(I know I've already replied to some of you in pms, but I don't want to ignore your reviews, so I hope you don't mind if I reply again here!)

westlife4ever80, thank you for your review. It really is totally wrong - I was so shocked when I found out. I never imagined the test might only be offered in those circumstances. And considering how much it upset me, you can only imagine how anyone in Ethan and Alicia's situation would feel.

TheBeautifulNerd, thank you for your review. I'm really glad you like it. I really don't like reading, writing about or watching Ethan and Alicia together, but as I'm sure you know, some stories only work with certain characters. I'd really like the story to be the best it can be and if it works best with Alicia, I'll just have to deal with that.

20BlueRoses, it is a shame Alicia said that out loud rather than just thinking it, but I thought she'd be so shocked, she'd blurt something out without thinking about how it would affect Ethan or even if she meant it. Ethan is really going to need Cal, but Cal's still hurting and as you say, knowing it's not his baby could make it worse. Thank you for your review.

Bonnie Sveen Fan, thank you for your review. Unless Alicia does decide to have the test done - and you know that will happen then - the soonest they can know is when Alicia delivers. I'm glad you liked the scan - I thought Ethan was the type to get all emotional over seeing his baby! I'm glad you liked the voicemail too.

Tanith Panic, you know how much I like Alicia and I feel really bad for putting her in this position! I don't think they've considered abortion at this stage, but the fact it's seen as a very valid reason for abortion kind of makes you think. It's always lovely when someone likes a story I've written despite hating both the couples! Thank you for your review.


The first Ethan knew of Cal's return to the hospital was two days later, when he suddenly heard his voice.

Cal and David had apparently exited a cubicle together and separated, only for Cal to realise he'd forgotten something (typical Cal) and call the nurse back. Ethan stood, frozen into place, as Cal calmly told David that it might be worth getting a liver function test too. David nodded and they both departed.

A hand clapped Ethan on the shoulder. "What's up with you?" asked Jacob. "Did the wind change?"

Ethan looked at him blankly before breaking free and almost running in the direction Cal had taken. He didn't know what his primary emotion towards Cal was: anger, fear, relief, sadness… there was a bit of everything as Ethan raced down the corridor after his brother, only to have to stop when he accidentally ran into Lily, causing her to drop the files she was carrying.

Desperate as he was to speak to his brother, Ethan couldn't allow himself to rush off again. He dropped to his knees and gathered the files together, apologising the whole time. After all, Cal wasn't going anywhere. He'd only just got back. Ethan would have plenty of chances to speak to him.

"Perhaps it is as well we work in a hospital." Lily observed as he handed the files back to her. "Between you and Alicia, I seem almost certain of sustaining a serious injury sooner or later."

"I'm so sorry," said Ethan, only taking in half of what she was saying. "Um… did you say Alicia hurt you?"

"Only by accident, as you did." Lily looked at him for a moment. "Go and have a break," she said firmly.

"A break?" said Ethan blankly.

"A break," said Lily. "Believe me, Dr Hardy, you are very much in need of one."

Ethan really didn't feel in any position to argue about that. Although he'd known Cal would return to his job eventually, it had still shocked him to see his brother there.

It shouldn't be like this. They were brothers: Ethan should know when Cal was leaving and when he was coming home.

But he didn't and Ethan only had himself to blame.

"Yes, I'll have a break," he told Lily in a shaking voice and went to seek refuge in the staff room, only to find Cal already there. "Caleb."

Cal didn't even bother to look up, but the use of his full name would have given the speaker away even if his voice hadn't. He got to his feet. "I've got to get back to work."

"Cal, didn't you get my message?" Ethan felt like he was going to cry. He couldn't make up his mind if that was a good thing or not. It would be horribly embarrassing, but maybe it would actually get through to Cal. He was willing to try anything.

When Cal's hand touched his shoulder, his hopes rose, but Cal simply moved him out of the way and walked out of the staff room.

Ethan did cry then.


Alicia knew it had gone on too long.

Ethan had been wonderful, as always. She'd told him she needed time to think and he'd accepted it. He'd given her a hug and told her to take as long as she needed. "And if you ever want to talk about it, you know where I am. I love you, Alicia, and I'm so sorry."

The fact he was sorry made it even worse. Alicia knew she ought to tell him it wasn't his fault, but she couldn't. She didn't know whose fault it was if not Ethan's. Perhaps if Emilie had let them know sooner, he would have had more time in order to come to terms with it and sort things out in his mind, but he'd still chosen to be in a relationship with Alicia, knowing what could happen if they had children.

But that wasn't really fair. She'd known he had Huntington's when they'd first slept together. She didn't have to be a doctor to understand the dangers, despite the fact they'd taken precautions. She'd also known it could be passed on to Ethan's children. She hadn't known that the gene was passed on in 50% of cases, but she could have asked Ethan or looked it up for herself.

Yet she hadn't.

Because I didn't want it to be real, Alicia admitted to herself. I just wanted to be with Ethan and be happy. I didn't want to think about anything else. When I got pregnant and then engaged, I didn't allow myself to think of anything else.

But now I can't hide anymore. I have to talk to Ethan.


Ethan was waiting in the staff room when he finished his shift. He got up to kiss her and she stared in shock at his red eyes. "Ethan, have you been crying?"

"Just… just a patient," said Ethan. "I'm fine now."

"Why didn't you come and find me?" said Alicia. Then she wished she hadn't asked because she could guess why.

She hadn't been there the last time he'd needed her; when they'd got back from the dating scan.

"You were working," said Ethan. "I didn't want to disturb you and your patients needed you. Shall we go to the pub?"

"No," said Alicia. She took her hand in his. "I want to go home and make sure you're really okay. And then… there's something I'd like to talk to you about."


Ethan did have a little cry about the patient when he got home. It had been very moving. The patient had died, surrounded by the family who had sworn never to contact her again. Once they'd pushed their anger aside, they'd realised they did still love her.

"You should have come to find me," said Alicia, her own eyes wet, as Ethan dried his tears.

"I didn't know where you were," said Ethan. "I also didn't want to leave Robyn on her own. She started wondering if she'd have a scene like that with Glen: if he let her back into his life in time to share his last moments with her. It seemed a bit selfish to think about myself."

Alicia blinked hard and smiled. "Isn't that just like you? But you've told me now and if you want to talk about it, we can."

Ethan shook his head, feeling himself smiling as he looked at her. It had been difficult, the last few days. He'd been happy to give Alicia some time and he'd kept his promise by not referring to Huntington's or scans or anything like that – though, of course, he hadn't been able to help mentioning the baby – but it had felt as though there was a sort of barrier between them. He was always on his guard; always careful not to get too close to the forbidden subject.

They'd barely alluded to it since they'd got together, so it should have been easy to avoid, but Ethan had found thoughts of it often crept into his mind. It had been easy to avoid before, when they'd almost managed to convince themselves it wasn't real, but it had been forced on their notice now and it wasn't going away.

"I'm fine," said Ethan. "I feel much better now I've talked to you. Thank you." He kissed her, and to his surprise, it felt different. Full of hope and uncertainty and (at least on Ethan's side) shyness.

Perhaps this was like a new beginning for them – and a better beginning because everything was in the open now.

He smiled lovingly at her. "You said you wanted to talk to me about something, sweetheart?"

Alicia nodded. "I'd like to get the prenatal testing done."

Ethan couldn't speak for a moment or two. "You mean…. you want to abort our baby if it has the gene?"

"No, of course not!" snapped Alicia. "But we want to know and the risk of harming the baby is small. We'll have to tell them we'll abort the baby if it tests positive, but they can't force us to go through with it. That would be wrong, ethically and morally."

"So is what you're suggesting," pointed out Ethan. "No matter how we might feel about the rule, it does exist and we can only accept that."

Alicia grabbed his hand. "Please, Ethan. Please do this for me. I've tried hiding from this and pretending it isn't real, but it doesn't work. It is real. We can't run away from this."

"No, we can't," agreed Ethan. "I suppose I've been pretending too."

"Then we can get the test done?" said Alicia. Her eyes were wide and there was a faint note of hysteria in her voice.

Ethan stroked his hand gently with his thumb. "I'm sorry, Alicia. We can't. But after the baby's born-"

"I didn't even know it was 50%," said Alicia in a low voice.

"It's horrible, darling, isn't it?" said Ethan. "And I'm so, so sorry."

"That's why I have to know," said Alicia tearfully. "I don't want to spend my whole pregnancy wondering and waiting and hoping and fearing. .. I have to know, Ethan. I can't get through the next five months without knowing. I thought I could; I thought I could forget all about it and just concentrate on the fact we're getting married and having a baby. But I can't, Ethan. I can't."

Ethan shook his head and took her hand in his. "I'm so sorry, Alicia, but the rules are clear." He put his arm around her. "I know it's difficult. I know it's tearing you apart because it's exactly the same for me. I don't agree with the rule – I think it's horrific – but there's nothing we can do. We can't use the NHS for a test we're not entitled to."

"I just want to know," wept Alicia. "I need to know."

"I know, darling. I do understand." Ethan paused for a moment, gathering his strength. "Okay, Alicia. If it's really that important to you, then we can have the test done. You're right that they can't force us to have the abortion and it's not uncommon for expectant mothers to book an abortion and then change their mind when it actually comes to it."

"Thank you," whispered Alicia with obvious relief.

"But believe me, Alicia, if the result is positive, knowing in advance won't make it easier," said Ethan seriously. "Nothing can prepare you for a moment like this and nothing can make it easier. Sometimes I feel like I've almost accepted it; other times I can actually forget. But it's still there and it's not going away and even if I'd had all my life to get used to the fact I've inherited a terrible disease, I'm sure I'd be feeling exactly the same way now. Helpless. Terrified of what my future will be. And hoping beyond hope that I haven't condemned my child to exactly the same fate."