Hey guys!
Hope you all are doing well, because I've realized life really smacks you in the face sometimes.
But sorry for the longish wait, I hope that this chapter was worth it!
Then again, one week type updates is not that bad ;D
TMI, you crazy talented girl you. I would have no wit if I did not have you.
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
So on we go!
I did not want to see Jace Lightwood.
In fact, I didn't want to see anyone again, ever.
That is why when my mother wandered into my room the next morning wondering why I hadn't gotten up, I gave her a half-hearted excuse of feeling sick and not wanting to go to school. But when she poured out worried comments and incessantly nagged about going to the doctor's for three minutes straight, I waved her away and got out of bed to drag myself to the bathroom.
I held back a cringe when I saw my face in the mirror. Last night had taken a toll on my eyes, making them stand out red and puffy against my blotchy skin. My pale complexion was bad enough on a normal day, but the irregular splotches of red made me look like a clown.
If anyone dared to make jokes about my face matching my hair, I would be kicking their sorry ass straight to hell.
Sending a silent curse at Jace, I worked to make my face presentable. It's your own fault, Clary. You should have known better than to let yourself fall for Jace.
I couldn't stop my eyes from drifting to the little jewelry tray next to my sink where I deposited my necklace every night. The small cherries shimmered as though they were laughing at me, silently reminding me of everything I had seen Jace do and how ridiculously unreasonable my feelings were.
I left the bathroom in a huff, leaving the necklace lying where it was.
I could feel Isabelle's stare on the back of my head as soon as I sat down in first period. I started out ignoring it as best as I could, pretending to be immersed in a new drawing in my sketchbook while somewhat paying attention to the class itself.
It had been a while since I last brought my sketchbook to school, but something told me I was going to need it to distract me today.
The quiet sound of someone trying to inconspicuously tear paper alerted me to Isabelle's plan. I waited a moment in resignation, and just as I had expected, a note fell into my lap from over my shoulder.
Pausing from my drawing and taking a quick glance towards our teacher, who was reading from a textbook at the front of the room, I slowly unfolded the crumpled paper.
Jace was totally out of it yesterday and you weren't picking up your phone. What's up?
I sighed. There wasn't anything that could be hidden from Isabelle, and I knew I wasn't doing myself any good keeping it from her. Grabbing the pencil that lay on my desk, I scribbled back a quick answer.
I ran in on Jace making out with a girl.
There. The metaphorical Band-Aid had been ripped off. I tossed the paper back over my shoulder and turned towards the teacher as I waited for her response.
A loud snort sounded throughout the room, and everyone turned towards Isabelle. I squeezed my eyes shut in a wince for a moment, then managed to slowly turn around and stare at her like the rest of the class. Thankfully, she had hidden the note somewhere when the teacher came around to her desk.
"Something to share, Ms. Lightwood?" His beady eyes fell onto her desk and scrutinized her desk, searching for something that should not be there.
"No, I didn't mean to make a sound. I'm sorry I disturbed your class." Isabelle threw on a bright smile, and the teacher walked away with pursed lips when he saw nothing out of the ordinary.
It was another few minutes before Isabelle took the risk to pass me another note.
What's so special about that? Jace is always making out with girls. You and I both know that anything with boobs will do for him.
This time, it was my turn to snort, though I hid it with much more success than my friend had. Isabelle couldn't have been more right, I thought with a sigh.
But then I decided to tell her the truth.
When I had given her my response, she had gasped in surprise. Thankfully, the dismissal bell had rung just in time so that the rustling of everyone's seats hid her response.
"You what?" She demanded, nearly tripping over her heeled shoes as she jumped out of her seat.
I bit my lip. It seemed ten times worse to say it out loud, yet a part of me wanted to hear confirmation of my feelings from my own mouth. Was I ready to share this? Did I want to make my feelings more solid and unavoidable by admitting them out loud?
I had no choice. They were already tearing me apart anyway.
"I like Jace."
When the words escaped my lips, Isabelle began to shake her head. "Took you long enough Clary," she sighed. I tried to remain stoic, but she caught my expression and brought a hand to my shoulder in comfort. "I'm sorry Clary, I really am," she assured me, her lips twisting in a regretful, wistful little half smile. "I just wish you had realized it sooner. Then maybe I could have told you he was an asshat choice. "
I gave her a small smile, unable to do or say anything more. But I disagreed with Isabelle; it wouldn't have been better to realize my feelings earlier.
It would have been better if I hadn't realized it at all.
JPOV
Sebastian raised his eyebrows when he saw me heading towards their table. "Jace, this is new," he remarked, watching my approach. "You haven't been here in ages, bro."
I shrugged and fell into a seat. I had no interest in sitting near Clary today, or seeing her at all for that matter. At least, that's what I was telling myself.
But when that flash of red came into my view, my eyes were fixed on Clary. From where I was sitting, I could see her glancing nervously around the cafeteria.
She's looking for me.
A small spark of hope filled me for a brief second before I shut it off. There was no reason she would be looking for me, aside from making sure I was as far away as possible. I averted my eyes as her wandering gaze fell closer to Sebastian's table. The other guys were fooling around too much to notice how damn preoccupied I was, but Sebastian had his gaze on me.
"What's wrong Lightwood?" he demanded. "You're fidgeting."
I shook my head at him, trying to let him know to leave me alone, but the questions still continued. "You were looking at Clary weren't you? Why's that? Something happen with the redhead?" He smirked at me and nudged me with his elbow.
I scowled. "Keep out of it Verlac," I muttered, giving him a good glare. The last thing I needed was someone badgering me about Clary. She was on my mind enough as it was, what with everything that had happened yesterday.
The smirk didn't fall off the bastard's face. "Then you wouldn't mind if I made a move on her, would you?" Sebastian asked slyly, avidly watching me for a reaction. He lived for provoking people into finding out their secrets, and seeing as he never could get anything out of me, this was a golden chance for him. "I've had my eye on her for a while, but I was under the impression you were interested…"
I tensed, fighting myself ferociously not to take the bait he laid out and spill anything I didn't want said. Before anything concerning Clary broke free of my carefully maintained walls, I relaxed and shrugged again.
"Do what you want Sebastian, I couldn't care less," I replied as smoothly as I could. I tried not to respond to his widening smile. My concern only faded a little when I remembered that Sebastian always talked about girls but never made a move on any of them in the past.
As lunch progressed, I noticeably felt my mind and my eyes following Clary more and more. When she got up to throw away some trash, a pang of hurt ran through me as I noticed her bare neck. The necklace I had given her was no longer sparkling above the collar of her shirt. She hadn't taken it off in the last week, and not seeing it there now made me surprisingly upset.
I mentally cursed myself. Her reaction to seeing me with that girl had only confirmed what Isabelle had said, and suddenly a lot of things made more sense. Clary made more sense. Everything she had done in the last few years, from her sudden smiles, to the way she talked, to the way he responded to me; it all made sense.
I cursed myself again. For someone who took pride in knowing how to work girls, it baffled me that I didn't notice it before. Everything about Clary screamed it; everything she did spelled it out clearly.
Clarissa Fray, my childhood friend, a girl who was almost a sister to me, had liked me for years. Years.
And I didn't know the first thing in hell what to do about it.
CPOV
As the final bell rang, I walked back to my locker, not paying very much attention to anything. Jace's absence at lunch made it clear he wasn't any keener on seeing me than I was on him. And I was totally okay with that.
As I shuffled through my books and packed my bag to take home, I realized that I was actually kind of annoyed with him. There was no reason for him to ignore me like that. So what if I had accidentally walked in on him kissing a girl? For all I, Clarissa Fray, cared, he could kiss all the girls in school if he so wanted.
And yet, even as the thought crossed my mind, another voice screamed at me that it wasn't true. I didn't want to see Jace kiss any random girl in school, and I was sure that I would fall to pieces if I had to go through that again.
I jumped in surprise as a hand fell onto my shoulder. I turned to find Simon smiling at me just a little too brightly. "Give me your bag," he said, stretching out his arm as I closed my locker door.
I looked at him suspiciously. Since when had Simon turned into a gentleman?
He sighed but waved his hand. "Come on, Clare bear. I'm giving you a ride today," he announced.
I let the bag slip into his hands, using the action to distract him as I hid my cringe. Simon's car wasn't exactly in best shape. "Oh? Any special reason?" I asked as we walked down the short hallway to the back door and out into the parking lot.
Simon didn't say anything for a few seconds but gave me a small smile. "Isabelle told me what happened."
I should have expected it. Making a mental note to snap at Isabelle later, I asked, "What exactly did she tell you happened?"
"She said you saw Jace kissing a girl." Simon looked sideways at me with an apologetic smile.
I stayed silent, unsure of what I was supposed to say. I felt bad that I hadn't told Simon myself, considering he was almost as close to me as Isabelle was.
"Don't think about it too much Clary," Simon assured me as we approached his rather vintage car. "Jace is an asshole anyways." I barely heard the last part because he had muttered it as he unlocked the driver's door.
Defensiveness ignited inside of me. "Don't say that Simon," I retorted, "you know he's not that bad really." And I meant it. As much of a player as he was, I could depend on Jace as easily as I could Isabelle or Simon.
"It doesn't change the fact that he is, Clary. He's too arrogant for his own good." Simon scowled as he slid into his car, and I followed suit with a sigh.
"He's still our friend, Simon." I looked over at him, surprised at how unhappy he seemed. The turmoil of emotions clear on his face seemed just a bit too powerful for what the situation called for.
"He uses girls and he's used you," Simon snarled, gripping the steering wheel in front of him just a smidge too tightly. "How can I call him a friend?"
I froze in shock. I'd never seen this side of Simon before, though he had been acting weird in the past few weeks. "I don't get it Simon," I said quietly, staring him down for a hint of a clue why he was acting this way. "Why are you so mad-"
"Because I see the way you look at him!" Simon suddenly burst out. "I see the way you look at him, Clary. I wanted to tell you to stop." Simon turned his head, arms still taut and fists clenching the steering wheel as he looked at me with a strange, desperate look in his eyes. "I wanted to tell you that he would only end up hurting you."
"Simon how could you possibly have known that?" I snapped. "And why do you care about how I feel for Jace?" I felt myself getting angrier at Simon. It wasn't fair; it wasn't fair for him to tell me how I should feel when I barely knew how to feel myself.
"Because," Simon's voice had lowered considerably, and I was surprised to hear how bitter it was, "I've been in love with you for ten years, so I thought it seemed like time to find out whether you felt the same about me. Which, I guess, you don't."
My hands shook. Simon's voice had been low, but I had felt the weight of his words on every inch of my body. I sat in Simon's old rusting car in dead silence, unable to say a word.
When I finally found the courage to open my mouth, Simon put a hand up to stop me.
"Don't," he said, his voice dull. "There's nothing you can say." He finally let go of his clenched grip on the steering wheel and turned the key in ignition. I let out a small, almost involuntary sound of protest.
He looked at me levelly. "I'll drive you home Clary. Don't worry about it."
And that was all he said for the rest of the drive home. I kept my gaze out the window, unable to handle the blank look on Simon's face.
He dropped me home without a word and sped off without a glance in my direction. It took all I had not to scream on the spot as I saw everything I cared for so dearly…
…begin to just slip away.
And there we have it.
Thanks for all the love, it's making me all fuzzy on the inside c:
You guys are the best lol~
Also why I have your attention, I want to work on a cover pic for this story, so any ideas?
Drop a review, tell me what you think!
Yours,
~A.W.W
