A/N: So, first off, I am sooooo sorry for the huge delay in updating! I've been having a horrible case of writer's block. :( But it's finally here, and I hope you like it! As always, please read and review!

Chapter 8

"What now?" Elliot asked tentatively. He looked at Olivia, who looked almost peaceful, if it weren't for the shadows of sleeplessness under her eyes.

Huang thought for a moment before answering, "I'm going to wake her up."

Elliot was baffled. "What do you mean, you're going to wake her up? She needs to sleep...whatever you want to talk to her about, can't it wait? I mean, after what we just saw...can't you just let her rest?" he finished somewhat pleadingly.

"When someone has a panic attack like Olivia just had," Huang explained, "the things they imagine are almost indistinguishable from reality. The sooner they are made to understand what was real and what wasn't, the better. Not even sleep can hold fear at bay."

His expression was neutral, but what he said worried Elliot, so he chose not to argue. He nodded resolutely and said, "I should probably head back to the station then. Just..." he paused, as if debating his next words. Huang waited patiently, curiously observing Elliot's conflicted expression. "Don't tell her I was here. She wouldn't have wanted me to see that..."

Huang was somewhat surprised, but nodded nonetheless.

"Thanks," Elliot said quietly before leaving and closing the door behind him.

Huang turned to Olivia's sleeping form on the couch, wishing he could let her sleep peacefully, knowing she hadn't since her stint undercover. But he also knew what the repercussions of that would be, and so he reached out his arm and began to gently shake her awake.

As she began to stir, Olivia did not notice the hand on her shoulder, nor did she open her eyes. She felt groggy, and longed to go back to sleep, but something wasn't right. She tried to remember what was happening and where she was before she had fallen asleep but couldn't. Then she remembered the feel of someone on top of her...violating her...Harris. She closed her eyes tighter, afraid of what she might see if she opened them. She tried to fight the tears and the fear, but was having little success.

Huang saw Olivia's eyes flutter but not open. Then he noticed her eyes close tightly, moisture forming at the corner, the beginnings of tear forced back. Her breathing was rapid and shallow. "Olivia," he called urgently, trying to ground her and bring her back to reality.

Someone was calling her name, but only held her eyes shut even more, fearing it was Harris...back for more... Then it came again, the sound of someone calling her name...not Harris at all. Her eyes shot open, and above her she saw Huang's concerned faced. "George!" she called, sitting up, surprise and relief etched across her features. She moved to cover herself up, but she was already covered. And she wasn't in the basement at all, but rather in her own apartment on the couch. She knew her motion had not gone unnoticed by Huang, and she began to feel ashamed. And confused. Again she tried to remember what had happened last night, but all she could remember was being in the basement...raped. She swallowed hard. She could almost feel him on her skin...touching her... She closed her eyes instinctively.

Her breathing had jumped to a rapid pace and she was visibly shaking. Huang immediately felt her pulse; it was skyrocketing. "Liv, you're having an anxiety attack. I need you to take deep breaths," he said, gently pushing her to lay back down. Her racing pulse had not slackened and her breathing was still out of control. "Look at me Olivia. Focus on me, and try to breathe slowly." She opened her eyes reluctantly, her fear clear as she looked into Huang's eyes. "Take a deep breath Liv. That's it."

She forced herself to inhale slowly and deeply before slowly exhaling. She repeated the process again and again, with Huang's guidance, until she felt herself relax. She hadn't noticed herself shaking, but she felt it stop with relief.

Huang felt her pulse return to normal. He moved to sit in the chair diagonally across from the crouch, and moved it slightly so that he could see her face clearly from that position.

"What happened?" Olivia asked, sitting up. She realized now that what she thought had happened couldn't possibly have, or she wouldn't be in her apartment and Huang wouldn't be here. She felt even more ashamed. "So much for being able to handle yourself," she inwardly scolded. She couldn't believe she had managed to make a fool of herself yet again. Dammit, she hated feeling so stupid. "I'll be lucky if anyone at the precinct ever looks at me the same way," she thought, her face burning. "And of course the person to see me like this is the one who has the power to stop me from doing my job." She was pissed at herself. She just felt so...angry.

"You should lay down," Huang answered.

"I don't think I'm exactly the lay on the crouch and talk to a shrink type," she snapped.

"I wouldn't imagine you to be," he replied calmly. "I only want you to lay down because your breathing tends to be more steady in that position."

She blanched, again ashamed. "Great. Now he thinks I'm just on the verge of losing it. This is just great."

"What happened?" she repeated.

"You had a panic attack last night. I found you this morning when Captain Cragen said you hadn't been in and weren't answering your phone." He paused, gauging her reaction. "Olivia, what happened during your attack last night?"

"I don't remember," she answered gruffly, while the images that she now knew to be false streamed across her mind.

"Do you remember where you went just a minute again after waking up?" he asked gently.

"The same damn place," she thought angrily.

"No," she said. "I don't remember." It was bull, and they both knew it. It had only just happened, after all.

"Did you go to the basement in Sealview?" he prodded.

She couldn't hide her reaction, and so she simply nodded.

"Do you want to tell me about it?"

"Not particularly," she said coolly. "In fact, I don't really feel like talking at all," she added.

Huang ignored her. "Was there anything different that you imagined that didn't actually take place?" he continued, attempting to pull the truth out of her.

She didn't answer. She remembered him succeeding in forcing her to perform oral sex on him, and the gagging feeling in her throat. She remembered how he went further, and how she could feel him inside of her, touching her everywhere...it had all felt so real... She subconsciously grabbed one of the pillows from the couch and held it tightly over her stomach, drawing her knees inward. "I don't want to talk," she mumbled feebly.

He could tell she was getting agitated again, but he needed to push her to open up if she was ever going to begin to heal. "Olivia, did you feel as though he were raping you?" he asked gently.

She forced herself to breathe as she fought back the tears, but she did not respond to him.

"Have there been any other times where you imagined he succeeded what he failed to do in reality?"

She again said nothing, but the answer was written all over her face.

"Olivia, tell me about the nightmares."

"What do you want me to say? It seems like you've already got a pretty clear idea." Her voice was quiet but her anger and frustration were clearly conveyed.

He wasn't phased. "How long have you been having them?"

She hesitated before answering, "Every night since I got back."

"Any flashbacks?"

"Yes," she gritted through her teeth.

"Do you have the often?"

His questions were unrelenting. "No," she said. It was half-true, at least.

He knew she wasn't being completely honest, so he waited, as if he was expecting her to continue.

Angrily, Olivia continued, "Not often...at first. But it's been getting harder to hold them back. It's usually only when I'm sitting still, not doing anything, that I have them."

"Why not talk to someone when it got too difficult? You know from experience with victims that getting help can only help."

She winced. "I am not a victim," she cringed.

Suddenly Huang remembered what Elliot apologized to Olivia for right before leaving her apartment. "I couldn't be constantly looking over my shoulder to make sure she was okay," is what he said he'd told her.

"Olivia, do you remember anything that happened last night that might have triggered the panic attack? After Elliot took you home?"

He knew immediately he had guessed correctly. She sat up and turned towards him, rage in her eyes.

"This is pointless. I'm done," she said bluntly.

"Why is this pointless? I'm only trying to help you, to look out for your best interest." He was scrambling; if he wasn't careful, she would shut down right now and he'd have to start over at another time, if he could get her to talk to him at all.

"Because it's not helping!" she yelled, on her feet now. "In fact, it's getting worse! So what's the point in that? I'm better off on my own..." she added, under her breath.

"We've only spoken twice now; these things take time. Would it be wrong to say that it was already getting worse before you talked to me, giving you all the more reason to get help?"

He had hit another nerve. "Look, I don't want to talk to you, and I don't have to. That's all there is to it." She was trying to find a way out. She did not want this conversation to continue in the direction it was headed.

"Know, you don't have to talk to me. But as I've already told you, I can't allow you to remain on the field if I feel you're a danger, either to yourself or to others. And though I wish I could get you to talk to me simply for your own good, I will compel you to do so for the sake of your job."

"That's blackmail," she said angrily.

"It's not. It's the truth, and you know it."

She remained standing for a minute, glaring at the doctor. Then, after seeming to come to a decision, she sat back down on the couch.

He waited a moment before asking again, "What happened between you and Elliot last night?"

As she sat back down, she felt a wave of exhaustion run through her body, along with a throbbing headache that began to form at the base of her temple. She was too tired to keep fighting him, but she felt so vulnerable. "It's not easy, you know." She stood up and headed to the kitchen, grabbing bottle of water out of the fridge. "Do you want anything?" she asked.

"I'm fine, thank you." After she had settled back down on the couch he asked, "What's not always easy?"

"Talking," she said simply, with a bitter chuckle. She took a sip of water, absentmindedly rubbing her forehead.

"About how you feel?"

"Yeah."

"I know you have to keep a lot in for the job. But you should let it out every once in a while. There's no shame in needing to talk to someone every once in a while, especially not with a job like yours. The horrors you face on a daily basis, some people can't even imagine."

Olivia said nothing. Huang decided to shift back. "So what happened last night with you and Elliot?"

"Nothing, really. He just...he apologized for saying something to me a while back, on the Gitano case. We were chasing him, and he was using a child as a shield. He slashed my neck, and Elliot...stopped to make sure I was okay, before going after the boy. He...he didn't get there in time. Afterward, he told me..." She paused, taking a sip of water to mask the crack in her voice. "He told me he couldn't keep looking over his shoulder making sure I was okay. That he...he needed to know that I could do my job...without him having to come to the rescue." She took another sip of water, looking at the ground.

"That was pretty harsh. Do you think that changed the way you handle things?"

"There's nothing wrong with the way I do my job, nothing I needed to change," she said defensively.

"That's not what I meant. I mean, do you think that after that you felt the need to confide less in people? Like you had something to prove by dealing with everything on your own?"

She thought for a minute, then said, "Yeah, I guess you could say that."

"Olivia, is that why you didn't want anyone to know about what happened at Sealview?"

She visibly tensed; her grip on the water bottle had started to dent the plastic, and her jaw was set. "No. Maybe. It might've been part of it."

Another A/N: Sorry to end it there, I realized it's like right in the middle of it, but I have to get to bed and I wanted to get this up at least, since it's been so long. I will definitely be updating soon, though! ^_^