Chapter nine the art of being sick

After getting checked out and mostly being told to just go to bed, we all started heading upstairs. Wasn't like there was anything better else to do.
"God, I hate Mondays."
Shikamaru sighed. I chuckled.
"Dude, it's Sunday."
"I know, but its tomorrow."
"What's so bad about Mondays?"
"People have to go to school tomorrow."
Shino dully explained. I literally froze mid step.
"Saywha-?"
"School, Kiba. School. Even in foster care they still make kids go."
"That's bull shit!" I began throwing a tantrum. "Why do they feel it's necessary to make this place worse than it already is?!"
"Be-cauuuse that's their job?"
"Fire them!"
They merely rolled their eyes leaving me pouting. I then realize something.

"Wait, all my school stuff is at home. … and my school."
"There's a good chance you may not actually have to go. After all, I don't." Shino began explaining. "Since they're still trying to get in contact with my folks they don't know whither or not to transfer me yet."
"And since your mom's still around and will probably wake up soon they'll probably just keep you here until then." Shika added.
"Sooo, the only one who's going-?"
"Is Shika."
Shikamaru scowled. Like hell he wanted to go. Even less so since the only people worth talking weren't gonna be there.

I then looked at Shino and began communicating to him through our eyes.
Me with puppy eyes = 'dude we can not just leave him'
Shino sighing = 'we don't have a choice'
Me grinning and wiggling eyebrows = 'wanna bet?'
"Okay whatever it is you guys are dong, stop. It's freaking me out."
I then did a side glance at Shino and smirked = 'we should totally do this more often' Shino smirked right back at me = 'agreed'
"I said knock it off!"
I laughed then patted Shikamaru on the shoulder.

"Dude relax. All we need to do is convince them that your sick and they'll keep you here."
Shikamaru blinked a few times dully.
"You think that'll work? Kids here have tried that hundreds of times to the point that the guardians here are experts in deciphering fakers. How do you plan on tricking them?"
"Well for starters, they currently think I'm sick right?" I then snorted "After all, they did see me puke all over Lee."
"He's right, with Kiba here being 'sick' and you hanging out with him, does give a convincing reason as to why you'd be sick. And if it helps-" Shino then nudged Shika "I'll pretend to be sick too."
Shikamaru smiled.
"Well, I suppose it be worth a shot."
I then slammed my hand against his back and grinned.
"Let's get this plan into motion!"
Shino smiled and Shika cursed under his breath in pain. … Maybe I should cut back in the excitement…

"Okay the first thing to know in pretending to be sick is NOT to over do it." I lectured as I marched around the room like an officer talking to his solders "One of the most common mistakes is the whole 'thermometer under the lamp' trick." I rolled my eyes at the concept. "People think it works cause that's how it's done in the movies. What they don't know is that it's actually too hot. They will either know right away you're faking or call the hospital because no one should be at 110 degrees. What you need to do is take a shower at night, don't try off, sleep with lots of sheets, then remove most of them before someone comes in and checks on you. Your body will be plenty warm and even slightly moist. All you have to do is ask if the thermometer can be taken under the armpit, since you feel a bit horse."

"Why does he know so much?" Shika whispered to Shino
"How could he NOT know?"
"Ah HEM." I coughed getting their attention once again. "The other mistake is that people try to make their face's green or white. That's too much, plus green is only when you eat something bad and about to puke right then. Though you do want to go for a pale look, using white make up will not work because it'll offset the rest of your skin. If your face is paler than the under side of your arm and your arms are extremely tan it will not look convincing. What you should use is a pale yellow. Anyone's whose face looks flushed and a bit yellow is automatically assumed to be sick."

They just sat there, blinking a few times at me blown away.
"Kiba, I got to ask, do you do this often?"
Now I was blinking.
"Why would I? My parents wouldn't give a shit if I went to school or not."
Shino frowned and was about to say something but I beat him to it.
"Continuing on, another common mistake is pretending to puke. Don't, just don't. Unless you're a professional actor who can imamate any sound on a whim, no ones gonna buy the sounds your making behind the bathroom door. And for the love of god DON'T let them see your fake puke. If these people are experts of finding out sick people from fakes then they know it all already. So don't throw baby pea mush into the toilet." I then shivered "That's just gross."
"Then what do you do to convince them?"
I then smirked.

"Since we live in a building full of kids we can abuse the crap out of it." I then pulled out ten bucks that was wadded in my pocket. "We pay one of the kids who lives near the bathroom to tell the adults that they heard you puck in the middle of the night. And one time is all you need. You don't need to continuously puke to prove you're sick. In fact showing signs that you feel lots better because of it makes it more convincing. As a result they'll tell you to continue sleeping anyways until you feel 100% better."
". . . Kiba, I call bullshit on you never trying this."
"Why can't you just except the fact that I'm a genious?"
"Because you're not."
"Hey!"

Shika merely ignored us as he tried taking everything in.
"I think this could actually work. … but there is one problem."
"What? A problem? With my am-tastic plan?"
"Am-tastic?"
"A combination for amazing and fantastic."
"… we don't have light yellow make up."
Ah, that was a problem.
"Well, we might not, buuut I think there's someone here who does~"
Shika looked at me bewildered.
"Seriously? You haven't been here for that long and the only people you hanged out with is us. Who do you possibly know who might have yellow make up?"

"You just HAD to ask." Shino grinned enjoying every minute of Shika's pain filled expression.
"I hate you. I hate you ALL."
"Oh come now." I knocked on the door. "I'm sure it won't be all that bad."
"It will be."
Temari then opened the door, scanned us, and then smirked before leaning against the frame.
"Sup?"
"Oh nothing much. I was just wondering if you have some yellow make up."
She then raised a brow.
"Make up?"
"YELLOW make up." I emphasized.
Her smile curled even deeper.
"Yeah, I've got some."
"Great!" I stood there excitedly expecting her to turn around and go get it but she merely continued to smile at us. "Uh, can we like, borrow it?" I then looked down embarrassingly "Please?"
"Hmmm, I don't know. I am awfully found of my make up."
Shikamaru then snorted.
"Girls."

It was then something clearly snapped in her and I could tell because she was no longer smiling and she twitched obviously annoyed at Shikamaru.
"I'll have you know girls are not the only ones who wear make up."
"Oh?"
"Both my brothers wear it and are very sexy men."
"Men? I thought they were your sisters."
Temari's face turned red from anger and she bit her bottom lip. She hated this asshole. If only she could wipe the smirk right off of his face-! She then had a sudden epiphany and relaxed her features so that she was cooly smiling at us.
"I'll tell you what. I'll give you the make up."
"Really!?" my eyes lit up excitedly only to die the instant her smile change to that of a mad man.
"On one condition."

"I… can not believe you let her do this to me."
"It's – It's not THAT bad." I snorted while doing everything in my power not to burst out laughing.
"Y-yeah." Shino too was struggling "You… you look great!"
"I LOOK LIKE A SLUT!"
Temari had covered Shika's face in make up. She had picked a sparkly hot pink and midnight purple eye shadow that was used in an Arabic sharp angle style. Instead of mascara she simply used a fake extension with little diamonds, along with a thick coating of eyeliner. His face was also a bit lighter do to the foundation, which somehow accented his cheeks and made them look redder. Then there was his pink rose pedal shinny lips which strangely enough tasted like strawberries. To top it all off Shika had even let his hair down. Why? In hopes that no one would recognize him, since no one had ever seen him with his hair down. Embarrassed Shika covered his face in shame and groaned.
"And she took a picture. That bitch has blackmail on me."
"Well, think of the bright side." I then pulled out the yellow make up. "She let us keep it in the end. That means we can make you as many sick days as you want."
We then walked passed two boys who in turned whistled at Shika. One even wink.
"I want my pride as a man back."