Disclaimer: chapter title from "Fukai mori" by Do as infinity. Lyrics from the songs "Fukai mori" and "Kimi ga inai mirai." Yes, I found awesome songs in another language again :D
Chapter 7: Wrapped around in lies
"…Go on with our lives and lose those things behind.
Wrapped around in lies, we stand there voiceless.
We want to live our lives, until we find a way.
Searching for the light for eternity…."
Year 2011
She blinked, staring at he mother in disbelief. Her eyes narrowed, and her face darkened with a scowl, as she fixed her mother with a look of confusion. "Did Nathan just call you mom?"
Theresa shrugged. "Well, I'm the one bringing him up. Plus, you guys call me mom too. I guess he picked it up from that… Relax honey, there's nothing to worry about, it's normal. As he grows up, he'll understand that I'm his grandmother."
She nodded, looking at her son with pain in her eyes. She was such a fool! Why was she still expecting him to call her mom? Why couldn't she still believe that this was happening? What motherly thing did she do for him? She visited him twice a week, stared at him for hours and hours, and that's it. She wasn't allowed to touch him, or feed him, or change his diapers, since she did not have experience with kids whatsoever, and she almost fell down once when she was holding him in her arms. She could do nothing more for him. Why would he call her his mom?
Year 2025
"Mom", Jonathan sniffled in his sleep, wincing in pain when his left arm hurt. The sharp pain woke him up, and he opened his eyes to a dark unfamiliar room. "Mom?" he called out, sitting up in his bed in alarm. He gasped when he realized that the name had subconsciously escaped his lips, and instantly remembered that he did not have a mother. Ever. He could scream to the skies or the oceans and hear his own echo, but she would never hear him, and she would never answer him back. He sighed, rubbing his arm with his other hand, and blinking back the tears in his eyes, as he realized that he was in his grandparents' house, and he was safe.
Even today, whenever he was in pain or trouble, why would he call out for his non-existent mother? His father was the one looking after him, and his aunt was the closest thing in his life to a motherly figure. His mother was never there, so why would he feel her absence? Why did he still want his mother to be there for him?
"….There must still be the soul that you have left behind, hidden somewhere
In the deep deep of the forest lying among the trees….
Could we still have seen if we were there?
Could we have seen it if it were little?..."
Amelia twisted and turned in her bed, having dreams about an imaginary father that quickly turned into nightmares, digging its ugly claws into her skin and making her heart bleed. She woke up with a start after a particular dream, and the tears broke free. Resolute that she would not set another tear for a father that did not deserve it, she wiped her tears away, got up from the bed, and walked outside. She was going to walk into her mother's room and crash in there for the night, like she did so many times, but when she saw her uncle awake, and sitting all alone in the living room, doing nothing, her curiosity won over, and she stopped. "Justin?"
He jumped up in surprise at her voice, holding a hand close to his chest and reaching out for his wand in the table. "Oh, Amy, it's you!" he panted in relief, sitting back down on the table. "You scared me!"
She smiled proudly, and joined him on the couch. "Can't sleep?"
He shook his head. "Neither can you."
"I was sleeping." she defended. "But I was having nightmares."
He eyed her curiously. "For a girl who acts as tough as you do, it's great that something scares you." He teased, shoving her with an elbow. "What did you see nightmares about? Big bears? Tigers? Unicorns?-"
"-I saw that I was killing my father." She cut him off coldly, looking him straight in the eyes.
His eyes glazed over with fear, terror, and indescribable pain. He stared at her incredulously. Did she really dream about killing…. him?
"I couldn't see his face", she continued, rubbing her forehead with her hands, "But there was this look in my mom's face…. That scared, helpless look…. Like she didn't want me to kill him. Like she was asking me why I destroyed her life. I…. I can't get it out of my head." She whined, hugging her knees close to her chest, and burying her head in her hands.
He moved closer to her, and rubbed her back. "Hey, it's okay. I know you'd never do something like that. It was just a dream."
She shook her head and chuckled sadly. "How do you know?"
He licked his lips, his throat feeling extremely dry. He was feeling like she would grab a knife from anywhere and stab him, even though he knew that would never happen. He shook his head to clear the nasty thoughts away. "Because I know you", he said confidently, patting her on the back, "You're better than that. I'm sure this is just the trauma after running into a wall. It'll be okay. Trust me….. Do you want me to give you some medicines?"
Her head snapped up, and she looked at him wide-eyed. "No! I can't waste my health insurance on this! I'm pretty sure I'd get into more trouble while I'm here."
He narrowed his eyes to warn her, but smiled tenderly. "I wasn't gonna charge you anything. I never do anyway... I don't like seeing you hurt like this for no reason. You don't need to hate your father. He isn't so bad."
"He isn't so bad?" she almost yelled, standing up and backing away from him. "Are you fucking kidding me? He destroyed our lives!"
He glared at her sternly. "Watch your tongue. I'm not your mom, I'm not going to tolerate that language."
She ignored his scolding completely, as if she didn't even hear him. "You are telling me that the person who destroyed your sister's life isn't so bad? Really?"
He felt like she just stabbed him in the chest. With her words. To think that eh destroyed Alex's life… He sighed sadly. "Have you ever paused to think that maybe he had some kind of restrictions? Maybe he didn't have another choice?"
She scoffed. "Oh please!"
"I-" he opened his mouth to say something, stuttered, and closed it again, took in a deep breath. "I know your father."
Her eyes widened at that, and her heart acceleration, running and jumping at full speed. Was he going to tell her who her father was? Would she finally know? She sat back on the couch quietly. "Who is he?" she asked anxiously, holding her breath. All these years of waiting and waiting might finally amount to something. She may finally get a clue.
He groaned. "I can't tell you that, I'm sorry. But I can tell you for sure that he loves your mom, a lot. She's his life. He misses her every day. He isn't with anyone else, because he's still in love with her…" he felt his eyes watering up as he poured his heart out, and looked away, afraid that he may get caught. "And he loves you too. A lot more than he loves anything else. He regrets giving you up every single day."
"Then why did he give me away?" she shot back, glaring at the floor, like she was trying to burn a hole into it. "Tell me, what constraint did he have?"
"I-" he chocked on his words again. "I can't tell you that either, I'm sorry. But your mother knows, and she understands."
She groaned at being denied the answers, and slammed a throw pillow with her first.
He gulped. "Look, I know it's hard living without a father, but you've got so many people in your life who care about you so much. You don't need to feel lonely." He took her hand in his and gave it a reassuring squeeze. "Your mother used to come to me whenever she needed someone. You can too."
She smiled at him softly. "Thanks, Justin, I really appreciate that….. Goodnight."
He nodded. "Night. Sleep well."
Jonathan never found the morning sun this charming. Because when morning came, with it, Amelia came into his room, and his day brightened up from the very beginning. "Hey", she huffed, sitting down on the bed.
He raised an eyebrow at that. "You woke up this early? Maybe you bumped into the wall too hard."
She glared at him. "We both know I didn't run into a wall." She looked down at the ground guiltily, and started wiping imaginary dust from the bed. "I just wanted to thank you for having my back yesterday. If you weren't there, I would have been run over by the car."
He shuddered at the image, the memory, and the reminder of the feelings that had gone through his heart at that time. He had realized how much she meant to him, and he had understood that he was ready to die for her. He wondered if it was weird….
"And thanks for not telling my mom." She continued. "She would have killed me-us-you."
Jonathan shrugged, taking her hand in his, and rubbing the back of her palm with his thumb. "Hey, anytime. I'm not just gonna stand there and let you get hurt. I can't imagine my life without you…."
She smiled at him, tangling her fingers firmly with his. "Well, I owe you one, so I'm not gonna lie to you. I'm not gonna jump in if I ever see that you're about to get run over by a car."
He sighed dramatically, but smiled. "I know. And I don't want you to do that either. I can never forgive myself if anything happens to you because of me."
She smiled brightly, a feeling of warmth spreading through the hand that was in his grasp, and also through her heart. "How's your arm today?"
He shrugged. "Just don't punch me or shove me. And I think we can make it without getting caught."
"Sneaky." She grinned mischievously. "I love how sneaky you can be sometimes."
He rolled his eyes. "You are one to talk. You are sneaky all the time."
She shrugged. "My mom's sneaky, it's in my genes. Your dad's…. ugh!" she faked a shudder, chuckling.
He shrugged, staring at space blankly, and let out a sad laugh. "Maybe my mom is sneaky too…."
She gave his hand a squeeze, and placed a sweet kiss on his cheek. "If your mother wasn't such a whore, I'm sure she would have been proud of you for what you did yesterday."
He felt his heart speed up at the feel of her lips, but frowned when he heard her words. "Again. Don't intrude into my sensitive territory. Don't call my mother names! How would you feel if I called your father names?"
"Awesome!" She stuck out her tongue at him, and dismissed him with a wave of her hand. "Blah blah blah blah blah! Dork."
"….The reason I could hold back my tears
Was because of the warmth when our fingers touched…
A future without you
Is a future without meaning
I'll never let go of you again…"
A/N: hey guys, hope you still remember this fic :D hope you liked this chapter, it's been a while. Please review :) … BTW, I wrote a jalex apocabigbang fic this year. That should be up sometime in late march-early April. Thought I should let you know :)
To the non-interested people: you know, it would be AWESOME if you guys could please tell me what was wrong with the fic. I'm here to learn, and I want your feedback to improve. Thanks :)
