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Chapter 6: Setting Expectations
^^ Day 4 ^^
*Tris POV*
I open my eyes as the morning light streams in through my room's windows. Immediately the pounding headache I went to sleep with reminds me that it's still here. The headache is from all of the crying I have done in the last twenty-four hours.
I turn to look at the clock on my nightstand. Ah yes, actually at this time yesterday I still was happy. I still had love in my life. I still believed in my friends. I still believed in myself.
Last night I met with my support team. I immediately told them that I needed to find out where my brother was and how he is doing. I didn't want to deal with any more surprises, and they agreed. They were going to find out about Caleb and circle back with me.
I decide to close my eyes and try to sleep some more. At least when I sleep, I can feel peace. Part of me wonders if things would have been different had I been part of the first group that was woken up two weeks ago. My morbid curiosity wonders how long they have been together.
How long did it take him to get over me enough to start having sex with my best friend?
I scold myself. Who cares? What difference does it really make? Whether Tobias got over me a week after I died, or a year, or five years…the thought of him and Christina makes me sick. Of all of the people they could have turned to…
Stop.
I have to stop this.
There is a knock at my door, I try to ignore it.
The knocking just gets louder. "Come in!" I yell from under my covers. The door opens slowly.
"Oh honey, we came to drag you out of bed, or your wallows of sadness as I like to call it. Get up, don't make me carry you," Jessica say firmly as she charges in my room. "I am much stronger than I look."
I notice that Michelle has the courtesy to lean against my doorframe and watch as Jessica storms in like a tornado. When we make eye contact she gives me a kind and reassuring look. She is so pretty- reddish, straight hair and light cream skin. She is delicate as well, her tall thin frame and a very soft and comforting voice. She is someone that I look at and imagine must be the most wonderful mother.
Suddenly I hear that Jessica has started the shower and is rummaging through my clothes, she looks over her shoulder, "Get moving – I will pick something out for you by the time you have finished your shower."
I sigh, there is no use fighting her. Jessica is tornado, that won't give up – she is the picture of cute, perky, and beautiful. She is very petite, but unlike me she has incredible curves in all the right places. She has thick, straight blond hair, and a confident smile that demands attention.
After my shower, and a couple of wardrobe negotiations, we head over to breakfast. I haven't seen Michelle since before each of us split off the morning before. I had asked Jessica to get her up to speed on my situation with Tobias.
As we sit down I tell them that before anything negative is said, I want to hear only good details about Michelle's reunion with her husband and children. She smiles at me and squeezes my hand before diving into her story.
As she predicted, her younger daughter did not actually remember her, but the amazing news was that her husband and other family made it a priority to talk about her nonstop to her children, and show them photos and videos. It was a very emotional reunion, and they have a lot of work to put in.
Michelle cleared her throat, and told us that she and her husband- alone- had a very early morning session with a therapist facilitating it. Although he is single now, he did briefly date another woman for a couple of months earlier this year. It didn't work out between them, and it never got serious enough that he introduced her to the girls. Michelle wipes a tear from her eye, and she slips her hand into mine. I didn't even realize I had started crying. I apologize to her, I didn't mean to carry my baggage into her story. Jessica calls us assholes for making her cry so early in the morning and she hugs us both. We burst into laughter.
Michelle admits that it hurts that her husband had relations with another women. They are working through it with the help of the therapists. She says that she would have been even more upset if he had brought that woman into the lives of her children.
I ask her if she knew the woman. Her eyes widen, and she says no. Michelle squeezes my hand, and admits that if it had been a woman that she was close to...she could not even imagine that added complication. Especially one that had been by her side during her entire relationship with her husband. I just nod, my thoughts racing.
I notice that Michelle and Jess keep making faces at each other, I can sense there is something they want to talk to me about.
"Ok, let's hear it. What's going on?" I press.
"Michelle and I were talking in the visiting center last night after her family left, and Tobias was getting out of his meeting with Kelly and…security." Jessica laughs, she took great enjoyment is seeing Tobias manhandled by the guards yesterday. She is 'fucking appalled' about him and Christina, her words.
Michelle loudly clears her throat and gives Jessica a sour look, Jessica mouths 'sorry' to me before Michelle talks, "We just wanted to let you know that Tobias recognized Jessica, and came over to speak with us."
I feel my stomach tighten as I nod for her to continue.
"He started by apologizing to Jessica, and he was sorry if anything he did yesterday was upsetting to her or you."
"Him sucking face with Christina was upsetting to me," I pipe up.
Jessica laughs, Michelle rolls her eyes at my joke.
"Tris, come on. You know you still care about him." She looks at me and I shrug for her to keep going.
"Tobias told us that he made a mistake, but he is still in love with you and he never stopped. The main thing, he wanted us to tell you that he is sorry and he wants to work at proving himself to you again," Michelle finishes.
Jessica chimes in, "Look, I hate him on your behalf, which is impressive considering how good-looking he is, like so pretty to look at, but Tris – hearing him talk about you. I could tell he really meant it…he loves you."
I listen to the girls and say nothing. When they are done, I clear my throat before talking. I tell them about our fight yesterday in my room, which was very painful. I explain to the girls that I met with Kelly and two other counselors last night for a very long session. We even followed up this morning after I had a night to sleep on it. And I tell them what is going to happen later today. Michelle has a therapy appointment scheduled with her girls, but Jessica will be able to come with me. I nod in thanks, I can really use her support.
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Before lunch I sit down with Kelly to review the file of information they obtained for Caleb. It shows me that he works very hard in a lab and is running a research project, there is not much of anything else. I ask if they were able to pull any information regarding his personal life. I notice that Kelly frowns, I ask her to please be honest with me. She admits that they were able to review his phone records and interview some of his peers - - all information indicates that he has no personal attachment and is very work driven.
I bite my lip, my mind racing. Oh Caleb, what have you been doing? Just working nonstop? What about friends, co-workers, love, human interaction?
I sigh and thank Kelly for the information. I ask her if we can please call him and just tell him, she agreed and we did just that.
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Caleb cried when he heard my voice, he is going to be on the earliest transport he can get. I cry too, and tell him that I miss him and I really need him. He is the only family I have left. Caleb is suddenly quiet on the phone.
"Did you know about Four? And Christina?" I ask softly.
Caleb pauses for a few moments, "I suspected it was either happening, or about to happen. Christina, from what I could gather, has been eying him for a while…and it was about a month ago that I saw… I mean… "
"Just say it, Caleb," I insist.
He clears his throat, I can tell he is so uncomfortable, "It was about a month ago that I saw that Four was flirting with her as well…I could tell that he liked her…I'm so sorry Beatrice. I wish this never happened to you."
Tears are streaming down my face, I gulp before assuring him, "It doesn't matter now, Caleb. It just doesn't matter. Please just be safe and get here soon. I love you."
"I love you too, Beatrice," he finishes.
We hang up and I smile, I can't wait to see my brother again.
I just need to make it through today.
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*Tobias POV*
I am lost in thought as I follow Johanna out of the high security leadership meeting that just wrapped up. Her suspicion that it would be about Tris's situation was on point. My purpose at the meeting was to sit in the back with the other support staff and record notes and action items for the officials in the room.
It almost killed me to hear in great detail the security and investigation logs for this open case. They found eleven bodies in the morgue attached to the lab, all bodies were frozen solid and autopsies were still taking place. All of the files were already moved, so we don't even know what the hell this was about. It makes me sick.
A total of eighteen women were saved, and not all have been awoken at this time. Per my understanding Tris was in the second group of women, while the first group was woken up two weeks ago.
For a moment I wonder if things would be different for us right now, had Tris been selected to awake two weeks ago.
I remind myself that I was already having sex with Christina then, I shudder. The only possible difference would have been if I could have confessed to Tris first, tried to explain to her. Instead she found out by watching me with my tongue down Christina's throat in the middle of a crowded terminal. I even think back to the smile I gave Christina after the kiss was over…the only way the situation could have been worse was if I had grabbed her ass in the middle of the transport bay. Damn it!
Johanna interrupts my thoughts as we rush back to our offices, "Tobias, I am sure that was difficult to hear, but I need the team to make this issue a priority. Half the officials in that room are up for re-election or vying to take someone's current position, myself included. This horrible act, and the fact it is unsolved, is going to be a major discussion point in the rallies this week. The news blackout order is in place for one more week, and then we need to be ready to talk about it."
I nod my head, I was able to type detailed notes and I am friendly with another assistant that was in the meeting, we had agreed to exchange our personal notes so that we could each have a stronger understanding of the issues.
We discuss the meeting participants and what the next two weeks will look like. There are some real assholes involved in the current administration. So many rumors of corruption, but almost impossible to prove. We even discuss that it was risky to count on everyone in that room to comply with the media blackout. Johanna has honor, and I know our team will.
Johanna knows I am under a lot of stress with the Tris and Christina issue, so she asks that I just turn over the completed notes to her and after her review she will put two other staff members on point. I thank her.
I was assigned a permanent office as I will be staying at the bureau for the time being. Again, my hopes are that Tris and I will reconcile and then she will come home with me and we can start our lives together in Chicago.
Speaking of Chicago, I contact Evelyn and explain the situation. She is stunned. To her credit, she says nothing about the mess I find myself in. My mother was not at all impressed or pleased when I started dating Christina.
I ask Evelyn to do me a favor: take care of my apartment while I am gone. She can move back – get settled in the city, while also having her own space. I also ask her to pack up the few items that Christina left there over the past month, I want every trace of her gone. I can just imagine returning with Tris and her finding Christina's hot pink toothbrush at my bathroom sink. Evelyn happily agrees. I warn her not to make waves with Christina or be mean, this is a bad situation for everyone. She assures me she will control herself.
There is suddenly a knock at my office door. I say goodbye to Evelyn and invite the person to enter. I am surprised when I see one of the bureau guards walk in. He is not one I have met yet. "Is Tris ok?" I quickly ask.
"Yes, Ms. Prior is fine. She's having a good day, I just saw her at the secure section of the center. She has made some good friends already, and they spend a lot of time together," he says with a smile.
For a moment jealousy courses through me, I would like to be able to just see her, I am desperate to spend time with her. I have to force myself to not run over to the secure area and stalk her. It is times like this I miss my job in surveillance. I would watch her all day long.
The guard continues, "I was sent here to deliver this invitation. Ms. Prior and her support team would like to start their counseling sessions with you. This is what all the former captives are working on." He continues on about the therapy sessions they are doing for all the former captives, but I am not really listening.
I look over the written directions in my hand, it lists time and place. I smile to myself. This was mentioned in Johanna's meeting – the bureau is providing support to help the former-captives and their loved ones to work together and heal. Start their lives together.
Tris is ready to start working on us. I believe we have a future, we can get past this blip and move forward.
The meeting is set right before dinner time, I am hopeful that Tris will be willing to have a quiet meal after. I love her, and I have missed her so much. I just want to spend time together. I want to share the details of my last year with her.
I ask Johanna if I can leave a little early, I want to shower and dress nice for my meeting with Tris. She agrees and wishes me luck.
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As I quickly walk through the bureau I realize that I am headed towards a conference center that is not in the direction of the site where Tris and the others are staying. I shrug off the possible meaning and arrive on time. There is a guard at the door, this one I do recognize from yesterday. He gives me a small frown and holds open the door for me so I can enter.
My face falls when I see that Christina is already seated at the large table. What the hell is she doing here?!
"Tobias, good to see you. I have missed you…a lot," she says softly.
My mouth is hanging open, why would Tris want to see us both? At the same time.
"Hey Chris…I hope you are doing ok. But what are you doing here?" I ask briskly.
She sighs and shrugs her shoulders, like me – she was invited here by one of the guards, she was told that Tris requested she attend.
I make it a point to sit at the table, but a few seats away from Christina. She frowns at me when I do. I remind her that nothing has changed for me.
"You know Tobias...it may not seem like it. But I'm happy Tris is alive. I still love her, she was my best friend. Things are just really complicated for me. I feel like I'm trapped in a lose - lose situation."
I nod my head and give Chris a small smile as she wipes a tear from her cheek. This is a hard situation.
Suddenly the doors open and two more guards enter, followed by Kelly White, Tris, her friend Jessica, and two other women that I do not recognize.
Tris does not even make eye contact with Christina or I when she enters, I can see how uncomfortable she is by the way her fingers are pulling at the scarf she has tied around her neck. I look at her and smile, she is so beautiful. She looks healthy, and strong, her face is so full of color, full of life. Her hair is almost as long as it was when we first met.
I remember kissing her yesterday. I know it upset her, but I don't regret it. I could never regret holding her. Holding Tris close to me and feeling the way both of our bodies responded to each other's touch and kisses…reminded me what it feels like to really love someone.
I want her, not just for some mindless physical drive but a real, specific desire. Not for "someone," just for her. I felt this way about her before, and I still feel it now.
Kelly clears her throat, snapping me out of my Tris-Daydream. I see that all eyes in the room are on me, I mumble a sorry and stare at Tris. We lock eyes for a moment, I want her to know I was thinking about her. She blushes and averts her eyes.
Kelly thanks Christina and I for agreeing to meet with them today. We both nod. I then notice that Tris will not even look in Christina's general direction, while Christina, on the other hand, is staring her down. I frown, again worried about how being in the same room with both girls is a bad idea at this point.
Kelly introduces the two other women in the room that I don't know. They are both counselors that are part of the team and will be made available to Christina and I for a future session if we decide we need it. Lastly, she introduces Jessica, who is here for Tris's moral support.
I notice that Christina turns her stare to Jessica. Jessica gives Christina the most obvious "F U Bitch" look I have ever seen, and then smirks at her. This is not good.
Tris clears her throat and then begins to speak. Her voice is soft, but firm.
She looks at Christina for the first time, and then at me, before she begins. Her eyes look sad, I feel a pang in my heart.
"Thank you for agreeing to meet with me. I wanted this chance to speak to you both in person. This will help me a lot, to move forward," Tris pauses to look at Kelly, who smiles at her with encouragement.
"Tobias, Christina… I know logically that you thought I was dead. I do understand that. So I know that technically neither one of you did anything 'wrong' per say. I do want to make it clear, that I see that, and it is something that I am working to accept."
Tris clears her throat.
"For me personally, I don't ever see myself getting past you two being together...having sex. I honestly feel like it is something that will haunt me forever, and always be looming over my head."
Tris bites the inside of her cheek for a moment before continuing, "Neither one of you owe me anything, not even an apology, not an explanation of whatever this thing between you both is, means…"
I have to interrupt, "Tris! I told you and I meant it, the moment I knew you were alive, there was nothing going on between Christina and me. We are done. You are the one I want!"
I hate to hurt Christina, and talk about her this way in front of everyone – but I can't risk losing Tris. I need her to understand.
"That's just great, Tobias. Really rub my face in it," Christina hisses at me. I frown and tell her I am sorry, but it is the truth.
"Please let Tris finish. Afterwards, the two of you can work out your own issues," Kelly White says.
I feel a chill go through me, after? After what?!
"As I was saying, I know you didn't technically do anything wrong. I just came to say goodbye. I don't ever want to think about either of you ever again," Tris says firmly. I see the resolve on her face. "The bottom line- although you are not in the wrong…I can't even look at either of you without feeling sick. I no longer want you guys to be in my life, in any way."
I see that Christina is drawing her lips in a fine line, and she looks ready to explode. I am stunned at what I am hearing. Is this a joke?!
Tris begins standing up, "Thank you for meeting me, to say a last goodbye…and I do wish both of you well in life. Please respect my wishes and just leave me alone. I promise to do the same. Goodbye."
I open my mouth to protest but Christina beats me to it.
"Gee, how gracious of you Tris. You are right, we didn't do ANYTHING WRONG!" Christina's voice rising with every word. I notice the guard closest to Tris begins evaluating Christina as though ready to physically restrain her if needed.
"Yeah, I get it Christina. You had no problem running after Tobias when I was gone. We were best friends, if roles were reversed I know you would have a huge issue with this. You don't even try to fake being even a little remorseful. I guess I can respect that. If you had the chance, I am sure you would do it all over again. Like I said, goodbye. I'm done with you." Tris snaps at her, her voice waveres with emotion as she has a fire in her eyes.
My heart stops when Christina rushes into her verbal attack, hitting Tris right where it hurts. "If anyone did anything WRONG, it was YOU, Tris! We all had a plan, and that plan didn't include you dying instead of your loser-brother. You are the one that put Caleb ahead of Tobias. I make him happy now. Tobias has the right to be happy!"
I'm livid! It takes all my self control to not grab Christina by the shoulders and shake her, "Stop it Chris! You don't get to speak for me, and don't you dare talk to Tris like that again!"
It's too late. Tris gasps and her eyes fill with tears at Christina's words. She looks at me, she quickly tries to blink the tears away. Jessica is by her side in an instant to comfort her, she is whispering words in her ear while softly rubbing her back.
I stand to move around the table to approach Tris, two guards warn me to step back and keep my distance.
Tris begins to calm down, and nods at Kelly. Jessica gives Christina the death look, Christina is the one to smirk at her this time.
"I've said all I needed to say. I want to leave now," Tris says while looking at Kelly. They all begin getting up, but Christina just can't control her Candor-mouth.
"Did you think that he would just shrivel up into a little ball and die? Is that what you wanted for him, Tris? Is it?" Christina demands from her.
"Christina – enough! Leave her alone." I bark at her. She is making it really hard for me not to hate her.
"She should hear it, she should know that I was the one that was there for you. I was your emotional support. I saved your life for God's sakes!" Christina directs her words to Tris who has paused to stop and look at her as she finishes, "He confided things in me, his four fears, his relationship with his parents, how Evelyn left him with Marcus… What he and I have is real, you should know that. This is not just some sex thing between us."
Tris's mouth falls open as she looks at me. I see the realization in her face, now she knows. Everything that I had only given to her… was no longer just between us.
Tris stands tall and looks at us both, "I hope you both make each other happy. Just go back to forgetting about me. You're so good at it."
I see the cold look in her eyes, she is done. Tris turns and nods to one of the guards to follow her out.
Even though the team that arrived with Tris is filing out of the room, I feel as though the room is getting smaller and smaller around me, "Tris! Wait!" I call out to her.
A look from the guards warns me to forget about following her.
"Forget it, Tobias. Little miss perfect is never going to forgive you," Christina huffs.
"Damn it Christina! What the fuck was that?!" I demand as I rub my temples in frustration.
"That was this conniving little whore, making sure that you would go from having a slim chance of getting Tris back, to absolutely no chance in hell," Jessica chimes. I hadn't even realized she stayed in the room.
She is a petite girl, the pretty type that gives off a very strong air of confidence and entitlement. She is someone I would normally instantly dislike, but I have already seen on numerous occasions that she is loyal and fierce when it comes to Tris, so I find myself liking her…a lot. I have also seen the way this girl offers love and comfort to those she cares about. For a moment I am relieved that Tris has her.
"Who the hell are you?" Christina asks, probably annoyed at being called a whore.
"Tell me Christina, why did you find it necessary to torment Tris like that, throwing your bullshit relationship," Jessica wags her fingers in between Christina and I, "in her face after she was already saying goodbye? You sounded so pathetic and insecure as you rambled on and on."
"Shut up, you bitch!" Christina yells at her, she is furious.
"Tris told you both she is done. So why keep kicking her while she's down?! What is wrong with you, honey?" Jessica turns away from Christina and goes in for the kill.
Turning to me, "Congrats. In your pathetic short lived grief, you landed yourself a real fuckin' bitch with this one. Enjoy her."
My eyes widen at her words, Jessica walks out, the guard that had remained followed closely behind her, and I am left feeling empty and alone. How did this go so poorly? Why did Tris do this to us? I wanted to meet with her alone, to salvage what we had. How can she not even give me a chance to try to work this out?
I sit down to place my face in my hands as I replay the conversations in my mind.
"Tobias, Tris is never going to forgive this. Forgive us. We may as well be happy. Together." Christina says as she places her hand on my shoulder and begins to slowly run her hand down my back.
I recoil from her touch, I want to be considerate of what Christina is also going through, but she was just so cruel to Tris. And Jessica is right, Christina just tried to blow any chance I have with Tris right out of the water. She may have succeeded.
"Chris, I will say it again. No. I am only going to be truly happy if I am with Tris. What I felt for you before was NOTHING compared to what Tris and I had." I stand up, ready to storm out of the conference room.
Before walking out I turn back one last time. "Chris, you should go back to Chicago. You are not wanted here and are in the way. Just go, please. Leave me the hell alone."
I am in a daze as I charge back to my hotel room. I am heartbroken over Tris. To know that she is alive, but doesn't want me in her life - - kills me.
I can't give up. I won't.
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