Chapter 8

Liron tossed and turned in her sleep, another nightmare…memory…invading her consciousness.

She stood at Sir's side, silent like she was supposed to be…Sir was nice. He gave her treats sometimes, and told the scientists to stop hurting her and poking at her head. And he gave her a new name too! …she couldn't really remember her old one. Or anything before The Blizzard, for that matter. But it didn't matter. She had Sir now. Sir was a strange name. But he was nice, and he kept her safe from the spooky man in grey that always wore a mask that told the scientists to see how she ticked and find a way to make her…obey. That wasn't the word the spooky man in grey had said, but that was the word that Sir said it meant.

The sound of unfamiliar shoes sounded down the hall…Sir said she was going to be meeting a new person. She wondered who it would be, and she hoped it wasn't another scientist.

But no, it was a woman, shorter than Sir, her reddish-brownish hair touched with the faintest hint of grey and her pale eyes cold. Liron shivered instinctively and pressed closer to Sir. He didn't let her.

"This is Madame. She will be teaching you."

Suddenly she was standing at Madame's side, looking into a long room of identical beds, each one holding a sleeping girl with her wrist cuffed to the frame. Flash. A redhead with jade eyes, smiling and whispering.

"Hello, I'm Natalia. What's your name?"

"Liron."

Flash. The other girls hated her…she scared them. She didn't mean to… Flash. Forward in time. Leotards and tights and knives and fists. Flash. The neck of one of the meaner girls snapped in her hands at the order of Madame during a sparring session. It felt…oddly good. Why? It didn't matter, Madame said.

Flash. Back in time again. Sterile white walls and sterile shiny scalpels. Red blood, grey patient gown. Flash. Lights in her eyes, sounds in her ears…what were they trying to do? It hurt. Something in her head growled. Flash. Words, words, words, the ticking of a clock, a swinging pendulum. Loneliness. Electricity.

Flash. Training, fighting, bruising, biting. Dancing, killing. A few more girls fell. Natalia kept winning. She smiled. Flash. Snow, cold, no food. Hunt. Find. Kill. Eat. Fur to keep warm and claws and fangs to feed and protect.

Flash. Someone was screaming.

Liron jolted awake…why was her mouth open?

In the bed beside hers, Zima was sitting up, staring at her. Natalia was as well, but the worry was much clearer in her eyes than his. Petrova was awake, but not looking at her at all.

Liron uncuffed her wrist and sat up, letting out a slow sigh and running her hands through her hair.

Natalia got up and disappeared into the bathroom, returning with a glass of water. Liron accepted it gratefully.

"Thank you, Lisichka."

Her friend sat beside her, and Liron leaned on her shoulder.

"I should have let myself stay up."

Natalia wrapped her arms around her, and she snuggled in a little.

Liron took comfort in her friend's presence for a while…then remembered there were other people in the room. She sat up, but no-one was looking, so she snuggled back in again.

A few momre moments passed. "Do you want to go train?"

Liron shook her head. "No."

"You sure?"

Her voice dropped low enough so that only Natalia could hear her. "I…I just want you to hold me."

The redhead nodded, then laid them both down and curled around her; a familiar position from when they needed it, though their positions often switched.

Liron closed her eyes, her hands entwining with Natalia's. She wasn't tired, the feelings of the nightmare…memory…keeping her awake, but she was very relaxed.

"Thank you, Lisichka."

There was a smile in her voice. "You're welcome, Zolotse."

Eventually they fell back asleep, a thin cocoon of ice forming around them…they couldn't have nightmares if they were in cryosleep.

Morning dawned, and the ice melted. They awoke at the same time, but Natalia was the first up and in the shower. Liron sat on her bed in silent patience. After a while, she grabbed clothes for Natalia and herself and slipped into the bathroom to sit on the counter to wait instead of sitting on her bed.

It didn't take long for Natalia to finish, and Liron took her place as the other got dressed.

Zima was next while Liron and Natalia made their beds, and Petrova went after him before they all trooped to the mess hall. Alexi and Nikolas joined them as they sat down, Natalia and Alexi sharing a quick kiss.

Out of the corner of her eye, Liron saw Zima look at Petrova, and a tiny smile tease the junior agent's lips. Liron focussed on her food. She didn't care that Zima and Petrova were attracted to each other, not until it started interfering with their training. She didn't.

She finished quickly and took care of her dishes, then waiting for the others to do the same. Once everyone was done, Natalia and Alexi left to go do their own thing. Nikolas tagged along to help with training.

"What's for training today?" Zima sounded awfully bland.

"Since I have Agent Orlov's help, I will be showing you a few of the more advanced hand-to-hand techniques."

He nodded.

Once Liron and Nikolas had shown the two how to do the moves she determined and the two had practiced them enough for now, she turned to the man beside her.

"Agent Orlov, I believe my trainee has not yet sparred with someone other than myself or Agent Petrova...would you be so inclined as to lend him some experience in fighting with someone closer to his own build?"

He nodded, and she looked toward the other two.

"Zima!"

Her trainee turned, and came over when she beckoned him.

"You will spar with Agent Orlov."

"…oh."

Just 'oh'? Alright then.

Junior Agent Petrova joined Liron by the wall as Nikolas led Zima into the middle of the floor.

Nikolas shifted into a fighting stance. "Your move."


Zima mirrored Nikolas' stance, before trying a flying kick. Nikolas just stepped out of the way, letting him crash to the floor, then hard-blocks the following punch.

Zima blinked…it was like nothing to him. He tried a feinting high-low punch, and internally cheered when Nikolas took it…only to groan and stumble back when the shorter man gave him an uppercut to the gut and a knee to the groin, using the closer range to his advantage.

"-."

Nikolas said nothing and just slipped back into his fighting stance, waiting.

They sparred for a bit, until at some point Zima grabbed at Nikolas' shirt, trying to get him off balance, and the shorter man just slipped out of it.

…he had not expected there to be so much muscle. He'd heard a few other agents talking about Nikolas being built like a bear, or a tank, but to see it that blatantly…he was intimidated to say the least.

Nikolas gave him an odd look at the shock he was clearly displaying, then just tackled him to the ground. Zima tried to squirm away, but was unsuccessful as Nikolas gained mount pretty quickly and managed to get Zima pinned down and in an armbar. …not only was he muscly, he was heavy.

"Alright, let him up."

Zima huffed a little as Nikolas got off of him and pulled him to his feet.

"Thanks."

He nodded. "You're welcome."

Zima glanced at Trainer, then back at the other man. "How do you have so much muscle?"

"Lots of training."

"Really?"

Nikolas nodded again. "And that's just how my body works. Alexi has a bit more training than I, because he joined earlier, but he naturally has a more slender build."

"Oh, okay…could I train with you and Alexi?"

He looked over at Trainer. "…If your trainer permits it."

Zima looked over as well. "It'd be in the mornings."

"I will think about it."

Later that day, Trainer gave Zima and Petrova a break for a few hours while she...did something. They were allowed to go anywhere they had access to in the base, but not to go outside. They decided to venture around the base, neither of them really familiar enough with the even with the time they'd spend there.

Petrova seemed to be in a good mood, but Zima was…irritable. Not that he was trying to be, he just…

"What is wrong, Zima?"

He looked at Petrova. "Tense…Trainer has been frustrating for a while now."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

What had happened over a year and a half ago hadn't really come up in conversation, and honestly… "Do you really want to hear a boring story about Trainer?" …he shouldn't have been so rude in saying that. "Sorry."

She gave him a look. "I asked, didn't I?

"Yeah…I guess…I don't know though…I might get in trouble."

"I won't tell. And I don't see anyone else around right now."

He looked around. "Alright."

She listened fairly intently as he told her just about everything.

"…and she just…she's just so cold and hardly says anything to me anymore."

Petrova was silent for a while, then gave him a contemplative look. "She is called Ice Queen for a reason."

"I know that. But she treats me differently it seems."

"She may just be trying to emphasise the fact that she doesn't want you, or see you as anything other than a student."

Zima nodded a little. That made sense.

She patted his shoulder a bit, and he smiled ever so slightly.

They continued in silence for a while, before she paused.

"…Zima?"

"Yeah?"

"Is that your real name?"

He started to nod, then thought a little. "I think so?"

"You don't sound sure."

"I don't really remember my life before I came here…"

"Really?"

He nodded. "All I remember is waking up in the hospital wing and Trainer was there. Then I met Sir and eventually Madame…but before that was a funny man in glasses. I think he was HYDRA. I'm apparently HYDRA's property…"

Petrova frowned. "That is…strange. HYDRA and the Red Room…well, we're not enemies outright, but there's not way we're friends either. Especially not to the point that this would happen."

Zima shrugged a little. "I don't get it either. But somehow they negotiated and I'm being trained her and then I go back."

"Oh."

"Yeah…"

Petrova fell silent again, and they kept walking.

Eventually they came upon a big window overlooking the valley on the opposite side of the base as the forest. Zima stopped, having only ever seen the forest and the base itself, and watched the snow fall softly.

…he was being watched more intently than normal. He turned to Petrova. "What?"

"You're just so…"

Huh? "So what?"

"You are the most handsome man I have ever seen."

Zima blinked, and she smiled.

"You are."

He just stared at her. She moved closer, and he stepped back a little, not sure how to react. She stopped advancing, and he relaxed a bit.

Petrova moved closer again. This time he did not retreat, knowing there was absolutely not chance of it being some form of strange attack, and looked down into her eyes when she was directly in front of him.

"Is this part of seduction training?"

"No."

"Oh."

She smiled a little, and slowly tucked a lock of hair behind his ear. His eyes slipped half-closed…that felt nice…

Her hand slipped behind his head and pulled his lips down to hers.

Zima's eyes fell all the way closed, and he kissed back just a bit, still unsure. His hands rested on her sides as hers tangled in his hair.

He was honestly taken by surprise at this feeling…he knew that they should stop or someone would see them, but he couldn't…it was addictive.

Petrova pressed closer, kissing deeper, and Zima gripped her hair a little as she wrapped one arm around his back.

Suddenly footsteps sounded from extremely close, and Petrova jumped back like a startled cat.

Zima did the same, licking his lips a little. "S-so how's training been for you?" He asked, just in case the other person was curious.

Trainer's voice sounded, completely emotionless. "I think you know well enough how her training is going, since for the majority of the time you are by her side."

…oh dear. He hoped so badly that she hadn't seen… He looked over. "I know, but I don't know how she likes it or whatever."

"Looks to me as if she's been liking it quite fine, if what I just witnessed was what I think it was."

-. Zima's eyes widened slightly, and he looked at Petrova, who'd gone flushed, before back at Trainer.

Trainer didn't seem to care much, but her eyes were a little teeny bit colder than normal. "I take it you enjoyed your free time."

He glanced back at Petrova…she didn't seem very happy. His own expression turned worried as he turned once again to Trainer.

"What?"

English slipped from him because he was so nervous. "Please…don't say anything."

"No-one who I could tell would care."

"…Are there any here?"

"In this particular area? No."

His shoulders slumped with a soft sigh.

"However, since I am Petrova's trainer, I am required to inform her trainer of this, and if this interferes in either of your training or missions, it will have to stop completely."

Zima swallowed a little. "It wasn't her fault…it was mine. If you're going to tell her trainer about this, then tell her that."

"Is that true, Junior Agent Petrova?"

"No, Agent Ruskin. I initiated it."

He turned to her, his eyes pleading. "Don't do this."

"She is in no serious danger, Zima. Though I would wonder what would cause you to put yourself on the line if she were."

"Because I care about her." Zima met Trainer's eyes, trying to convey as blatantly as he could that he didn't 'care' about her anymore…at least as far as he knew.

"…ah. Caring is a dangerous thing in this line of business." Trainer's voice and face did not change, but there was a faint…something – almost like a scent of…sadness? Maybe even jealousy? – in the air.

He squared his shoulders and stood straighter. "It's a chance I'm willing to take."

Trainer shrugged one shoulder. "As you wish. It is your choice to make. But now it is time to continue training."

Zima nodded shortly, then turned back to Petrova as Trainer started to leave.

"You okay?"

She nodded. "I'm fine. But you didn't have to do that."

His voice softened. "I don't want you getting hurt."

Trainer's voice rang back from further down the hallway. "You two lovebirds coming or not?"

He looked down the hall, then back at Petrova, offering his arm. Why did that feel like the right thing to do? But she didn't take it, though she did smile a little before she took off after Trainer.

When they reached a training room, Trainer leaned on the wall to watch them run through their ballet exercises on her order.

"Well done. Let me see you spar each other."

Petrova went a little harder than normal, and Zima matched, knowing somehow that if they went light on each other it could be seen as them giving each other special treatment because they liked each other.

Eventually Petrova ended up in a headlock, unable to get out until she yielded and he let her go.

Trainer was silent for a moment before she spoke. "…Run through everything again, and then you are dismissed for today."

Zima frowned. "That's it?"

"Yes."

He watched her…something in her body language was different.

Trainer gave him a look. "Get to it or I'll change my mind."

They got to it.

A few hours later, they finished, and Trainer left, dismissing them. Zima looked at Petrova. Petrova looked back.

"You okay?"

"Yes."

"Wanna go back to the room?"

"Sure."

He smiled and held the door for her, and she thanked him as they headed into the hallway and back to his room.

"Is your trainer back yet?"

"Not yet…I think she's supposed to come back…tomorrow."

Zima looked around, lowering his voice a little. "We can go to your room then…if you want."

"My room?" She seemed confused for a moment before a light came on behind her eyes. "It's not that much different from yours except for the lack of your trainer."

He nodded. "We can go back to mine and say that we're taking your things back to yours except for the clothes you need tonight and in the morning."

"Alright."

They shared a smile before going in; he held the door for her again when they left, some of Petrova's few belongings in each of their hands.

The room that Petrova shared with her trainer was indeed extremely similar to the one Zima shared with his and Agent Romanova…though Petrova's trainer didn't seem nearly so spartan, having a few decorations on her dresser.

He looked around. "It's nice."

She smiled. "Thanks. Most agents, from what I know, have little personal touches...I think only Agents Ruskin and Romanova don't...maybe Agent Shoskatov, but I haven't heard much gossip about him that doesn't relate to his relationship with Agents Romanova, Ruskin, and Orlov."

Zima nodded a little, filing that information away in a corner of his mind as he set Petrova's stuff down. When he looked up again, her back was to him, and on an odd instinct, he reached out and felt her hair. She jumped.

He stopped. "Sorry."

"It's…alright, I guess. I don't really like it when people touch my hair."

"Oh. How come?"

She shrugged. "I just don't."

"Oh." He put his hand down.

She smiled a little, and sat on her bed.

Zima thought for a bit, then asked, "Who is Agent Ruskin?"

Petrova stared at him. "Agent Ruskin is your trainer."

Confusion rippled through him. What? "I've only known her as Trainer…"

"Her name is Liron Irina Ruskin…or at least that's what it says on her file. Funny thing is, though…Liron Ruskin isn't a Russian name. At least not one I've ever heard of before her."

"Why wouldn't she tell me?"

"What, her name? Likely she didn't think it relevant."

He nodded a little. That made sense. "So…you said that most agents have personal things. Why don't they?"

Petrova leaned her elbows on her knees, a lock of hair falling from behind her ear. She tucked it back as she spoke. "Well, the most common theory is that because Romanova's a Black Widow and Ruskin's...kinda one, they're not allowed to as part of something to keep them the perfect assassins or something. But Ruskin's Sir's pet, so that doesn't really make sense. The other common one is that they just haven't gotten any yet. They've only been out of training for four and a half years now, from what I heard, and I wouldn't put it past demon Madame to deny all of the Black Widow trainees any form of personal anything."

"Oh."

She nodded.

"…How long have you been here?"

"Two years…no, three."

He chewed his lip a little absently. "So…you'd know things about Trai-Liron then?"

Petrova nodded again. "I hear all the gossip. My trainer is especially good at catching things."


Liron knocked on Sir's door.

"Enter."

The white-haired man looked up as she closed the door behind, and she spoke before he even opened his mouth.

"Zima kissed Petrova."

He stared at her for a moment before leaning back in his chair. "I see…"

"It makes me…angry, I think? And I don't know why."

Sir placed his hands together, index fingers resting against his lips. "Do you have feelings for him?"

Liron frowned slightly, trying to think. "I…do not know how to tell."

"Well, you're angry, but why come to me? Why not punish your trainee yourself? What other feelings do you feel about this."

She approached the desk, sitting gracefully but with a little more flop than normal in the chair opposite him. "I do not punish him because he has done nothing wrong according to the rules of the Red Room. And…something about him calls to me. I come to you because aside from Natalia and perhaps Alexi and Nikolas, you are the only person that I trust."

He nodded a little, a look alike to satisfaction in his eyes. "If you continued having feelings, come to me about them."

"Yes Sir." Liron hesitated a moment before she asked, "Must I go through Refreshment?"

Sir shook his head. "No. I want to know how your feelings are building."

She nodded, understanding if not completely. "Yes Sir. I thought…I thought bringing Petrova in would help somewhat, but I seem to be…" She gestured vaguely, forgetting the word suddenly.

"Help in what way?"

"Distracting him, giving me space to breathe, something like that?"

He leaned forward again. "And why did you want to do that?"

"I don't want the confusion of these feelings; I don't know how to react to them...I am not trained for this sort of situation. Natalia at least has known for a while that she and Alexi would be wed for loyalty's sake, which gave her foreknowledge in case feelings formed, which as I am sure nearly everyone knows they have."

Sir nodded again. "I say act on how you feel and what you want. If you need help, ask Natalia. Come to me whenever something happens. I am taking notes of your behaviour. It is not against your record unless you defy me. But I know you won't." A small smile curled the corner of his mouth.

Something warm, maybe pride, filled Liron's chest, and she allowed herself a small smile back. "Thank you for your trust, Sir. …What of Petrova? I have no wish to make Zima despise me because I got in between the two of them."

"Keep her on. She will eventually be…dealt with."

"Yes Sir."

"You may go."

Liron stood and left, closing the door behind her. Once she got out into the hallway, she turned invisible for just a moment so she could lean on the wall and put her head in her hands and close her eyes without anyone seeing her. Having feelings…having feelings like this anyways…was exhausting. Why couldn't she just have feelings for…Natalia, or Nikolas, someone she actually knew and wasn't her trainee?

After a few moments, she straightened, becoming visible again. There was no point in brooding about it. Act on her feelings, Sir said…could she? She didn't know how…then again, he'd also said to ask Natalia. Natalia would probably know.

And apparently she'd inadvertently summoned her, because there was the woman herself.

"Hey, what's wrong?"

"Sir told me to act on my feelings toward Zima."

Red brows furrowed. "What does that mean? And why?"

"I don't really know."

"Are you on a sort of mission or something?"

Liron shook her head. "Nothing other than training Zima."

Natalia stared at her. "Do you…like him?"

She shrugged one shoulder. "Sir seems to think so. I do not know how to tell, really. I do know that something about him calls me."

"You mean your wolf?"

"More than likely."

Her friend nodded a little. "If that's what has to be done…"

Liron ran a hand over her face, fingertips trailing into her hair for a moment. "I don't know what to do."

"How did this even come about?"

She told her everything that had happened and was said in her visit to Sir. Natalia was frowning when she finished, then sighed silently.

"You have to follow Sir's orders."

Liron chewed her lip. "I know. But how?"

"What do you mean?"

"I don't know how to follow Sir's orders in this."

"Do you want help?"

"Please."

"Let's talk in the room."

Right…there were cameras in the hall. Liron nodded and followed Natalia to their room, where they sat on her bed. Zima and Petrova were not there.

"So…what don't you understand?"

"What are my feelings, how do I know that that's what they are, how am I supposed to act on them, and what about Petrova? Sir said she'd be taken care of, but she has the potential to be a very good agent, and killing her would be a waste of resources."

"So then what is it that you feel, aside from emotions, when you are around him?"

Liron frowned at her a little until the meaning of her particular wording registered. "Um…warmth."

Natalia nodded slightly. "Anything else?"

She thought for a moment, trying the summon up the sensations in the pit of her gut and floating through her mind when she was around him…and found both words for them and a similarity.

"Protectiveness. Many of the ones I have for you, but there's a…different layer to them, almost?"

Natalia nodded again. "The combination of all of that is what I learned to feel for Alexi."

Liron listened carefully as Natalia tried to explain even though she knew only very little more than Liron herself, using at times examples of things in missions.

Suddenly the door opened, and Natalia stopped talking. Liron looked up to see Zima.

"Petrova's putting her stuff back in her room."

She inclined her head. "Very well. She is welcome to move back there completely if she wishes so long as she meets us for training at the usual time, since her trainer is returning tomorrow."

He nodded.

"What is it you feel for her, Zima?"

Dark brows furrowed a little; clearly he didn't really understand the question. "I like her."

"More specifically."

"What do you mean?"

"What does she make you feel?"

He thought for a few moments, speaking hesitantly. "I dunno…like I'm worth something, I guess."

"Ah…and you do not feel like you are worth anything to anyone other than her?" Liron's voice was very purposely not snippy; she knew the feeling of being worthless…well, worthless other than as a-…no. She was worth more than just as a weapon to Sir. She knew this.

Zima shrugged. "Kind of. I mostly just feel like a necessity."

Ah…Liron nodded a little. She and Natalia both…Madame was very clear on their positions in the Red Room, and even if she was more…intense about Liron's, she wasn't the only one. And of course, Madame would know…she was in this position when she was younger. Or at least, she was a Widow.

"I understand."

There was an odd look in Zima's eyes, and his scent was tinted faintly with something alike to guilt…why was he guilty? He had nothing to be guilty for that Liron could think of. Her feelings…what of them they were…were her problem, not his. It wasn't his fault.

Natalia stood. "I am going to go spend the night with Alexi. Nikolas may come and stay here tonight, but he may not."

She gripped Liron's shoulder, and they shared a silence glance before the redhead grabbed a change of clothes and left.