I take a deep breath before saying "I never stopped loving you." Just above a whisper. I see, out of the corner of my eye, her head snap up from where she was looking at her hands. I cautiously look over at her, her eyes wide as she stares me. My heart is racing, and my palms are sweating as I wait for her to respond.

XXXXXX

Chapter 8

They sit there in his truck for another five minutes before either of them speak up.

"I know that I've done a terrible job of showing you that, but honestly I was afraid of getting rejected again, like when I asked you to come to Molly's that one night." He says with a chuckle, trying break the tension. It seems to work, as she laughs, while still looking down at her hands

"You asked me the day before, and I had to work." She says

"Yeah, yeah excuses, excuses." He replies, both chuckling a little, before getting serious again

"Can I ask, why tonight? Why did you decide to do this, to tell me tonight?"

"Why not tonight?"

"I don't know, it just seems so random, we've barely talked over the last couple months, and before, it was just, well hell, and now you tell me this?"

"Did you not want me to tell you?"

"Of course I wanted you to tell me Jay, I wanted to hear that more than I realized honestly, but I just don't get where it came from?"

"I don't know, there's just been something inside me, something yelling at me to tell you how I feel." He says, taking another deep breath "There's not a lot of things that scare me Er, but being away from you, fighting with you, being rejected by you." He adds with another chuckle. "Losing you scares the shit out of me, and I'd rather have you in my life even if it's just a little, than to lose you completely, again."

"Jay." She says but he just continues

"And seeing you at the hospital, I guess I was just done keeping that from you. I'm done letting the past cast a shadow over us. I don't want to keep distancing myself from you."

"I kept telling myself that we were keeping each other at arm's length to prevent ourselves from getting too close again." She says after another few minutes of silence

"I'm not saying we jump right back into the deep end, but we could at least be friends again. Right?"

"I'd like that." She says finally looking him in the eyes, and he just nods

"Well instead of continuing to sit your truck, as comfortable as it may be, do you want to go inside?" She asks

"Sure." He answers taking the keys out of the ignition, and waiting for her to open her door. When she does, he freezes there for a moment, wondering if this is real. She taps on the passenger window, breaking him from his thoughts, and then he opens his door and gets out. He meets her on the sidewalk, then following her up the stairs, into the building, and to her apartment.

XXXXXX

Jay's POV

When we walk into her apartment, my senses are taken over by everything that's so uniquely her. Her scent wafting my nostrils; her stuff that she took from the apartment last year is all here, on the walls. I walk in further, and take in the small apartment. She throws her keys on the table near the door, before moving towards the kitchen, and I'm standing near the breakfast bar, when I see a picture sitting in a black frame on the end table next to her couch I freeze.

"Do you want a drink?" She asks from the kitchen, and I just nod not taking my eyes off the picture.

"Jay you ok?" She asks as she walks up, and handing the beer to me

"Huh, uh yeah I'm fine..It's just that I thought you didn't care."

"What?"

"This picture, I found this same picture of us on the floor in the closet of the old apartment after you left, I thought you just left it there because you didn't care anymore. It was just another blow to my heart when I picked it up and turned it over." I say digging into my pocket for my wallet, and pulling out the folded and worn photo.

"I can't believe you had it this whole time. I looked for it in all my boxes, and I was devastated thinking I had lost it. I was so happy when I found that I still had it on my laptop. One of the first things I did when I got to New York was get it reprinted, and put into a frame. I needed something of you with me, especially when your shirts stopped smelling like you, and this picture I don't know, it just made me feel better, but also sad about what I lost, and left behind." She says sadly

"I still remember the day we took this picture." I say with a little chuckle. "We drove across the city to find a place where we were sure no one would run into us. Ended up at this random park with a huge pond and we just walked, and talked. We stopped and took this right before you ran over to the hot dog cart like a little kid seeing an ice cream truck."

"I did not run."

"Erin I'm pretty sure the hot dog guy was bracing himself just in case you ran into the cart."

"I didn't run Jay, but I was really hungry, we hadn't eaten in hours." She says, causing us both to laugh.

"I'm glad that you had it though."

"Me too." I say looking back down at the picture in my hand, she walks back over to the kitchen putting her bottle on the counter

"Do you want to watch the game?"

"Why did you actually remember to record it?" I ask

"Hey I'll have you know, that I've gotten a lot better at remembering to do it. I record all of the games just in case I'm working or something." She replies

"Oh, alright." I answer, and she moves to the coffee table in front of the couch and picks up the remote; turning on the TV, and turns the game on

"I'll be right back, I'm just going to change into some sweats."

"Ok." I say as I sit down on the small brown leather couch, that definitely has more function than form, I'm only a couple minutes into the game when she comes back out in a pair of sweatpants like she said but she also changed her shirt to something a little more loose fitting. I didn't notice how tired she looked until now, and I think about how I should let her go to sleep, but I selfishly don't want to leave. She goes to the counter to grab her beer before sitting down on the other side of the couch.

"What'd I miss?" She asks, while bringing her legs up to curl next to her body

"Oh just the first two innings." I say messing with her, as they replay the previous play, so you currently can't see the score nor what inning it is.

"I was not gone that long Jay." She answers with a smile

"Davies walked Rizzo, and Bryant hit a single to left field." I say and she nods. We watch the game in silence for the most part, talking every once in a while, and stealing glances at each other here and there. I pretend not to notice when she starts to nod off around the bottom of the seventh inning. I watch the rest of the game, and when it's over I grab our empty beer bottles, and put them next to her kitchen sink, before walking back over to the couch, where she's sleeping so peacefully. Her head is resting on one of her arms, while her other one is wrapped around her legs which are curled up to her chest. Some of her hair has fallen out of the messy bun she has on the top of her head, a few strands moving up and down with her even breaths. I go to pick her up, her arms wrap around my neck, and her head falls in the crook of my neck, her hot breath cause goose bumps to erupt across my body, and I bite my cheek as the smell of her perfume intensifies, and serves as an aphrodisiac, making my knees jeans tight, and my knees weak. I carry her to her room, and lay her down on her bed, pulling down the covers, just to pull them up and over her body. She gets comfortable and cuddles into a couple of her six pillows sprawled out on her bed in just the way she likes. I smile as I think back to that day a few days as we moved in together. She was so nervous to tell me about the pillows, but I knew that living together was an adjustment especially for her, so I pretended that it didn't bother me that I couldn't just reach over and pull her into me in the middle of the night, even though it did, a lot. She slowly stopped pulling them out every night, opting to cuddle into my side instead. It saddens me that she had to go back to using them again. I start to lean down, but then stop, wondering if it's appropriate, I shrug my shoulders, before leaning down again, and pressing my lips to her forehead, letting them linger briefly before stepping away. I walk to the door, flipping the switch to shut off the lights, whispering

"Goodnight Er." Before walking out, shutting the door behind me. I grab my keys, and wallet, and leave the apartment. I make sure the door is locked when I close the door. I drive home, and park my truck in my underground garage. I just sit there for a few minutes replaying tonight's events. I feel as though a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders, but the sense of relief doesn't last for long, as I think about how I should have told her more, more about the night she left, and the months that followed.

XXXXXX

A/N: I hope everyone had a good weekend, and I also hope you enjoyed this chapter. As always please leave your thoughts, whether on here or Tumblr, your words are appreciated, and they're my motivation to keep going. Thank You.