Precious people always tell me
That's a step
a step too far
Do you really want to hurt me
Do you really want to make me cry
If it's true
you do not know
This boy loves without a reason
I'm prepared to let you go
If it's love you want from me
Then take it away
Everything is not what you see
It's over today
Culture Club – Do You Really Want To Hurt Me
"How horrible could it have been?" Bella asked, glancing at me with an amused look.
We were in her room, and I was telling her about Jasper taking me skating, while she painted her nails.
I'd been living with him for a couple months, give or take a week, and he'd never taken me anywhere besides school or Rainbow. Until last weekend.
"If we were alone, it wouldn't have been such a drama, but there were people!" I widened my eyes, remembering how embarrassing it had been to fall on my ass every second I dropped Jasper's hand. My ass wasn't happy, either.
"No shit, Edward? People, in December, at the ice rink?"
"Fuck you," I muttered, nudging her hand. She traced a pink line on her big toe, making me laugh.
"Bitch!" she shrieked, quickly grabbing a tissue to wipe the excess of nail polish.
I gasped, clutching at my heart in mock horror. "How you wound me!"
Mrs. Swan chose that moment to knock on her daughter's door, telling her a friend was looking for her.
"What friend? I'm right here!" I found myself talking, slightly hurt. Obviously, she was allowed to have other friends, but I had no idea she actually had other friends besides me.
Bella rolled her eyes. "Send him in," she answered to her mom.
Mrs. Swan smiled at me, as if saying You're still her best friend, before leaving. I bet she suspected I wasn't more than her daughter's friend, hence her allowing me in her room, and even to sleep in here when I spent the night.
"Did you get a hot boyfriend?" I demanded the second we were alone.
"I could have died and you wouldn't have noticed," she said mournfully. "All you care about these days is Jasper."
"Not true."
She gave me skeptic look, but before she could reply, Alec appeared in the doorway of her room, looking slightly embarrassed. Mrs. Swan had caused another victim to her embarrassing comments. I felt for him.
We hadn't talked much during our shared class, and at lunch, I made it a custom to meet Jasper at the small coffee shop across the street. He always cleared his schedule for me, and when he couldn't make it, Riley joined me.
I befriended Riley quickly, and learned a lot about what he did for a living, about his disease, and what his dreams were.
Maybe Bella was right. I hadn't spent much time with her, but I was making up for it now. Jasper was away at a conference, and even though Riley offered to keep me company, I declined. I missed my best friend.
Though, seeing Alec there, I realized she'd become friends with him in my absence.
"I'm here for the book you promised to lend me," he said in a small voice.
"Hi, Alec!" I waved.
"Hi." He stared at his socked feet.
Bella glared at me, and I remembered the guy had a crush on me. I decided to ignore the fact he liked me. It would make it awkward.
"Can you give him A Christmas Carol? It's in my bookcase."
I nodded, and jumped off the bed. "You can come in and close the door, or are you leaving already?" I asked, grabbing the book and handing it to him.
Our English teacher had told us to read it and write an essay on it for after the break; which started five hours ago.
"I guess I can stay for a while. If it's okay…"
"Sure. I'm done." Bella beamed at him, capping the small bottle of pink nail polish. "Your turn?" She winked at me.
I scowled, throwing myself back on the bed at her feet. "Honey, gay doesn't mean feminine—not for all of us."
"You suck." She pouted.
"I hear I'm pretty good at it."
Rolling onto my back, I caught Alec's eyes from my upside-down position. He turned red at my comment.
"So, you heard about the party?" Bella asked, ignoring my stupid statement. "We should all go."
"When is it?" Alec glanced at her.
"Tonight. At Jake's house."
"Jake…as in Jacob Black, the jock?" I snorted.
"He's not that bad."
"Whatever. Don't come crying to me when he breaks your heart."
"Funny, I told you the same thing about Jasper not so long ago."
"And it didn't happen."
"No shit? What about him sleeping around with you down the hall?" She raised an eyebrow in challenge.
"We have an open sort of relationship."
"Yeah, right. I always know when it happens, because your eyes are red in the morning."
"He's cheating on you and you're still with him?" Alec was incredulous, having paid close attention to my quarrel with Bella.
"I like to think he's not cheating. It's under my nose, so it's better than if it was behind my back." I shrugged. "You coming with us to the party?" I asked Alec, changing the subject.
They wouldn't understand why I stuck with Jasper. I truly hoped he'd change one of these days.
"If we have time to run back to my place. I'm not dressed for a party."
I waved a hand around. "No one will care. I'm going like this." I pointed to my jeans and sweater.
OoO
We arrived when the party was in full swing.
Bella immediately left in search of Black, and Alec and I stuck together, drinking beer.
Half an hour into the party, I was bored, and tired of pretending not to hear everyone talking about me. They were pointing to where Alec and I were leaning against a wall, drinking and talking.
"Wanna get out of here?" I caught Alec's eye.
He nodded quickly, relieved to get out of the house. I grabbed him by the wrist and led the way outside, not even stopping to say goodbye to Bella, who had found Jacob Black.
"What now?" Alec asked as we walked down the street.
"Ever been to Rainbow?"
"Uh, not sure what that is."
I turned to stare at him in surprise. "I thought you were gay, too."
"That doesn't mean I frequent clubs."
"So you know it's a club," I said, smirking.
"I overheard you talking to Bella and she mentioned it to me."
"Want to go?" I hadn't been there in over a week. I missed the club scene.
"Why not? Are we allowed inside?"
I winked, wrapping my arm around his shoulders. "Of course."
A short cab ride later, we were inside Rainbow. A Cindy Lauper song I absolutely loved was playing, so I immediately dragged Alec to the dance floor. He surprised me with his dancing skills.
A shy smile appeared on his face when I caught his eye, after a slow dunk he executed impeccably.
We danced until we were sweaty, and decided to take a break and have a drink.
I ordered a Cosmopolitan, since Riley had me hooked on girly drinks. I didn't drink them all the time, but when I did, it didn't make me feel any different, especially when Jasper or Peter laughed at me. So what if I liked sweet shit?
Alec kept denying me, until I threatened to never bring him here if he didn't at least take a sip and see if he liked it. Obviously, his eyes lit up when he tasted the drink.
I spent most of the cash Jasper had given me, for food at school, on drinks. I couldn't even feel bad; we were having fun.
As the night wore on, we kept dancing and drinking various cocktails. The effects of alcohol were visible on both of us, but I didn't really care. I was having fun. There was no one to take the drink from my hand and push a bottle of water my way, fixating me with icy blue eyes.
When I thought I noticed Peter in the crowd, I told Alec we should go. I didn't want Jasper's friends seeing me there with another guy. I could only guess what they'd tell him, but it wasn't like he was a saint. Though, I had morals.
Slightly drunk and a lot unstable, we stumbled to the main street and hailed a cab. Without thinking, I gave the man Jasper's address.
Somehow, during the ride, something changed between us. Alec swayed, humming along with the tunes on the radio, and our knees kept bumping. He was so warm, and he smelt good. I tried to shove that thought away, but it continued to resurface.
When we arrived at our destination, I paid the cabbie and walked to the front door. It took me a few tries to unlock it, but I managed. Once inside, I punched the code in the alarm and went to Jasper's liquor cabinet.
"We have Jack, Tequila, and Cointreau," I ticked off the bottles to Alec.
"Won't your parents be upset?" he slurred, and flopped down on the couch.
"What parents? I live with Jasper." I grinned at him, grabbing the Tequila bottle. "I've always wanted to try body shots."
Alec turned green.
"Are you going to throw up? Bathroom's down the hall."
"Why am I here? Why are you hurting me, Edward?"
"I want to have a good time," I answered honestly, not understanding his words. How was I hurting him?
I showed him the bottle in my hand. "Come." Taking his hand, I went to the kitchen. "Don't worry. We're alone. Besides, I doubt Jasper will care. He fucks around all the time."
"I don't want to be another fuck. I'm not that drunk." He sounded wounded.
"Can be arranged," I teased, uncapping the Tequila bottle.
"I'm serious, Edward."
Sighing tiredly, I turned to face Alec. He looked devastated, his blue eyes swimming with tears.
Seeing him like that, made me realize I'd always liked him, probably more than a friend or acquaintance or whatever we were.
"I want you, Alec." It wasn't a lie. He was good-looking, and ever since he showed interest in me, I was curious.
Jasper had pushed me to explore around—tonight was the night.
"Really?" He sounded shocked.
"Yep."
He surprised me by taking his shirt off and throwing it away. "Body shots mean I have to be undressed, right?" He gave me a dimpled smile, and my heart stuttered.
"Right." Grabbing half a lemon from the fridge, and the salt shaker, I pointed to the table.
Alec hopped on top of it, still smiling. He truly had a special, sweet smile. If I didn't love Jasper, I could see myself falling for Alec. He was totally my type.
I had no idea in which order I had to do the shots, so I started by licking a trail of salt from his abdomen, then sucked on the lemon before drinking a healthy gulp from the bottle. I immediately felt the alcohol burning down my throat on its way to my stomach.
Repeating the process a few times made me dizzy, so we switched roles. As I lay on top of the table, I started laughing hysterically, for no apparent reason. The room was spinning, and three of Alec leaned over me. His warm mouth pressed against mine. I kissed him back, moaning. He tasted of the Bloody Mary he last had at Rainbow.
After minutes, hours, I had no idea, we went upstairs.
I fumbled through Jasper's top drawer for everything we needed, before pushing Alec on the bed. I covered his body with mine, continuing where we had left off downstairs. Kissing his plump lips was addicting. Whenever I caught his lower lip between my teeth, he made a soft keening sound in the back of his throat. It went straight to my dick.
I kissed up and down his neck, licked his ear, bit his collarbone, and sucked at his nipples, leaving a spit line down his chest until I reached his underwear. Most of our clothes were scattered on the stairs as we had undressed on the way up.
Taking his boxers off, I put him in my mouth, sucking hard. He had an average kinda dick—medium sized and slightly thicker that Jasper's. I could fit him all in my mouth without gagging. He loved the blow job so much, that two minutes later he came down my throat.
"I'm sorry," he mumbled.
"Have you done this before?" I glanced at him, suddenly apprehensive.
"No. Do you top?"
"It will be a first for both of us." I grinned, leaning over him to catch his lips in another kiss.
I took my time lubing him up, as best as I could in my inebriated state. Once he was hard again and leaking, I guessed my job was done right.
Rolling a condom on my dick and coating it in lube, I inched closer to his hole. My brain cleared minutely as I focused on his face. I didn't want to hurt him.
My eyes widened the moment I pushed past the ring of muscles. He was so tight. Fuck. I had no term of comparison, but I knew in that moment why Jasper loved being a top. If I felt anything like this, I could understand why he kept coming back for more.
Alec cringed, clutching at my shoulder. I slid further in until I was all the way inside him. He blew a deep breath.
"Okay?"
"Go slowly."
"Sure." I kissed a spot behind his ear before withdrawing almost all the way out, only to push back in. The motion made my stomach muscles coil up further and my balls to tighten. I was going to come so hard—like never before.
I managed only three jerks of my hips before I exploded, a second after Alec. When he came, his ass muscles clamped down on my cock, taking me with him.
I had enough energy to take the condom off, before collapsing back on the bed next to Alec. He rolled on top of me, hugging me and peppering kisses on my chest.
All the drinking and the powerful orgasm left me exhausted. I fell asleep quickly, with Alec stroking my hair, which put me into a deep, restful sleep.
I was brutally woken up by a pair of strong hands pulling me into a vertical position. It gave me whiplash, and my stomach revolted.
Jasper looked furious. He pulled me out of the room, thrusting a pair of clean underwear at me.
"You fucking piece of shit!"
I eyed him, worried. I vaguely remembered last night. I'd gone to Black's party with Bella and Alec, then I left with Alec and hit Rainbow, then… oh, fuck.
"Have you lost your fucking mind?" Jasper shouted.
I leaned against the hallway's wall for support, willing my stomach to settle and my head to stop pounding.
"Aren't you going to say anything? Did you drink yourself stupid? Fucked your brains out on my bed?"
"I'm sorry," I whispered, shame washing over me. It only worsened the feeling in my stomach.
"I'm taking you to your parents after we take the other kid home. I don't want to see you ever again!"
It was too much for how I felt. I couldn't take it, so I burst in tears, flinging myself at him.
"Jasper, please. No. I was an idiot."
"Yes, you were. You have serious issues, Edward. I can't help you."
"I'm not crazy!"
"My branch of specialty is psychology, not psychiatry. People mix them up all the time."
"I don't need you professionally. I just need you." I sounded pathetic, even to my own ears.
"Oh, I can tell. The second I left town, you went to another." His cold blue eyes glared daggers at me.
"You're such a hypocrite! You always fuck around, but I'm not allowed?"
"Not in my house! Not in my fucking bed!"
My stomach did a somersault, and I cupped my hands to my mouth.
"But don't worry. You can fuck him all you want in your room back at Mommy and Daddy's house. I don't give a shit."
"I'm sick," I grunted, trying not to vomit.
"Yes, what you did makes me sick, too."
"No. I don't feel well," I mumbled.
Jasper eyed me worried. Before he could do or say anything, I bent over and emptied my stomach all over his feet.
"Jesus. How much did you drink?" He wrapped his arm around my shoulders. I leaned into him, feeling woozy.
He walked me to his bathroom. On the way, I noticed Alec was awake, sitting on top of the bed. It made me feel worse.
After a shower, where Jasper helped me, and throwing up once again—in the toilet this time—I managed to get dressed. I sat on the couch with Alec, waiting for Jasper to change his clothes.
Alec didn't acknowledge me, sitting on the other side of the couch, arms folded across his chest.
I had my bags at my feet. This was it. Jasper was kicking me out.
I didn't want to go back to my parents. Apparently, I wasn't allowed to have fun with others like Jasper. It was my fault for doing it on his bed, and not in the guest bedroom, but I doubted that would have changed anything. Me sleeping around was the last straw for Jasper's insecurities.
If he allowed me inside his walls, I'd help with his trust issues. I knew I could make him trust me and show me how much he cared. Maybe in time, I'd have been able to make him love me back, because he was capable of love. I'd seen the way he treated Riley and Peter, and even me. Jasper wasn't aware what some of his actions meant.
But it was all wishful thinking considering I lost the little trust I had gained in the months we spent together. I lost him.
When Jasper joined us, he had fresh clothes on and looked tired. I idly wondered why he was back so early. None of this would have happened if he'd returned later tonight, as scheduled.
After dropping Alec home, we drove to my house.
"Can you answer me one question?"
He shrugged, parking in front of my driveway.
"Why are you back early?"
"You really want to know?" He eyed me skeptically.
I was apprehensive.
"Pete called and told me you were at Rainbow with a friend, and you were both drunk. I was worried, so I took the first plane back. Besides, I missed you, Pretty Boy."
"Forgive me." I sobbed. "Let's go back to your place."
"No. I knew you'd find someone your age. It was a mistake to lead you on for so long."
I huffed. "Alec hates me right now. I want you—only you. Can't you understand that, Jasper?"
"Edward, go to your family. Alec will forgive you. He likes you. What's there not to like?"
"So you like me, too?"
Jasper pulled something from his jacket pocket. "I got you this. I thought of you when I saw it."
I took the small folded paper from him. It contained something long, thin, and hard.
"Open it inside," he instructed.
He helped me take my things out of his car. Before I could do the walk of shame toward the front door, he grabbed my hand.
Pecking my lips, he stared at me sadly. "Goodbye, Pretty Boy."
I was going to miss being called that.
I dropped my bags and threw my arms around his neck, kissing him deeper. "I love you."
Jasper sucked in a breath, pulling away and staring at me, paralyzed. When he regained his senses, he walked to his car, slid in, and drove away.
I stared after him dumbly, with tears rolling down my cheeks. He didn't love me.
Mom was exhilarated to see me back. She thought I was crying tears of happiness.
I let Dad believe I was over the phase of being gay.
I didn't have enough strength to talk to them, so I locked myself in my room and sobbed into my pillow until I fell asleep.
Be gentle with me :) All I can promise is that things will get better. You know me. I'm a sucker for HEAs.
This had to happen. Though, I'm curious on whose side you are. Let me know.
See you on Wednesday for the teaser and on Sunday for the update.
