This is a Miller centric chapter. Miller discusses his future in the bunker after his injury.
Nathan fronted up to Kane, and was unsurprised to see Abby waiting as well. Her presence turned his stomach to ice. he had been dreading this. When Kane asked him to sit, he sat right on the edge of the chair, nervous about this meeting. Kane was more formal than he'd seen him before. Abby stood, her arms across her chest.
"Is there a problem, Sir?"
"Dr Griffin would prefer it if you were taken off active duty."
"What?" Cried Miller, leaping to his feet. "You can't do that."
"Sit down, please," said Kane kindly. "We only want what's best for you, son."
"Taking my job away isn't it," he argued. Fear was crawling its way up his spine and clouding his head.
"Miller. There is plenty you can do to be helpful."
"Oh great. As long as I can still be helpful." He didn't know how to be anything else. His father had raised him to be a guard; teaching him in private to use a shock-baton from a young age. He had taken to the guns Bellamy had found immediately. He wanted to protect his home, his people. It was what he'd been raised to do. If his father knew he wasn't doing it…
"Miller," said Kane softly, "your father sacrificed his spot in this bunker to keep you safe."
"Don't you dare," hissed Miller.
"We can't let you get hurt."
"So I sit around being safe. My father was Chief Guard. I can do this job in my sleep." Kane looked down, and his mouth was drawn into a thin line. Miller had never thought about the relationship between his father and Kane. Perhaps it was closer than he'd known.
Abby put a reassuring hand on Kane's shoulder, but spoke to Miller. "We can't risk you reinjuring yourself." Her tone was less soft than Kane's. She spoke with the detached tone of someone sure of winning the argument.
He wouldn't survive in the bunker for five years without his job. It would kill him. He opened the door and stormed through it, slamming it behind him.
Jackson waited on the other side.
"Did you do this?" hissed Miller. He needed to take his frustration out on someone, and he suddenly couldn't stand the look of compassion on Jackson's face. "Did you convince Abby not to clear me for work?"
"Why would I do that?" Jackson seemed bewildered.
"To keep me safe?" Sneered Miller.
"Of course I want to keep you safe. But I didn't make the decision. You're not fit to work, Nate."
Not fit to work? Miller felt like he'd been slapped. He shoved past Jackson and almost ran down the hall before he realised he had no idea where he was going. Jackson, Kane. They were the only people in the bunker that he had anything to do with. The other guards were fine, but he wasn't close to them. Octavia he knew from before, but that came with a capital "B" when it came to Octavia. The girl she was when the 100 landed bore no resemblance to the leader he saw now. In short, he had no one to turn to. He had nowhere to go, except back to his bunk, surrounded by people.
He couldn't go there.
He wandered the hallways, trying to get lost. Jackson hadn't come after him. He couldn't decide if he was glad or not.
He wandered until he found the door to the bunker.
He climbed the steps wearily. He didn't want to admit it, but the pain from his wound was grinding him down.
He sat down on the steps, looking up at the unbreakable steel door that would let him out. In five years. If they survived that long. And if praimfaya hadn't buried them. And if the ground was survivable again in five years. There were no guarantees left.
Soft footsteps sounded behind him.
"I know about Abby's decision," said Octavia.
"I guess you'll have to give my weapons to someone else," said Miller, not turning to look at her.
"You can keep your weapons. How many times did you save my brother's life, Miller?"
"By killing Trikru, your clan."
"The clan that was killing us. And you fought the mountain men. You fought back without even having real weapons. Whether you're Skaikru guard or not, you've earnt your weapons." She sounded sincere, not like Kane trying to make her feel better, or Jackson's compassion, just stating the cold hard facts.
"I don't know what to do here now," he admitted, feeling weak.
"I do," she said bluntly. "You supported me to get rid of guns. I want your support for the peace. You've lost your job to an Azgeda blade. And unless I've misjudged you badly, you'd still rather peace than revenge."
"I do." Small flutterings of hope besieged him. He turned to look at her.
"I want you to be one of my ambassadors. We need to be one Cru. I think you can help."
"You've got Kane for that." The name came out twisted. He hadn't forgiven him.
"I need as many as possible. The clans have made peace with each other before. They will again. They only resist against Skaikru now."
"Jackson said their healers were getting along well." The work with the healers was the only thing Jackson had talked about recently.
"Your boyfriend is naive," said Octavia bluntly.
"My boyfriend?" Miller shivered. Was that what he was? They'd kissed once before he'd been injured and since his injury, nothing.
Octavia shrugged. "Word travels fast when there's nothing to do but talk."
"We haven't really..." Miller sighed. "I don't know what we are. I think I ruined it." His heart tore at the possibility.
"I don't think it would be easy to get rid of the affections of Eric Jackson once you've won them." She sighed sadly. "You're a lucky man." She sounded nostalgic, and Miller knew she was thinking of Lincoln.
Miller remembered her look on her face as Pike put a bullet in Lincoln's brain. He would never judge her for killing Pike, even if it had contributed to losing Brian. She had been entitled to that kill.
"Lincoln was an amazing human, Octavia. I'm... I'm really glad I knew him."
"Thank you."
"And I'm so sorry." She didn't need to ask what for. Both were lost in the past.
"We were so young, then."
"As opposed to the old man and woman we are now," he joked half-heartedly.
"I feel old." She sounded it, too; world-weary.
"Me too." They both laughed shortly, then lapsed into silence. It felt comfortable, but it was soaked in the sadness of nostalgia.
"Even Kane sees me as Heda now," she said, and there was such sorrow in her voice that Miller reached to squeeze her hand. She smiled up at him. "Here, only you seem to remember the girl from under the floor."
"The girl who got to be first on the ground."
"The girl who flirted her way through all the boys from the 100."
"You never flirted with me," he said, feigning hurt.
She laughed. "I'm so sorry."
"You're forgiven."
"Until my brother comes home, you're the only one who doesn't see Heda. Promise me you'll never forget that little girl who saw the promise of Earth."
"I never could. She had quite the impact."
She laughed. "Now go make up with that handsome boyfriend of yours," she said. "Then clear your schedule; I want you in all meetings from now on. You and I will be spending a lot of time together."
He mock saluted. "Yes, ma-am."
