Ever have one of those conversations that bring up a heap of memories that you never wanted to remember and or think about ever, ever again?

I feel

like

falling

down.

The gilded cage is back and trapping me. Making me watch old memories play out like old black and white movies. I have one day in particular. A day that is engraved.

He is running. His arms out and waving with the seagulls. We are at the beach. He calls my name.

"Lily! Lily! I'm a seagull! I'm a bird!"

"If you are a bird, then I' am a bird!"

The sand is cold under my feet and between my toes. The sun is dying. He wraps his arms around my waist.

"I love you, Lily."

"I-"

I wake up in a pool of cold sweat. The clock is burning a hole into my brain- 3:45 a.m. I get up shaking.

I have to see it. I have to feel it.

I walk down the hall. Turn the corner. A door at the end of the long hall stands closed, cold and forgotten. Not breathing I close my clammy palm around the doorknob and twist it slowly.

Errrrrrch- door language for: "Leave it be! Leave it alone!"

Against my better judgment I open the door, in a swift swing. My eyes are stinging. Is this crying? I run a hand over my face. Nope, no tears. I haven't cried… I haven't cried not since-

There is a tightening feeling grabbing my insides like large sharp claws. My black hole that place in my chest is screaming: "NO! NO! Don't let the emotion hurt us!"

But tonight I want it. I want to fucking feel the presences.

The room is dark. I do not turn on a lamp. I sit on the very edge of the bed, it squeaks, it's so stiff. No one has slept in it in ages, centuries it feels like. I sigh; my breath comes out wavered and forced. It's such a chore to breathe.

The room is almost barren. They took away his things. They boxed it all up. I screamed, I remember, I told them not to touch it. But they took it, took everything.

They wanted to erase him all together. I pleaded! I begged! "Let me keep a piece of him! Let me have this one thing!"

No. All was tossed. All was gone, away along with my heart. I have no heart. I have no feeling. I touch the bare mattress- no sheets for warmth, don't need any. The moon hangs on its side and shines dimly through the window. I reach out and let my hand play in the single ray of moonlight.

Are you here?

……

"So what time should I come over?"

"Whenever." I sigh into the phone as I hear Oliver on the other line put on his shoes.

"I'll be over later; I've got to pick Sarah up first. Hey, is Miley coming?"

"I hope so."

…..

My parents are already gone when, low and behold, Miley is standing at my door. I gave her directions to my place yesterday at the park. She looks out of her element.

"Hi." It's a short and shy.

"Hey, come on in." I wave her inside and shut the door.

I don't know why, but with her in my house things seem… warmer… brighter…

"You're house is very…" She trails off looking around at the twisting stairs and the tall chandelier. "Big." She says after a moment blushing.

"Thanks."

She's wearing her hair up. Her dress is red corduroy and runs right to her knees showing the slightest bit of her nice legs. Miley's face is flushed and her lips are bright red from biting them. She's wearing a little more make-up then usual. It makes my insides warm, it's selfish but I'd like to think she dressed up to impress me. Stupid, I know. Her clothes are very modest and practical; too bad she's wearing long sleeves I want to see that tattoo.

"Would you like to sit? Oliver and everyone should be here soon." I guide her to the living room. She quickly walks to the Edgar Degas painting in the corner of the ballerinas stretching backstage.

"I love Degas!" She says gushing over the painting. She holds her hand as if to brush the surface with her fingertips, but she resists.

"You can touch it." I smirk. "It's not like it's the original."

She turns back to me and gives a little smile. "I know… I just didn't want to be rude."

"Well stop that. And yeah I like Degas too; it was given to me by…" I stop. She's waiting for me to finish, but I can't.

The door bell rings. Thank-you Jesus! "I'll get it!" I shout running off leaving Miley standing by herself.

I swing the door open roughly and see Oliver and Sarah and behind them half of the school. I groan, damn you Sarah! Someone's got to learn how to quiet about parties.

"Sorry." She mutters as I'm trampled by all the jackasses I spend five days a week eight hours a day with.

"You're not sorry." I snap walking off.

I find Miley horror stricken in the corner. If she wasn't here I'd probably run off to find Craig, who usually brings the beer, but with her here I want everyone to leave. I don't feel like getting pissed drunk and having sex with half the cheerleading squad.

I want to… be with Miley and talk about Degas. What the hell is going on with me?

"Hey! Hey! It's Li-ly!" Jimmy, the quarterback, cheers putting an arm around me, he reeks of booze. "This party is like… likes so totally fucking awesome! … Hey, hey aren't you like a," He snorts here, "like a lezbo or somethin'?"

"Get off of me!" I bark shoving the bastard aside. He stumbles and laughs.

"When you find Mary, tell me okay?" He chuckles in a slurred voice.

Oh Christ, not Mary.

"Howdy everybody!"

Shit.

I smell it, the strong odor of overly priced perfume stinging my nostrils. I'd know that voice anyway. I turn around and see her.

"Oh look its Mary Magdalene." I sneer angrily as she strides sexily over to me. Mary has always been hot. Long white blonde hair and pale gray eyes. She has the best body, tall and curvy. Her and I… well we go back a little too. After Lauren Mary was my rebound girl. We had sex once (or rather I fucked her, if you want to be technical about it. There's no way I'd let that slut touch me) it was quick and hard, completely meaningless backed up against a bathroom wall.

She's very free about her dating life/sex life. It's funny how they say a smaller town is wholesome and good. But really, it's just like the city only in the morning instead of forgetting that one night stand and loosing yourself in a crowd, everyone knows what happened.

"Now, now Lillian no need for names." She giggles lazily wrapping an arm around me, which I shove off quickly.

"I'm out of here." I storm off to find Oliver.

I find him sitting with Sarah talking quietly with each other. Thankfully, Miley is with them not trapped in the main party room.

"You!" I yell pointing at them. "Why did you tell all your stupid friends about my 'small gathering?'"

Sarah cringes. "I'm really sorry Lily, it was all Brittany's fault, you know how she gets."

"I'll kill her!"

"Chill out Lily." Oliver soothes me calmly taking my hand and making me sit on the couch. I see Miley sitting straight up in the armchair.

"I'm sorry Miley, it was just supposed to be a few people." I say sadly.

She shakes her head. "Not your fault… but I think I'd better go." She stands and I jump up.

"No! Please stay. I'll find a quiet room to sit in… please?"

Miley chews on the inside of her cheek and then meets my eye for a second before looking back down. "… Alright."

Author's Note: So? Let's hear it? Leave your thoughts.

Kurrent: It is always a pleasure as a writer to see reviews like yours. I'm glad to see I've opened you up to the darker stories. And I'm so ecstatic to be in the writer's club! Happy to be here! Also I tend to empathize for fictional characters too. It's a little humorous because I tend to care more deeply and connect with them more then real people. All questions will hopefully be answered in the next chapter but only if I can get my act together. Thank- you very much for your words. I hope to hear more (if that's not too greedy to say.)