Chapter 8: I Love You, Forever

"Edward, what are you doing?" I felt the threat of tears in my throat again as I looked down on him, kneeling there in the grass, holding both of my hands. But still, he didn't grant me any form of answer. He just kept doing it.

"Bella," his voice was strained, as though he would be crying if he could, "you are…so beautiful, and so kind and sweet. I don't deserve someone as good as you. And if I had found someone half as good, I would count myself the luckiest man in the world." He looked down for a moment, studying the grass and composing himself before he looked up at me again. Now his face looked almost pained, but in a happy way. I knew he was crying inwardly, without tears. "I love you so much." He pressed on. "You are my life now. I can't live without you, Bella…and I won't." Then he reached into the pocket of his sport coat.

"Oh no." My plea came out in a hoarse whisper, but, clearly, Edward wasn't listening. He refused to. Letting go of my hands (which readily flew to my mouth), he drew forth the tiny velvet box and held it up to me, snapping it open with one hand. That's when I let the tears flow again. They sprung into my eyes readily and ran down my face without my consent.

But Edward wasn't finished with me just yet. "In the short time that we weren't together," he began again, still holding the ring as my mind rolled the word 'short' around over and over again, "I was lifeless. There was no point to me even existing anymore without you. It took all of my energy just to get through each day, each moment without you. I can't count the amount of times I considered just going to Italy and ending it all."

Now I was sobbing into my hands at the memory. I couldn't stand the thought of something happening to Edward. I refused to think such a thing. Most of the time that I was without him I hardly even recalled. I'd blocked so much out…I was gone. Not even present in my own body. I didn't remember my mother coming to take me home. I didn't remember interacting with anyone. I didn't even remember sleeping or eating or going to school. I was dead to the world…

And then I realized Edward was talking again. "And when Rosalie told me…" He looked as though he might not get through this. "…When she told me that you were…that you were dead…that you'd killed yourself…I couldn't take it. I couldn't stand knowing that I was alive and you weren't. That I existed and you didn't. I didn't deserve to exist without you." I didn't protest. We'd already been through this once before. "You gave my life meaning." He looked so weak as he spoke, like a small child. It was difficult to watch. "You gave me a reason to exist…and now I don't want anything to ever take that away from us. I won't let it. As long as I'm around, nothing, nothing will come between us. I want to be with you…forever. Bella," he paused, his eyes boring into mine with every possible depth to his soul. And that's when I knew it was about to happen, "will you marry me?"

I froze, slowly lowering my hands from my mouth to rest over my stomach. I tried to see him through the lingering tears. I wasn't sobbing anymore, although it seemed the salt-water in my eyes continued to flow relentlessly regardless. I couldn't breathe. Between the tears and the shock it seemed my cardiovascular system had taken a turn for the worst. My head swam. I tried to think logically, although it was difficult to think at all.

I thought of everything he'd done tonight and couldn't help but want to say yes more than anything, but then, as I struggled to remember the reason I hadn't said yes last time, the practical reasoning of it all returned. I was only eighteen years old. I couldn't get married. Edward didn't want to marry me. He couldn't. Not me, the clumsy, awkward, imperfect human, my mind spat the word.

And Charlie. Oh, God, Charlie. Charlie would kill me. My mind couldn't quite figure out what Renee would do, but it was Charlie I was concerned about. He was the one I lived with, after all. He would disown me. And Edward. Did I really want to put Edward through the pain of watching me grow old…of watching me die? But then I realized that none of this had to happen at all. My expression hardened, poker-faced, while I thought this through. If Edward changed me, if I never grew old and became a vampire just like him, then we really could be together forever. And whatever Charlie and Renee thought wouldn't matter because I would never see them again. After I was changed, I would have to get out of their lives…forever.

Edward's eyes grew more and more pleading the longer I thought. I knew my face was panicked, frightened. "Bella, honey, say something. You're scaring me." His voice was gentle, but his face held something more than cool. It was fear. Fear that he was about to get hurt. That he was going to hurt me by doing this.

"Edward…I…" I struggled to find the words. I had to get a grasp on my emotions somehow. Come on. 'I' what? What did I want to say? It was there, I knew it. But what was it?

Edward looked concerned, but stayed down on one knee none the less, waiting, as though he dared not move.

Then it all became painfully simple: I loved him. Memories flashed through my head, reflected, I was sure, in my eyes as I looked down at him. I'd heard that your entire life flashes before your eyes the moment before you die, but this wasn't like that. Not at all. Every memory I had ever had from the day I met Edward entered my head, disappearing quickly to make room for the next one. "Who are they?" "That's Edward and Emmet Cullen, and Rosalie and Jasper Hale. The one who left was Alice Cullen. They all live together with Dr. Cullen and his wife." "Which one is the boy with the reddish brown hair?" "That's Edward. He's gorgeous, of course, but don't waste your time. He doesn't date."

I remembered seeing Edward not long after the first day I saw him. It was the first time I realized how fascinating he was…he was covered in melting snow, laughing. "Edward Cullen is staring at you." "He doesn't look angry, does he?" "No. Should he be?" "I don't think he likes me." "The Cullens don't like anybody…well, they don't notice anybody enough to like them. But he's still staring at you." "Stop looking at him!" I smiled at the memory. And then… "Hello, my name is Edward Cullen. I didn't have a chance to introduce myself last week. You must be Bella Swan."

Then in the meadow that first time… "You are the most important thing to me now. The most important thing to me ever." "I would rather die than stay away from you. I am an idiot." "You are an idiot." Laughter. "And so the lion fell in love with the lamb…" "What a stupid lamb." "What a sick, masochistic lion."

Then the memories darkened. "There – is – no – other – option!" "I don't want him within a hundred miles of her!" "Bella, if you let anything happen to yourself – anything at all – I'm holding you personally responsible." "I love you. I will always love you, no matter what happens now." "Nothing is going to happen to you Bella." "One more thing, don't listen to another word I say tonight. Go away Edward!"

"Oh no, Bella, no! Bella, please! Bella, listen to me, please, please, Bella, please! Carlisle! Bella, Bella, no, oh please, no, no!" I remembered him sobbing, anguished. Over me. It was wrong. It hurt to listen to it. "Bella, you're going to be fine. Can you hear me, Bella? I love you." "Edward." "Yes, I'm here." "It hurts." "I know, Bella, I know."

Then I was back in the present. I didn't need to remember the day he left me. And I didn't need to remember the day he returned. I knew all of that easily. It wasn't that long ago…

"Yes." I heard myself croak the word in a voice barely above a whisper. Comprehension and ecstasy flickered across Edward's ochre eyes at a moment's notice. "What?" He demanded, his voice urgent, disbelieving. "What did you just say?" Then he was talking almost too quickly for me to understand. "What did you- did you just say yes?"

I nodded, joyful tears pouring over my features now. "Yes. Yes!"

Edward stood in a motion so fast that I was almost confused when he was at his full height again, taking me into his arms and crushing me into his chest. "You said yes!" He kissed my hair quickly, his lips hard and gleeful before he let me go and turned to face the rest of the meadow, screaming into the darkness. "She said yes!" He cried out to no one in particular…and, I suppose, everyone.

"Edward…" I laughed through the tears, amused at his antics. Then he turned back to face me and embraced me again, lifting me off of my feet this time and twirling me around in a tight circle, roaring with exuberant laughter all the while. When he placed me back on the ground, he reached for the ring he'd had in the velvet box. Gently tugging it out of its case, he took my left hand in his free one and replaced the box into his pocket. I couldn't help but laugh, not knowing what else to say as I looked at the beautiful piece of diamond. The ring had a gold band and was topped with a round-cut diamond. Simple yet elegant, with two sapphire stones on either side. Then he tilted it so I could see the inside ring of the band. It was engraved: I'm never far away.

Edward showed it to me for just a moment, holding it up meaningfully before he spoke again, his voice quiet now, tender. "Bella," he said seriously, "are you sure?"

I smiled through the tears and nodded again. "I've never been more sure of anything in my life." I managed to squeak, making him smile that radiant smile that I loved so much.

Now I was sobbing again as Edward carefully slid the ring onto my finger. His breath was coming in shortened gasps just as mine was. I knew he would be crying along with me if his tear ducts worked. When the deed was done, and my eyes were still on the ring, his lips crashed into mine, taking me by surprise as I lifted my chin suddenly to meet him, my eyes sliding closed.

The kiss sent my heart skipping and pounding like a wild stallion. I knew he could feel it against his own chest, because his lips curved upwards against mine in a delicate smile. Then his kiss grew in intensity. One of his hands found the back of my neck, holding me to him as I threw my arms around his neck. And for the first time in a long time, he didn't try to stop it. He didn't push me away or freeze up when I threw myself into the kiss. His other hand was on my lower back.

When we finally pulled away, I didn't let go. I rested my head on his shoulder and held on for all I was worth, not ever wanting to not be touching him again. His right hand went to my back now as well and before we knew what we were doing, we were dancing, swaying gently back and forth to the music that still drifted from the CD in the boom box. I kicked off my shoes, surprised at how easily I could get out of the straps as my bare feet hit the grass. This was definitely much more comfortable now. I dropped in height about an inch, but that didn't seem to matter. Edward simply angled his head a little more so our foreheads rested against one another as we danced. I could feel his icy breath on my face, and sighed with contentment. I was satisfied with my decision. I never wanted to be without him again. Not ever. And now I'd made sure that I wouldn't. Not ever.

After a long moment of this gentle swaying that just barely counted for dancing, I opened my eyes ever so slightly and met his gaze, lifting my forehead from his just enough to look him in the eyes. "So," I breathed in a voice barely audible, "what happens now?"

Edward's answer was quick, non-hesitant. "I'll tell you what happens now." He replied in that same, just-above-a-whisper voice. I would never get over the musical, incredible sound of his voice. "We're going to go back to your house."

I smiled. He continued. "We're going to go upstairs."

I smiled a little wider now. "So far so good." I cut in briefly before he spoke a fourth time. "And I am going to kiss you all over until you melt." His lips were just millimeters from mine now, making me smile as they brushed together through his words.

Now my grin must have reached my eyes. "That sounds…perfect." I told him quietly, my words broken for just a moment as he kissed me again.

"No." He corrected tenderly. "You're perfect." Then he stepped away from me, one of his strong, cold hands grasping mine. "Let's go."

Author's Note: If anyone would like to see the ring I picked out for Bella, just ask via review (same with her dress) and I will send you the link.

P.S. Chapter 9 coming soon!