Formality: I do not own or claim to own the Bambi series or any of its characters. Their rights belong to Disney. I do not make any money or claim to do so through this fanfiction.
Wow. Been over a year since Chapter 7. I'm really sorry it took so long. I was too busy to write for a while. Then I just lost interest. But the other the day, I decided I owe it to the readers to finish this. I hope this chapter makes up for the wait. By the way, it begins with Ronno recalling the events of Chapter 1.
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Chapter 8: Realization
Ronno stood just outside the meadow, looking for his son. As had come to be expected often, Antony had decided to wander off again. You can't take your eyes off the kid for one second, Ronno thought as he scanned the meadow for the little runaway. He had already noticed the crowd at the center of the meadow. Bambi was at the head of the assembly, standing atop a small boulder, and the Great Prince of the Forest was nowhere in sight. Well, I guess we all knew it would happen eventually.
Suddenly, Ronno found just who he'd been looking for. However, his feelings of relief immediately turned to panic as he realized the situation: not only had his son placed himself in full view of the new Prince of the Forest, which would surely not sit well with him, he happened to be standing next to the very doe that Ronno had been required to keep him away from for the past season. Luckily, it appeared that Faline had not yet taken notice of Antony, who at the moment was staring up at her, looking rather fascinated. However, Bambi definitely had noticed him, as he was currently staring down at the unknowing fawn.
Ronno was about to end the mishap, when for one moment, he took notice of the fawn to Faline's other side. Maria, he thought, you're just as pretty as your mother, but in another moment, Faline was looking down at Antony, and Ronno mentally scolded himself for being so foolish. Just as Antony looked away for his mother long enough to make eye contact with Bambi, Ronno stamped his hoof into the ground, hard enough for Antony to feel it. In another moment, the fawn was running, looking rather guilty, back to his father. Ronno started to walk away, not waiting for his son to reach him first.
As Antony caught up to him, Ronno didn't waist time in dealing with him. "Antony né Matthew," he inquired firmly, "what have I told you about running off?"
The boy looked down and quietly replied, "Don't do it."
"And what do we do," Ronno continued, in a somewhat gentler voice, "when we've done something we shouldn't have?"
"We say we're sorry."
"And are you?"
"Yes sir."
"Well," Ronno said, changing his tone to a much kinder one as he began to walk again, "did you at least see anything interesting on your little getaway?"
"Well," he excitedly replied, "there was this funeral or something going on, and the guy's son is gonna be the new Prince of the Forest. I think he looked like kind of a wuss."
Ha, a chip off the old block. Ronno thought.
"But that's not the best part," Antony continued.
"Really!" Ronno said, humoring his son. "And what was the best part?"
"The best part was who I was standing next to," Antony answered excitedly.
"What?"
"I think it was my mother!"
By this point, Ronno had already stopped, and he now turned completely toward his son, indicating he wanted his son's full attention. "Son, what did I say about your mother?" he said in a very dire tone.
Antony, taken by surprise, stuttered out the usual reply: " … Th-that she's … gone."
"Exactly," Ronno said sternly.
"But I'm sure it was her. She had my—"
"Antony!"
Antony was now frightened and looked away. Ronno immediately tried to calm himself and replied in a smoldering tone, "She is not coming back." The child still looked away. "Antony né Matthew, do you understand?"
"Yes sir," Antony muttered, soft and submissive.
Ronno felt disappointed in himself for reacting so harshly, but he dared not apologize. He couldn't compromise with himself in these matters. They weren't his to control.
"I just want you to be raised right," he said. It was the best explanation he could give without saying anything he shouldn't say, and he didn't expect the fawn, still so young, to understand. He turned away and said, in a calm, unaffected voice, "Let's go."
Before following, Antony asked, "Will we come back here?"
"Of course," Ronno said, not looking back. Antony then began to follow him and was soon at his side. "We'll come back after dark to pay our respects," he continued. "Then we'll come back tomorrow. By then, this place will have livened up a bit."
"You mean it'll be more fun?"
"Of course."
And with that, they left.
…
Ronno stood on that cliff from which could see so much. At that spot, he had done so much already. It had become a place where the world stood still, where all bothersome concerns would cease, and one could take a moment to sort out one's troublesome thoughts. Things always seemed easier as long as one could think. He sighed and closed his eyes, the memory of that day jarring him into a deep, thoughtful state.
He would be so happy with her, he thought, and that started it. One thought after another wove throughout his mind, each an independent entity in itself, yet somehow connecting to all the others. He wishes he could have a mother. He knows who she is. He's suffered so much. We all have. This is my doing. None of us are happy. We're all lying. The children are being lied to. The boy knows. It hurts so much. They should all be happy. I've made it all worse. What can I do?
Suddenly, he felt something approaching, and his thoughts left him as quickly as they had come. He opened his eyes, ready to show himself once more. At that point, he turned to see who was coming.
It was Faline and Maria. He suddenly felt taken off guard and quickly composed himself once more.
"Hello," he said, approaching them briskly.
"Hello," Faline answered calmy.
"Hi mister!" Maria exclaimed.
"Hello Maria," he said endearingly, smiling down at her, "What brings you two here?"
"Well," Faline began, "I wasn't so sure about it, but Maria just had to see Antony again."
"Yeah!" Maria exclaimed, hopping excitedly in place. "We had so much fun yesterday. I thought he'd like to see me again."
Ronno pondered for a moment whether this could lead to any unfavorable turns. No, he decided. I can trust my own son.
"Then follow me," he said, more to Maria than to Faline. He then turned and led them to his and Antony's home.
"So Maria," he inquired, "you must really like Antony. Am I right?"
"Oh yes mister," Maria replied, beaming, "I like him a lot."
"Well that's good," he offered, making sure his unrest didn't show. "You know, he hasn't really had many friends most of his life. It's good to know someone had enough sense to like the kid."
"That's silly," she laughed. "How could such a sweet guy not have any friends?"
Ronno didn't answer.
They walked a short distance farther, in silence, until they reached a large cave at the base of a mountain, the same mountain that possessed the ledge Ronno and Faline had looked from the day before. Ronno looked at Maria for a moment before jerking his head toward the cave's entrance. Maria took the hint, smiling giddily, and was about dash inside but was promptly interrupted:
"Now Maria … " Faline said, causing the fawn in question to stop in her tracks. She then leaned down to be at eye level with the fawn before continuing: " … remember that your father isn't exactly aware that we're here."
"Right," Maria answered. "He doesn't like it when I run off."
"Exactly. So, we can't keep him waiting for long. He'll get worried."
"Okay."
"So please make this a short visit," Faline concluded with a sincere smile.
"Alright," the child conceded.
"Good." Faline then returned to her full height. "Now run along."
"Okay!" Maria exclaimed, brightening up already, before turning and bolting into the cave.
Ronno and Faline, now alone, sighed in unison before regarding each other uncertainly.
"So," Ronno attemped, "I, uh … I suppose you wanted to see me too?" He was too distressed to look Faline in the eye, instead looking the ground, stamping at the grass as though preoccupied.
"Yes," she answered. "I feel like we didn't really get to speak yesterday. Not as much as we should have."
"Well, what's on your mind?"
The problem was, Faline didn't know what was on her mind. She thought for a moment. A thought came to mind, and she acted on it.
"What were you doing yesterday?" she asked. "Getting me to leave with you and … frolic like a little fawn. What was that about?"
Ronno chuckled at the thought. "To tell you the truth," he began, "I don't really know what I was doin'. I guess I just missed you or something." He wished he could look at her as he spoke. Somehow, her question seemed to be repressing him.
Faline, now more confident at the sight of Ronno's wavering, pressed on: "Oh, I think there was more to it than that. You were trying to get me to run away with you."
He didn't answer.
"Did you really think it would work?" Faline asked sincerely. However, the growing look of shame on Ronno's face indicated that those words should not have been spoken, however sincerely.
"I'm … I'm sorry." Ronno mumbled.
Feeling guilty, Faline approached him and nuzzled his downturned face gently. "Ronno," she implored, pulling back to look at him directly, "we're adults now. I don't deny that a part of me loves you, but some things simply can't be. While I am torn between you and Bambi, I have a responsibility to the Great Prince of the Forest. We all have a responsibility to uphold."
Ronno sighed. "Yeah. I've been thinking about responsibility a lot lately."
…
Within the tunnel that was the cave's beginning, Maria found a large cavern that was surprisingly well lit. She looked up and found that a hole, set high up in one of the chamber's walls, was the source of this illumination. The sun was setting, and its light passed directly through the shining portal, cutting brightly through the emptiness.
In the midst of her studies, Maria heard an all too familiar voice call out to her:
"Maria?" it intoned. "Is that you?" The owner the voice then stepped into the spacious column of light she'd just been observing.
"Antony!" she exclaimed before galloping to the same spot. Dispensing with any other greeting prerequisites, she met him with an affectionate kiss one cheek. She then stepped back, giggling at her own impulsiveness. Antony laughed too, a forced, nervous laugh. "What's wrong?" she inquired.
"Oh!" Antony blurted out. "Nothing. What's up?"
Maria wasn't falling for his act. "Are you hiding something?" She then smiled, excited at the prospect. "What is it? Tell me!"
Antony laughed again, the same laugh as before. "I don't know what you're talking about," he attempted. "Anyway, what's up?"
Maria's smile drooped into a dissatisfied pout. "You're no fun," she mumbled.
"Uh … Sorry to disappoint you."
"Whatever," she replied nonchalantly. She then looked around the cavern, as she had before. "So, do you and your dad live here?"
Antony, glad to change the subject, replied: "Yeah. We've been here a few days now. Pretty cool, huh?"
"It's so different from the forest," Maria said absentmindedly, still looking around. The walls were solid rock, the floor hard and unforgiving. On one wall, she noticed a tiny stream of water sliding down to the floor, making the rocks shimmer against the surrounding darkness. "It's nice in a way, though."
"Yeah," Antony agreed. "Dad says he likes a place to rest his eyes at the end of the day. He likes to get away from everything, so he can think. He says things are easier when you can think about them."
Hearing him speak so much of his father, Maria returned her gaze to Antony. "You really like your dad, don't you?"
"Of course I do. Sure, he can be … strict – I guess that's the word for it, – but he just wants to make sure I'm raised right. That's what he always says. Anyway, it's hard for him to take care of me all by himself, and I have to be there to make it easier for him."
Maria considered his words. "That's really nice," she said. "My dad can be tough too sometimes. But I don't think it's the same as you and your dad. He's got Mom to help raise me right." She paused, thinking, before continuing: "Plus, he's actually more strict to her than me. Me and him don't do much together. It's strange. Sometimes he looks at me funny, kinda like … like I'm something he hasn't seen before. I dunno. What do you think?"
"Um … " Antony couldn't answer. He just pursed his lips, looking nervous and guilty. He was afraid he knew what to say, but that he shouldn't say it. He wasn't even supposed to know what he knew. But the way she looked at him, so innocent, with those deep, hazel eyes, he felt it wrong to withhold the truth from her.
This state he was in did not go unnoticed. Maria regarded Antony with a sidelong glance. "What're you doing?" she asked suspiciously. "You're hiding something again, I know it."
Feeling threatened, Antony backed away, but Maria, not to be ignored, only followed. Soon, they were out of the light, Antony with his side turned to her, his other side touching the wall. This wall happened to be the one dripping with water, and as the cool, unforgiving liquid slid over him, he began to quickly lose what remained of his mettle.
"Well?" she demanded, having lost her good nature completely. "Tell me!"
Antony dropped to the floor and turned his face to the wall, afraid of what might happen if he didn't obey but also of what would happen if she heard the truth. Overwhelmed and unable to hold out against the feeling, he gave the only answer that felt safe:
"My name is Antony né Matthew. My father is Ronno. And that's all that matters!" He then began to sob quietly, feeling helpless and pathetic.
Maria only stared. She was confused by his answer, angered by the knowledge that he was clearly still hiding something, and altogether frustrated. With an agitated groan and a conclusive huff, she turned stalked toward the cave's exit.
However, in the moments it took her to reach the tunnel that would lead her out, something happened. A series of thoughts went through her: first, that the name "Antony né Matthew" sounded somewhat familiar; second, that the name seemed in some way connected to her and her parents, especially her mother; third, that this somehow explained her question regarding her father's strangeness; finally, that the one who had brought these realizations to her, the fawn to whom she now oddly connected, had just been left against the wall, sobbing from sheer anxiety. With a sudden, mounting sense of guilt, she turned and truly looked at her work:
Antony né Matthew remained on the floor, his face still averted, the water now having stained his entire coat. His whimpers were barely audible in the emptiness she had left. He was shivering, whether from cold or something she had caused she dared not ponder.
Maria felt awful, as though she had betrayed him, herself, and the bond they had almost shared. However, she felt more fearful that anything she did to fix this would only cause more damage. With her head hung low, she whispered, "I'm sorry," and turned toward the exit.
…
"I don't hate you, Ronno," Faline said matter-of-factly, "and I don't want you to leave. I was the one who wanted you to come back in the first place. After all, he's mine as much as yours. Besides, I worry about you two."
"Yeah," he replied, her last words ruling his thoughts. "I tend to cause a lot of worry, don't I? Sometimes I wonder if it wouldn't be better if the kid was with you."
Faline nuzzled his cheek, as she had done earlier, and whispered, "It'll be all right. You'll see. Everything will be fine."
"Yeah," Ronno sighed, the word a barely voiced drone that carried little certainty if any.
At that point, Ronno heard slow, steady footsteps exiting the cave. He withdrew from the meager comfort of Faline's touch and returned to the world. As he turned his eyes to the cave, he saw Maria come into the light with her head lowered.
"I'm ready to go," the fawn said. She sounded terrible, nothing like the cheerful soul that had entered only minutes before. Something wasn't right.
"All right then," he heard Faline answer, though he didn't quite hear it, as his mind was in other places. He was focused on the fawn before him.
What happened in there? he thought. Something bad. Could Antony have told her? This is bad. I've ruined everything.
Ronno quickly calmed down, reminding himself not to jump to such dark conclusions. He continued to observe the two as bid goodbye and turned away. He gave his own noncommittal farewell in turn, too focused on the matter at hand to worry over a single, trivial word.
As Maria and Faline returned to their familiar woods, he began to turn away, ready to investigate further in the cave. However, just at that moment, he heard Maria's voice and looked at the two.
"Mother," she said, "what did you say my brother's name is?"
"Well," Faline replied, "his name was Matthew."
The fawn stopped, and Ronno's heart sank. She knew. As he watched his precious daughter, now without a doubt shocked and confused, take off past her mother, the one he loved, and watched that poor doe, so mistreated by fate, chase after her, he gave up.
…
Returning to the cave, Ronno entered with no will to think, no way that he knew of to fix all this. His sanctuary, the home he'd chosen for the sake of solitude, offered no assistance. The world was collapsing on top of him, and he feared he lacked to strength to hold it up.
Suddenly, he caught sight of what he was returning to. Antony, his beloved son, was on the cavern floor near the wall, rising weakly to his feet, his coat soaked with water. Ronno could hear him sniffling meekly. Whatever had gone on in here hadn't proceeded well.
He approached his son unsteadily, wondering how he was going to fix this. When he reached him, Antony spoke out before Ronno could even try to say something.
"I'm sorry," Antony cried in a horse voice. "I got scared, and I couldn't take it. Now she hates me, and it's all my fault."
Ronno had to speak up now. "No," he said, lying down and nuzzling the boy, desperate to alleviate his son's guilt. "She doesn't hate you. She's just confused. And it's not your fault … I did this." Antony didn't speak but came closer to accept his father's warmth. "Don't worry," Ronno continued, "I'll fix this. I promise."
The father continued to comfort the son until the latter was asleep, exhausted from his trauma. Ronno slowly stood and looked up at the hole in the wall. The light from the hole was waning, and soon it would be gone. He looked down the tunnel to the outside and saw that the forest was darkening with the setting sun. Soon, all light would be gone, but he was now prepared to meet the blackness and uncertainty. It was no longer a matter of whether he could fix it or not. He simply had to, or no one else would.
As the light disappeared, and all became dark and obscure, Ronno made up his mind.
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Yet may I by no means my wearied mind
Draw from the deer, but as she fleeth afore
Fainting I follow; I leave off therefore,
Since in a net I seek to hold the wind.
from "Whoso List to Hunt", by Sir Thomas Wyatt
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Wow. Longest chapter yet. Sorry about that. I guess I wrote myself into a corner. By making the chapters up until now shorter, I've forced myself to fit the remaining story into these last few chapters. By the way, yes, the story is almost over. Just two more chapters. Hopefully, number 9 won't take more than a year. As always keep the reviews coming. I love hearing my readers opinions. So don't hesitate to let me no what you think. I'll see you in chapter 9.
