Once again thannnnnk you for all of your lovely reviews :) And to guest reviewer Nina- Personally I myself don't like Mason-Ivan, it sounds ridiculous, and I know it was kind of hypocritical of me to say Anya was clichéd but Mason and Ivan weren't. I just disagree, I think Rose would want to honour her fallen comrades so to speak.
Anyway, yesterday I had a school assembly and I had to laugh when they played Little Einstein's at the start. Perfect timing huh?
Summary Her darkness creeps in and it's one she's had since birth.
POV Lissa
8
In truth, when I woke up that night to Rose's crying, I felt like a horrible person. It wasn't just because of the obvious reason that she was in pain.
I'd found myself glad she was having a nightmare. I found myself wishing and wanting for the days where it was just Lissa and Rose. Where it was only each other whom we could rely and confide in. And I felt a black tar of bitterness weighing low in my stomach.
Why was it always Dimitri? I'd thought, gazing down at her tear stained face. Why was it that only Dimitri could calm her and soothe her fears? Rose was my best friend. And even though it was never voiced, why did she even have to second guess who she should save if it came down to it? It should always be me! She should always put me first!
As Rose cries into my shoulder I hand her phone to her and stand up. What was wrong with me? Rose had just as much a right to love as I did. But a little voice in the back of my head disagreed. Rosie lives for you, only for you. Always and only for you.
I take in a shuddering breath as I fill a glass up with water, my shaking hand almost dropping it. That voice scared me. I knew why it scared me. That voice was not spirit.
It was me.
Talking to the guardian stationed at the door, I give him a command that I know will make Rose happy but it leaves me with a sick, dark feeling welling in the back of my mind. I should be happy. If Dimitri comes, it means Rose will be happy. It means that Christian will come and he can save me from the darkness fogging my mind. The darkness that previously only Rose could save me from.
Finally reaching my room, I sit down on the bed, pulling my knees up to my chin. But maybe that was what scared me the most? The fact that I wanted to wallow in this ever present darkness? That I yearned to fall deep into the depths of despair, the pits so deep only Rose and her pretty, long brown hair could pull me from.
I wanted to fall into that sea of bitterness, because at least then I know Rose will pay attention to me. That she'll discard her love to take care of me and I'll be her sole devotion once more (the voice whispers that I'll have to do something more permanent, that'll get rid of Dimitri forever so Rose will be mine, mine, mine once more). I curl my head in shame at the thoughts I have. But I would arrange these things, the times for Dimitri and Christian to visit, to please Rose. That made me a good best friend.
Another voice, different from the dark overlord that consumed my mind, whispers that a good best friend doesn't have those kinds of thoughts at all. And I know that that is the voice of spirit and I should block it out but I will allow it that small indulgence, that small victory, because I know it's true. That really I am the worst best friend in the world.
