One day, years later, I re-read this fanfic and realized… I want another chapter, so I am so sorry, truly I am, to those people who have actually waited a year or more for it, but here it is, chapter 8. A lot has changed since I wrote the last uploaded chapter in my personal life, I've grown up and realized how petty some of my characters become occasionally so you never know, I may have come out of this long break with a new writing style, hope you like the chapter, Addicted2Daydreaming.

8:

Alanna,

There are so many words that may appear upon this page and I only wish that my pen would not shake as I force my hand to move in the creation of words. I do not even know if I intend these words to be read but the movement of the pen in the formation of my written feelings feels more soothing than pretending they don't exist. I have to tell you everything that is in my heart or I may explode with the restrained emotions, so wild that they run with horses across the plains, insane and free.

You have never been ordinary Alanna, only the extraordinary traits in life were given to you. I've known since I met you that there was something different about you, something that didn't fit with everything else that you had told me. You were an enigma to a troubled soul who was hard set on unraveling your great and wondered mystery. You seemed so wild and exotic, I wanted to know you and soak up all that adventure and light that you emit with your presence. I think that is where my love for you started; there was no way to see forward from there. In hindsight, I would not change a single second that I have spent since meeting you but the events of the last few weeks.

I grew so close to you; so close it almost hurt not to reach out and touch your skin. But I resisted you, for as long as I could. You felt like a flower that if one touches, its beauty withers and dies and is locked away forever as a punishment to the man who tried to defile it. The sirens called towards my soul and seduced me with your violet eyes and honeyed words. Those eyes; your eyes that sang a thousand songs and told a thousand tales to me all at once and not one of them said I love you. I hoped one day that love song would be written and dancing among the others in your radiant eyes when you looked into mine.

Last night, when I told you to leave, I swear to you I did not mean it. To stand in the room I write this in and know the reason you are not in that room next door is my doing is equal to if I had saddled your horse and sent you alone and broken riding away into the night. I love you more that I can put down in words. Words are so limited and no matter how elaborate he phrase that wraps around the soul and radiates with passion, it cannot describe with total absolution the feelings of love and passion If God created any more radiant Eve than the one who broke from the holy garden then I swear by all that I hold that you are her.

I am eternally tired of this tension between us, you deny your feelings and it destroys me inside. Love is not a monster to be conquered and crushed. Your whole life does not have to be a fight, you may be a knight but you cannot dehumanize yourself because you wish to be a fearless hunter and protector. To me, love makes us stronger, I am strong for you Alanna, despite the fact you tell me you cannot love. I hold myself with mighty ropes to hold myself from hurting you with feelings you do nothing but deny. I would be the great titan Atlas and carry the skies upon my shoulders for eons at a time simply at your request and let them crush me if you wish it so but the pain would not be so great, the wound not so deep as the ones you give me now. Nor I suspect the ones I have given you.

I know you saw me and Delia together and there is nothing in my life I have ever regretted more. She is the cruelest type of girl who craves attention and physical pleasure above all else in life and I wished nothing but that witch gone and you by my side. It sounds so weak to put it that way but there are no plainer and more honest terms that can be written to express the magnitude of negative emotion I feel towards the events of that night. I know how much it must have hurt you but believe me; she means nothing to me, every moment I was wishing it was you I was with. Had our positions been reversed, I would have nothing for it all would have been destroyed in my hopeless anger and despair. I would wish that no beauty in the world may exist and certainly not be within my grasp if you were not by my side. Every part of me has been painfully regretting pushing you away last night. Losing you does not even seem possible, there was a time when you were absent from my life but it does not matter, to me, nothing matters outside of my love for you and I only hope I have not lost you forever.

I do not ask for forgiveness as I do not deserve it. I do not ask for love, as I do not believe you ill give it to me. I ask you not to fill your heart with hatred for what I have done to you. I ask you not to look at me with contempt that poisons your eternally luminously bright violet eyes. I would wait for eternity for you to tell me you love me; but please…my heart is already breaking so please Alanna, don't delay.

Jon

Alanna released the letter as if a pulse of energy had repelled it from her. The lump his words had created in her throat was choking her as she fought back the tidal wave of emotion that threatened to engulf her in a typhoon of more situations she could not understand. She put her hands on the bed, either side of the paper to stop herself from falling hard to the cold stone floor of her room. Violent shudders shook her body as the waves of feelings battered against her metaphorical floodgates.

The voice that broke the grave silence in the room resonated around Alanna's head and made her jump in shock at the realization she had an observer. "There are no more words left in my heart that I can say to you, they are all in that letter. Burn it if you will, but I do not want you to." His voice was so forlorn and hollow that Alanna turned to see his face but the barrier between their two rooms had shut and Jonathan had shut her in alone.

The weight of his words brought every emotion Alanna was capable of feeling crashing down on her at once in one big avalanche of emotional pain. Her knees gave way and she barely felt herself crash down into a disfigured heap on the slabs of the floor. She sunk her teeth hard into her arm to disguise the cry of anguish that ripped from her throat and tears fell from her eyes as if they intended to fall for an eternity.

For hour upon hour that night she lay in a curled up ball on the floor. When her eyes ran dry and her thoughts could not be thought over yet another time, she dragged herself to her feet and tested to see if she had the strength to stand. She went to the door between her and Jon and pulled at it to open.

It was locked, the door was never locked, Alanna hadn't even known the door had a lock. Why would he lock her out? Had she become that despicable in his eyes, his letter said otherwise? She resolved to use the other door and gingerly knocked on Jonathan's other door, praying he would answer

"If that's you Delia, I'm afraid I am busy" He shouted through the door in a shaky voice that spoke every terrible thing had made him feel and feared to find inside. Alanna banged again, determined to see him, she was not Delia and she would not leave him to think so. She beat her fist against the wood with a force that made her hand burn with pain yet she continued anyway to bang and bang until she could hear the movement of her sad prince inside as he came towards the door.

It opened revealing a shirtless Jon. She took a second to soak him in and observe him in the new light he had cast upon himself. At seeing it was Alanna, the emotion in his face was apparent and it shot through Alanna as if she herself had been stabbed. She quickly reminded herself that she had no right to think like this for she was the one who had done true wrong. Their eyes locked and so many silent conversations were exchanged between them. Silently he backed against the door to let her in past him.

The prince shut the door but did not turn to face her; his hands stayed firmly on the door, his head hung. Alanna turned away from him, the pain of it all tearing at her, bit by bit. Time seemed to slow and stop, for minutes nothing was said as Alanna took a huge interest in the swirling patterns of the rug on the floor and Jon got to know the wood of the door for every splinter that it held. When he spoke it cut the silence so sharply Alanna winced.

"If you are only here to mock me, and break my spirit with your silence, then your purpose has been fulfilled. You have broken me, now I am a weak man Alanna." Alanna broke away from the carpet and looked at him shaking her head slowly. She did not even know herself why she came here. Thoughts of what she may say in reply flew around her head but no single thought remained long enough to develop into something to say. "I never should have sent you that letter. Now you know things that have filled you with unnecessary guilt simply because I put it there. There is no need to pretend you care to spare my feeling any longer; I don't think I could take a lie."

Alanna swallowed and searched her mouth for a tongue to speak with. "You're not weak." Was the most she could emit from her mouth; It came forth in a barely audible whisper that gently brushed across the room. Jon slowly raised his head as he heard her words. Alanna took it as a sign of hope and repeated her words slightly louder. Jon turned to face her with an unreadable expression on his face, he laughed sarcastically and Alanna shrank back inside herself like a wounded puppy.

"Every blundered step I take leads towards another wall that I must climb to find my way to you, only to find that on the other side of the mighty hurdle lays the long road to another" He said laughing in such a hollow manner that Alanna felt her eyes begin to water. He strode over to her and stood over her in a stance that Alanna saw as almost menacing. "Are you here to spite me?" He snarled at her in such a tone that Alanna could not recognize that it was still Jonathan. She felt the wet track of a falling tear roll down her face as he grabbed her chin and tilted her face so he may look at her. Her eyes closed and shut tight as he studied her face, her chin still firmly within his grasp. "Are you here to spite me!" he shouted into her face, his voice cracking with the emotion.

A whimper escaped Alanna as she shook in his hands. "No" She whispered so inaudibly she wasn't even sure she had said it aloud. "No… no, I'm not." She said in the same whispered voice as she felt his hands let go of her. She opened her eyes to see Jon stumble like a blind man, scrambling backwards until he hit the edge of his bed and grasped it tight.

"I don't know what you do to me. I don't know how I feel. But I miss you in a way that is impossible because you are here. I miss you in a way that hurts my head when I think about you and you make me so dizzy I can't see straight. You scare me Jon" He stared at her, such hope glimmering in his eyes. "I'm just so scared…" She repeated, squeezing herself tightly and looking down at her feet intently. He closed his eyes, bathing in her words, soaking up the meaning, swimming in the hope for a future.

He lay back on the bed, deep in thought, Alanna looked at him, waiting for his reply but no words came. She walked to the door without a word or murmur. The cold metal handle under her fingers twisted as she made it and she slid the bolt free, a long creak came as the door swung open. Alanna turned to look at the shirtless boy on the bed. It cut her that he would not look at her. "Goodnight your highness. I am sorry to have disturbed you."

Alanna snapped the door behind her and slunk back to her chambers. She slipped silently into bed and pulled her sheets close around her like a protective cocoon. She stared into the darkness of her room and mulled over her thoughts again. She felt the other side of the bed sink slightly as if there were weight on it and then it went back to how it was. She decided to ignore it and return to her thoughts, nothing would be there, it was all her imagination wishing her prince would curl up next to her, and she was sure it was only that.

Thoughts of Jonathan filled her head and she broke the silence with her whispered confession to the darkness, "I love you Jonathan." She shuddered as an arm she had not expected to be there touched her. The long arm snaked around her waist and squeezed her back against the strong and solid torso of its owner. Another hand brushed her hair delicately aside and she felt soft wet lips against her throat.

His voice floated through the darkness and reached Alanna, confirming the identity of her strange visitor.

"I know, Alanna. I just wanted to make sure you knew too…"