Shadowstep: Dead and Hating It
Being a series of excerpts from the Diary of Booch Mishtar (aka Shadowstep), the famed Dunmeri vagrant who once spent an entire day in the Imperial City market district, asking increasingly bemused citizens whether or not they 'needed couriers'.
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Part the Eighth,
Of Desperation and Irony
31st Sun's Dusk,
At great length I have collected some of the items on Melisande's ridiculous bloody shopping list. I have run screaming through the planes of Oblivion itself in order to secure shoots of bloodgrass, and I have snuck around at night stealing flowers like an idiot in order to provide her with six leaves of nightshade.
At first she didn't seem to accept the bloodgrass stems or even acknowledge their existence. I shouted at her a lot and eventually she took them.
Before I embark on the more 'fun' elements of my ingredient collection, I must drink some blood. I just can't go on without some. The sunlight hurts more every day and my face is all stretched out and weird-looking. Some mornings I wake to find I have a completely different face – that of an unremarkable, aged human man – but when I blink it has returned to normal.
Melisande keeps making this crack about 'her neck of the woods' when she sees me. Wasn't funny the first time. Would drink every drop of blood in her body if I didn't need her alive.
(I am planning to best her snide joke by saying 'fangs very much' when I get the cure. Got to work on my delivery.)
1st Evening Star,
Needed to 'feed'. This time I brought a bottle of wine with me to get rid of the taste. After stalking various houses whose occupants chose stay up and walk around all night, I relented and picked the Mages' Guild. I would apologise to the mages, but that's what you get for giving a master key to any passing stranger who expresses a vague interest in joining.
3rd Evening Star,
Still haven't found more than one clove of garlic. Who'd have thought garlic would be so hard to find! I visited several homes and taverns in the region where I remember seeing some, but I just don't see any! I'm sure I will find some later.
For tonight I am off to do battle with the powerful vampire ancient, Hindaril, who has been sealed away forever in a dungeon. Wish me luck.
3rd Evening Star, additional
First of all, I've killed mudcrabs more powerful than him (why does that sentence remind me of something?). Second, that cave was not sealed in any way, shape or form. Apparently he and his gang of protectors have been 'trapped' in an open cave with one level, mere feet away from the entrance, for centuries.
These Imperials are morons.
6th Evening Star,
Still no garlic anywhere! And of course, whenever I go near any shops, I'm politely informed that I won't get any of the shopkeeper's blood. Getting annoyed again now.
7th Evening Star,
Today I have a real treat in store. I've decided to take a day off from the Great Garlic Hunt and go find the 'blood of an Argonian'. Oooooh, the agony of choice! So should I go for the Count's assistant who made me wait all day before she summoned her equally lethargic master? Or should I return to the Dark Brotherhood Sanctuary to choose one of the two fine lizards in skin-diving suits who laughed so heartily when they found out about me and Vicente getting drunk and him turning me into one of the living dead?
9th Evening Star,
I have invoked the wrath of Sithis twice more, and I really enjoyed it. I hope I can find an excuse to kill that Khajiit as well.
15th Evening Star,
No shopkeeper will serve me, no guard will direct me.
No garlic.
17th Evening Star,
Imperial City.
No garlic.
18th Evening Star,
Chorrol.
No garlic.
20th Evening Star,
How do you grow garlic? Is it a plant? Do they farm it? Going to look for garlic farms in the morning.
25th Evening Star,
Here is an example of the only conversation I have been having for the last month or so-
*Bell rings.
Me – Excuse me, sir/madam. And what a fine day we are having here in (insert name of pathetic Imperial town). Might I trouble you for some garlic? I will give you anything.
Suddenly terrified idiot – No!
Me – No? Perhaps…
Idiot – You won't get any of my blood!
Me – Oh no, perhaps you misunderstand me, kind villager. I apologise for my appearance, but I promise you I won't be drinking anyone's blood unless it's absolutely necessary, and even then it would be under great duress and it wouldn't even really bother you if I… look, please, please, please sell me some garlic, all right? Here's my purse… take it!
Idiot – No! You won't get any of my blood!
And then the idiot will calm down and stare at me. That's the part I hate the most. The staring.
27th Evening Star,
I'm a VAMPIRE and I'm begging PEASANTS to sell me GARLIC.
Why does that make sense?
May kill myself. Just want some bloody garlic. Exhausted again. Sunburned. Wolves are still everywhere. Why are there so many wolves? Blade of Ed: This word is unprintable Woe is still stuck to my side.
Going to kill myself.
30th Evening Star,
Found a whole load of garlic hanging up in someone's basement. Didn't think to look in basements. Went to the inn hoping to get drunk before my return to Melisande and found a pile of garlic in a wooden bowl. Suddenly I see it everywhere. Crying a lot now.
