I know I left you hanging for a little while, sorry. But now it's time for the drama to take it's toll on Ludwig and Feliciano. You know that horrible feeling when your life gets intertwined into a Romeo and Juliet style plot? Anyone know the feeling? *Insert chirping crickets* :( Just enjoy the chapter...
This calls for some background music. *Clears throat and prepares to sing*
I'm all out of love
I'm so lost without you
I know you were right for believing for so long
I'm all out of love
What am I without you?
I can't be too late to say that I- *I get shot to death, but it's okay because I really had this coming*
~MidnightSakuraBlossom
. . .
Just One Kiss
Chapter Nine: Separation
. . .
What could be done to clean up this mess?
Ludwig really wasn't sure what he could do to make everything right again. All he knew was that he had fallen near head over heels for a certain Italian friend of his, Feliciano Vargas. And upon this, he was worried about how he would be able to handle these feelings and had doubts about the possibility the guy may feel the same way considering the signals that he gave and tendency to flirt with girls he barely knew on the side of the road.
In the end, it all worked out well that one day they were caught out in the rain and took shelter together. When the confessions all came out. But Ludwig and Feliciano instantly realized that something was missing. Something important between them alone. And what is missing is a first kiss to really seal the deal. Just the thought of it alone made them nervous about how it should play out.
But doesn't everyone think that?
There were several attempts that Ludwig had tried throughout the rest of the week to kiss him, after some urging from his older brother Gilbert. And he even had the help of his girlfriend Elizabeta, whom just happened to have a close brother/sister type relationship with Feliciano. Apparently, everything all leads back to the same person here. In the past few days there was been plenty of unfortunate implications, embarrassment, failed attempts, and advice being thrown around. Yet; no kiss ever happened and it was apparent that it wouldn't ever.
But everyone tried to hold on to their composure and not get discouraged by the lack of intimate gestures. If they became too determined and bold, things may not ever go their way.
At long last, the decision was made to go to the movies for the new couple's first date in public where others could clearly take notice of their relationship. Which didn't really matter much, seeing as though same sex couples were being seen more and more lately. The date was supposed to be a memorable and fun evening for Ludwig and Feliciano, they shared high hopes for it's events even if they kept their expectations from the other hidden to prevent embarrassment.
At least everything was going well at first. You know, once they turned off their cellphones completely and Lovino and Gilbert couldn't be their obnoxious selves and cause a disturbance. It was extremely conflicting to have the former totally against the relationship and out to rip it apart to pieces, and the latter a little too much approving of it.
During the movie, they almost had that kiss they wanted. It felt so right just like any other time and Ludwig was sure that something would happen. However, that's when Feliciano's brother burst in with his not boyfriend Antonio and murdered the moment. It was bad enough that Lovino had reacted so unnecessarily drastic, but he had to do so in public.
Well now, now he was positive that the relationship between them had just gotten destroyed. Lovino declared that he didn't want Feliciano to be around him ever again, and he most likely was serious about that. Seeing as though he usually didn't want to have to upset his brother any more than he unknowingly did constantly, there was no doubt that he would agree to never be around him ever again. Fully realizing that he shouldn't be so submissive and let Lovino run all over him, but yet keeping in mind that he couldn't do anything to stand up for himself. In all honesty: neither of the brothers could stand up for themselves, but Lovino was just putting on that jackass facade up front for protection.
Looking back on all of this, it seemed more and more depressing the longer it stayed on his mind. Ludwig pulled into the driveway of his home and turned the motor off. Now in silence, and darkness, he closed his eyes and sunk a little into the seat.
'How am I supposed to change Lovino's mind? He detests me, for some bizarre reason, and Feli will continue to be submissive and put up with his nonsense because he's just like that. I can't just waltz into their home and confront the two about this, I'll most likely be kicked out. Oh God,' He sighed and rubbed his forehead, feeling an intense headache forming. 'I always have to get myself into these crazy situations with other people. Half the time, I don't even know how the hell to get out.'
He opened the car door and exited the vehicle, making his way towards the dark porch, another thought came to mind; 'Seeing as though Gilbert and Elizabeta think they're so genre savvy, they might be able to provide some advice again. I just...can't accept having to come to them for help.'
Just about all of the lights in the house were off. Of course, this was not strange at all. Their father must be once again out living it up on Friday and Gilbert was more than likely with Elizabeta trying to get her to cooperate and have sex with him. Since nobody was home, maybe this was a chance to finally be alone and let himself think about how he's going to be able to get Feliciano back and out of his slightly-older brother's control.
Not surprisingly, the door was unlocked. Ludwig let himself in and gazed around the living room, not seeing any signs of someone home. Not even Gilbert trying to put the moves on Elizabeta on the couch. He glanced around and then made his way through the rest of the house to the stairs. Not bothering to try and look for anyone, he made his way down the second floor to his room and didn't bother to turn on the main light.
He just reached for the lamp and flicked it on, casting a dim glow in the room. It was the perfect way to add to to the mood at least. Ludwig paced the room a bit, wondering how Feliciano was doing and what could be done to fix things.
And in a matter of minutes, he started thinking back over to their kissing situation. Which couldn't possibly be resolved now, not when Feliciano was officially forbidden to see him and was most likely being kept under drastic and paranoid surveillance from Lovino. He really did have feelings for the clueless Italian, he really did now that he thought about it. Like said before, he just had no knowledge about how to express them or stop being so nervous about everything.
He sighed aloud and stripped off his jacket and adjusted the tank top he wore underneath, the first article of clothing was discarded onto the floor and he sat down on the edge of his bed...blushing as he recalled the events of the other night.
The first time he had slept with Feliciano – not in that way, mind you –. He could remember how awkward it was at first for him, especially considering he was completely naked of all things. But then...then everything was strangely okay a little bit later when he realized how close they had become and how warm and tempting to snuggle against he was. Still, Ludwig could not look at his bed the same way since then...is this good or bad?
He must really feel strongly about the pasta-loving Italian then. What other reason could explain why he felt so strange and unlike himself around him, was anxious to lock lips, or just longed to be in his presence. If you were to narrow it all down to one outcome, this was it. And now...now he wasn't sure if he could handle being distant from him now.
As Ludwig lied there in silent agony and stared up at the ceiling, he heard a loud SMACK. And then two more following. It all sounded like it was happening outside his bedroom window. He blinked and pushed himself off the bed, grabbing his discarded favorite green jacket and slipping it back on before making his way over.
When the German pulled back the curtains, he was surprised to see Antonio of all people at his window standing on a ladder for support. He was mouthing for him to be let inside. This just didn't make any sense at all...why couldn't he have just came around the front door like a normal person would?
Well, there must be some reason why the Spaniard decided to drop by this late into the night. Ludwig barely knew the guy, but he assumed this was true. He opened the window and Antonio climbed inside and wiped the sweat from his brow.
"Whew, thanks for letting me inside." Antonio wiped the sweat from his brow and stretched his arms over his head. He obviously did not notice the fact Ludwig was staring at him with many questions as to why he was even here floating through his head. "Ah, I almost thought no one was home. But then I noticed the shining light from this room and found this old ladder I could use to get in. This is not awkward for you...is it?"
"Having another guy tap on your window in the middle of the night...?" Ludwig shook his head. "Of course not, it isn't awkward at all..."
"Okay, that's good!" Antonio smiled and proceeded to go on with explaining why he bothered to visit in the middle of the night especially after what happened earlier in town with Lovino. "I'm something of friends with your older brother Gilbert, in case you haven't been told. When Lovino dropped me back off at my place and then dragged his brother to theirs, I immediately gave Gilbert a text and told him the situation; he's been giving me status reports of you and Feliciano's friendship and relationship upgrade for a while now..."
Of course, Gilbert would do that. Ludwig sighed as Antonio babbled onward, he couldn't believe that so many people were starting to get involved in this situation. It didn't seem like a huge deal to him, but apparently everyone they knew personally had to play a role.
"You see, I was paying attention for a change back at the movie theater. I have to admit that it was unfair how Lovi pried in like that and forbid Feli to be around you. And I came here to ask...do you really care about Feli?"
"I..." Ludwig trailed off at seeing the smile on the Spaniard's face increase with the response he hoped he was receiving. It would be embarrassing to answer truthfully, but there would be no other way he could get Antonio to make his point clear and obvious. "Why are you so curious about how I feel about Feliciano? No offense, Antonio, it shouldn't matter to you."
Honestly, Antonio took no offense whatsoever to that. Although he hadn't anticipated this question as a retort to his original question. "It's fine, Ludwig. Hmm, well, I know that if you really do love someone...you should fight for them! Lovi will threaten you and show his fists all that he wants to, but he's really just as pathetic as his brother...would instigate a fight but never have the courage or power to put up a struggle."
"That's helpful. But, ah, how do you know this?"
"I've been madly infatuated with him for years, amigo. Even if he tries to reject me, abuse me, claim he wants me to go to hell and leave him alone..." Antonio sighed dreamily. "Nothing will ever convince me to give up on him. I fight for him all the time and never stop. One of these days, Lovi will have to realize that he wants me so badly-"
Ludwig interrupted him with a raised hand. "I get the picture." He thought for a moment and started to pace the room as Antonio laughed nervously at his infatuated ramblings and scratched the back of his head. "It seems like everyone else around me has someone that they're head over heels for and actually have the guts to make a move. Meanwhile, I'm over here unsure of how to do anything."
Antonio walked over and slung an arm around his shoulder, Ludwig briefly gave him an irritated glance as he realized this was so similar to what Gilbert did to him once he wanted to chat. "Well, I just know that you're crazy about Feliciano and I can't say that I blame you there. Lance-"
"Ludwig. Gilbert should have at least told you that much."
"Sorry. Ludwig, if you really do care about Feliciano then you'll come with me over to this house and sneak inside to talk to him, admit that you want to be with him more so than how you usually lead everyone else to believe, and you'll make a move and kiss him right there on the spot." Antonio's expression turned somewhat serious as he went on, it really caught Ludwig off guard. Seriously, why did Gilbert have such strange friends anyway? And why did one of them have to be obsessed with helping him?
Still, Ludwig had a theory as to Antonio's motives for paying a visit to their respected crushes' home. "You just want to tell Lovino how you feel and hope that he stops being in denial and accept the fact he's head over heels for you, Antonio?"
"...Yes. I mean, a little." Once again, his cheeks began to warm and Antonio scratched one as he chuckled. Ludwig sighed to himself, this guy was pretty determined, wasn't he? "Haha, you make it sound a little too desperate. But the truth is that I want to help you get back together with Feliciano as well. So, are you in or out?"
Of course, Ludwig didn't have to be asked twice. He knew that he wanted to straighten everything out and make Feliciano realize that he shouldn't let Lovino interfere with his life, and Lovino should just back down once in a while if he deep, deep, deep, deeeeeep down cares about his brother more so than what's he's even willing to accept. And between all of this, Antonio must get a truthful from Lovi about how he really feels about him. God, this seems so complicated.
He was silent for a moment, before reaching for his car keys and turning to the concerned Spaniard with a serious glint in his eyes. "You make a strategy, I'll drive."
Antonio couldn't fight an approving grin. "We're going to make a good team. And by the end of the night, we'll both have our boys back and maybe even in bed..."
"Now isn't the time for sexual fantasies, Antonio."
"Aw. You're right..."
It appeared that everything was going to be going their way. Seeing as though Ludwig and Antonio both had unmistakable feelings for one of the brothers then this chaos would be settled for everyone. And no one would be left with an unresolved relationship – which would really suck if that were to happen. Of course, someone would have to experience this.
Both were determined not to. Keep it up, boys. You keep it up.
As they entered the car, strapped their belts, and made their trip downtown, their strategies for how getting into the house to talk to the Italian brothers were forming in their minds. Undeniably, there were several different ways that they could do this. And most were, in fact, ridiculous.
After all, it wasn't likely that they could get inside – for all the duo knew: Feliciano was probably being locked inside his own bedroom against his will and forbidden from leaving unless it was extremely necessary. Meanwhile, Lovino was probably determined to not answer the door, suspecting that Ludwig and Antonio would make attempts to come and visit. And he hated the both of them...well, he possibly hated Antonio. But that is up for debate right now, isn't it?
If things were seen their way tonight, then just maybe...the two would get their boys. And elsewhere, Gilbert would somehow manage to get Elizabeta in bed. Everyone would at least have overcome these horrible and annoying milestones in their respected relationships.
'Feliciano, just put up with your bruder for a few more moments, we'll be there soon to straighten everything out. And then, then we are going to share that kiss with no interruptions; even if we have to do so out on the sidewalk where everyone can get full glimpse of it. I...like you too much to let you suffer.'
'...I wonder if Ludwig has any breath spray on hand. If my strategy works out just as planned, I'll have Lovi in my arms and finally get a taste of his lips. Hell, maybe we'll just go straight to his bedroom~!'
. . .
"Fratello, please just...just reconsider this." Feliciano whimpered as he pressed himself to the door and tried in vain to open the damn door that Lovino had locked rather well. This was just wasn't right at all!
"I won't reconsider anything, dammit! And stop sounding so melodramatic over this situation; I'll unlock the door in the morning of course..." Lovino paused, even through the door that separated them, his huffing and scoffing could be heard. "This is a chance for you to be alone and get it through your fucking head that you don't need that bastard in your life. And then you'll have to move on to someone better that's actually worth your affections."
"But I..."
"Love him?" Feliciano just remained silent, glancing down at the floor as a pink shade flooded to his cheeks. He knew that he really really liked Ludwig of course...but love? That was... "Humph, well you will just have to forget about him and move on to someone better. You'll do better...take me for an example."
Wait, what did he just say? That last part seemed a bit odd. Feliciano blinked repeatedly for once and looked back at the door, as if he were looking at his Fratello face to face. "Ve? Why would I take you as an example, Lovino? What do you mean?"
There was a long pause after that. Feliciano guessed that seeing as though there was silence and there were occasional loud footsteps being heard, he must have been pacing like he always did once extremely flustered or panicked.
"I...aaaah...you know...damn it...I-I'm talking about Antonio! He...ugh...forget it..."
"Ve~ I want to hear more. What does Antonio have to do with anything? Wait...are you saying that you actually...?"
"D-Dammit, yes! Are you happy now? You got your fucking confession out of me!" The pacing became more louder and Lovino sounded so furious, regretful, mortified, and so many other things that he never thought he would ever release. Emotions.
"I don't understand." Feliciano turned and walked back over to his bed. He was suddenly interested in hearing this 'confession' of Lovi's and sat on the edge hugging his knees to his body.
"You wouldn't understand...but I guess there's nothing else for us to do to to make the rest of the night pass right by, right? Humph...the truth is that your guess was right about me."
"You l-"
"Yes! Now shut the fuck up about that, it's embarrassing! If you want the truth...that bastard has always gotten under my skin and has been so annoying with the way that he's constantly flirting with me and just about stalking me...but he..." Another pause, which Lovino used to sigh as he went on. Hey, they had nothing else to do since he went drastic and locked all the doors in the house to make sure Ludwig couldn't make his way in. "He's just about the only person to care about me so much. I know he's annoying as hell...with his stupid smiling face that makes me feel week at seeing, his unpredictable actions and flirting attempts, and then there's that way he tries to calm me down when I'm pissed; saying soothing things in his slow and seductive accent..."
Feliciano reached for his cell phone and checked the time. He knew that this couldn't possibly go on forever, but he had to make sure. After all, sitting all alone in your dark bedroom with no way to open the door and having your older brother on the outside spontaneously deciding to confess about what he thinks of someone else could get boring.
However, even if he was interested in what Lovino had to say honestly about Antonio, he still was overall saddened by how the night turned out and the fact he probably wouldn't ever get to be around Ludwig again. Oh God, that last thought made the tears prick uncomfortably in the corners of his eyes and they screwed shut even more to try to get them to stop trying to leave.
One last time, Feliciano swallowed and raised a finger to delicately brush away a teardrop that was on the tip of his eyelashes. He hadn't even realized that Lovino was silent again and probably just as flustered and furious as he was earlier. Until he carried on with the confession of his.
"I know I claim I detest him, call him an annoying bastard scream various profanations at the top of my lungs at him when he tries to be affectionate...but it's all to hide the fact I deep, deep, deep, deep down sort of..."
"Ve~ I think what you're trying to say is that...you still have feelings for him despite all the annoying, rough, and embarrassing moments you share?"
"That's basically it. But you fucking better not tell him or anyone else that I confessed these things! I'll do something worse than just locking you in your own bedroom to make up your mind!"
Once again, Feliciano glanced downward. Trying hard to make sure his voice didn't waver again as he said somewhat quietly, "Ve...I understand. Since we're actually opening up for what feels like the first time ever...maybe I should tell you how I even realized that I really, really liked Ludwig?"
"It would make things even for us. Now skip the pointless bullshit about what happened to get you two together as a couple; because that topic makes me sick and so fucking disgusted to even hear."
Feliciano didn't understand why they were choosing this moment to be honest about their feelings for certain people, but he didn't dare question. He knew that this was the first time in a while that both had been confessing things on their minds. As they never had the best sibling relationship.
Well, that was one-sided on Lovino's part. Feliciano tried to overlook his Fratello's bad characteristics and keep their relationship manageable. Even if he was feeling down from what had happened tonight, he found the strength to wear a broken smile.
"Ve~ It's sort of odd, I always did really like him a lot. More than what I probably should have as a friend and nothing more. Seeing as though Ludwig is sort of shy, I wasn't sure if he would ever realize how I always felt..."
"Why would you still try and throw yourself onto some bastard that probably wouldn't have returned your feelings...?"
"I..." Feliciano's fingers dug in around his legs that were hugged tightly to his body. He found himself feeling disapproving over how Lovino viewed Ludwig, he honestly just wanted everyone to get along. Why couldn't his Fratello see that? "Ve~ I still wanted him to know how I felt. Of course, he was admittedly good at concealing his emotions and I always wondered how he truly saw me...and now the answer is clear to me."
"..."
"It's just as Elizabeta told me yesterday." A blush sneaked into Feliciano's fair skin, he raised his fingers to trace over and feel the heat. Almost embarrassed to be saying all of this to Lovino when it was obvious that he...would never approve of the relationship and would still be hellbent on interfering as much as possible. "Even if he is too shy and awkward on the inside to show it...Ludwig feels the same way I do. That's why he's been so determined to get me alone somewhere to share our first kiss. I have been wondering the whole time why he was like this over it."
"Whoa, what the hell are you talking about? He actually tried to kiss you and you were going to allow that?" Feliciano flinched, Lovino was using his angry tone now. The tone that he used when he was officially close to absolute rage, the boiling and breaking point.
Before a nervous Feliciano could explain farther and make a fail attempt to reason with him, loud knocking could be heard throughout the house, like someone was at the door. But this seemed strange...
Why would someone drop by at this hour? And who could it possibly be?
Lovino was more than pissed at the fact their so-called brotherly conversation got put on pause. He groaned loudly and cursed, then angrily told Feliciano they would finish it after he went downstairs and yelled at their annoying visitor. And he warned him to not try anything stupid and unlikely to bust out like a prisoner at a highly-guarded facility.
But what choice did Feliciano have but to sit there on his bed and watch the door sadly as Lovino descended down the stairs to go cuss out their visitor. Seeing as though he was gone, the saddened Italian released a long sigh and softly plopped back down onto his back and stared up at the ceiling.
His eyes still stung even from the small amount of tears that he had tried to keep secret on the ride home; Antonio being the only one of the two to really notice well and mouth some questions referring to whether he was okay or not. Normally, he would not have made any attempts to hide his tears. But after freaking out during that movie and practically looking brokenhearted when leaving the theater with his brother and his not boyfriend, he figured he shouldn't make himself look any more pathetic.
Even if he truly wasn't the strongest person around.
It just hurt him deeply. To know that he finally found someone he really, really liked and then found out his feelings were returned. Proceeding afterward with sweet and somewhat awkward moments and suspense and anxiety for the big damn first kiss he hoped to get. Only to have everything collapse too soon all because of Lovino not approving of the relationship and having to be so controlling over his life.
Now he could easily call Ludwig up with his cellphone. He could pick the lock. He could even gather all of his very-limited courage and stand up to Lovino. But Feliciano could not bring himself to carry out these suggestions without feeling the tears prick in his eyes again.
He truly was pathetic, wasn't he? To not be able to decide what to do to straighten out this mess he had fallen into unknowingly. It wasn't that he was an idiot, he was just sometimes too oblivious and easily swayed.
Feliciano rolled over onto his side, his fingers grabbed the covers and clawed them as he tried to fight the incoming tears. He couldn't cry anymore, it would be ridiculous to. He would just have to...have faith that Lovino would have a change of heart, Antonio would come up with a crazy scheme, or Ludwig would be admirably bold and come along to his aid again. Or hell, all of the above would be great.
What Feliciano didn't realize, was that soon enough: this mess would get straightened out and he would get that happy ending he wanted so badly. Just in an unexpected way.
. . .
Lovino, meanwhile, sulked through the house cussing the entire time. He didn't need to have to see any stupid visitors now, not when he was feeling utterly angry from the fact Feliciano couldn't realize he didn't need that annoying German bastard in his life, and humiliated from the fact he had just about gotten too deep into the moment and confessed a little too much about how he really felt about Antonio.
His life has been nothing but hell these past few weeks. All because of his stupid brother's love life. And honestly, he really shouldn't give fuck about what Feliciano did or who he was interested in. He shouldn't be worried at all.
So why...why did he still have to be concerned deep down?
He arrived at the door, unlocked it, and opened it unnecessarily roughly and hastily. When he got a good view of the visitor standing before him, his ever-present scowl deepened and his mood turned that much more sour. It just had to be him, didn't it?
So the only question that Lovino had formulated was a hostile: "And what the hell are you doing here...?"
To Be Continued.
. . .
*Raises a tiny white flag* Please...please don't be annoyed or angry at me for being late with the update, okay? D: I mean, my birthday was days ago and I was hanging out with my friends and family over the rest of the weekend. I hadn't the chance to get started on the chapters and one-shots.
The rest of the week was extremely busy. I'm looking for another job on the side so...yeah...that really takes up a nice chunk of one's day. It doesn't help to have your best friend/roommate constantly breathing down your neck (almost literally, in fact) about how you need to get going again before that bitch, writer's block makes it's dreaded return on 'ya. *Sighs in an exhausted manner*
I hope that the chapter was good anyway. The end is in sight now. But first: Ludwig and Antonio will have to scheme to get their boys, *Pours up some drinks in preparation for the end*, and then we'll all get some booze and celebrate should they win them because we're just that obsessive, am I right...? n.n …Wait...what? :|
Fun Fact: The scenes with Feliciano and Lovino having their exchange through the locked door was originally going to be deleted because it felt out of nowhere and unnecessary. But then I worked with it more and wrote up on paper three possibly outcomes from it. None seemed good. So I left the exchange in anyway and had it all come to StormofyourDestiny's suggestion: have a surprise visitor by the end with a cliffy. That's why it may seem...rushed. *Cringes at that word, as she hates it*
Read and review~!
