2-15-17: Minor edits made. Now featuring commentary at the end of each fic because I have to entertain myself somehow.


Prompt: Most amazingly hot porn EVER, Mormon, robot from Mystical Octopus

"My eyes!" Hojo squeals upon walking into the security room, slapping a hand over his eyes to block out the images. "Oh Jenova why have you forsaken me?" He wails, wondering what he did to deserve this torture.

"Sheesh man, it's just the most amazingly hot porn EVER," one of the security team says, who was later identified as the man who used to wear an octopus (The natural enemy of squid) plushie on his head.

"What are you? Some kind of robot?" The second member of the security team asks. He was a blonde haired male who was seemingly unaffected by the images plastered on every single screen in the room and the fact that half the team had mysteriously disappeared into the bathroom a couple minutes before.

"Why Jenova? Oh why have you turned your back on your most faithful servant? Is it because my mother is a Mormon?" Hojo screams and is kicked in the face by the last of the three remaining security guards.

"You are such a woman," she says, sneering down at him as she throws him out of the room and returns to her corner, pretending that the rest of the world does not exist.

It was on this day that Hojo discovered why Reno and the rest were always able to get away with what they did and it scarred him for life.

To this day he screams when he sees the door to the security room, which is sad because it's in the hallway right before he gets to his office.


Thank you to everyone who has read and reviewed over the years

(Is now a bad time to mention that I think porn is either the greatest joke ever or incredibly disgusting and that half of the implications of what I wrote went right over bby!me's head? I'm asexual and I still don't get it. This is probably the one I've found the funniest so far because oh god, past me, you are so dumb and I love you.)