"Oh my God." Breathing out as I put my head in my hands.

This damn place and its damn people were going to age me twenty years by the time I finally got out of here.

"I blocked it out for so long because of guilt. I haven't been stuck here because of Shepherd. I've been stuck here because of what I did to Dr. Grey." Mr. Clark's voice was thick with emotion.

His words shot a sharp pain through my skull. I needed to get out of here.

"Charlotte are you alright?" Dr. O'Malley asked me but I ignored him.

Standing up I tripped over my chair. My head was swimming.

"Sorry I am really tired." Pushing the chair back into the table "I think I need to lie down for a little while. This took a lot out of me." Briefly staring at Dr. Karev.

"Thank you for a lovely lunch and for inviting me." Speaking to them all.

"I need to rest. I'll see you later Dr. O'Malley. Thank you again for lunch." My words rushed out of my mouth as I made my escape. Before he could stop me I was out of the lunch room and into the nearest elevator. I was still pretty quick even with one booted foot.

I kept it together until I was back in my room. I didn't speak until I was lying down on my bed.

"Explain. Now." Commanding him.

"It was after I had killed myself. I left my body but something didn't feel right." Mr. Clark began, floating at the foot of my bed "I drifted back into the operating room where I had left Shepherd. He was still alive. Dr. Yang and Dr. Avery were still operating on him."

Mr. Clark's face turned dark "He was supposed to be dead. I dead thinking that he was dead, that it was all over. But I had been fooled!" He seethed.

"I went looking for Dr. Grey wondering where she had went. Wandering around the floor I found her in an OR room with Dr. Kepner. They had been trying to attend to Dr. Hunt. I had shot him in the shoulder for trying to stop me."

Anger exploded inside of Mr. Clark "I hated them. I hated all of them! They were supposed to suffer like I had suffered. Standing over Dr. Grey all I wanted was her pain. She had told me to shot her. She was supposed to be my eye for an eye. I made her suffer, I made her hurt the way I had been hurt."

"Mr. Clark what did you do?" Choking out.

I did not want to hear the answer but I needed to know.

"Everything I had left I focused on her. I had been promised an eye for an eye and if Shepherd didn't die I would make her, make them, feel my pain." He paused.

"She was pregnant that day." He whispered the words so full of shame.

"Oh Mr. Clark." Weeping out as I covered my eyes and started to cry.

"I knew she was pregnant Dr. Yang told me when I was going to shoot her." His voice transformed from anger to agony.

"I just wanted them to feel the pain I had felt. The stress of the whole day, thinking her husband was dead, then my last energy, it was too much for her body to handle. Once it happened, once she lost the baby I instantly regretted it. In that moment I wanted to take it back so badly. I had become a monster. I was nothing like the man my wife had loved and married." Mr. Clark began sobbing.

"Don't you dare start crying right now!" Shouting at him "You don't deserve to cry and feel ashamed. I should let you live with this blame forever! But I know if I don't help you, you'll never leave me alone." His anger had relocated itself to onto me.

"Get out! I need time to think clearly!" Commanding him as I turned over and faced the wall.

After a moment I looked back and he was gone. I began sobbing into my pillow.

This was one of the worst cases I had ever worked.

The door opened.

"Get out please! Now is not the time!" Yelling into my pillow.

"Charlotte?" Dr. O'Malley spoke.

Of course it was him!

"Dr. O'Malley please leave I don't want to see anyone." Wiping away my tears but still not facing him.

"Charlotte what is wrong?" He came over to the bed to face me.

Turning over so he couldn't face me I bit out "For a doctor you have a hard time listening to your patient's wishes. I want to be alone."

"Does this have anything to do with a spirit?"

"Ding! Ding! Ding! You sure do catch on fast doc. There you guessed it correctly now please get out." Laying my sarcasm on heavily.

"Maybe I can try to help you?"

I inwardly groaned when I felt him sit down on the edge of the bed. I just wanted to be alone!

"Highly doubt it. Now get out please!" Murmuring into my pillow.

Wait. Stop Charlie you idiot! Maybe he can help.

Slowly I turned around but didn't meet his face.

"It would be a very big favor and I don't know if you would be comfortable doing it." Breathing out.

There was silence. He was thinking it over.

"Charlotte I'm your doctor and I promised to do whatever I could to help you. If this helps you then I am willing to try." He finally spoke.

I met my eyes to his. I found hesitation.

But I also found sincerity.

Trust people Charlie. Sometimes you just have to. My dad's words echoed in my head.

My head was screaming at me to keep quiet and to figure this out on my own. My gut was telling me to take the risk and jump.

"Can you arrange a meeting for me?"


"I think I am going to be sick." Wringing my hands over and over again.

"You and me both." Mr. Clark nervously spoke up from my side.

"Don't worry you'll be okay." Mr. O'Malley told me, but in all honesty I could tell he was nervous too. I knew this whole setup was asking a lot of him.

"Thank you again for doing this. I know that you're my doctor and I'm your patient and this is really crossing the line but I didn't know what else to do." Confessing my guilt "I just really need this to be over."

Dr. O'Malley gave me a small smile "Like I said I will do whatever I can to help a patient and if it helps my friends then all the better."

"You're a really good person Dr. O'Malley."

My sincerity took him aback but he didn't have time to respond.

The door opened and in walked Dr. Grey and Dr. Shepherd. My insides immediately clenched together in anxiety.

"Hello Ms. Barton." Dr. Shepherd smiled at me before turning to Dr. O'Malley "O'Malley you said you needed to see us?"

"Actually that was me. Sorry for the ruse but I needed to speak to the both of you if that is alright?" Asking them.

They looked to reach other, silently communicating to one another before Dr. Grey hesitantly nodded her head.

"Yes Ms. Barton that's fine."

"Please take a seat." Gesturing to the chairs.

Once they sat down Dr. O'Malley spoke "I'll be back in a little bit. Page me if you need me." With a final nod to me he left the three of us alone, well four of us, alone.

Mr. Clark was hovering next to me. He wasn't helping my nerves.

"First of all, Dr. Shepherd I just wanted to say a proper thank you for last night. You helped save my life." Giving him a nervous smile.

"No need to thank me Ms. Barton." Dr. Shepherd grinned back "Just glad to be in the right place at the right time."

After that silence filled the space. My insides were a twists of nerves.

Closing my eyes I took in a big breath trying to calm myself.

"What I am about to tell you, you don't need to believe me or even respect me, but all I ask is that you stay and listen no matter how preposterous it sounds. Because if you don't sit and listen then I can't help anyone." Explaining to them as I twisted the ends of my sweater "Can you please do that for me? Oh and please try not to interrupt."

Once again Dr. Grey and Shepherd looked to one another. This time they showed more confusion than hesitation.

"We can certainly try Ms. Barton." Dr. Grey said.

"Please call me Charlie. This is about to get very personal for all of us." Mumbling to them.

"Dr. Shepherd the other night when John was threatening me to speak I told everyone that you had a spirit attached to you…well that wasn't a lie. Yes I can speak to the dead and you do have a spirit attached to you. I noticed it the moment I met you. They were right there that's why I kept looking past your shoulder. I was more focused on them."

Explaining in a patient manner I paused to see if they were keeping up. They were but very confused.

"This spirit has been attached to you for quite a while sir. At first they couldn't move on because they felt cheated for a number of reasons, but now they just want to be able to say their part so that they can try and be a peace."

Dr. Shepherd slowly nodded looking like he was just playing along.

My gaze drifted to the right of me where Mr. Clark was, silently asking him if I should do this. I noticed Dr. Grey and Dr. Shepherd watching me.

"It's time make my peace." Mr. Clark told me.

Oh this wasn't going to be pretty.

"Dr. Shepherd, Dr. Grey I believe you both knew a man named Gary Clark." Breathing out.

Instantly the atmosphere changed. Gone was the hesitation and confusion mixed with slight nervousness. It was replaced with a tense, thick air of anger that made it hard to breathe.

They both shifted in their seats.

"Ms. Barton that's not funny." Dr. Shepherd said in a hard tone.

"It's not supposed to be funny Dr. Shepherd. Mr. Clark shot you and killed eleven other people in this hospital before shooting himself, but he only did that thinking you were dead, and he only came here to shoot you because he blamed you for his wife's death. And I said to call me Charlie." Rushing out.

Both of them looked dumbfounded. I didn't blame them.

"Mr. Clark has been attached to you since he killed himself but he couldn't move on because he felt cheated. He ended his life thinking he had finally ended yours but when he killed himself and left his body he felt you were still alive. When he checked back on the operating room where Dr. Yang and Dr. Avery still were and saw you were still alive he vowed vengeance…which he got…" Trailing off under my breath.

Turning to Mr. Clark "I finally get them here and now you go all tight-lipped on me? For four days you've been hounding me and now you have nothing to say?"

"I'm nervous!" Mr. Clark replied his face painted in anxiety.

"You're nervous!" My voice raising in annoyance "I'm the one that has to sit here and communicate what you need to say and you're nervous. I'm also the one who is looking like a complete loon sitting in front of two doctors who probably think I'm nuts because I'm a literally arguing into thin air." Huffing out at him.

"I'm sorry okay!" He raised his own voice at me.

"Don't get angry with me! I'm all you have Mr. Clark!"

"I know! I know!" He turned all quiet "All I want to do is see my wife again."

"I know you want to see your wife again Mr. Clark and I promised to help and I am trying my best." Sighing out.

Turning back to Dr. Grey and Dr. Shepherd their mouths hung open and they both stared at me like I had two heads.

Oh to be anywhere else right now.

"This is nuts right. You know that right?" Dr. Shepherd said to me in disbelief. He looked to me and his wife before he shook his head.

He got up out of his chair "I'm done with whatever this is."

"Stop him!" Mr. Clark said.

"How?" Asking him.

"Say this word for word." He whispered the words to me.

"What kind of hospital is this? It isn't safe here. Somebody has to protect people. From you. Handing down judgments like you're God." Yelling out.

Dr. Shepherd stopped dead in his tracks. Slowly he turned back around and stared wide-eyed at me.

I continued speaking what Mr. Clark was telling me "Mr. Clark listen to me I know your loss. I lost my father. When I was a kid. Two guys killed my father for his watch. Right in front of me. Right in front of me." Tears welled in my eyes at Dr. Shepherd's loss but I had to continue.

"I didn't become a doctor because I wanted to be God. I became a doctor because I wanted to save lives. Look at me. Please. Look at me in the eye. I'm a human being. I make mistakes. I'm flawed. We all are. Today, I think for you, it's just a mistake. You want justice. You want somebody to pay. You're a good man. I can see that in your eyes. Can you see it in mine? Can you?"

When I had finished Dr. Shepherd looked positively pale. He sat back down in his chair.

"How do you know all that? Only two people know what was said between us that day and one of them is dead." Dr. Shepherd whispered out.

"Mr. Clark told me. Just now sir." Quietly telling me "He's here right next to me." Tilting my head to the right of me.

Both of their eyes shifted to the empty space.

"Hypothetically if what you are saying is true" Dr. Shepherd started speaking "Mr. Clark is still here because he wants my forgiveness for what he did to me."

"No sir. Well yes and no. He would like your forgiveness but he knows he isn't worthy to receive. More specifically he needs to apologize for what he did to Dr. Grey." Telling them.

Dr. Grey's face appeared with a whole new level of shock.

"What he did to me?" She questioned.

"Now we need to reach a whole new level of uncomfortable." Muttering under my breath.

I paused not sure how to continue. They waited for me to speak.

I didn't want to continue but I had to.

"Mr. Clark says he didn't take eleven lives that day but twelve." Softly telling her.

Dr. Grey's brows knitted together trying to understand my words.

"You were pregnant that day." Whispering out to her.

Dr. Grey's face now paled to match her husbands.

"How do you know that?" Dr. Shepherd demanded.

"Mr. Clark told me. He realized it when he saw you at lunch yesterday. He told me what happened, what he did. It all came back to him why he was stuck here."

"Get her to show you." Mr. Clark spoke.

"What?" Turning to him.

"Ask her to show you her memories of that day."

"I will not ask her that! That is private and painful!" Yelling at him.

"What is he asking?" Dr. Grey croaked out.

Well at least she is entertaining the idea that Mr. Clark is here. Progress?

Biting my lip I was hesitant to answer.

"What did he ask?" She repeated again.

"He wants you to show me the memories of that day. Of that moment." Twisting my sweater around my fingers.

"How could she show you her memories?" Dr. Shepherd asked me.

Well at least he was coming around a little. Or he was just humoring me.

"All Dr. Grey would need to do is to think of the memories she wants me to see. It's part of my abilities. I can do it with the living and the dead but with the living I need a form of physical contact. Sometimes with the living it happens by accident because of the physical contact. If a person is reliving the memory so strongly when I touch them I see it accidentally."

Pausing my fingers twisted even harder into the fabric.

"It's how I found out about Mr. O'Malley's cancer." Not looking at them still feeling ashamed about what happened.

"But memories are private for a reason" Rushing out at them "And it's not our place" Looking at Mr. Clark "To ask that of you."

"I'll do it." Dr. Grey spoke clearly.

The three of us gaped at her.

"Meredith."

"Dr. Grey."

Dr. Shepherd and I both spoke at the same time.

"You don't have to do this Dr. Grey." Telling her.

"I want to." She said to the both of us.

Her eyes were clear with determination.

This was a woman who had her mind set when she wanted something.

"Okay well just take a moment and think clearly of the memories you want me to see." Saying to her.

Dr. Grey closed her eyes and after a few moments opened them again.

"Do you have them?" Asking her.

She nodded.

I held out my hands and motioned for her to take them.

Without fear she grabbed my hands and I was pulled into her memories.

Shoot me.

Dr. Grey had entered the room. Everyone turned to her.

You want justice, right? Your wife died. I know what happened. Derek told me the story. Lexie Grey pulled the plug on your wife, she's my sister. Dr. Webber he was your wife's doctor. I'm the closest thing he has to a daughter. And the man on the table, I'm his wife.

She was crying now but damn she was so brave.

If you want to hurt them the way that you hurt shoot me. I'm your eye for an eye.

God this woman was fearless. She was so strong.

A smile graced my lips.

Just like my mom.

Mr. Clark pointed the gun at her. Ready to fire.

You tell Derek that I love him and that I'm sorry.

Time sped up. The rushing images in my mind made me slightly dizzy. I gripped Dr. Grey's hands in mine to keep my focus.

Dr. Grey and Dr. Kepner were wrestling Dr. Hunt to keep him in place so they could examine him.

Dr. Grey groaned and stopped moving.

Are you okay? Dr. Kepner asked her.

Yeah I'm okay. She replied to her.

Are you sure? Oh my God! Did you get shot? Dr. Kepner yelped out.

No I didn't get shot, okay. I'm okay. Dr. Grey repeated.

You could be in shock and not know it. Let me feel. Dr. Kepner moved toward her but Dr. Grey put her hand up to stop her.

An upset look crossed her face before she mentally pushed it away.

I'm…I'm okay. She slightly bent over.

Dr. Kepner stared at her legs.

But there's blood spreading down your thighs.

Dr. Grey took a deep breath.

I'm…I'm having a miscarriage. Her voice strained.

She stood tall again. The pain pushed from her face. Her work determination was back.

We need a stapler, lidocaine, morphine and irrigation trays. Come on, are you gonna help me or not? Let's go.

The memories stopped.

I opened my eyes. They were wet with tears. When did I start crying?

Dropping her hands I wiped my face "Sorry, I'm sorry." Apologizing to her.

Once again I hated myself for being weak.

Without thinking I reached forward and pulled Dr. Grey into a hug.

It stunned everyone, even myself.

"Sorry I am sorry about that." Releasing her when she went rigid. I didn't think she was the touchy-feeling time.

"You're just, Jesus you're a strong, brave woman." Gushing at her "To love your family so much like that, to be so tough like that."

I smiled "You remind me of my mom."

Dr. Grey finally cracked a smile "Thank you Charlie."

My smile widened.

She called me Charlie.

"Now do you understand what I meant when she promised me an eye for an eye?" Mr. Clark interrupted the feel-good mood.

Nodding "I do."

"What's he saying?" Dr. Grey inquired.

Does this mean she believed me?

"Mr. Clark wanted me to understand what he said to me earlier. That you had promised to be his eye for an eye. That with your death, if he shot you, everyone would hurt the way he was hurt from the death of his wife."

I looked Dr. Grey straight in the eye "That's what you said to him 'If you want to hurt them the way that you hurt shoot me. I'm your eye for an eye.'"

She nodded, stunned "Yes, word for word that's what I said."

"So what now he just wants to apologize and ask for forgiveness now? Why shouldn't he suffer and stay here?" Dr. Shepherd demanded to me.

"Tell him I know I don't deserve his forgiveness or hers, or anyone's. I am not asking for forgiveness because I know I won't get it. I can't take back the lives I took and for that I should stay here and rot but I just want to let it go. I just need to say my piece so I can let go." Mr. Clark replied quietly.

"He says he knows he will not get your forgiveness and even if you were to give it he knows he doesn't deserve it. Mr. Clark isn't asking for your forgiveness or your mercy. He knows he can't take back what he did, the lives he took, and the lives he ruined. Mr. Clark knows that staying here and rotting is what he deserves…" Pausing

"But he is tired." Softly telling them "And he just wants to see his wife again. If she will let him. Mr. Clark fully understands that he doesn't deserve anyone's forgiveness but he is willing to work for it wherever he goes."

"And this isn't just about Mr. Clark." Speaking up.

"You both are doctors. You save lives, you help people. Well I may not know how to fix a person's brain or…or" Stumbling to find the right words getting flustered "Or stand for ten hours in an operating room up to my arms in organs but this is what I do."

"I help people not in the way you both help people, but I help them nonetheless. I give them peace and their families closure. You both look like people of your word?" Asking them.

Stunned they nodded at my directness.

"Well so am I." Lifting my head in confidence "When I give my word to a person that I will help them cross over I never break it. That is my job, just like how the both of you give your word and do your job. I may just be a seventeen year old teenager but I like to think I do my job well and dammit I'm good at it." Confidently concluding.

Dr. Grey and Dr. Shepherd sat in silence at my little outburst.

Once I had quieted, my normal shyness returned. Again I wanted to crawl inside a hole and hide away till everyone was gone.

"What's that?" Mr. Clark asked me.

Turning to him I found him staring straight ahead with a certain look in his eyes.

I knew that look like the back of my hand.

"Can't you see it?" Mr. Clark questioned me.

"No I can't Mr. Clark but I am not deceased. Only the dead can see it, and I've come to find it is different for everyone." Giving him a small smile.

"It's so beautiful." He whispered.

"What's going on?" Dr. Shepherd asked me.

"Mr. Clark is ready to cross over now." Telling him.

Their silence continued after my bombshell.

"I hope you find your wife Mr. Clark and I hope that wherever you go, you find your peace." Softly smiling at him "And I hope one day you will get your forgiveness."

"Tell him I forgive him." Dr. Grey's voice cracked with emotion.

My head spun to Dr. Grey. My mouth opened but no words fell out.

"Tell him I forgive him, for everything." She said.

"He can hear you, he's been able to hear this whole time." Finally getting words from my brain to my mouth.

Mr. Clark's face was full of pain as tears filled his eyes.

"Please tell Dr. Grey I said thank you even though I know it's never going to be enough." He whispered.

"Mr. Clark wants me to tell you he says thank you." Pausing to wipe the tears forming in my eyes "He knows that thank you will never be enough but he means it."

"I'm ready to go now." Mr. Clark spoke.

"Goodbye Mr. Clark. I hope you see your wife again soon." Giving him a smile.

"Thank you Ms. Barton for everything." He smiled back and began walking away from me.

But suddenly he stopped. He stared at Dr. Shepherd and Dr. Grey with an odd look of contemplation on his face.

My brows furrowed in confusion.

I was about to ask him what was wrong when he smiled at them.

"After I am gone I need you to tell Dr. Shepherd and Dr. Grey one more thing. Tell them to forgive one another, and not to worry. Everything will work out." Mr. Clark gave me one last smile before disappearing.

A large sigh left my body as the weight of Mr. Clark's memories left me. My breathing felt a little lighter.

"He's gone." Speaking to the both of them.

I rubbed my eyes. I was so tired, so drained. This sudden feeling of fatigue wasn't uncommon. I had experienced it before with spirits who had been carrying heavy burdens from their previous life. And boy Mr. Clark was the most soul-heavy spirit I had ever encountered.

"Mr. Clark wanted me to tell you both one last thing though. I don't understand it but maybe it will ring a sense of understanding with you. He said for you both to forgive one another and to not worry, that everything will work out." Explaining to them.

Their faces flooded with surprise. I guess they knew what Mr. Clark was saying, but it wasn't my place to pry. Plus I was exhausted.

Rubbing my eyes again I stood, but I stumbled as everything rushed from my head.

Both of them rushed to me. Their instincts kicking in.

"Sorry, I'm sorry." Gently pushing their hands away. I did not need to touch one of them and relive any memories that were still so raw and fresh in their heads.

"I'm fine I just need to rest. I hate to be rude considering the truth bombs that were just dropped but I need to lie down for a few hours." Telling them rather than asking them as I began to pull back the blanket on the bed and get into bed.

"Of course Charlie we understand. We will talk to you soon." Dr. Shepherd said quietly as I heard them move to the door.

My eyes drooped closed as I murmured a thank you before I heard the door close.