I own no part of SON. The song from the last chapter was most of "Look After You" by The Fray. Awesome song you should check it out if you haven't heard it.

SoNFANFOREVER: Thank you so much. I'm really glad you've followed this story and continued to enjoy it.

Neverwithdraw: Thanks for the review and I'm glad you liked the last chapter so much!

lalalalee: Why thank you for pausing to review the story and you're going to make me blush if you keep talking like that.

thefrick: I'm very sorry to hear you were having a bad day but I am glad that my writing helped. It's very nice to know this story could be making a difference.

Coachkimm: Yes I figured it was time for Spence to have a day of happiness. Thanks for reviewing again!

I stay in bed listening to the insistent rain on the roof of our apartment building. Thinking of the day I spent earlier this week with Ashley causes the slightest of smiles to grace my face. It's been a long week and it is only Thursday. For the past hour Becky has been trying to get be out from under the blankets.

"Come on Spence just come out and eat something at least."

"Not hungry. Go away."

Over the past few days I've been hit all of a sudden of reminders of those I've lost. Monday I stumbled upon a shirt Aiden had left here, I haven't taken it off since. Wednesday I found a letter written to me from my parents, I haven't set it down since. The darkness I knew was coming consumed me fully last night. I cried and cried until I threw up, puking until I passed out in the bathroom. Becky had to carry me back to my bed last night and I haven't moved since she set me down. I can hear the desperation in her voice and the worry but I don't care. They're all gone, they just left me here to try and fend for myself. The anger causes me to burrow even deeper into the nest I've built inside my bed.

"Fine Spencer you leave me no other choice."

I hear Becky walk away but I have no idea what her words mean nor do I really care at this point. I watch the rain fall down my window and I'm thrown back in time about a year ago…

"SPENCE! Stop running babe come on!"

I run through the rain back to my dorm. I can't believe Aiden would do this to me! I feel his strong hand grab my wrist and spin me back around.

"You asshole!"

I slap him as hard as I can right across the face. When he looks at me once again the undeniable grief in his eyes makes me stop my leg from kicking him in the balls.

"Spence," he caresses my cheek, "baby she kissed me. You didn't even get to see me push her off me you took off so fast."

The tears are still running down my face and my soaking wet clothes cling tightly to my body.

"Aiden you shouldn't have even given her the opportunity to kiss you. I asked one thing of you and that was just to stay away from her."

I had caught this slut from our college kissing him at the party tonight.

"Yeah she kissed me but I felt nothing. You know what happens when you kiss me? Even after four years? My heart soars, I feel invincible, and I feel more alive in that moment then any other."

I stare into his eyes and see nothing but love shining back at me. And then in the pouring rain I kiss him forcefully, feeling more alive then ever before…

I'm brought out of my memories by what sounds like the fucking SWAT team kicking down my door. I startle into the sitting position and gawk at a soaking wet Ashley Davies.

"What the hell are you doing here?"

She takes a purposeful step forward and shakes the water out of her eyes.

"Well I was looking for my friend Spencer but all I see is some girl feeling sorry for herself."

She throws the words in my face with a callous tone in her voice. Why is she doing this? I thought she wanted to help me? I stand up from my bed and get right up in her face.

"You have NO fucking right to talk to me like that! Get out of here."

I shove her a few feet back with both my hands. She stumbles back and hits the wall.

"Wow it's nice to see some fight in there Carlin. There is a person in that shell, isn't there?"

She steps back into my space and gives me a shove. What the fuck? A growl escapes my throat and I full on tackle her to the ground. We land with a thud on my floor, her on her back and me on top of her. I pin her wrists to her sides and straddle her waist.

"Leave me alone Davies! I didn't ask for this from you."

"No you didn't but your best friend called me bawling saying that you were on the brink of destroying yourself again. Someone had to come and pull you back! You can't keep doing this to yourself and the people that care about you."

I stand and get off of her, sitting on the edge of my bed. I let a small, cynical laugh escape me.

"There is no one left to care about me. They're all dead."

She sits down next to me and lays her hand on my shoulder but I shrug it off.

"Spencer can't you see how much Becky cares, how much I care?"

Tears are rolling down my face but not because I feel bad about how I'm acting towards these two women. It's because I don't feel bad, just numb.

"Just go."

The words come out as a whisper and Ashley looks at me with eyes full of pain.

"Please Spencer let me in there."

She's practically begging with me but I want nothing to do with her and her bewitching eyes today.

"I said go."

She sighs and leaves my room, softly closing the door behind her. I tunnel myself back under the blankets and can hear muffled conversation from outside my door. Tears start running down my face as Aiden's old cologne surrounds my senses in my little cocoon. I have no idea how much time has passed since Ashley came in, when I hear my door squeak open. I feel someone lay down next to me and wrap their arms around me. I turn on my side to see them and I'm met with warm chocolate eyes.

"You're not alone Spencer. I'm right here."

I can feel the hot tears leaving a trail down my cheeks at her words. She sounds so sincere and I want so bad to believe her.

"I don't want to be like this anymore. There's too much pain."

She pulls me closer and I sob into her shoulder, my whole body shaking.

"Shh Spence it'll be ok someday, I promise."

I lift my head from the crook of her neck and stare into her eyes, eyes that are promising me so much.

"Ashley I can't do this alone and it won't be easy. I don't wanna drag you down with me."

I'm surprised by the honesty in my voice and the raw pain I can feel in my chest. She kisses the top of my head.

"I told you I'm here and I mean it."

"There's going to be days worse then this."

I'm warning her now because if she commits to helping me and she leaves, I'm sure I'll die.

"And when those days come, I'll be right here, holding you."

The glint in her eye and the determination in her voice placate me. I allow her strong arms to cradle me until darkness surrounds me once again.

The sounds of light snores rouse me from my sleep and I then realize there's a body lying practically on top of me. I try to gently push the offending mass on top of me but it only clings on tighter. Ugh I really need to pee and I can't move. I lift my head up and look around my room trying to find anything that might help me. Nothing. Crap. I poke her in the ribs lightly and she squirms. Ok she's a little ticklish. I do it again and then again until she turns over on her side, mumbling in her sleep. It's so innocent and adorable that I have to hold in the 'awww" I want to release. I go to the bathroom and enter my room again to retrieve a hoodie when Ashley starts muttering something about flying monkeys in her sleep. I tuck the covers further around Ashley's slightly, shivering form. I close the door quietly as I make my way into the living room, only to find Becky sniffling over a picture frame. It pains me to see her this way, this strong and independent woman seemingly in shambles because of me. I walk up behind her and place a hand on her shoulder. She doesn't startle or turn to look at me.

"I want the girl from this photo back. I don't know if I can keep doing this. I lost him too you know?"

I had actually met Aiden through Becky; they had been friends and neighbors all of their lives. I've been selfish to think I was the only one who lost someone they loved.

"I know Becky."

She sets the picture down and I notice it's the one of us embracing on my 18th birthday; we were all smiles that night.

"Not only did I lose him, I lost you too. That's what has made this even harder, I lost you too."

I sit down next to her and cradle my head in my hands. I have no idea what to say to her. It wouldn't be fair to either of us for me to promise it'll be ok, to promise this is the worst it will ever get. I grab her hand and squeeze lightly.

"Becks I-"

"And you know what is just crazy to me right now?"

She looks at me as if awaiting an answer but all I can do is shake my head.

"A girl we barely know seems to help you more then I ever could."

She sounds so distraught, so tortured and ready to just give up.

"No Becky that is not even it. She is helping me now and I have no idea why or how but she's helping now. Who's been there since I was 13? Who held me after my parents died? Who kept me alive after Aiden died? You. You did Becky, not her. Yes I barely know her but let her help us both now. We've been carrying the burdens too long by ourselves, let her heal us."

Becky nods slowly seeing the truth in my tear filled eyes. I throw my arms around her body and pull her to me. She squeezes back tightly and I remember why I love this girl. We have been through hell and back. She's seen my shit and I've seen hers and we're still here.

"Wow you two are just too cute."

We pull back to spot a smirking Ashley leaning against the kitchen counter. Her hair is tousled and her eyes are still slightly lidded with sleep but she's just glowing. I smile softly at her and she tilts her head adorably at me.

"Who's hungry?"

Ashley and I both raise our hands at Becky's question and it's decided that a pizza should be delivered. Ashley and I argue over sausage or pepperoni and finally decide on half of each. I can feel Becky's eyes on us as we argue and I know this jealousy issue about Ashley isn't over.

"Hey Becky play ya in Mario Kart?"

I throw a N64 controller at her and start up the game. We play God knows how many races before Becky excuses herself for a smoke. Once she's gone I sit Ashley down on the couch.

"Thank you, again."

She smiles a crooked smile at me and grabs my hand.

"Spencer I meant every word I said. I won't leave you."

"Promise?"

My voice betrays me and cracks over that one word. She intertwines our fingers and kisses the top of my hand.

"I promise."

I stare into her eyes and see the truth in her promise. I bring my other hand up to her cheek, stroking the soft skin there. She turns her face into my touch and kisses my palm. In this moment I see how beautiful she is. Her big, soft eyes and full lips and I have a sudden urge to feel them on mine. She sees me staring at her lips and breaks all contact from me.

"Well I should get home."

I just sit on the couch in confusion to the feelings I just had. She kisses the top of my head and quickly leaves my apartment. I slump back on the couch and try to figure out what just happened. How do I have these feelings? She's a she, I can't like her plus I love Aiden still. I take into account my racing heart and conclude, yes I do feel something for this girl but how strong it is and what it really means I have no idea.

This was a little more difficult for me to write. I don't really like writing the sad stuff but it must be done. Please let me know what you think and thanks for reviewing!