A/N: Thank you guys so much for all the wonderful feedback! It was super motivational (and it made me EXTREMELY HAPPY!) Formatting was a pain in the ass for this one, but I hope you guys like it!


I know you want me too, even if it's not now. I'm gonna wait it out.

But don't you dare forget that moment that we had. I know we both felt it.

I wanna tell you things I'd never tell myself. These secrets hurt like hell.


The rain outside fell sparsely at first, muted and soothing against the wooden deck just outside the window—perfect for a quiet evening in.

The only sounds in the rec room came from the scratching of pencil on paper and the lazy strumming of guitar strings. Every once in a while, a faint string of curses from Leorio would break the atmosphere, but then he'd go back to his paperwork and the process would repeat itself once more.

With a smile, Gon observed Leorio bent over his med school homework before turning back to the guitar—the instrument that Leorio had bought himself in order to 'pick up chicks' but had never bothered to actually learn to play. His fingers danced over the strings, creating a peaceful rhythm to accompany the rain.

When he had first started, he'd been no good at playing the guitar. He wasn't musically inclined, or even remotely close to what one would call 'artistic'. His hands were large and his fingers were calloused. But he had wanted to learn, so he practiced. He practiced every day, sometimes in the morning while he was waiting for Killua to unwillingly roll out of bed, sometimes at night when he had downtime and a moment to himself. He practiced until his fingers bled, until every strum, every note came to him naturally.

Gon lowered his head over his guitar and began to sing in a soft but clear tenor.

You look so wonderful I must confess

I love your hair like that

Like gentle starlight, it frames your face

Brings out the moon in your eyes.

We are surrounded by all of these lies

And people who talk too much

You've got that kind of look in your eyes

As if no one knows anything but us

His shoulders swayed ever so slightly with the rhythm, his eyes closed the whole time though his fingers knew their cue.

And should this be the last thing I see

I want you to know it's enough for me

'Cause all that you are is all that I'll ever need

I'm so in love, so in love

So in love, so in love

You look so beautiful in this light

Your silhouette over me

The way it brings out the blue in your eyes

is the Tenerife Sea.

And all of the voices surroun—

Gon paused abruptly half-verse when he noticed Leorio staring at him with a knowing look on his face. He raised an eyebrow. "What?"

It's not like Leorio had never heard him sing before.

"That's a nice song, Gon. Anyone in particular on your mind?" A teasing smile played at Leorio's lips as he propped an arm up on the back of his chair, adjusting himself so he could better face his friend.

A light blush swept across Gon's cheeks at the implications. "Ah... no."

"You're a terrible liar," Leorio chuckled, shaking his head.

"God, I know. It's a curse," Gon sighed, carding his fingers through his hair. His words sounded like a complaint yet he was smiling—that sweet adoring smile reserved for a special someone, that smile that Leorio would recognize anywhere.

"Are you always thinking about Killua?"

The blunt question had Gon bringing a hand up to hide his burning face. "Is it really that obvious, Leorio?"

It was both amusing and endearing. Classic Gon.

Lips now upturned in a full-fledged grin, the resident doctor leaned back in his chair, fingers interlocking behind his head. "Pshh... were you trying to be subtle? Because... you're not subtle, Gon."

A nervous chuckle came from the thief as he scratched the back of his head sheepishly. "Guess I'm not, huh?"

The two then fell into silence—Gon strumming the guitar idly and gazing at nothing in particular, Leorio observing him carefully.

"So..." After a few moments of contemplative silence, Leorio spoke up again, "When are you going to tell him?"

"I'm not."

Leorio almost fell off his chair. "What?! Why the hell not?"

Gon's lips were pressed into a thin line as he remained in silence.

"Gon?"

He wanted to. God, he wanted to. Holding back felt like torture. He just wanted to take Killua by the shoulders, and look into that face, into those eyes, and just tell himtell him that he loved him. He wanted to hold him, comfort him, kiss him again—like he had back at Indigo, but better—especially because in his mind there was the possibility that Killua actually loved him back.

It couldn't all be in his head, could it?

The stolen glances—he wasn't the only one. Killua was looking at him more lately, particularly when he thought Gon wasn't looking.

The trembling of Killua's hands in his—did Gon make him nervous? Excited? That had never been the case before. Why now?

The trust—because it HAD been trust. Killua had chosen him, of all people, to open up to about Alluka, his best-kept secret, when for years he'd fought to hold it all inside.

His hands on Killua's face. Their foreheads pressed together.

That kiss like lightning.

That kiss that Killua had called 'strictly professional'.

His jaw clenched as he remembered Killua's words. Why?

There had to be a reason.

"Gon. Are you alright?"

Leorio's voice broke him out of his reverie.

Taking a deep breath, Gon finally said, "Killua's dealing with a lot of things right now." Pain, fear, guilt, to name a few. "The last thing he needs right now is to have to deal with my feelings."

Leorio said nothing. He collected his papers and straightened them out before sliding them into a folder that, along with his pencil, made it into his briefcase.

"That's all fine and good, Gon. Just remember..." He slid on his jacket and headed for the door. "What you think Killua needs and what Killua actually needs might not be the same thing."

When Gon didn't respond right away, Leorio pursed his lips. "Well, I'm going out for drinks with Baise and some of the other guys. I'll see ya tomorrow."

Gon barely had time to utter a quick goodbye before the slamming door cued him to his friend's departure. He leaned his head against the couch behind him, staring at the ceiling in thought. He sighed and rubbed his eyes wearily.

And should this be the last thing I see

I want you to know it's enough for me

All that you are is all that I'll ever need.


It was raining harder, Killua noticed as he perched himself on the bay window of his bedroom, forehead pressed against the cool window pane. Outside, gusts of wind tossed the rain in wild vortices and diagonal sheets and everything in between. Midnight blues aimlessly followed the chaotic drops as they drew swirls across the glass.

I can't sleep.

Killua remained unfazed even as the entire sky lit up suddenly—an overture for the roll of thunder that followed soon after. He had other things on his mind...

/Flashback/

He pulled back from Gon's embrace, wiping at his eyes with the back of his hand. His long fringe—longer these days than he usually kept it—had chosen that exact moment to fall into his eyes, if only to capitalize on what was growing to be a very unbecoming moment for him. With a sigh, he moved to brush his bangs out of his face.

"Sorry about tha—" the words caught in his throat as his fingers met warmth—Gon's hand. He froze.

Gon's eyes moved from the long wisp of silver just barely out of his reach to meet the dark blue of Killua's eyes, and suddenly breathing was just a little bit harder.

He had such beautiful eyes—golden and warm like the sun. Of course, because Gon and the sun were one and the same. At least, they were for Killua.

And then Gon finally brushed the strands from Killua's face, his fingers lingering just a bit too much behind Killua's ear, and Killua couldn't help but shiver. His skin tingled where Gon's fingers had made contact, a sensation like he'd never felt before. And even as his partner pulled away, the feeling did not fade. It only intensified.

What was it? Why—

"This is our stop."

Without another word, Gon rose to his feet and headed towards the cabin exit. Feeling helpless, Killua had no choice but to follow.

/Flashback/

He had always gravitated to Gon, that was nothing new. Gon was magnetic and temperamental, charismatic and impulsive, sincere and stubborn. Though he'd tried at first, Killua had never really been able to fight it because being with Gon made him feel alive again in a way he hadn't thought possible. Despite their friends thinking that it was Gon tagging along for the ride, it was really the other way around because Gon was the sun and Killua was the satellite.

But somewhere along the road, something changed. It wasn't just this inexplicable fascination anymore.

Gon broke his rhythm and tore down his walls. He invaded his mind, plagued his thoughts every single moment.

His heart was telling him what he didn't want to hear, what he didn't want to admit.

He was in love with Gon.

He loved him. He wanted him, he wanted everything—his gentle eyes that looked at Killua like he was the only one that mattered, his kind smile that brightened Killua's day even in the worst of times, his warm touch that set fireworks off in the pit of his stomach. He needed Gon desperately, and every part of him was screaming that Gon was there and that he already wanted him; that Gon was already his, and all he had to do was reach out and grasp this opportunity.

But his brain turned this rosy view to a monochromatic shade of gray, dousing the ill-timed sparks that were his feelings. Because, in reality, he was terrified of losing Gon.

He already had a price on his own head. If he were to act on his feelings, he would just be painting a target on Gon—one big obnoxious target with Zhakarov's name on it.

He had already lost Alluka. If he lost Gon, he would have nothing left.

Thunder boomed in the distance seconds before the sky lit up a brilliant white—the lightning answering the thunder's call and snapping Killua out of his thoughts. It was a full-fledged storm out now.

So much for sleep.

He jumped from the window and stepped out into the hallway, careful to close the door quietly behind him. Gon's room was right across from his, and he'd hate to wake him.

He eventually found himself in the training room.

Grabbing a roll of bandages, he began to wrap his hands with practiced efficiency, looping his thumb and wrapping behind the hand—wrist, fingers, knuckles, thumb, knuckles, wrist. He threw a few test punches before turning his attention to one of the punching bags hanging in the room. It was time to play.

He bounced in place for several seconds, arms slack, before unleashing a barrage of quick snapping punches that sent the sand-filled bag reeling backward. He worked on his breathing as he ducked low, swung to the side as if facing an invisible opponent that aimed to knock him out. Soon he fell into a rhythm, all controlled breathing and calculated punches.

'One-two, one-two, one-two-three'

The rhythm was like a chant in his head as he continued pummeling the bag, backing up when it came at him, following it when it swung away. The thoughts that had been plaguing his mind all but dissipated as he separated himself from everything and just focused.

'One-three-two, three-one-two-three-three'

As the sweat began to pour down his body, off came his shirt—he used it as a makeshift towel before tossing it aside. He carried on like this for several minutes, unaware of the figure leaning against the door frame, just watching.


It's 1am. What is he doing...?

Gon wanted to tear his eyes away but couldn't, gaze locked intently on Killua's frame.

Sculpted arms, muscled abdomen, strong shoulders commanded his attention as Killua continued his unrelenting assault on the punching bag. With a cry the ex-assassin flew through the air, releasing a spinning kick that almost snapped the bag from its mount.

He was driven. He was focused. He was magnificent.

Killua's fighting form displayed such beauty and grace, which masked the surprising amount of power behind his blows. Gon loved seeing him like this. This tenacity and dedication were just a part of what made Killua who he was, and just another reason Gon was so in love with him.

And yet, that wasn't why he couldn't stop staring.

Though he'd lived with the ex-assassin for almost six years now, he couldn't recall a single time where he'd seen Killua shirtless and now it was painfully clear why.

Never in his life had Gon seen so many scars.

Killua's body resembled alabaster, but it was far from smooth. A plethora of marks, most faded silver and pink, marred what should have been milky skin. They spanned his chest, stretched across his shoulders, and down his back. Most looked faint and superficial. Some were jagged, with rough edges. And others were raised, the obvious remnants of a merciless whipping.

'I withstood the torture so he wouldn't lay a hand on her.'

Gon's jaw clenched in agony. He should have known. He should have connected the dots, should have figured that the faded, barely-there scars that wrapped around Killua's arms were really a part of something more.

'I faked the pain—he never knew.'

There was no way. There was absolutely no way that Killua hadn't felt the pain.

How could someone do this to a child?

How could someone do this to Killua?

"Killua," the name spilled out of Gon's mouth before he had a chance to stop himself, and he instantly regretted it.

Killua came to a screeching halt mid-punch, tension evident in his shoulders as he realized that he was no longer alone. He swung around, surprise (or was it panic?) etched across his face. "G-Gon! What are you doing here?"

Gon didn't miss how Killua closed himself up, arms folding over his chest in an attempt to hide as much skin as possible. His partner looked around, presumably in search of his discarded shirt.

A lump formed in Gon's throat. Killua was self-conscious, he could tell.

Quick, say something, anything.

"I was about to go to bed when I heard something down here." He watched as Killua finally found his crumpled shirt by the weight racks and tugged it over his head. "Should have known it was you, Killua. Couldn't sleep?"

"Nope... Not sleepy, I guess," Killua gave a shrug, looking much more at ease now that he was hiding behind a layer of fabric.

He wanted to ask. He wanted to talk about it—the scars. But he knew he couldn't push it. Killua trusted him, and that trust was something Gon cherished. Like with his past and Alluka, Killua would come to him when he was ready.

With this thought, Gon grabbed the role of bandages and began wrapping his own hands. He allowed a teasing grin to spread across his lips. "Yeah? I'll tire you out then."

A playful scoff. "Please. You wish you could keep up with me."

Though he appeared confident on the outside, Killua's blood thrummed in his veins. There was just something about being here with Gon, just after coming to terms with his own feelings—it was anxiety, excitement, euphoria all at once.

His heart clenched deep inside his chest. This was quite possibly the worst timing. A wave of vulnerability threatened to overcome him, but he couldn't let it show.

He fell back into a guarding stance, and Gon mimicked him. Silence spread across the room as they sized each other up.

Killua finally dared speak. "You ready?" His tone was surprisingly even.

"You know it," Gon smirked.

Gon attacked first, fists flying at Killua with surprising speed. The ex-assassin rocked side to side, dodging each and every one of the jabs with ease.

A smirk. "Too slow." Killua retaliated, aiming a hard side kick to Gon's stomach.

With a grunt, Gon deflected it and jumped back to avoid the back fist that followed. "I'm just warming up."

He burst into a barrage of hooks and jabs that Killua easily slipped before coming back with a punch of his own. Gon blocked it and came back around with a spinning kick. Killua ducked low, the powerful move grazing his hair. He immediately came up with an uppercut that glanced off Gon's chin—a well-timed jump back his only saving grace. Gon barely had time to recover before Killua's elbow slammed into his chin.

He staggered backward. Though the throbbing pain extended across his jawline, he smiled, brimming with energy. Killua wasn't holding back.

Good, because neither am I.

It had started as just a friendly sparring match. But almost a half hour in, it had escalated to a full-blown fight.

Killua eyed Gon wearily. His shoulders throbbed in painful protest, the tension that filled him bunching up beneath his shoulder blades as he kept his tightly guarded stance. His abdomen still ached from a well-timed kick he'd failed to evade earlier, and he was well aware that wouldn't be the only thing he'd be feeling in the morning.

This was an unusual case. Killua was more experienced in martial arts. He was skilled, careful and, above all, fast. Despite Gon's broader build and superior strength, he had never been able to catch Killua off-guard during training before.

Headstrong, vibrant, breathtaking Gon.

Blue eyes widened as he barely managed to duck a cross straight to the face.

Damn it! You have to focus, Killua.

He released a butterfly kick, but Gon dropped to the side, dodging it by a hair's breadth. And just like that, Killua found himself wide open—and Gon noticed. Taking advantage of the brief opening, Gon spun around and pinned Killua's hands behind his back. Killua cursed under his breath, struggling against the restraint.

He was on fire.

In a desperate attempt, Killua wrenched one arm away from Gon. He twisted violently, freeing himself from the grip, and jumped back. His chest heaved in tune with his erratic breathing.

What is wrong with me?

His head was swimming. His skin tingled everywhere Gon touched and he loved it, he hated it, he craved it.

Fuck. He couldn't keep going like this.

Aiming to get closer, he lunged at Gon before attempting a leg sweep. Gon easily sidestepped. No good. Killua whirled around and swung a kick to where he knew Gon would be. Relief hit him as the kick connected with a solid thud. But that reassurance was short-lived as Gon dropped down, rolled, and grabbed… and Killua found himself immobilized against the wall.

With Gon leaning against his chest, one hand wrapped around his wrist and the other at his throat, Killua was trapped.

They were so close—so close—that Killua could feel Gon's breath, heavy and winded, on his face. The heat radiating between them was almost suffocating, and their light clothing did nothing to stifle the effect. He swallowed hard, very much aware of the fingers pressed against the too-fast pulse in his throat.

"Killua." The serious tone, edged with an unreadable emotion, only fueled the dread that was clawing at Killua's gut. Looking at Gon, he could see fire in those golden eyes although it was veiled by something else.

He desperately needed Gon to get off him. Right now.

"Killua." His name, spoken once more from Gon's lips, carried a sense of urgency that reeled him back in from his wandering thoughts.

"Y-yes?"

"Is there something you want to tell me?"

Gon hadn't wanted to press the issue. He'd told himself time and again that this was not what Killua needed right now. But now he had to know.

It couldn't just be in his head. Killua had been distracted during most of the fight—it was obvious. It was unusual for him to make clumsy mistakes like he had, to leave himself wide open and vulnerable in a situation where Gon could quickly gain the advantage. But that wasn't all.

The goosebumps that formed along Killua's arms when Gon had gripped his wrists—nervous. The sudden, sloppy movements when Killua had broken free from Gon's hold—desperate. And the stares—the stares that lingered just a bit too much.

Was Killua reacting to him? Was it something about Gon?

Oh, he hoped it was.

With his chest pressed against Killua's, Gon could feel the racing of his heart, the trembling of his partner's body against his own. Killua's vibrant blue eyes, wide and crystal-like, were focused on him, only on him.

It's like he was drowning in a state of feverish delirium. He was so dizzy and drunk on Killua—so close—he could lose his damn mind. He couldn't be the only one feeling this way.

He needed to ask.

Do you love me?

It was a gamble. But it was also a chance Gon was now willing to take.

"Killua, do you lo—"

The sound of shattering glass stole his opportunity. He jumped back with a start as all the alarms of the mansion's security system suddenly went haywire.

"What the—" he started, but Killua had already broken out in a sprint toward the adjacent grand room. "Killua!"


Save Your Heart - Jason Reeves

Tenerife Sea - Ed Sheeran (Ari's Killua Version)