Fenris,
Since I don't know when you're coming back to me, I decided to start writing you to fill you in on what's been going on in your absence. If you ever send word to where you are, I will send this letter to you (personally if possible!).
I found the cave where Hadriana was hiding. She was in that old slave cave you showed me that time when we got stuck in the rain? I almost foolishly ran in there if it weren't for a friend of Isabela's that was keeping an eye on me for Varric. We ended up staying with the Dalish that night, and in the morning I gathered everyone I could to get her. Even Cullen came along, but when we all returned to the caves she had cleared out without a trace. I don't know if she knew somehow that we were coming or if they found out you left, but there's been no sign of her or Danarius in a week.
I ran into Feynriel while I was at the camp. He assured me that our dreams are our own again. I was disappointed a little, I had hoped to at least be able to know you were alright in our dreams, but Feynriel explained to me it was Danarius keeping us together while we slept, and since the spell was broken so was our connection. He's keeping an ear out for me in the fade to make sure something like this doesn't happen again, or if it does he will stop it sooner. I have to say I'm glad he's on our side!
My mother found me at the Hanged Man last night. She apologized, blamed it on the grief and asked me to forgive her. Of course I will, she's my mother and all I have left now besides my rotten uncle. She asked me to come home but I just couldn't go back there; the memory of her attacking me is still a little too fresh in my mind. I've been staying with Varric so he can keep an eye on me, some promise to you he says he made. I love how overprotective you can be and yet still leave me. I forgive you though, it seems we all make mistakes.
-Hawke
Fenris,
We split up the money from the deep roads as planned to everyone who helped gather the money to go in the first place. Varric finally sold everything and all the gold was distributed evenly, with Carvers take and mine going to my mother (I have yours for when you return). Mother has already firmly planted herself in front of the Viscounts door waiting to be heard on getting the old estate back. It's the first time I've seen any fire behind her eyes in three weeks so I am thankful even though apprehensive. As much as I despise being up all night from the drunks in the bar fighting, I think I will miss it when I am forced to dress all fancy and pretend I'm important. Truth is I'm still just me, and I'd hate for anyone to treat me as anything other than a poor Ferelden who fled from Lothering during the Blight. Oh and maybe still that girl who'll get things done. I won't stop helping people, I've already sworn that to myself and my friends.
Are you still included in that group? It's been weeks with no word. Do you even care if I'm alright? Do you even wonder how things are back here? I miss you. There's a lot I still want to say to you, things I can't write down but that you need to hear. Come home soon, please.
-Hawke
Fenris Varic sais I shuld drunk my sorrows away so heres to it, I think writng probably is bad when one feeels lik this but I can nt care any more when you lft me alone and I hd no clue if I mean I still have no clu if you are even ok but I need to know you are ok so I am ok ok? I did a bad thing and you will hate me for ever but I was scard and sad and lonely and stupid and lost and im tired
Fenris,
Thank the Maker for small favors that I do not know where you are so I could not send you the last letter I wrote you. Too much ale, not enough sense in the brain, and oh the pain in the morning. I suffered through it though, I did it to myself. You warned me once about the dangers of drinking when sad; perhaps you shouldn't have left then. I am sad without you, sad how we left things, sad I can't talk to you, touch you, hold you, be with you. Where are you? Why have you left me here like this?
-Me
Fenris,
I realize my last letter sounded a bit depressing so I will steer clear of that today. We are in the process of cleaning up the old family estate. My mothers persistence paid off and it's officially ours. Everyone has been nice enough to help, even Aveline brought over some plants for the entranceway (weird right? Who knew she liked plants!). We'll probably be living there within the next two weeks. I wonder if you'll be back then.
There has been no sign of Hadriana or Danarius here. While my friends are thankful I am safe, I am afraid they may be near you instead. I can only hope that you are alright and will return soon.
-Me
Hawke,
I know you must be frantic right now but I have not been able to write sooner. We are somewhere in south Seheron, just outside Alam. We hitched a ride from Kirkwall to Cumberland, and then traveled up the Imperial Highway. It took forever to get here! He takes a ship daily to Minrathous and is back by nightfall. You know me Hawke, I love the sea more than anything, but even I am reaching my limits! There is nothing here, I don't understand what he is looking for.
I know every instinct in your body will tell you to come here, but don't. I have the situation under control and we may already be on our way back by the time you get this. It is clear to me this is a dead end, I think it's just some sick obsession that is holding him here.
And no he doesn't know about me, at least I don't think so.
~~~Isabela~~~
P.S. Isn't Zevran delicious?
Fenris,
I want to be able to see you again with a clear conscience. The night you left and I almost ran into Hadriana, I was a mess. Everything with mother, and then our goodbye, and then almost dying, it was a lot for one person to handle in a day. That's when I met Zevran. He stopped me from getting myself killed, or worse. He brought me to safety and took care of me when I really wasn't ready to take care of myself. That night was hard for me Fenris, and I didn't understand a lot of what was going on in my heart. All these emotions thrown together, I was a mess.
Something happened that night between me and Zevran. We were both sad and alone and it just happened and I'm sorry. I know we didn't make any promises to each other or anything but I wanted to be honest with you. It's what I needed that night. I feel guilty about how it may effect us in the future, but I wanted to tell you as soon as I saw you again. No secrets between us, it's the only way we'll work. After you come back from this trip we have a lot to talk about.
I haven't seen Zevran since the hunt for Hadriana and I have no intentions of seeing him again.
I will not write again, as I feel anything further will have to wait for us to be together. I am waiting for you. Please return to me soon. I miss you. And I love you.
- Kyra
