WHAT ? Where did that come from ?

This made less sense as they were discussing.

« Wha—Why are you asking this ? » Goodbye to any chance to stay calm, Yasuo was too panicked about what he potentially said before.

In no way Yi would be asking this out of the blue, surely he said something that caught his attention. But the true question remained, yes or no ? I don't know ! Yes ? It was asked like some kind of peculiar interest. Maybe Yi didn't chose the right word or anything else.

Yasuo felt his self-control slipping. Heart going crazy just because he was asked something too personnal. Possibility that it was just a misunderstanding.

« After a conversation we came to this statement. Do you agree ? » This wasn't a light topic even for Yi, he sounded serious about it.

« We ? Like, you talked with someone else and you thought that ? »

Why me... ? It was getting ridiculous, lot of confusion and distress. Why was he even reacting like this ? It would give away how true it was yet he refused.

« Shhhhhhh don't panick. » Yi reached for him, hand over his thigh to soothe. « I merely spoke with our queen. She was just a little curious about my unusual returns here. And so the topic drifted toward you. »

Contact helped slightly but he was still on edge. Ah ! Now here he was, having caught the attention of another goddess. Please I asked nothing of it.

« Why would you talk about this ? » Trying to understand this interest given to his possible feelings.

« This was her opinion on why you allowed me so close. Your kind doesn't seem very keen on letting others stay for too long. Or even share intimacy. »

Next reaction came under the form of a strangled noise, choking on his breath. Truth was harsh sometimes, it left Yasuo bare under the latter's gaze. I'm so fucked.

« You think I... 'let' you help me because I'm fond of you ? » Now he was blushing something fierce, eyes looking anywhere but at Yi. Not even thinking about it, he fidgeted, hands restless at his sides. After all, he was still half naked, in bed, his heart to be seen.

Am I so obvious ? It was a known fact everyone could easily read him like a book and no wonder what it would take for a cosmic entity just to glance at his soul.

Yasuo himself wasn't sure yet about what he felt, if fondness was the right word at all. But it hit dangerously close. Now that he had the proof Yi turned him on without meaning to.

« Maybe. Her hypothesis, anyway. On my part, I'm curious about what is really up. As you said, I'm not anyone so there must be truth somewhere. »

Completely fucked.

« I don't know... » Yasuo wanted to hide but he already was in his room. Maybe a tactical retreat outside would be a good idea but it meant getting dressed again.

« You don't know if it's true ? » There wasn't a lot in the tone as usual but a tad of sadness came up. « So I guess it was another mistake. »

« No, that's not... » Defeated sigh, he gathered some courage to address the matter : « I can't really say if it's true. There is something but...words just don't come to describe it. »

Small time of contemplation from Yi. He looked deep in thoughts, his grasp of foreign concepts learning little by little. « I understand this. In all time I tried to find the right word to describe every single feeling. But some are more troubling to identify. »

Oh. So he feels too. Not the moment he expected to get this answer but it was nice to know.

« That's a bit fucked up to explain but yeah. Anyway, why would it matter for you ? »

Indeed, why would Yi even care about potential feelings. Himself wasn't planning to do something with it, too confusing to even explore.

Silence came back, it seemed that it wasn't an easy question. The latter looked aside, searching.

« I have never felt it before. Love, affection, these bonds shared with other persons. So when I hear you possibly started nurturing this kind of feelings, I become curious. About how it must be, to hold someone close to one's heart. »

Better – or worse – than what Yasuo expected from him. It sounded so incredibly odd, that Yi hadn't felt this before. As human, all emotions were known from tender age, it was part of life. Made him wonder again what was the extent of these entities's emotions. No love ? No...attraction ? Crazy, to imagine not being a slave to useless crushes and all the sadness that came with it. Some people would pay for this, peculiar freedom.

A twinge to the heart, to hear Yi never felt that before, when himself started to fall.

« You can't love ? Any of you gods and else ? » Question turning shy, this seemed to be a touchy topic though nothing in the latter's behavior showed discomfort.

« I never said that. It's just I never had the occasion to feel love toward anyone. In no way my personal case is an example of my kind. »

« Oh so you're the exception ? I don't know, others already loved but you hadn't before ? »

At this Yi looked down, gaze to the ground in a fashion so similar to mortals. A sigh let out. « I...I'm maybe not the only one. But some of us were already blessed by this opportunity to love. Their own experiences are different one by the others so I don't have just one retelling of this feeling. I can only watch, hear and make suppositions. »

That's sad... It was present in Yi's tone, the yearning to know this feeling. Beyond simple curiosity. Even more if he heard some of his companions talk about it. In a rush of empathy, he took the latter's hand, previously resting on his thigh. Easy to do and maybe it could help.

« Even between all of you ? Then what's it ? I mean, there are several kinds of love, family affection is one. What do you share ? »

« It counts as love ? »

And this came out so innocently, like a child discovering a new thing. Oh gods, cute.

« Yes, of course ! So I take it as you share something with them ? »

« Loyalty. That's what I always thought of it. But I do value them, they're important to me. »

« See ? It works. You care about them and it's as important than other form of affection, like romantic love. »

It warmed his heart to explain this, tell that Yi already knew love in a way he hadn't considered. Taught him something.

« Such as your potential feelings toward me, am I right ? »

« Ehhhhhhhhhhhh I don't know ! Well, yes, I thinks it's more like romantic partners and stuff but... » Another rush of panick, uncertain as ever on his own feelings. « Yeah, defintely not like family. Or friends. »

Suddenly his gaze found everything interesting to stare at except Yi. He reached for the pillow not far and hugged it, face hidden. Why ? Do we have to discuss this ? I'm not ready !

Not his most smart move but sometimes a man needed to take a break and do dumb things.

« You don't like this topic. We can change, if that makes you too uncomfortable. »

« No no, it's fine. Just not always I got to talk of my feelings while it's not even definite. Even less since you're the one concerned and you sound so chill about this. »

Words slightly muffled by the pillow, it prompted Yi to take it down. That way they would talk face to face. Yasuo pouted a little but complied.

« You think I don't give this the importance it deserves. But I do. »

« Ha, you're not the one having to admit unrequited feelings. »

Another pause, Yi registering his words. « So you think I don't return it ? »

Yasuo would believe if that was possible but it wasn't. Not even sure what he exactly felt for the latter but from the start he knew it wouldn't even become something real.

« You just said you never felt that kind of love before. Don't give me that pity look by compassion. » Shaky sigh, talking with an open heart was exhausting. « Listen, this means nothing. Just a start of affection or who-knows what kind of crush. I guess it's normal, always been stupid enough to fall for the least attainable. »

Words heavy with emotion yet there wasn't much to do. Never made illusions about what could be.

« That's right, I never loved before. But I still care about you. I feel already honored by the trust you gave me, to be allowed that close. To be intimate. »

Care. It could mean everything. Yasuo's mind burned a little on that last word though, intimacy. Shame for having his hands up the latter with such eagerness, for using him despite how many times he gave consent and explained his own enjoyment.

This was a terrible mix of signals, he didn't know what to think. But it was clear it wasn't returned and it would never be, no matter what Yi said.

It stung but Yasuo would try to seem unaffected. In no way it should interfere with their talks, discovery of their knowledge.

« I'm sorry for that one. »

« And again I shall remind you it was my choice. Now, tell me what I can do, you sound sad. »

« There is nothing you can do. Sometimes we are sad, it will pass. »

Truth. But as always it didn't seem to satisfy Yi. He took Yasuo's hand back to their previous grasp and closed distance between them. At first he flinched before forcing himself to relax. It still felt nice to share contact.

« Maybe I'm wrong but I see that I upset you. Because you feel something for me that isn't returned in the same way. But I wish I could. »

What ? Still that small spark of hope but Yasuo would rather to see it smothered.

« What do you mean ? »

« I can't say I love yet, because I never felt it. How do I know if I'm in love if I never experienced it before ? For now the closest I came to is the care and interest for you. »

Strange but I guess it makes sense. He can't be sure. But it was sweet to hear. Maybe the first mortal Yi cared about.

« So I'm lucky. » Smiled despite the reminding sadness. There was still good things.

« Not a question of fortune, in my opinion. I don't think our link would have worked with anyone. As I said before, you're special. »

Healed the sting, he would never be able to be mad at Yi. It seemed impossible.

Before he could say something, the latter added : « You know, if these feelings of yours caught my attention, it's because I'm curious. About how your kind communicate affection to one another. I wish to feel that too. »

« But what about me specifically ? » Almost choke, this was very touching and personal.

« I want you to show me. What love feels like, in every physical way to express it. Of course, I understand it may not be a good idea to ask to anyone but since you already seemed to trust me enough to come here, I hoped. »

Every physical way... Here went his reason, thrown by the window and falling into space. This could mean anything depending on what Yi had in mind and the gods knew what he thought. Yasuo would never dare to imagine. Could be shameful, or overly sweet.

But in either case it felt wrong, something stuck within him.

« I can't...I won't. »