WARNING: Crack. Insert self here. Insert friend there. Plus something that makes no sense.
Disclaimer: Bleach Tite Kubo : Hazumi Me. Simple enough.
The Barista.
Hazumi was a coffee person. Ever since Ichigo had first introduced her to the human world substance, she had been hooked, lined, and sunk. So it wasn't a surprise that she had waltzed right into one of Karakura's small cafes one afternoon, a small smile coating her lips as she inhaled the strong scent of caffeinated drinks. What Hazumi didn't take note was the lack of patrons in said cafe, and the maniacal grin directed towards the arriving blonde.
It was only after a quite sudden and very animated 'WELCOME TO CAFE LUCES!' that Hazumi's eyes widened and found a very bouncy blonde leaning against the counter of the shop, a thousand watt grin curling her lips.
Coals merely blinked. Once. Twice.
"Ah… Hello."
Hazumi thought she had at least a bit of a right to be apprehensive as the youth's grin only grew, and that twinkle in her eye escalated to a full-on glow. The Shinigami couldn't tell if it was mischievous or just plain happiness.
"OHMYGAWDACUSTOMER! THISISSOGREEEEAAT~!"
She wasn't sure if she wanted to know.
It was safe to say that the Shinigami girl didn't take another step forward, and only gave the hyperactive barista a blank stare. It wasn't that Hazumi was scared of her, per say…
"Ohohoho! What can I get you today!"
It was just that she was a bit uneasy as the energetic blonde continued to speak.
"Ah~ I thought I would have to get a shovel and start tunneling a hole in the floor- that's how bored I've been! But really, a customer! THIS IS MY LUCKY DAY!"
Hazumi had a feeling that this girl didn't get many customers.
Especially as said girl started to dance around in small circles, prancing on about how she had a customer and those shovels in the back of her car could stay there and rot with the bo-
"I-I think I'll just go some-"
"NO! ORDER! I'M SO READY FOR THIS! NOTHING CAN MAKE ME UNPREPARED FOR YOUR EPIC ORDER OF THE CENTURY! PLEASE, CONTINUE, CUSTOMER OF MINE!"
The sudden renewed spark in the barista's eye had Hazumi feeling as though she were watching a flashback of Kurosaki and his son with one of their constant 'kitchen battles.'
And the fact that a bubble of psychopathic laughter had just escaped the lips of said barista had Hazumi feeling a little more than just uneasy as she continued to inch her way towards the door.
It wasn't until a dull thunk followed by an even duller thud and sudden crash resounded throughout the cafe did Hazumi feel the first signs of relief.
But no sooner than that relief had come did it leave.
And was replaced by an even more potent emotion.
Fear.
The barista was no longer in sight.
And all Hazumi had seen was a pretty sizable object being thrown directly towards her head.
"OWWWW~"
"…"
"Diaaaah~! Why'd you throw a expresso machine at me~"
"…"
Hazumi merely watched as a new girl walked in from the back room of the shop, leaning against the threshold as she didn't even cast a glance at the heap of a girl on the floor. She just stared at the Shinigami girl with a dull shimmer in those blue-green eyes of hers.
"Look what you did, Al. Scared the poor woman senseless."
"I'm sorry. Al cannot come to the phone right now. She is too busy cleaning up her brain matter with a tissue on the floor. Please leave a message- OOF!"
Hazumi had taken to just plain gaping as this 'Diah' gave a particularly rough nudge with her foot to the girl splayed across the floor, a scowl now coating her round face.
"Your brains have never been anything but mush, Al."
"Diaaaah~!"
Hazumi couldn't fathom why this girl was calling herself Al, when her name clearly was printed on her name tag as L-
"It's seeping through my ears like a waterfall, Diah~!"
"Good for you, Al."
The sudden ding of the door and the mindless scurrying through said door was the only sign of life other than theirs in the cafe. Diah gave a heavy sigh before nudging the blonde on the floor yet again, this time successfully rolling her over to reveal strange swirls to where her eyes should have been. The only indication that she was still conscious was her sudden chirp, "That was real productive, Diah! We're getting better every day!"
"…"
Extended Ending:
Muttering under his breath, Ichigo swung open the door of the cafe with a scowl. His tawny eyes were tight as he looked around, so sure that he had just sensed Hazumi's reiatsu somewhere around there.
"HELLO! AND WECLOME TO CAFE LUCES!"
"…What's that pink stuff on your ear?"
Blink.
Blink.
Blink.
"HOLY COW! I'VE GOT A TALKING STRAWBERRY IN THE CAFE! MWAHAHAHHAHAH! DIAH! DIAH YOU'RE NEVER GOING TO BELIEVE THIS!"
"…"
"…"
"… Where ARE those shovels?"
Complete crackfic. Complete insanity.
I think the ending was a little weak :/
And all for that mentally ill reader of mine. Hope you liked, Liz.
-Mel
P.s. Thanks for my reviews. I love you all~
