated, and Albus remembered for the first time in a very long time, how old Filius Flitwick truly was. A very ingenious idea began to formulate in Albus' mind.
"I'll give the two of you a project to work on together, Minerva. It will be for reviewing the current curriculum of the school. No, Filius, you will not sit on the committee. It is long past the time where you need to be present to moderate his behavior. I have every faith that you will handle this situation properly, Minerva. Filius, would you please wake the lad."
For once, Severus Snape was enjoying his dreams. He was young again, free from emotional and physical pain and he was in high spirits. Lily's parents had invited him to tag along with Lily and Petunia as they went to the zoo. It was an exceedingly odd zoo, full of animals both Muggle and Magical. There was even a Phoenix that followed him as he went to the different exhibits. The Phoenix was flying free, and no one seemed to notice it.
Very strange, he thought. One would think that a bright scarlet bird with golden tail feathers would attract some interest in a zoo like this. It must have escaped from one of the displays. After all, Phoenixes weren't common every day birds like ravens, crows and owls.
"Lily? Do you see the bird?" Severus asked. He directly pointed at the showy Phoenix.
The Phoenix gave him a sly wink with one bright black eye, and Severus shook his head. Birds weren't supposed to act like they understood you.
"What bird? I don't see any birds, Sev," Lily informed him. "Let's go look at the griffons, Sev! I'll race you?"
She ran then, and like always, he gave her a head start so she'd win. When Lily won their games, she was very cheerful and he really enjoyed it when Lily was happy. She was his best and well... his only friend, and he wanted to give her something... but letting her win their games was all he could do. After a few moment, he started running, so Lily wouldn't win by THAT much. While he wanted her happy, Severus didn't want to lose too badly.
Behind him, the Phoenix took flight, shadowing his race through the zoo as he tried to catch up with Lily's laughter. Running far too quickly, he turned a corner, slipped and nearly fell arse over tit into a display. A man with an eagle's face and wings stared back with a haughty look. The bird man put down the book he was reading, opened his beak and squawked his annoyance at Severus' clumsiness.
"What are you? I don't remember reading about you in the book by Newt Scamander," Severus asked, with all the single-mindedness of a young child. "You're not supposed to exist if you're not in the book!"
With a long suffering sigh, as though he dealt with far too many children every day that asked the same question, the bird man pointed at the display plate.
GARUDA.
A Garuda is the mortal enemy of Nāgas.
"Garuda? What's a Garuda?" Severus asked. "Well, besides you!"
The bird man opened his mouth, and Severus was surprised when the bird man spoke with the voice of Filius Flitwick.
"Sev? Would you mind waking up?"
Snape woke then, and Filius was smiling down at him. Fawkes gave a happy chirp and crawled off his belly. That explained the Phoenix... he had fallen asleep while scratching Fawkes so naturally he had dreamt about the bird.
"Sleep well, lad? No bad dreams I hope?"
"I had weird dreams, Filius, but they weren't bad. There was a Phoenix…and something called a Garuda," Severus admitted as he sat up and stretched like a cat. He felt remarkably refreshed after his cat nap, as though he had slept for an entire day. "I've never heard of a creature called a Garuda before."
Filius' smile faded slightly, but quickly returned to full force. "Then how did you know it was a Garuda, Sev? If you don't know what one is?"
"The Garuda put down the book he was reading and he pointed at the display plaque. He seemed rather put off that I didn't know what he was."
That response earned an amused chuckle from Filius. Severus arched an eyebrow at Filius, and tried to explain further, knowing and accepting that it sounded quite silly but still trying to explain. "It was a dream, Filius. It's not supposed to make any sense, but he was reading a book and…."
The three House Heads were in front of the Head Master's desk. Filius Flitwick had deliberately taken the middle seat to separate Severus and Minerva. Albus Dumbledore smiled brightly at the three, which just made them even more nervous. It was times like this that Albus rather enjoyed being Head Master, as it was just too pleasurable watching these three proud wizards and witch wiggle in their seats like misbehaving first years.
"The three of you are currently on probation. Dolores Umbridge asked me to speak to the three of you regarding this. I assured her that I would discuss your probationary status with you."
He paused before continuing.
"Know this; I have the utmost faith in you. Your teaching methods are sound, though Severus' has been declared excessively traumatic by last ten graduating classes. There are no other instructors, be they alive or dead, that I would prefer to have teaching our students during these momentous times. I just ask that whatever you do, that you be careful with Dolores Umbridge."
The three of them were straight faced, but their eyes had moved ever so minutely during that last sentence. If someone didn't know them as well as Albus did, that small movement would have gone unnoticed. But he knew them very well, and that uncontrollable jerk screamed that they were up to something.
Merlin's Bloody Beard. The three of them were about to lead the school in an Insurrection against Dolores Jane Umbridge. It did his heart good to know that Dolores was in for a very rough time. Knowing the Unholy Trinity, they would be pretty damn creative in their harassment.
So Albus decided to add for good measure.
"And I don't need to warn you, but whatever you're planning, do not get caught!"
The three of them said not a word; instead all three of them just looked at him with identical mixtures of hurt innocence and confusion that he'd dare think such things bout them.
He was close to laughing, as he had never been prouder of his staff than at that very moment. So Albus quickly turned away from them and stared out the window of his office until he composed himself.
"That is all for you, Filius. You're dismissed. Minerva and Severus, I need to speak to you regarding another issue."
It took a few minutes for Filius to leave as Severus noticed that Flitwick was limping. Only after numerous assurances that he possessed plenty of lumbago potion, did Filius Flitwick manage to escape the room via the floo.
"Now, Severus and Minerva. I have a small project for you to work on together. It will be short and hopefully, relatively painless."
Albus deliberately ignored Severus' muttered comments about having heard that one before.
"I advised Filius that you two will be working on a project regarding the school curriculum. That, alas, is a lie. As you are well aware, Dolores Umbridge only decided to put Filius on probation due to his Goblin ancestors. She was unable to state so directly on his probation papers due to the Anti-Discrimination Act of '63 which ensured Filius Flitwick and others like him are classified as human rather than cross-breeds. We need to remind Dolores Umbridge that while Filius is small of physical stature, he is of legendary standings outside these Halls."
"How are you planning on accomplishing this, Head Master?" Severus purred.
"That's where you two come in," Albus said. "As you two are his closest friends here at Hogwarts, I am quite sure that you will do everything in your power to remind Dolores Umbridge that Filius Flitwick is still a force with which to be reckoned."
Minerva bit back a groan as Albus' eyes were twinkling merrily. That was NEVER a good sign.
"It's Filius' 181st birthday this October 17. You'll be having a surprise tea for him and you will be inviting a few of Filius' close friends to Hogwarts on October 5. It's a Hogsmeade weekend, and that will allow most of the instructors to be free to join the tea. I've prepared a small list of people for you to invite."
He handed both instructors a bundle of parchment. Minerva swallowed and very nonsocial Severus looked physically ill.
"Bloody hell, Albus. This isn't an invitation list, it's a bloody invasion!" Severus yelped.
Minerva had to agree wholeheartedly as she flipped through the parchment.
"There's over a hundred names here, Albus," she protested.
"Then I don't need to remind you that time is of the essence, so you need to immediately start contacting them. You'll need to check each invitees' dietary requirements. Some won't eat meat, others won't eat pork and some… like the Americans… are merely content as long as the beer is cold and the pizza is warm."
Albus paused, inwardly delighting over how flummoxed Minerva and Severus were by this assignment.
Sometimes, it was good to be the Head Master.
He shuddered dramatically.
"Cold beer! What savages!"
