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"Ran-chan!" – Regular Speech
'Stupid Spatula Girl!' – Thoughts
"Hiryū Shōten Ha!" – Martial Arts Technique
{Grandmother!} – Mandarin/Language other than Japanese Speech
Beta'd by rewind gone nuts
Chapter 8: The Double 'Friend Date'
Fūrinkan Highschool Cafeteria
Genma Saotome, in his Panda Cursed Form, glared down at The Boy as he was glomped by an ecstatic Amazon in a dress. Things had not been going according to plan ever since he and The Boy had arrived in Nerima, but recently things had gone even further off the rails than normal.
'Accursed Master!' he though bitterly, furtively looking around in case the pint-sized menace was around, 'This is all your fault for leaving that stupid Band-Aid lying around!'
Had The Master (he had conditioned himself to not even think of his master's true name, for fear of summoning him) not been so careless as to leave that bedamned Band-Aid lying around where anyone could grab it, The Boy wouldn't have become a womanising idiot and signed those marriage licences.
As it was, until those licences could be destroyed, his dream of uniting the Schools couldn't be made a reality. He and his old friend Tendo had been trying to get at the licenses for weeks now, with no success. That accursed shrivelled old hag of a woman had intercepted them and beaten them into the ground every time they tried to gain access to the Nekohanten, which was understandable.
So why was she deliberately blocking them from breaking into Okonomiyaki Ucchan's as well?! It positively boggled the mind. She should be wanting to have the Chef Girl removed from contention with her granddaughter as much as he wanted her bimbo of a granddaughter removed from contention with Akane. Yet she defended the rival of her granddaughter with as much zeal as her own blood! It made no sense!
Growling, the Master of the Saotome School of Everything Goes turned and stomped off. He would get The Boy to marry a Tendo, even if The Boy was unconscious for the ceremony.
The Next Day
Shampoo's Room, Nekohanten
Looking in the mirror uncertainly, Shampoo bit her lip. Her grandmother had suggested that wearing something a bit more casual for her date with Ranma (and Ukyo) than her usual Chinese outfits. This confused her, as her outfits were casual by the standards of the Joketsuzoku, but the Elder had clarified that it was casual by the standards of Japan that she was referring to.
Accepting that somewhat dubiously, she had accepted the bag of clothes that her grandmother had bought for her. She was now dressed in them and was now eying them with suspicion. She wore a pair of jeans that fit her without being tight, a white and lavender t-shirt with a heart in the centre, a pair of low pumps on her feet and a blouse over her t-shirt.
'I…like this.' Shampoo thought in surprise. She had seen the way the strange foreigner girls had dressed up while out on her deliveries and had eyed the way their bodies were practically on display. The clothes looked so different to what she had worn her whole life that she had been unsure about wearing them, but this…this was casual without looking like she was a weak foreigner. Or showing off her cleavage like that dress she had worn for the Martial Arts Dining Battle the previous day.
She stifled a giggle. Picolet had staggered off looking utterly dazed after she had defeated him, swiftly followed by that dried-up old harridan Madame St Paul. She doubted that she or Ukyo would see hide or hair of either of them any time soon, especially as they had humiliated Chardin in his chosen martial art.
Cologne hopped into the room, looked her up and down and nodded in approval. "Hmm. Very good. Has Son-in-Law told you what you will be doing today?"
"Airen say we go to shopping arcade outside Nerima." Shampoo answered, "Too-too much chance of idiots challenging us to fight in Nerima for date to be risked. Plus Stupid Panda and Waterfall Man might interfere."
Cologne sighed. "Yes, sensible concerns. The elder Saotome has been attempting to break in and get his hands on the marriage license, both here and at Ukyo's, and both alone and with the Tendo Patriarch, at night for the last week and a half or so. I will be forced to actually make an effort if they continue much longer."
Shampoo winced. Her grandmother rather liked her beauty sleep and did not like having to interrupt it if it wasn't necessary. The Fat Panda and Waterfall Man had better wise up soon, otherwise they were in for a world of pain once she stopped being nice.
"As for being challenged…it's something of a give-and-take situation." The Elder continued, "Here in Nerima, people know you, Ranma and Ukyo. They know how strong you are and that crossing you is a sure-fire way to end up with a trip to the hospital, so you only get confronted by actual martial artists. Outside of Nerima, however, you will just look like a pair of girls with a boy…or three girls if Son-in-Law gets splashed with water. That means that you may be hit on by street brawlers, with more brains between their legs than in their head and all the martial skill of a half-trained first year student back home."
Shampoo snorted. A First Year Student was a five-year-old in the Joketsuzoku.
"All I am warning you of is to not treat them with the same level of seriousness you would a martial artist." Cologne said sternly, "Their bodies will be more fragile than yours and you could defeat them with less than half of your strength. We do not need the police to come calling for breaking the limbs of some base thugs. Understood."
"Yes Grandmother." Shampoo nodded obediently.
"Good girl. Now go have fun." Cologne chuckled.
Nodding again, the young Amazon made to leave, but halted at her grandmother's voice speaking up again.
"Shampoo, tell me something…would it be such a bad thing, to have Ukyo as your Co-Wife?"
Shampoo thought about it for a moment. "Is not bad, but…it hurt Shampoo's pride."
"Ah, pride." The Elder chuckled ruefully. "Yes, we Joketsuzoku are highly prideful individuals, are we not? But remember child; when Son-in-Law defeated you in his male form, you surrendered your pride to him. It was hard, but you still did it because of tradition, correct?"
"Yes."
"Son-in-Law…Ranma is a highly complex person, Shampoo." Cologne stated, "His father's training, influenced by Happōsai's own, have made him very reluctant to share his heart with others, because most times that he has, it has been hurt, again thanks to his father's training, not to mention his father's kleptomania and the backlash from it. As beautiful as you are and as open a person as you are, it might be that alone, you cannot reach him. Should it prove necessary, would you be willing to have Ukyo as your Co-Wife?"
That was a harder question. Shampoo was confident in her physical appearance and skills. She knew that she was excessively blunt, but open and friendly to those whom she knew and she was fine with that, but…to be unable to reach the heart of her Airen alone was tantamount to failing as a woman, which Shampoo did not like the idea of. Still…
"If it only way to reach Airen…then yes." She answered finally, "No be happy, but will do it if necessary."
"You, my dear, are looking at this the wrong way." Cologne shook her head, "Instead of thinking of it like that, as if Ukyo is a tool necessary to get Ranma, think of it like this: Ukyo is a lovely girl, with potential in martial arts. She would be an asset to the Joketsuzoku. She is in love with your husband and has appreciation for your appearance as well. I know that you also appreciate her appearance as well."
The young Amazon blushed cherry-red.
"Try to see this as a mission, child. Just because you cannot get Ranma without her doesn't mean she has to be disliked for it. Take her for yourself as well." The Matriarch said with a sage nod, "Make her your wife in truth rather than just in name."
Still blushing, Shampoo quickly left the room.
Cologne frowned after a moment. "Why is it that I have the feeling that I forgot to do something…?"
Later
With Ukyo
"Urgh…" the Osakan Chef grumbled. She was dressed in clothes that were a lot weirder than she would have liked, but they were also not skirts, thank Kami! She wore stylish cream trousers, a black t-shirt and address shirt that had designs on it resembling Asian dragons and tigers. Combined with the fact that she was wearing a bra and panties rather than panties and a sarashi wrap, along with her hair being tied back in a ponytail, she looked…like a tomboy.
Hell, she was a tomboy, she admitted that. She wore an Okonomiyaki Chef's outfit rather than any girly clothes for crying out loud! But…these clothes were the first that she had ever worn that broadcast that fact to all who saw her. Cologne had been the one to give her them and she had a sneaking suspicion that the old lady had a few tricks up her sleeve regarding this date.
She was standing at the meeting point outside the park where she had agreed to meet Shampoo and Ran-chan and she was feeling pretty self-conscious of all the looks she was getting. She bet that she looked weird.
Unbeknownst to her, the girl's figure and clothing choices combined to make her very striking. She was looking tomboyish, but also pretty and statuesque. Several onlookers who knew who she was cursed the fact that she was head over heels for Ranma.
"Hello, Spatula Girl." Shampoo greeted her as she dropped down next to her. Ukyo leapt in surprise before doing a double take at how cute Shampoo looked in her normal-looking clothes. The Amazon also noticed how striking Ukyo was in her clothes.
"Grandmother?" the purplette asked after a moment.
"Yup. Ditto?"
"Is so."
In unison, the two girls sighed at the antics of the old woman.
"When's Ran-chan due to get here?" Ukyo asked after a moment.
"Why ask Shampoo? I not Seer." The Amazon retorted, "Airen be here soon."
Shampoo frowned and tilted her head slightly. "Shampoo get feeling she and Grandmother forget something…"
At that Moment
With Ranma
"Die, Saotome!" Mousse roared, sending a hail of spikey death at the (currently) female Saotome Heir.
"Mouse! Goddamn it, Old Ghoul!" the petite redhead growled, "How hard is it ta put a duck in a cage?!"
She nimbly dodged the rain of weaponry and leapt atop a fence. "I'm kinda busy now, Duck Boy."
"Busy seducing my Shampoo!" the almost blind boy screeched, this time throwing a barrage of bombs at his nemesis.
"Hey! Watch it, ya doofus!" the Saotome Heir(ess) yelped before her leg blurred, kicking all of the bombs into the air, where they exploded harmlessly. "This is a residential neighbourhood! Ya could hurt someone with those!"
"No excuses!" the male Joketsuzoku snarled and lashed out with a sword, which Ranma caught using the kendo technique Naked Blade Reception, trapping it between Ranma's delicate palms. The blade trembled as Mousse sought to overpower his currently weaker rival.
"Ya know, this is gettin' ridiculous." Ranma's blue eyes bored into Mousse's own black eyes. "Shampoo ain't yours. She ain't mine. She's her own damn person! Maybe you callin' her 'yours' as if she were your property is why you never had a chance with her!"
"Silence! I am the only one who can understand my beloved Shampoo!" the ardent swain shot back, "Vanish! Disappear! Begone from my sight!"
"Take your glasses off then, 'cause that's the only way I'm vanishin'." Ranma snarked. With a sharp motion, she broke the sword Mousse was attempting to bisect her with off at the handle before using her superior speed to move behind him and then boot him into the sky, making the Duck Boy vanish in a twinkle.
"Jeez. First that bedamned old lady moves house and splashes me, then that idiot shows up." Ranma grumbled as she ran atop the fence to where she was supposed to meet the girls. "Who next? Ryōga?"
In a distant part of Japan, a black piglet sneezed.
"Nah. He's not due ta show up for another few days." She dismissed the directionally challenged boy from her thoughts. He always showed up after about a week and a half to three weeks whenever he wandered off and got lost.
She deftly avoided any houses that had the tell-tale signs of those horrible little monsters called cats (Damn you old man!) and finally made it to the park. Spotting Ukyo and Shampoo wasn't easy due to them wearing such different clothes! Her jaw actually dropped for a moment when she saw their ensembles before she shook her head and recovered herself somewhat.
"Yo! Ucchan, Shampoo!" she called as she walked over to them.
"Ran-chan/Airen!" the girls glomped her at the same time, each taking a different side. Ranma flushed red at the sensation of their chests pressing in on her.
"You two are excited." She observed once they had eased off on the hug.
"Is first date when Airen not womaniser thanks to Nasty Pervert's Band-Aid." Shampoo informed him, "Is something to be excited about."
"I'm with her, sugar." His childhood friend chimed in before looking closer at Ranma's clothes. "What happened? Looks like you had a run-in with a lawnmower."
Looking down, Ranma grimaced. A couple of Mousse's blades had cut holes in her trousers. "Mousse. Bird Boy was shoutin' at me for 'seducin' his Shampoo' and that sorta thing. Punted the idiot into the river after he tried to bomb me in the middle of a residential area."
Needless to say, the aforementioned girl was upset. "Stupid Mousse! I no his! He only friend! He dare attack Airen when he about to take Shampoo on date?!"
"Looks like Cologne dropped the ball." Ukyo observed, "Ran-chan, we'd better buy you a change of trousers first. Wanna change back first?"
"Yeah. C'mon, Doc Tofu's place is only a couplea minutes away." The redhead nodded.
Later
Gaming Arcade, Suginami Ward, Tokyo
"Player 1 Wins!"
"Damn!" Ranma cursed. His character, a guy in a white karate gi and a red headband, had just been beaten down by a girl dressed in a Japanese archery uniform that used Kobudō.
"You did very good considering it was your first time playing this game, Ran-chan." The brunette told him reassuringly.
"Stupid Pops." The Saotome Heir grumbled. He could just hear the old man booming in the background, 'Games are for weaklings who dream rather than do, Boy!'
"Is Shampoo's turn now?" the Amazon asked. She had allowed Ukyo to be the first to face their Airen, but now she wanted her turn.
"Sure thing sugar. Ya have ta beat me though to face Ran-chan though." The Chef smirked.
"No fair, Ukyo!" Shampoo protested as she gently moved Ranma over to one side and fed a coin into the machine. "No fair on Ukyo, that be."
The look of surprise on Ukyo's face was enough to make Ranma chuckle.
"Oh, now yer gonna get it." The bifauxnen growled and reselected her character, Hokuto.
Shampoo on the other hand selected a female character dressed in a blue Chinese qipao and had an Odango hairstyle similar to herself called Chun-Li.
"You would pick her." Ukyo rolled her eyes.
"Like Ukyo pick character similar to self." The Amazon shot back.
Then the fight got started. And it was pretty damn close too. Chun-Li used a form of Kung Fu that emphasised the use of kicks and speed over pure power, while Hokuto's Kobudō had feints and tricks built into it. The Hyakuretsukyaku that Chun-Li used looked a hell of a lot like a leg variant of the Kachū Tenshin Amaguriken, and the reactionary style that Hokuto used was interesting as well.
Eventually, Shampoo managed to finish things with a surprise short-ranged Kikōken, which intrigued Ranma somewhat. Chi blasts were something that he knew were possible, but he hadn't thought to add them to his repertoire until this moment.
Ukyo gaped at the sight of her defeated character in shock. "How…?"
Shampoo merely let out a squeal of glee and raised her hands, giving a double victory sign.
"I lost? How?!" the shock was still all over Ukyo as she looked up. "I mean…no offense Ran-chan, but I'da thought she would be about your level. She ain't seen electricity till she came after you."
"None taken." Ranma was comfortable to admit that he was a thorough amateur at video games. Hell, if he'd come close to an arcade since he'd left on that training trip as a kid before this, he'd be very surprised.
Shampoo, however, started rolling up her sleeves as she glared at Ukyo. "Why you…!"
"Now c'mon, none of that." Ranma intervened, placing a hand on Shampoo's shoulder, freezing the Amazon in place.
"But Airen…!" Shampoo whined.
"I saw yer village, Shampoo. Ya didn't have any electrical stuff that I could see." Ranma said firmly, "She was just tellin' the truth."
"I guess…I was a bit too blunt." Ukyo sighed. "Sorry."
The purplette huffed. "Is OK. No do again."
The moment was interrupted by about ten teens dressed up in gakuran uniforms. They all had something that was decidedly against uniform codes, such as dyed blond hair, piercings and the like. Some had scars left from fighting. All of them screamed 'delinquent' to Ukyo and Ranma. To Shampoo, they reminded her of wannabe fighters who tried too hard to look intimidating as opposed to polishing their skill at fighting.
It basically added up to the same thing.
"Hey there sweet things!" one boy leered at Ukyo and Shampoo, "Why don't ya drop that loser and hang with some real men?"
Ukyo scoffed, jerking her head to send her hair over her shoulder before looking the group up and down dismissively. "'Real men' huh? I am not impressed."
"Shampoo think silly boys need to learn how to gauge other men to themselves." The Amazon agreed, "Airen is too-too much more of a man compared to silly boys."
The leers from the boys turned into angry expressions at the dismissive attitudes of the two girls.
"Fucking bitches! Think that just because you're a little hot that you can treat us like that?!" one growled.
'Great. I can see where this is going.' Ranma thought with a sigh and rotated his shoulders. He walked forwards, drawing the attention of the punks. "OK, you idiots. Let's take this outside. I'd hate to have ta break some of this gear by breakin' yer faces in."
"And what can a spindly little wimp like you do?" the first punk to hit on Ukyo and Shampoo sneered.
The Saotome Heir sighed again. He really hated delinquents.
In a flash, the punks found themselves sprawled outside the video arcade in a confused heap, with Ranma standing in a relaxed stance in front of them as they stood up and cursed.
"Show off." Ukyo remarked to Ranma as she exited the arcade herself, Shampoo at her heels.
"Meh. You or Shampoo coulda done it too, but I didn't wanna wait to signal you." The boy shrugged.
"Fucker!" the punk with blond hair roared, pulling brass knuckles out of his pocket and sliding them on. The rest drew chains or similar weapons from underneath their coats.
"Three minutes, do you think?" Ukyo queried her companions.
"Silly Ukyo." Shampoo scolded her as the Amazon eyed the punks disdainfully. "Two minutes, top."
"That's tops, Shampoo."
"Is same thing!"
"Don't ignore us, dammit!" one boy with a pierced nose howled in fury. He leapt forwards to try to punch Ranma, who swerved to avoid it with the most minimal possible. He then stuck his leg out, letting the idiot trip up over in and faceplant onto the ground. To those watching, it all happened so fast that it looked like the boy had tripped.
"Daisuke, that was so uncool." One shook his head in disbelief, "Trippin' up over yourself like that!"
"'uk…'ou!" Daisuke groaned from his place on the ground.
"Hey, if yer all just gonna stand around and bitch to each other, my girls and I have places ta be." Ranma said in a bored voice. Ukyo and Shampoo went pink at being called 'his girls' even although it was likely just meant as 'the girls who were with him' when he said it.
"Get him!" the first boy to speak up in the arcade roared. With a shout, the nine remaining punks charged forwards to attack Ranma. The three Neriman martial artists observed the way they moved and came to one conclusion immediately.
Complete amateurs.
Exchanging looks with the girls, Ranma cracked his knuckles. "Well then…let's get to it."
The next few minutes were the most excruciatingly painful and embarrassing that the nine punks had ever experienced. The seemingly wimpy boy moved faster than their eyes could track and sent three sprawling with a single punch each, while the arms of the brunette tomboy blurred and struck the three that she targeted multiple times before they fell. The purple-haired girl dodged their attacks gracefully before kicking their legs out from under them and slamming them to the ground with her palms.
"Huh. Guess punks've become weaker since I last took some down." Ranma remarked as he knelt beside the one that seemed to be the leader. "Now then, you've spoiled a nice little outing for us. I'll let you off with it with this little educational lesson under two conditions. One, don't come to Nerima. Two, where's the nearest decent restaurant around here?"
"Th-there's a good katsudon restaurant two streets over." The boy croaked. If Nerima was where these three lived, then he was going to make a point of staying the fuck away from it! "Name's Orochigaya's. Can't miss it."
"Good." Ranma dropped the guy and stood. "Ucchan? Shampoo? Let's get outta here before the cops show up."
As the three left, the punks slowly, painfully, gathered themselves up and left as well. They all decided that this was a day that did not happen, so it would not be discussed in future. Meaning that a pretty boy and two girls most certainly had not handed them their asses on a silver platter.
A Short While Later
"Well that was a bit of a bummer." Ranma sighed. He and the girls had found the restaurant that the punk had spoken about and it was indeed very good. But that left the rest of the day open. "Talk about a waste of a fun day."
"We could try to go back to the arcade." Ukyo put forth, but Ranma shook his head.
"Nope. Damn delinquents always flock ta the same places. Chances are, we'll run into more of 'em if we go back and it'll be a rinse and repeat of what just happened."
He ate some of the katsudon bowl he had in front of him, relishing in the fact that he didn't have to worry about his old man trying to steal his food.
"Shampoo has games consoles and games at Nekohanten." The Amazon spoke up hesitantly, "We could go there."
"Why didn't ya tell us?" Ukyo asked as she ignored her half-empty bowl, "We could have saved some money."
Always fiscally cautious, as ever.
Shampoo raised a single elegant eyebrow. "If Shampoo suggest Airen and Ukyo come to Shampoo's bedroom, they run for hills, no? Not go within mile of Shampoo's bedroom if just suggest it, no?"
"Well, it's good thing ya kept it in reserve, Shampoo." Ranma interjected smoothly before it could escalate into another argument. "Let's head back to Nerima, grab some snacks and get ta gaming."
Later
Kitchen, Nekohanten
{Bombs, Mu-Tzu?} Khu-Lon asked severely in Mandarin. The old woman was standing atop a table and looking down at the battered form of the half-blind Amazon male. He had fallen afoul of a cloud of geese after being transformed into his Cursed Form by Ranma's kick sending him into the river.
{It wasn't-!}
{Bombs, Mu-Tzu?}
{I-}
{BOMBS?! In a RESIDENTIAL AREA!?} Khu-Lon roared, {You know better than that! Bombs are not to be used unless you know for an immutable fact that the area you are in is clear of non-combatants! What in the name of the ancestors possessed you to be so reckless?!}
{He's taking my Xian-Pu away from me!} The bespectacled boy retorted, {I cannot let that happen!}
Khu-Lon seemed to teleport in front of him before backhanding him across the face. {Mind your words, Mu-Tzu.} She told him coldly, {My granddaughter is not yours to claim. You have challenged her every single year since you were children to a marriage match and every single year, you lost. Not because she was stronger than you. Not because she is more skilled than you. The reason you lost is because you let her win. You cannot bear to harm her, so you let her win. In short, you do not respect her as a warrior.}
{I do-!}
{Enough.} The Elder's voice became as cold as winter's grip, {I tire of the constant harassment that you put Xian-Pu and her husband-to-be through. In three months' time, on the night of the full moon, you and Xian-Pu shall have one, final marriage match. Should you concede victory once more, she will forever be beyond your grasp. No more marriage matches will be accepted, and not even your defeat of Ranma Saotome will make Xian-Pu yours. You will surrender any and all right to challenge for her hand in any way permitted by the Joketsuzoku. Is this understood, Mu-Tzu?}
{Yes, Elder.} The black-haired boy bowed in submission to her will.
{Do not think that I dislike you, boy.} Khu-Lon said gruffly, {You are the strongest Amazon Male of your generation, and are deserving of praise for that level of strength at such a young age. What is less palatable is your inability to accept that Xian-Pu does not want you as a husband or a swain. A friend, a confidant even, yes. But you are not what she looks for in a marriage partner. Accept what you can get before you risk losing all regard from her whatsoever. Now get cracking with dinner.}
Grabbing her staff, the Elder hopped away upstairs on it, leaving a dishevelled and drooping warrior behind her. She didn't like to be so hard on him; she was fond of him, in the way of an acquaintance. He was deserving of a good wife though; she would have to see of a few of the girls his age back at the village were amendable to challenging him to a marriage match once Shampoo finally defeated him for good.
Hearing sounds from Shampoo's bedroom, Cologne hopped to the door, which was open a crack, and peered in. Seated in a loose group in front of the TV there were Shampoo, Ranma and Ukyo. They were playing a fighting game of some sort, with Ranma and Ukyo being the ones holding the controllers at the moment, while Shampoo supported Ranma. The two girls were on either side of Ranma and occasionally parts of their bodies touched his, but no notice was given that he noticed or that he minded if he did.
A smile crept across Cologne's wizened face. It appeared as if she could call this date with the three of them a success.
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Next Chapter: Triple Training Times
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