It's that time of the year again! I don't know about you but I'm munching on Halloween candy right now.
Don't judge me.
Chapter 8: The Fox, the Princess, and the Wardrobe
"What is this cunning plan of yours?" Yoshi uttered sardonically.
Claude ignored his tone and focused on keeping up with the cops as they pursued Captain Falcon's pirate ship.
"Catch me if you can, landlubbers!" Falcon screamed enthusiastically as his ship continued to ignore the laws of physics.
Claude picked up the speed, driving Sophia's sturdy titanium body dangerously close to the police vehicles. "I think they finally noticed us."
"Don't flatten the blokes!" Clyde whined.
"I know what I'm doing," Claude replied.
The two squad cars were forced to move closer to the pirate ship to escape being crushed under Sophia's large wheels. Claude watched the cars intently, hoping his theory panned out. When the cars began to slow down and sink into the street, he brought Sophia to a halt and watched as his plan came to fruition.
"Whoa, how did you know that would happen?" Kirby asked.
"Whatever magic that makes the ship work turns the cement around it into liquid. Get too close and you might fall in," Claude explained. "That was my cunning plan."
Yoshi looked on, unimpressed. "What are you waiting for? Falcon's getting away!"
"I don't want the cops to drown in the street!" Claude said, aware of how odd that sounded aloud. He was relieved when the cars stopped sinking about halfway in. The occupants of the vehicles had to climb out through their windows but were no worse for wear. He could only imagine the stories they would tell at the precinct tomorrow.
Sophia's mobile capabilities were put to good use when the tank leapt over the cars and continued pursuit of the pirate ship.
"That was just my first plan," Claude revealed. "I'm gonna need help with the second one."
"What do you need us to do?" Kirby asked without a second thought.
"I want to use Sophia's hookshot to grab onto the ship. Somebody is gonna have to climb across and drop the anchor so the rest of us can get on."
It took Clyde a moment to realize that all eyes were focused on him. "Me? And why should I?"
"I'm driving, Kirby is backup, and Yoshi can't be trusted to do anything important," Claude said, ignoring the heat vision Yoshi was burning into him. "Besides, don't you want that bottle of rum he was talkin' about? It's a pirate ship; he's probably got barrels of the stuff on there, and you can have it all to yourself."
Clyde rubbed the bottom of his muzzle in thought. "Only if I get all the rum."
"Fine by me," Claude said with a shrug.
"I'll do it!"
Claude turned a dial and a grappling hook emerged from the mouth of Sophia's cannon. Keeping Sophia steady while trying to aim the cannon was proving to be more challenging than he thought. "This is so much easier in the games..."
"You can do it!" Kirby shouted encouragingly.
"Don't do that," Claude responded flatly.
Kirby smiled sheepishly, "Sorry."
"Yeah, this is much more helpful!" Clyde said, suddenly slamming fire button.
"Clyde!" Claude yelled in disbelief, but he abandoned any cursing he was planning when the hook perfectly latched onto the ship's stern. "Uh...good job?"
Sophia's canopy opened, exposing them to the night air. Clyde removed his hat and slapped it onto Claude's head.
"What's this for?" Claude groaned.
"Something for my mates to remember me by if I don't make it back," Clyde said, climbing out of his seat. "I know how much you like my hats."
Claude rolled his eyes. "It's just Captain Falcon and some kids..." he said, but Clyde had already made his way onto the rope.
"Is he walking it like a tightrope?" Kirby questioned in disbelief. "He's crazy!"
"Keep 'er steady!" Clyde called out.
"I'm trying!" Claude kept Sophia under control but hoped that the pirate ship didn't make any sudden turns.
Clyde inched his way across the rope, but a boost in confidence lead to a burst in speed. Once he reached the midpoint, he made a massive leap all the way on to the ship.
"I'm starting to wonder if he even needed the rope," Kirby said. Yoshi snorted.
Atop the actual ship was nothing but chaos and a cacophony of voices from the mass of kids. Captain Captain Falcon reveled in his lively crew of sugar-addled, costumed kids, and took to stuffing his face with candy corn while manning the ship's wheel. The sudden change in mood garnered his attention when the children shuffled away from the stern in waves.
"What be the problem here!?" the captain barked.
"G'day."
Falcon gasped. "Shiver me timbers, it's Skippy the Bush Kangaroo!"
Clyde's eyes fell onto the anchor. "Not quite, mate"
Falcon got ahold of himself and approached Clyde with a forced scowl that made him look constipated. "Aaaarrrrr, I be Captain Captain Falcon and what business do yeh have on the S. S. Black Falcon?"
"Drop anchor and give me all the rum!" Clyde demanded, rubbing his hands together enthusiastically as he imagined the spoils he could drink himself silly with.
Captain Captain Falcon's face beamed with a devious grin as an idea struck him, the kind of idea that would be no less of a stunning feat for his normal self to even begin the strenuous task of turning the gears in his brain to conceive.
"How 'bout you join me crew and get all the rum anyway?" he suggested with an arrogant grin.
Clyde scratched an ear in confusion. "I...what?"
"Be my first mate and not only do yeh get the rum on the ship, you get the rum we 'find' in our raids! What say ye?"
"All the rum...for me?" Clyde murmured, his eyes glazed over in bliss.
"Boys! Bring Mr. Skippy the rum!"
"Skippy wants the rum!" the parrot cawed.
"Magic is what got us into this mess in the first place!" Fox complained.
"Curses are a subset of magic so it's not really fair to paint it all under one broad stroke," Iris explained casually. The posse of woodland creatures she had amassed throughout the night nodded in agreement. Fox had half the nerve to punt them.
"The point is," Fox stressed, "using magic so far hasn't worked out too great for us, has it?"
Samus and Niko sat on the curb of the sparsely populated street while Fox and Iris continued their little disagreement.
"This isn't very fun," Niko said.
"I'm almost tempted to pick up where we left off with the trick or treating," Samus suggested. "It may sound ridiculous, but the worst things seem to happen to us when we're just minding our own business: Ken's rampage, the haunted house, Project Helix..."
"OOOOOOOOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!"
"It's like she wanted to prove my point," Samus noted as Dark Zelda's raucous laughter approached them.
"I told you we didn't need magic to lure her here," Fox said with a haughty smile. Iris gave him a disapproving look until the sound of brass horns filled the air and highlighted the beginning of an ominous theme.
"My friends, I plead – stand back!
A friend-turned-foe is on the attack!
Our once ally is in deep distress,
Now that she has become a dark princess!"
"You just had to get one last song in," Fox growled.
"You earned that one, Fox McCloud," Iris retorted.
"I must admit, that was a catchy tune to welcome me with," Zelda said, hovering above. "Unfortunately, it won't change your fate. Destroy them, my loyal servants!"
Five skeletons shambled out of the cover of night. The first lunged for Niko and fell apart in a pathetic heap after awkwardly ramming into his heavy Hyenard costume. Samus lifted a femur from the heap and examined.
"Plastic?" she said in amusement. "You had to resort to bewitching Halloween decorations to do your bidding for you?"
"Give me a break!" Zelda pouted. "They don't have Stalfos here. I'm working on something a lot better than that, and I'll give you the first taste!" A magical bolt whizzed from her fingertips and struck Samus.
The bounty huntress lurched forward as something forbidden crawled its way out of her larynx and emerged in one loud, guttural exclamation of, "Shadoink!"
Niko was horrified. "Why did you say that?"
"Her spell...she made me say it..." Samus curled up next to a bush in a ball of shame and despair as she experienced the first shocks of her inevitable transformation.
"You might be a dark princess now or whatever, but that's still pretty low. Look at her costume!" Fox raved. "Does anyone want another Captain Falcon running around?"
"Oooooohohohohohoho!" Zelda guffawed through the streets. "You think I wouldn't figure out how I came to be? You think I would just let you change things back to the way they were? She got what she deserved."
"You're nothing but a...a big meanie!" Samus cried from her fetal position.
"Her vocabulary is shrinking at a startling rate," Iris said worriedly. "Zelda! This is cruel and unnecessary! We are your friends...if you do not desist, I will have to betray my sparkling and cheery personality and deal with you myself."
Zelda uttered a snerk unbecoming of a princess (evil or not). "Are you going to sprinkle fairy dust on me? You're a fairy princess; you grant wishes and that's it. And I'll prove just how useless you really are in the grand scheme of things!" She unleashed another bolt of forced-talkiness, this time striking Fox with it.
"I won't say it!" Fox screamed and clamped his muzzle shut.
"Fight it!" Iris yelled.
"My son would never forgive me if I ever said such a terrible, horrible, vile thing," Fox said through gritted teeth.
"I recall you actually saying it before," Zelda said, rolling her eyes. "Enough of the theatrics!"
She struck Fox with another bolt and the word finally emerged from his maw in an obnoxious burp.
"That's not fair!" he complained.
"I hope you can keep it together for your sake," Zelda taunted. "I have an army to build! Ooooohohohohohoho!" she cackled as she flew back into the night from whence she came.
"How do you feel?" Iris asked.
Fox shrugged. "I don't feel anything...literally. I'm not hot or cold, but that's not too bad."
Fox's right ear slid off of his head and fell onto the pavement.
"I definitely felt that. Somebody get that for me please."
"Should we start planning the funeral?" Samus wondered stupidly, watching in mild disgust as Niko scooped up the wayward ear.
"I'm not dead yet!" Fox yelled. "I mean...you know what I mean!"
Iris conjured a needle and thread. "I'll sew it back on," she said. "I bet Aurora never had to put up with this!"
Samus is rapidly devolving into a female Captain Falcon and Fox is a zombie. Clyde has seemingly failed his mission at stopping the Black Falcon. Something has to go right soon...right? (Not necessarily)
