Helga
For 3 years Miriam had shut down. From her husband. From her daughter. Her friends. Even her parents. The loss of her child ripped a hole in her heart that could not be filled. However, she had found a vice. It didn't take the pain away, but dulled it.
Olga strived to be the best at everything. The day she lost the spelling bee on one stupid word, she saw how disappointed her father was. She felt like a failure. Her mother had been excited about the prospect of her winning. Then she lost, and the light went out in her mothers eyes again.
She kept her secret pain to herself.
Bob spent more and more time at work, to avoid coming home. He had tried to get Miriam out of her funk, but they had barely spoken since that night. He wanted to talk things through, but she would shut down and go quiet. It frustrated him and he would retreat to his work. Business was easy. There was a problem he could fix it. But he didn't know how to fix this.
So when Miriam came to him and showed him a flyer for a cruise around the South Pacific, he had quietly been elated. This could be the break through needed. Maybe this glass wall she had put up would finally be shattered and they could go back to the way it had been.
*Two months later*
"This is wonderful," Miriam murmered, lying in the sun. "I feel so regenerized!"
"It is nice," Bob said. He looked at his phone again. Miriam felt annoyance bubble up in her chest.
"Can I have your phone a minute?" she asked, sitting up and holding out her hand.
"Why?" he asked, handing it to her.
"Because we're on holiday," she said taking it from him and throwing it over the railing and into the ocean. "We're supposed to be concentrating on us, not work!"
"Sorry," he said. He looked in the direction of his phone. He wasn't too bothered. He had another in their cabin.
"I love you, Bob," she said, straddling him. "I've missed you so much,". she buried her face into his shoulder. "Do you still love me?"
Bob looked her in the eyes. Of course he did. He wouldn't still be here if he didn't. he couldn't find the words so he kissed her softly.
"Forever," he whispered.
*Eight weeks later*
Miriam stared at the doctor in shock. Pregnant? Again?
Fear gripped her heart. What if she lost this one? She couldn't go through that pain again. It would well and truly destroy her. She touched her hand to her stomach. What would she do? She wouldn't terminate, she knew that. How was Bob going to handle this? What about Olga?
"Are you okay?" the doctor asked.
"I'm . . . stunned . . ." she said. Oh god! The amount of drinking she had been doing! What if she had hurt this little person already! "I need to go home. I need to think about how I am going to tell my family," she said, standing up and walking towards the door.
"Mrs. Pataki!" the doctor called. He handed her a card. "If you need support, there are groups out there,"
"Thank-you," she said in a hollow voice, then turned and left.
That night she cooked Bob's favourite meal. and his favourite desert. She had an ice cold beer ready. Olga was upstairs getting ready for dinner. She sometimes worried about her daughter, she spent so much time either studying or milling about the house. She remembered being twelve years old, and she couldn't remember spending as much time at home as Olga did.
"Oh, Mommy!" Olga cried dramatically. "I had the most horrendous day today," she plopped herself down in a chair.
"That's no good," she said absent-mindedly, looking towards the hall for Bob. She tuned Olga out as she ran through her head how she was going to spill the beans. A little part of her was excited. While a bigger part was terrified! Finally she heard the front door open and Bob entered the dining room.
"What's for dinner?" he asked.
"I'm pregnant!" Miriam blurted.
That wasn't the way she was planning to tell everyone . . .
*six months later
After 23 hours of labour she finally held her new little girl. She looked up at Bob, and though he smiled she could tell her was disappointed. He had wanted another boy.
Instead they had another little girl.
"I'm going to be the best big sister in the world!" Olga said.
She looked down at her little girl.
"What will you name her?" a nurse asked.
"Helga," Miriam said. "Her name is Helga".
