Hey! So, yea, sorry. I had a bit of writers block but I am back and am planning to update chapter 12 on OWWV verrrry soon. This is going to be a rollercoaster of a chapter, how Clary will deal with it and some surprising news. Sooooo, yea. Here is Chapter 7, enjoy!
I spring my eyes open and scream and scream and scream and scream. "Max! Max! I want my baby! Max!" Jace got up next to me and looked at me, this stopped the screaming, my breaths fast and heavy. I break down in awful tears and sob light screams into his chest. He rubs my back softly, it has been 1 month since my… miscarriage. I haven't been able to get over it, how do people even cope with this? We got back home from the hospital 2 weeks ago, the gang has gotten so used to my screams in the morning they know Jace will take care of 'em.
"Clarissa, Clarissa." Jace lifts my face and looks at me in the eyes. His eyes bloodshot from disturbed sleep. God, I have to stop ruining peoples lives. I look away and and storm to the bathroom, Jace starts to follow me but I lock it shut before he does.
"Clary open the door and talk to me." he said softly, I hear Magnus, Alec, and Isabelle come to the door. "Clary, it's Iz. Talk to me babe," she then lowers her voice and orders the boys away. "The boys are gone, let me in." she said. Not that I didn't want Jace to come in before, I just need some girl time. I hope with all my might he accepts that. I unlock the door and she was in within seconds.
"Iz I just want my baby back." I sob into her chest, she wore a lace camisole and white sweats with her hair in a bun. "And don't say you know, or it's okay because it's not." I say before she can answer one of those. She hasn't gone through this, she doesn't understand.
"Yes, but I am your best friend and you know what I can say?" she asks, I just nod against her shoulder, finding the light flutter of her heartbeat, "You have Abigail and she misses him too. You are still carrying a baby, a sweet girl too. Don't tell it was suppose to be a surprise but, Luke, your mom, Alec, Magnus, Simon, Jace, me, Jordan and Maia were planning on doing a funeral for Max, your Max." I gasp and look at her.
"A f-funeral?" I say in disbelief, she nods and smiles at me hesitantly, "Thank you."
"We were planning on burying hi-"
"Did you say bury?" I ask, they have the body and no one told me. Not even Jace… a wave of panic and grief crashed on me. Why did no one tell me, I had a chance to see my baby a month ago but no one told me.
"Y-yes." she stutters, I start to build with anger. "We want you to be the first to see him." she says quietly and looks down at her feet.
"First to see him?! Are you fucking kidding me Iz! I think your lying, I am not the first to see my child. A random stranger has seen my baby before me?!" My voice starts to rise, emotions hitting a fan that was turned on high, she flinches, Izzy doesn't like conflict. "JACE!" I yell out, I hear quick padded footsteps.
"Clary I'm right here. I love you." he says, I wanted to say I love him too but the words seem to choke up in my throat. I unlocked the door and met him with an embrace. I found his quick beating heart, his toned hot body that I fit so perfectly around. Iz stalked out the door quietly and had very faint sobs under her breath, she starts talking with Alec and cries.
"Clary, what's wrong?" Jace asked truly concerned, I tear away from the embrace. "Max's body?" Is all I say, his face sunk. "Iz told me, I could have seen my child?"
"Okay, Clary, listen to me; yes Max's body is in the hospital, I am the only one who has seen him." he says very very hesitant and soft. I shake my head.
"I want to see Max, don't argue with me, that is my baby too." I say, he nods and grabs the keys from the bedroom. I quickly change in a green sweatshirt and black yoga pants with my hair in a ponytail. I check the mirror. Bags and dark circles laid under my eyes and I looked quite pale, even the red in my hair seemed to drain to a dull orangish color. I hastily look away before I start crying and head to the car and blast Taylor Swift.
"Hey Abby, it's mommy. I'm sorry, thats all I can say. I love you and your brother, we are going to see him today with daddy." I coo as I see Jace coming to the front door. She kicks softly as if in an era of sadness too.
"Clary." Jace says as he makes his way into the car and lowers the music to mute. "Will you talk to me please." I look at him, his eyes glassy. I can't stay mad at him, I hate it. There was something in me that launched myself at him and kissed him hungerly and desperately. I start crying, he kisses me back and lifts me so my legs straddled his waist. "Clary, I'm sorry. I'm going to be a horrible father." he sobs in the kiss as it soon became a very wet one.
"No your not, you are the most perfect father there is and will ever be." I say in between kisses and sobs. All of the anger I had toward him, Izzy, and everyone else seemed to vanish when I kissed Jace. "Your such a life saver." I giggle a little.
"Thank you for carrying my baby." he says, he kisses for about 50 more seconds then break. Hormones flying up and off the wall. "Daddy loves you Abigail." Jace cooed and she seemed to go crazy with kicks to his voice.
"She is going to be a daddy's girl." I smile at him, he wipes away extra tears on my face and smiles back. "I can't wait to break boys hearts who crushes hers, she knows everyone loves her and will protect her with their lives. Jeez, I just can't wait to spoil her rotten." he exclaims, I laugh and throw my head back a little. He seemed to just stare at me, I raise an eyebrow at him.
"What? Is something on my face?" I say, he smiles then laughs.
"No, I just haven't seen you smile in a while, it's nice to see that you still have your laugh. I've missed you, when you're sad it's like you aren't here." he opens up honestly.
"Do you think I can stop at Moms after, please. I just wanna talk to my mamma a little bit." I say, it has been such a long time since I've called her 'mamma'.
"Of course." he says, I sit back down on the seat and turn up the volume as Jace starts the car and we ride to the hospital.
When we arrive, Jordan greets us with a huge grin on his face.
"Hey guys I have some really good news." he says, my mind goes to Max but I know that isn't possible. "You know how Maia and I got married 10 months ago?"
"Yea." Jace and I say in unison.
"Well… we're pregnant!" he exclaims, I smile broadly, I'm so happy for them
Awe! Congratulations you guys! Do you know the sex?" Jace asked, "We're hoping for a boy." he said. Max. I remember when Jace and I first found out about my pregnancy and wanted a boy. I tensed, Jace noticed and squeezed my hand.
"How are you doing Clary?" he asks, his mood totally changing. I just sorta nod, I hate losing him and to say his name out loud hurts. Plus I couldn't say it was okay, because it wasn't. I'm being fully honest.
"Jace and I are here to umm… see… Max." I say quietly and look down at my shoes. I felt Jordans knowing nod, Jace squeezes my hands and clears his throat. I look up as Jordan was starting to lead us down a white hall. The place smelled like a normal hospital, pure cleanness, but every room I passed a sick nasty smell filled my nose. I exhale a ragged breath as we reach a white door where Jordan stopped.
"I'll leave you two to it." Jordan quietly walks away. I look up to Jace nervously.
"Your doing great Clary, it's alright to be nervous. Just hold my hand and I'll lead my two wonderful girls." he smiles with pride. I nod slowly as he opens the door. There was a table and a small glass box with a washed out milk color, I could see a apricot skin color through it. I gasp as I lean into Jace, he plays with a curl of my hair softly.
"Do you want me to grab him?" he asked, how was he coping so well? "Remember, he's only 4 months." he says as he walks over, I can tell by he walks he's nervous. he cups his hand in the milky water and puts him on a towel next to it. I slowly walk up, my body shaking. I look over.
"He's beautiful." I gasp, it was a very very tiny baby, it must have been tiny in Jace's hand. It's hands and feet have barely developed at all and you could barely see them. I feel a roll of a warm salty tear drip down my face. "Hi Max, it's mommy." I start breaking into sobs, Jace wraps an arm around me and he is crying too. "I love you so much, and so does your daddy. Your big sister misses you too, I'm gonna hold you now okay?" I say, looking up at Jace, tears silently streaming down his face. I slowly pick him up and cry even more as I start to smile a little.
"You okay?" Jace asked.
"Yes. I just held my first baby. My own." I say proudly. I think the 'closure' I truly needed was to hold him, because stress and relief lifted off me as I stood up straighter and felt truly peaceful and happy for the first time in what seems like ages.
Hey guys so I know this chapter was weird and depressing but the next one will be sooooooooo funny and happy, I promise! Plus nothing really exciting happened, sorry, please leave a review! I have to head to bed now, even though it's 8:50pm where I'm at, I have to get up at like 5:50 ugggggggggh. Yea, anyways, hope you enjoyed! Byyyyyyyyyyyye :*
