Chapter O8 ; Beneath the Piling Snow
"His birthday is tomorrow, huh?" She is talking to herself again, standing beside the window and gazing out at the courtyard. The students have become accustomed to it, and Rin does not seem to notice herself mumbling throughout class. What she does notice is that the twenty-eighth of January happens to be a certain blonde-haired friend's birthday – and, it is a stretch to call them friends – but she figures it is the perfect opportunity to say "thank you."
So when she breaks for lunch period and all of the students scurry out of the room, she settles down on at that old desk of hers with the squeaky chair and happily eats the crunchy leftovers she baked the night before. (And no, they weren't supposed to be crunchy, but she is still learning so there is nothing wrong with that!)
A sudden knock at the door breaks her out of her daydreaming, and she jerkily snaps to attention, going rigid. "Y-yes?" she stutters at the unexpected visitor, but immediately she finds herself relaxing when she sees that it is acting Heiwajima.
The blonde-haired teenager looks at her blankly before shuffling over to the windows. His feet drag noisily against the floor, and he pauses at the glass panels and sets his hand gently against the window pane. The way he gazes out, wistfully as though he wants to be out there, too, makes Rin curious.
"You never visit me at the classroom," she tells him with a happy smile as she takes the last bite of crunchy rice before setting the empty bento container aside. "Is there something wrong?"
He peers over at her with that bored look of his. "The door to the roof was locked." He says it like it is the most obvious thing – as though, of course he wouldn't come to her classroom if he had any other choice. It is a little disappointing, but Rin supposes that such is Heiwajima's nature.
"You aren't planning to try to smoke in my classroom, are you?" she asks with a pointed glare.
His hand, which seems to be wandering up to the pocket on his vest, where he no doubt has a package of cigarettes, suddenly stops. "Ah... That's right," he says to himself, as though he has forgotten that she doesn't like smoking.
"You should break that habit," she lectures, although she knows he doesn't want to hear it. Then, Rin pauses as she notices him sighing. The brown-haired teacher suddenly smiles wryly to herself. "You haven't eaten lunch, have you? Why don't you go to the cafeteria?"
"So noisy."
And she isn't sure whether he is talking about her or all of the people in the cafeteria. Rin leans back into her chair, crossing her arms in front of her chest. "I heard your birthday is tomorrow."
To this, Shizuo seems genuinely surprised, as those chocolate brown eyes of his eyes widen slightly. "Tomorrow?" he asks, as though he doesn't already know. "Ah, the twenty-eighth... Yeah." And while she expects such an anticlimactic response, he proves even more apathetic toward it than Rin anticipates.
Although she feels awkward asking, Rin ventures the question. "You don't have anything planned... do you?" She tries to frame it as offhandedly as possible – an inquiry spoken out of pure curiosity, not intention – and hopes he doesn't notice her underlying plans.
He stops to think about it for a moment. Does he have any plans? "No," he drawls after several minutes of pondering it, "No plans." Shizuo doesn't seem bothered by this, though – as expected, considering he doesn't even seem the least bit enthralled by the idea that tomorrow is supposed to be his birthday.
"Oh. Well, then, since you aren't busy... Come here after school." She adds a sugary sweet smile at the end, to try to seem extra convincing.
Shizuo, who seems about as perceptive as a brick, just shrugs at her. "Alright."
"Now, then... you should go to the cafeteria and eat. Sitting around a teacher's classroom for the whole lunch period isn't going to get you any food. I already finished all mine." Rin suddenly stands, skirt swaying around her knees as she circles around the desk and motions for Shizuo to leave.
Grunting in acknowledgment, the blonde-haired boy wanders away from the window – dropping his hand away from the glass. He ambles to the door, stuffing his hands into his pockets, and before he leaves, he casts a final glance back at her. "I didn't get detention today."
Rin isn't sure how to interpret this – what he seems to expect her to say in response. But finally she smiles at him. "I'm glad to hear it. Keep yourself out of trouble, Heiwajima."
He bobs his head in a nod before he disappears out into the hallway.
Once he leaves, Rin takes the remaining time to sort through some of the paperwork she has – documenting the "progress" of her students. Some are artistically challenged while others are creatively gifted, and it is this aspect of teaching – helping those who need it and encouraging those who don't – that she loves the most. She busies herself, getting ready for the next class that will come in after lunch, wistfully gazing out the window on occasion.
The day breezes by rather quickly. And it's either because she is in a particularly good mood or the students are just being cooperative, because everything seems to be going nicely. So when the day ends and it is time to pack her things away, Rin is wearing a goofy grin on her face. With a beat in her step, she heads out the door. Since her car is in the shop, she has been relegated to either taking a taxi or walking. (Frankly, the whole taxi bit is a little appealing because then her whole body doesn't ache afterward, but she isn't a penny pincher for nothing.) But for the first time, despite knowing the long walk ahead of her, she nearly skips down the stairs on her way to the bottom story.
It seems – and sure is she is must be – that Shizuo is loitering about the front gate. He seems to be pacing back and forth with a particularly pissed off look on his face. Immediately she wonders if he is getting ready to launch himself into another fight because of the way he seems to be clenching and unclenching his fists at his side.
"Heiwajima!" she calls out to him.
Startled by the sound of her voice, he jolts. There is a momentary look of shock on his face that quickly melts away as he averts his gaze and scratches at the back of his head. "Ah..." He seems to be struggling inwardly to think of what to say.
"Did something happen?" Rin inquires curiously, stopping just short of where he's standing to crane her neck, trying to peer into his eyes. But he keeps avoiding her gaze. "Did you get into another fight after all? I thought you didn't get detention?"
"I didn't," he answers shortly with a frown.
Considering how vague he tends to be, Rin figures she won't get a clear answer by just waiting. So she starts taking guesses. "Did you forget something in school?"
He shakes his head.
"You're not waiting to take someone by surprise are you?"
The question seems to alarm him since his eyes widen suddenly. "What?" he asks, dumbfounded.
"It was a joke, Heiwajima," she tells him with a smile. "Ah! Wait... Could it be that?" Dramatically, the brown-haired teacher slaps her hand over her mouth. "Oh no, no, no... I wouldn't have thought. But that must be it."
He blinks at her quizzically. "What?" he repeats again.
Rubbing her lips together, Rin gives a short nod. "I am really proud of you, Heiwajima," she commends, reaching up at his hulking figure and offering him a pat on the shoulder. "You got yourself a girlfriend, huh? Or, wait... Maybe you haven't confessed yet."
The blonde-haired boy furrows his brows at her. "What are you talking about?"
"Hm, not it either, huh?"
Perhaps exasperated with her poor guessing skills, Shizuo finally says, "I was waiting for you."
Taken aback by this, she blinks rapidly. "Waiting for me?" Rin reiterates questioningly. It seems to be a little redundant, but somehow Shizuo never fails to take her by surprise. His exterior makes him seem gruff and yet on the inside he is anything but. She smiles to herself at the thought. "Was there something you needed?"
"You're walking home."
That doesn't really answer the question precisely, but it is so typical of Shizuo. Rin laughs – giggles is more like it, covering her mouth to try and hide the mirth on her face. "Your communication skills are lacking, Heiwajima. You have to learn be more direct. Otherwise you'll confuse a person."
He seems to take her words into account, forehead crinkling in contemplation. "More direct?" he says questioningly, but then seems to nod his head. "Last time I didn't walk you home. Shinra said I should. So I will." The way he explains is choppy and clumsy but endearingly so.
"That's really out of your way," Rin reminds him. "Anyways, what Shinra meant is that you should walk a girl home – like, after a date. I'm not a girl, Heiwajima, I'm a teacher."
Puzzled at her explanation, he frowns again. "You are a teacher," he agrees, "But you're still a girl."
It feels strange to hear someone say that to her. Maybe it is because of the extra weight or her inability to cook that makes he feel like she isn't a "real girl," but Rin is pretty sure her self-esteem has always been pretty deflated. Hearing Shizuo say that, even though he might be labeled as a delinquent, the fact that he refers to her as a girl brings a bit of relief to her unsteady heart. And she finds herself smiling – but this time, it is more like a sheepish grin. "Is that right? Well, I'm not sure how comfortable I feel hearing that from one of my students."
"I don't take art class," Shizuo protests.
"I'm still your teacher," she argues back. Then Rin pauses for a moment. "Do you dislike art?"
"I don't dislike art," he says quickly, although she isn't sure if he is saying that because it's the truth or because she is an art teacher. (Then again, Shizuo Heiwajima is anything but tactful, so Rin suspects he is being honest.) "I don't have the patience to draw."
Skeptical, Rin shakes her head in disbelief. "I don't think that's true. You may have a short fuse, Heiwajima, but drawing isn't something that requires patience. It just requires a creative mind and persistence. If you can swing a fist at an opponent, you can easily make a brush stroke on canvas. Art does not have to be 'beautiful,' it just has to reflect something with meaning."
This explanation of hers seems to go completely over his head. "Anyways," Shizuo says suddenly, changing the subject, "I'll walk you home."
Even though she is and always has been incredibly stubborn, Rin doesn't protest. Maybe it is because she thinks it is pointless to do so with Shizuo, or maybe it is because she actually feels a bit happy to have someone in her life willing to go so far. "Sorry to impose, but even though it is inconvenient for you, I appreciate it, Heiwajima."
The two begin to walk side-by-side, a little awkwardly, with Shizuo matching her pace so that Rin does not have trouble keeping up. He steals the occasional glance at her, and while she isn't sure if he is trying to seem inconspicuous, she catches his gaze several times. It seems like there is something on his mind, something unspoken. Rin figures that something is bothering him, something he hasn't mentioned, because she is pretty sure there is another reason for his waiting at the gate for her besides walking her home.
The silence is pervasive between them and for once, Shizuo seems displeased by it. Out of the corner of her eye, Rin catches him opening his mouth. And just as she thinks he is about to speak, he purses his lips again and averts his eyes. It is completely unlike Heiwajima and Rin begins formulating ideas in her mind – wild ones, surely – because she is trying to figure out what it is that he has to say before he even speaks his mind.
But it isn't until they are over halfway there that at last blurts something out. "Izaya," the names comes out strangled and the blonde-haired boy seems disgruntled about even speaking the name. "What did he say to you?"
The question seems to come out of nowhere and it takes Rin a few minutes to grasp what it is that Shizuo is getting at. "Oh, you mean before, what he said to me... That bothered me."
He gives an awkward nod. "Is he... Has he been... Nothing strange has happened?" Shizuo seems to be struggling with how to frame his question, though Rin isn't sure why. In fact, contrary to his normally calm demeanor, he seems almost panicky.
"Strange? What do you mean by strange?"
Unsure how to clarify, Shizuo proceeds clumsily with his wording, "Anything. Has he talked to you again? Has he been following you?" Then he pauses to peer around, as though Izaya might somehow have stalked them all this way.
Rin passes off his worries as paranoia. "I'm not sure what you mean," she tells Shizuo with a laugh. "Orihara is certainly an odd ball but he has been as... well, 'normal' in the class as you can get for someone of his nature. But no, he hasn't really talked to me lately. I certainly don't think he has been following me. I take it you don't get along with him, Heiwajima?"
He clicked his tongue. "I hate him." And it was the first time Rin had heard Shizuo use such strong language.
"Well, I won't say he is a very likeable character, but I think that's a bit..."
"You don't know him," Shizuo interrupted solemnly. "Keep your distance."
Although she knows it's a little inappropriate, Rin feels offended by the way Shizuo seems to be commanding her. She knows it is meant protectively, but that is exactly what bugs her. As a teacher, it feels like a direct declaration that Izaya Orihara is someone she can't handle. "Don't be silly," she tells him sternly, trying to suppress the boiling anger at the pit of her stomach. It feels strange, because she has never been particularly angry at Shizuo before, but the sting of hurt she felt moments ago from his words quickly turns.
"He isn't someone you can deal with by talking."
This time, Shizuo's words just worsen the situation. Even though she is supposed to be the older person, the adult, she finds herself disadvantaged. Rin isn't sure whether Shizuo is trying – because he probably isn't – to be condescending, but it certainly seems that way.
"What is that supposed to mean?" she says finally, seething.
Ever the oblivious one, Shizuo does not seem to notice. So he just remains steadfast with his vague suggestions. "Never let yourself be alone with him. Just keep away." Then, suddenly, he stops and says the one thing that Rin has never wanted to hear. "It might be better if you quit."
"Quit?" she echoes in disbelief, stopping suddenly in the midst of the sidewalk. All the oxygen seems to flood out of her chest as her mind goes reeling. Does that mean Shizuo thinks she is a bad teacher? Does he think she is incapable? The world seems to swirl around her. Why does it affect her so much? Why does she care so much about what Shizuo thinks?
"It would be safer that way," he explains, pausing to glance back at her.
Suddenly she clenches her hands into tight fists. "I don't know what you are on about, Heiwajima, but you seem to be under the impression that I am someone who needs protecting. I'm a teacher – I'm an adult. You're just a student. I've lived longer than you have, so I already know all these things. Stop telling me what to do!" At the end, she loses hold of her temper and finds herself bellowing the words at Shizuo.
Much to her surprise, he does not even seem taken aback by the fact that she has blown up at him. The chocolate-eyed teen just stares at her blankly. Then he repeats what he has said before. "You really don't know Izaya." And she can see he his own hands balled up into fists at his sides.
"I don't need you to tell me what I do and don't know, Heiwajima. Orihara is one of my students and however misguided he might be, I won't just abandon someone!" Rin glares at him and promptly stops past, but when he grabs her shoulder to stop her she nearly jolts in surprise.
"Just don't trust him."
Before she can turn around and give him a piece of her mind (again), Shizuo releases her shoulder. Then, although she does not turn her head, she can hear his footsteps that signal that he is leaving. To her, this seems to emphasize that the true object of his "walking her home" excuse was just to issue the unwarranted warning about Izaya. Frustrated that, for even a moment, she had thought that Shizuo genuinely wanted to walk her home, Rin traipses off. She curses under her breath but the tears of frustration well up in her eyes. It doesn't take long for them to spill over but she inwardly denies that she is crying. "I wouldn't cry over something like this," she tries to convince herself.
—
By the time she arrives at school the next morning, there are dark circles beneath her eyes and she feels more like a zombie than a teacher. Rin drags her body up the steps all the way into the classroom and this time she is the last to enter, just before the bell rings. All of the students seem taken aback by her disheveled appearance, but this actually proves to be to her benefit. (Since they too scared to misbehave – for once.)
Once the hour ends (and it goes by fairly quickly) who else but Izaya would decide to stride up to her desk with a pesky smirk on his face. "Sensei," he coos smoothly in that annoying voice of his. Perhaps annoying only because Rin remember him being the focus of her argument with Shizuo – which brings about the reminder that the class is quickly emptying and it will soon be just the two of them.
Her inner alarm goes off, if only because in the back of her mind, she finds herself subconsciously regarding Shizuo's warnings. But stubbornly, Rin suppresses the notion that there is anything dangerous about the person standing in front of her desk. Instead, she looks wearily up at him. "Orihara," she says tersely, "Do you need something?"
"Ahh, you really are in a bad mood."
Whether he is making fun of her or not, Rin isn't sure – nor does she care. "If you don't have something particularly important, Orihara, I ask that you please leave. I need to prepare for the next class. I don't have time to chat right now."
"How about after school?"
That question seems to wake her up to reality because Rin regards Izaya suspiciously. "What is it that you need to talk to me about, Orihara?"
Cunning as a fox, he responds, "You said you didn't want to talk about it right now. So let's speak after school. You have time, right, Sensei?"
The way he says 'sensei' seems less respectful and more like a sarcastic jab. Every alarm in her brain is going off, throwing on the brakes to try and dissuade her from saying yes. She's inwardly searching for any excuse she can to find a way out. After all, it's Shizuo's birthday – although they'd had a fight – it is all the more reason to find an excuse. But the moment she begins to think about Shizuo, she is reminded of the fact that he thinks her incapable of handling Izaya. So that backfires and she finds herself blurting out an answer unwittingly before thinking it over, "Sure, after school." Inwardly she berates herself for agreeing so easily, and at first she wants to take it back but Izaya is already halfway out the door by the time she thinks to renege on her word.
Well into her next class she finds herself having a mental battle in her head – one half of her is admonishing the other for not listening to Shizuo. Her other half is arguing that, as a teacher, she has the responsibility to listen to Izaya no matter the subject of conversation that he brings up.
Unwitting she finds herself looking up the clock. Rin is not sure why, if because lunch is fast approaching and she wonders whether Shizuo will visit the classroom, or if it is because she is dreading the time for school to end because it would mean a conversation with Izaya.
Either way, as much as she wishes she could will time to stand still, it is lunch before she knows it. All of the students flood out of the classroom in a hurry, scrambling off to the cafeteria. Left to her own devices, she paces back and forth behind her desk. Should she go up to the rooftop, she wonders, or would it be better to wait and hope Shizuo comes to see her?
The moment she catches herself worrying about it, she smacks her fist again her head. "Idiot, what's the point?" It's inappropriate to even think about, because they aren't even friends – they are just student and teacher. So why think about it? But then again, there is nothing wrong with being friends. That's right, she convinces herself, because they are like friends, that's why she is upset. Strictly speaking, Shizuo would be her only friend. Aside from her ever-absent fiancee.
But she tries not to think about that as she settles down in her chair and reaches for her bento. Crunchy rice again, although since she is getting used to it, she has to admit that the texture has a certain something special about it. (Or maybe she is just trying to convince herself that the taste isn't so bad because that's indirectly admitting that there is no hope for her in cooking.)
While she slowly (unwillingly) stuffs her face, preoccupied with her own thoughts, she barely notices the door to the classroom sliding open. Ambling in is the ever-somber Shizuo, who makes an immediate beeline for the windows. He, surprisingly, does not even address Rin, even as she gazes over at him, eyes following him until he comes to a stop in front of the large glass panes.
"The rooftop is locked again?" she presumes in a quiet voice, tentative to even speak because the guilt over yesterday is eating her up inside.
He casually shakes his head with a simple, "I don't know."
"You didn't try?" Rin presses on curiously.
"I came here first," Shizuo answers, back still turned to her.
This seems to give the brown-haired woman some measure of comfort because she finds herself smiling again. "About yesterday..." she starts, fully intending to apologizes for blowing up at him. But then he cuts her short.
"Has he talked to you?" Immediately she knows that "he" is Shizuo's way of referring to Izaya.
It is liable to start a fight again if she answers honestly, and she knows it. So despite the knots twisting in the pit of her stomach, Rin lies. "No, he hasn't bothered me at all." And it's strange because she knows there is no reason to lie – because she is an authority figure and there is nothing wrong with talking to Izaya – but there is this sense of foreboding she gets from Shizuo that leaves her unable to speak honestly.
"Ah." His shoulders seem to fall slack as he breathes a sigh, "Good."
"A-Anyways," she stutters, trying not to seem too suspicious. "Since today is your birthday, after school – well, actually, I have something to do after school. But it shouldn't take long. So if you have time, just wait for me, okay?"
He glances over at her with those chocolate brown eyes of his and nods softly, "Okay." There even seems to be a slight crease in his lips, almost as though there is a little bit of a smile working its way up onto his face.
Author's Note: Slow updates are incredibly slow, sorry guys. I hope you enjoyed this chapter and since it's summer (at least it is after this week for me) I will be updating more frequently. At least that's the plan.
Anonymous reviewer - Thank you so much! Really, I can't tell you in words how much it meant to read your review. For a while I had thought that maybe the story or something about my writing was lacking because people didn't seem very interested. I know it is controversial; older woman, student-teacher relationship, added onto the fact that she is chubby. But I really love this story and enjoy writing it. It makes me happy to know that you have you enjoyed it. And your review wasn't lacking in the least - it really motivated me (not that you can tell by my slow updates, but I'm being honest!). So while I don't know who you are, know that I really appreciate the time you took to write that review for me.
