Enjoy the Show


The next day


I saw Jimmy sitting on a chair still drunk.

"Thought you would have sobered up by now" I tell him.

"Why would I want to do that?" Jimmy ask holding on to the chair.

"Well for one thing you're supposed to be in charge around here" I tell him looking around the gloomy camp.

"Nothing making since, not making since" he says shaking his head.

I felt awful for him. He just lost his mother this poor boy.

"Best way to honor Ethel is to take care of business here" I try to encourage him.

I wrap my arms around him hugging on to his back. He smelled like piss and alcohol but I still love him, still love his smell.

"So we can leave start our own life but you can't do that passed out by the Ferris-wheel or wallowing over here" he seemed unresponsive so I continued Close to his ear with my caring tone on. "I mean do you know what almost happened last night?" I ask thinking of Penny.

"What's wrong with you?" Jimmy snapped getting up from his seat.

I jumped back fitting my shawl surprise by his anger.

"You sound like some old school monitor" he insults me.

I lost my temper.

"I'm a girl that fell in love with a leader, a hero for Christ sakes where is he?!" I ask hitting Jimmy's chest not hard just a push trying to get him to end being a drunk.

"WELL SURPRISE! I can't just take my feelings roll them in a little box and stuff them back inside, I'm not General Patton" he yells in my face.

He walks away from me under the canopy.

"CHRIST!" He yells. "Is that what you want? If that's the case buzz off" he yells grabbing another beer.

"That's not what I said" I tell him.

"Not what you said" he mutters as I walk to him.

He's drunk and he looks like he hasn't slept and probably hasn't eaten. God Jimmy I'm worrying about you.

"You need to eat something" I tell him holding in my tears as I came closer to him sitting down looking up to him as he slams back his beer.

God he's a mess.

"Listen to me, Jimmy you didn't do anything wrong." I try to convince him. "You're amusing that you could have saved your mother, but let the idea go baby"

I tried to reason with him tried to make him understand but I don't think it worked.

"You don't understand anything" he claims again throwing the fact I'm normal in my face.

Is that how it's gonna be for the rest of our lives? Every time something happens I won't be able to understand in his head, I can't stand this anymore! I'm here I'm with him, all the way I'm with him and he still acting like I can't live in his world. Anger sets in. He didn't talk like this when he was sober he stopped this shit and now he's being an ass because he's drunk.

After his comment I grab his alcohol standing away from him he quickly follows grabbing it harshly from my head.

"Give me that" He demands.

He grappled my wrist tight in his hand burning my skin leaning close to me making my heartbeat faster from a feeling I thought he would never make me feel, fear.

"You shouldn't burden yourself with the likes of me" He says inches away from my face. "Go have your beautiful life with someone else"

I struggle ripping my arm from his the moment he loosened.

He said it, were over if I don't pertain he didn't mean it, pertain it doesn't count because he's drunk. But weather he meant it or not doesn't matter he made me fear him he held me harshly I've seen enough of my sisters past bows to know this is usually how it starts and I swore I'll never let a man treat me like that. However, this weak side of me says he just lost his mother, he won't even remember this once he sobers up. He made it easy for me, I don't have the choice to forgive or not he said it himself we're over.

Three undisciplined tears fell from my eyes as he stood back to me leaning over grabbing something.

"Alrighty than" I sniffle holding back all the tears that threaten to flow. "Thanks for the clarity" I turn away from him fast walking away.

I walk off trying not to pull any attention my way as I go to my trailer. I sniffle holding back sobs as water streams down my eyes. I whip my face seeing my hands wet with grey water mixed with some red, my lips and eye makeup.

I must look like a clown which is only fitting because I feel like a fool. We ended faster then we started.

I entered my trailer finding my bed fast tripping over a few pieces of clothing as I did. I quickly grabbed my pillow allowing it to muffle my sobs. I agreed in my weaken state with or without Jimmy I'm leaving this freak show he may never love me the way I want but I do own so much to him. He finally showed me there is nothing for me here, no life worth living. I'm gonna leave, I'm gonna find a rich bow like everyone says to do I'm gonna have too many kids and a dog and a house with a white picket fences and someday I'll come back to this freak show if it's still around and show them, show them I'm worth something.

"I'm beautiful, there nothing, nothing!" I weep into my pillow. "It doesn't matter they won't have me, he won't have me I don't need them, there just a bunch o-of f-freaks!" I mutter my crying finally slowing.


Now


Life hasn't been alright lately, so much has happened in such little time I feel like I've been sleepwalking but I'm gonna leave this hell hole and leave all this behind. I shake my head remembering I almost changed my mind till I caught Jimmy and that wheal who threatens to sit on me. Again I thank him for opening my eyes to the truth just like he did before.

I lock my lugged bag finally done packing all my things. It's late and I know no one is up now is the best time to leave.

"You don't understand him you never will and he loves you" Dot voice came from behind me confessed.

I jump turning fast seeing the two girls standing in front of me looking as broken hearted as me.

Every other thought left my mind as I clung to her words. 'He loves you' he told them that, he loves me!


So as i said in chapter seven they were one chapter not there two. i hope you enjoyed and please review and sorry about using a lot of scenes from the show and mostly after this chapter i'm gonna AU it. enjoy and REVIEW!