Cullen stood in the Gallows Courtyard watching the shadows. When he had first arrived in Kirkwall he had spent the first several weeks just watching the sun cast shadows on the courtyard. He had learned what the shadows told him about time. In Ferelden they didn't have sun or shadows. There were only dark corridors and bad memories. He had been surprised when he first arrived by the amount of time he got to spend outside, in the sun. He even found his skin had tanned slightly and dark freckles had formed in various places across his skin.
He watched the shadow in the courtyard and knew he would soon have his break. After his break, he would go to his office and prepare reports on the men for the Knight-Commander and then he would drill a few of the younger recruits that needed extra training. Then...then he supposed he would go home. He frowned at the shadows. He wasn't sure really what to do. He had sent Garrett a message earlier that day, but hadn't heard back from the warrior. He supposed if he didn't hear back he would have to go home and tell Marian...if she was even still there. Maybe she just left? She could leave the city after all. He tried to wipe away the pain that caused him.
"Good afternoon, Knight-Captain." Cullen looked up quickly and stared at the image in front of him.
Marian Hawke stood before him, smiling up at him and holding a small basket in her hand. He blinked several times wondering when the illusion would disappear. But it stayed and he swallowed before speaking. "Marian. What are you doing here?"
She grinned. "I was in the area and thought I would see how you were doing."
"You...were in the area?" He realized this was a repeat of a conversation they had once had and wondered if he had fallen asleep on duty. Meredith wouldn't be happy.
Marian laughed. "Yes. Ok fine. You caught me. I came to see you." She brought up the basket to her eye level. "I brought you this."
He glanced warily at the basket. "It isn't poisoned, is it?" He asked before he could stop himself.
A flash of anger crossed her eyes. "Yes. I decided to poison my templar husband in broad daylight with a basket of freshly baked biscuits. Happy? Now you've ruined my plot."
His lips twitched. "I am afraid your devious plots need working on, my wife."
Her eyes widened and he blushed and looked away. Where by holy Andraste had that come from? Sure, he sometimes referred to Marian by that title in his head, but he never would have thought to let it slip. After a moment he felt her cross the distance and turned.
She looked up at him, basket in one hand and her other coming to rest on his breastplate. Her blue eyes so stunning he wanted to swim in them and be lost. "Husband." She whispered.
A shiver ran through him. She reached up on her toes and he stiffened.
"No." He barely breathed and she blinked at him, surprised, before blushing and taking a quick step back.
"Oh," She said quietly, her hand brushing aside hair that had fallen in her face.
He stepped closer and leaned down. Not wanting anyone to hear him. "Marian, I don't want you to think...to think that you need to do that." She glanced at him before looking down again. He sighed and continued, "I thought I made it clear at our wedding that I would never ask you to...do what you didn't want to. I won't have you think that about me." He straightened and looked down at her. He tried to calm his racing heart. Maker give him strength to stay strong for if she tried again he wasn't sure he would stop her.
She refused to meet his gaze and only looked at the ground, playing idly with the basket.
"May I have the basket?" He asked softly. "If you still want to give it to me, that is?"
She nodded and handed it to him without looking. He sighed and as she turned to go he caught her arm gently. "You know how I feel about you." Her quick glance told him she did. "I-I can't in good conscience do anything while I know you don't feel the same." He had decided this the previous night. He couldn't live with himself if he thought Marian was only showing him affection because she thought she needed to.
Marian nodded and he let her go. She paused, clearly deciding whether to speak. Finally, she looked up at him. "I-I know...that it may be difficult or-or impossible for me to understand what a templar does and why, but...just know I will try." She looked at him. Her blue eyes taking his breath away. "I know you are a good man, Cullen." She smiled shyly. "I will see you tonight when you get home." And with that she walked away.
As he watched her swaying hips he groaned and knew she would be the death of him.
Isabela had given Marian great advice on how to placate an angry husband.
"I don't think he's really angry," Marian said uncertainly.
Isabela waved her off. "Doesn't really matter. It'll work for anything upsetting him. Just ask him about his day. Pretend you care. Pretend to listen. Smile. Just simper all over him. Believe me. It'll placate him alright." The pirate said slightly annoyed.
"Isabela?" Marian asked. "Is something wrong?"
Isabela shook her head and gave Marian a large smile. "Of course not, cupcake."
Marian sat in the empty house and watched the sun go down through the windows. Cullen would be home soon. She was nervous. She didn't really know why. It wasn't like they were going to doanything. He had made that very clear today at the Gallows. She hadn't told Isabela about that. Mostly because Marian hadn't wanted to deal with the pirate's shock and because she knew why he had done it.
It just confused her more though. She knew Cullen liked her. Maybe even more than liked her. And the one time she tried to kiss him, he rejected her. She had wanted to see if the same feelings came back. If he could make her feel the same as he had on their wedding day. She wished she could believe he had done it to spite her, but she knew he was too good of a man for that.
No, Cullen wanted her to want him too. It was an odd thought. And not one she heard of often. From everything she had learned from Isabela and both her brother's exploitations, men usually had one thing on their mind and didn't care how they got it. But...but Cullen did care.
She sighed and cursed herself for having the one man in Thedas who seemed to care about her feelings.
Marian heard the lock click and she jumped up. Nervousness rushed through her and she began to shake slightly.
Cullen walked through the door and saw her. He stopped and looked around before closing the door and locking it. He walked in sheepishly and glanced at her.
Marian beamed at him. "I'm glad you're home." She said truthfully.
He nodded and cleared his throat. "The biscuits were much appreciated."
She chuckled. "I'm glad you liked them. I'm not much of a cook, but my mother attempted to impart some semblance of cooking skills to her children."
Cullen nodded and shifted his feet. "I-uh sent your brother a letter today...he hasn't gotten back to me." He looked at the ground and she could see his nervousness.
She smiled. "No worry. I had Isabela pick up some of my clothes earlier today. I moved them into the wardrobe upstairs. I hope that is ok?"
He looked up at her, startled. "Y-yes. Of course that's ok." He blushed and she saw his lips curve slightly upward before he controlled his features.
"So...um are you hungry?" She asked, not really knowing what happened next.
"I am afraid I am not." He said glancing at her, he must have seen her disappointment because he spoke quickly. "But I would eat if you like. Or you could eat and I...I'll um..." He blushed deeper and ran his hand across the back of his neck.
"It's fine." She said. She had hoped she could cook them dinner. She truly wasn't a terrible cook, but she did need practice if she was going to get any better at it. Now she would have to think of something else. Looking around she remembered Isabela's advice. "How was your day?" She asked smiling at him again.
Cullen glanced at her and she noticed he moved slightly again, clearly in discomfort. "Perhaps I could change first?" He asked shyly.
Marian blinked and noticing his heavy plate armor covering him she rushed out. "Oh...yes. Yes, you should change. Obviously you would want to do that." She almost hit herself for being so callous.
He nodded and walked up the stairs, glancing back at her uncertainly.
She blew her breath out when he was out of sight. By the Maker how was she going to get through the night?
"Marian?" Cullen called when he walked into an empty downstairs.
His heart skipped a small beat before he heard, "In here," come from the kitchen.
He felt a rush of relief and headed to the back of the house. He had only been in the kitchen twice. Once, when he first explored the new place Meredith had given him. The second was the night before the wedding. He had come home that night in terror. All the sudden realizations hitting him the second he had walked through the door. He had done a thorough inspection; praying to the Maker that everything in his house was in order. When he had come into the kitchen he had realized he had no food since he always ate at the Gallows and had panicked, thinking that Marian would be angry at him for not having food. Then he had feared that she would demand he get a cook, which he would have, but he hadn't had time the night before the wedding. Nervousness had made him barely able to sleep that night.
When he walked in to the kitchen he saw Marian cutting up some bread and making a platter of cheese and dried meat. "You didn't have any food, so I bought a little today when I was getting ingredients for the biscuits." She smiled at him and offered him a piece of cheese. "I didn't get a lot, but figured it was enough for a night, maybe two."
Cullen took the cheese and nodded. "I-uh don't eat here."
Marian's face fell slightly. "Oh. I guess that's fine. I'll just..."
"No, th-that's not what I meant." He said quickly, realizing she thought he didn't ever want to eat here...with her. "I mean...I normally eat at the Gallows...but if you want to...um...eat together I will be more than happy to wait...I can definitely wait until I get home...uh here to eat."
He tried to smile reassuringly. She gave him a small smile back. "Ok. We can try that. But if it becomes...too much-"
"It won't."
She smiled down at the bread and finished cutting it. A real smile this time. He couldn't stop a smile from playing across his face even as he tried to fight it down. He didn't want to scare her. But he couldn't stop from being elated at her being here. In his kitchen. Smiling.
When she arranged the bread on the platter he carried it into the dining room. As they were sitting down Marian suddenly groaned. "I forgot to get something to drink. I didn't think about it."
He was about to sit down when he stopped. She was frowning and looking at him. "Uh..." He quickly scoured his brain. Did he have anything? Then he smiled. "I'll be right back." He got up and went back upstairs quickly.
He came back with a bottle of Orlesian wine. "Ser Alrik gave this to me." He smiled and handed it to her. "Wedding present." She looked at him curiously and he blushed slightly.
"Glasses?"
He thought quickly and nodded. He headed into the kitchen and grabbed two.
He set them on the table and she poured them both a glass. After she took a sip she put her glass back on the table and frowned.
"Is it bad?"
She shook her head. "No...it's not about the wine."
He felt a stab of fear. But things had been going so well.
She looked at him nervously. Guilt written across her face. Oh Maker, that look could sink a ship.
"I'm sorry." She said quietly.
"Marian-"
"No." She stopped him with her hand. "I need to tell you that I'm sorry. I was an ass. Last night..."
"You don't need to apologize."
"Yes, I do." She fiddled with her wine glass. "I was so horrible to you and-"
"You were not." She looked at him. Her eyes shined slightly and she looked miserable. What he would give to comfort her. "Marian, you did nothing wrong. You are not at fault and you were hardly horrible last night. Merely a victim of a bad situation. Of which, I am pretty confident is your brother's fault."
She gave her bread a sad half-smile. "Why can't you just accept my apology?"
He chuckled. "I will accept an apology when you need to give me one."
She looked at him, her smile widening and her usual glint returning to her eyes. "You make it sound like one day I might."
"Oh, I have no doubt that you will think of something to do that warrants an apology."
She laughed and settled down to eat some food. He watched her for a time, drinking his glass of wine. In the light of the fire her eyes shined so bright and beautifully. He wondered if she knew that. Or that when she ate she smiled to herself as if sharing a small joke in her head. Or that when her tongue flicked out to catch a drop of wine from her lips the temperature in the room increased by ten degrees.
He shook his head and cleared his throat to stop all the distracting thoughts in his head. "So, um...if you don't mind me asking, what happened last night?"
Marian chewed slowly as if thinking and finally gave him what he could only assume was an abridged version of the day. That Garrett had thrown her out. That she had foolishly gone to a tavern where she spent most of the day and her money on drink. That she had then found her way to his house and taken her temper out on him. After reminding her that she had not taken her temper out on him, and that for the second time she did not need to apologize for her actions he finally said, "Hawke can't kick you out of your family home, Marian."
She smiled and shook her head. "As much as I hate to say this, he is probably right. I can see the nobles thinking it strange that I live in a different house than my husband." Cullen blushed and looked away. "I think for now it's best I stay here...as long as you have no objections?" She looked nervously at the table as if expecting him to say he did.
"Of course you can stay here. For as long as you like." The blush increased a few shades when she looked at him questioningly.
"Don't be so quick to say that, Knight Captain. You have not lived with me yet." She grinned at him.
"I'm-uh sure I can handle y-um anything you do." His face was afire and she laughed and shook her head.
After finishing her dinner, Marian stretched and finished her glass of wine. "It's been a long day, for both of us I believe. I'll sleep in the guest room tonight."
"No."
"Why no?" She asked surprised.
"I will sleep in the guest room. You can have the master," He said matter-of-factly. He grabbed the platter from her and walked into the kitchen to clean it. She followed him, her hands on her hips and an adorable wrinkle in her nose.
"Don't be ridiculous. This is still your house, Cullen. You, therefore, sleep in the master room." She folded her arms and finally smiled as if she had the winning argument. "Besides your armor stand is in there and it wouldn't make sense for you to sleep in a room that didn't have your armor."
"I moved it to the guest room earlier." He said, trying to hide his smile. He had figured she might be staying and had decided she would continue to sleep in the larger room.
"You did that on purpose." She pouted slightly.
Cullen smiled at her as he finished washing the dish. "Marian. If you attempt to sleep in the guest room I will be forced to sleep on the floor. If that is what you wish to happen then by all means take the guest room."
She frowned at him and was quiet for a moment as she thought her options through. Finally, she chuckled and gave him a small smile. "Your Ferelden is showing, Knight-Captain. Perhaps I should make you sleep on the floor like a dog." She grinned and shook her head at him. "Fine. I'll sleep in the master...tonight. But I'm not backing down from this so easily."
He chuckled and as he went to pass her in the door, he leaned down slightly, his face inches from hers. "I wouldn't expect you to." Her eyes widen slightly. "Good night, my wife."
