You have waited and waited, biding your time, all while asking…
"Is there a point to this fanfic?"
"Why is Mario so stupid?"
"When will Ness make an appearance?"
Well the answer to none of those questions will be answered, except one!
This summer, Ness stars in…
Ness: The Magical Wizard who Says Odd Things!
Fox walked solemnly up to the summit of the mountain where the magical wizard was said to live. He stopped, gave one look to the short, big-headed child seated on the rock and bowed with reverence.
"You have traveled far, noble kitty cat." Ness said, "What do you ask of me?"
Featuring the fine acting abilities of Keanu Reeves… as the rock Ness sits on.
"Oh dude!" Everyone's bad impersonation of Keanu whines, "You like totally need to, like take a shower."
"Be silent, rock. Now kitty, what is your question."
Fox shook his head, "First off, I'm a fox, not a cat. Second, I need your advice. You see, I have been trying to get the attention of a young lady."
Ness nodded, "I like fudge."
"What?!?"
Also featuring the voice talents of Pablo Francisco, as the Movie voice-over guy.
Ness held his hand up, as though he had something important to say, "Fangirls…" he began, "…are very evil people."
"What are you talking about?" Fox fumed, but Ness stopped him from talking further.
"They use the power of words to do very, very evil things." A Mr. Saturn brought a laptop to him, "Why just read this…"
Nominated for twenty-seven-thousand Academy Awards, including Biggest Waste of Eleven Minutes and Best Use of a Spontaneous Dance Break.
Fox looked it over, "Hey, it's a Naruto fic. What's so bad about… oh… oh!" Fox's ear began involuntarily twitching, first one, then two, then rapidly flitting. "OH!!!!! That's disgus-OH! And Akimaru? Oh dear god! I think that's illegal! OH!"
"I would say something bad, but apparently it's our job just to say 'Two Thumbs Up' on every single movie I see." Raves Ebert and Roper.
Fox tore his eyes away from the monitor. "That was the most disgusting thing I have ever seen in my life."
Ness clicked on the screen, "There is another chapter." He explained.
Fox gasped, "I dare not read, but I can't look away…"
The New York Times says: "Riveting! We give it four stars, but remember were the one who gave good reviews to the Jackass Movies!"
"So you see…" Ness drawled, "Fangirls are evil people, who do evil things to famous characters." (Author's note: Suicide? Just a disclaimer: I joke around with you people. I don't wanna get Hate-Mail from fangirls because they actually wrote stories that bad.)
"Why do they write such things?" Fox asked, near retching from that second chapter.
"Because they usually read too much into Kakashi's Thousand years of Pain attack." Ness curled up into a ball, "And the worst part is, none of us are safe. Someone somewhere is writing something really bad about us even as we speak!"
A moment of silence ensued, broken by Fox, who said, "Wizard? Will you hold me?"
"Heck NO!"
Ness: The Magical Wizard who Says Odd Things
Coming this fall to a fanfic near you…
