Absolute Shocker!

By JamesRoxMySox

Disclaimer: I own nothing recognisable from the Harry Potter books or movies that belongs to J.K.Rowling and Warner Brothers studios


Wednesday 22nd September – Breakfast

Oh.

My.

Giddy.

Aunt.

Francis.

I have a massive, and I mean massive, zit threatening to engulf my chin. It's huge; I look like I have Mt Everest residing on my face.

I'm disfigured!

I know that sounds completely conceited but I don't usually have a growth like this leaching off my face!

I'll be the first to admit that I don't exactly have flawless skin but it's relatively good with a few lumps and bumps. This... thing is nothing like I've ever seen before, a pulsating, pus filled, angry mass.

Okay so I'm slightly hysterical but how am I supposed to go out in public with a zit this size hanging of the lower half of my face? Huh? How do you suppose I face the world with this mound threatening to swallow my head?

Okay, so forget slightly part, I AM hysterical, but hello, I have a volcano residing on my chin that looks as if it's about to explode and leave anything with in a five foot radius covered disgusting pus!

And it's not like I can squeeze it either or else I end up with a gaping hole in my chin, a clef chin gone wrong. But then it would scab over and I would have an oozing, crusty patch.

Not nice, not nice at all.

What did I do to deserve this? I swear that evil little demon thing has been going around doing evil things in my name again. I swear I never did anything to any of my professors, okay so I may have cast one or two charms on Montgomery's hat but it's not like he didn't deserve it.

Jeez the things that rack up bad karma these days

All right so maybe purposefully screwing around the substitute last week could have got me a bit closer to the naughty list but you never seen the marauders with volcanos on their chins and the are most certainly on Santa's naughty list.

That's it, the marauders!

Striking that deal with Potter must be like selling your soul to the devil. I still haven't found out about that favour but I had better soon, I don't like being indebted to James Potter.

Wait a second, the karma thing could also be from yesterday when I accidentally smashed Phinella Gooseberry's private potion project. Personally I think I did the world a favour, it was awful, I don't even want to know what it was supposed to be. I didn't even say sorry, hence the bad karma, but the girl's a monster.

No, I'm serious she is the most horrible person I've ever met. She makes Regulus Black look like sweet and thoughtful young man, that's how bad she is. Phinny, as I like to call her, is in my year but a Ravenclaw, she has average intelligence and is shrewd as all hell. But also the biggest... brat I ever met, such a cow.

I don't know what I ever did to her but I know she doesn't like me and makes a point of being horrible in my face every time we see each other.

Oh dear, this isn't good, I have a list of reasons as to why I have bad karma, plus I have the result of this horrid karma, a dirty great pimple.

I'm in a sad state of affairs.

I think I will go try and drown my self in some porridge or other breakfast liquid (I'm not particularly fond of porridge.)


Lunch

What did I do? Huh? I have no idea as to how I am to right all the evil I am supposedly the creator of. My day just gets better and better now don't it.

Not only do I have this enormous ... zit, which I swear is poisonous, but also my hair decides to have a spaz out, today of all days.

You know how some people have stick straight hair that never tangles no matter what? Well that's not me

And how some people have bouncy ringlets that look so adorable? Not me either

Then you have people with luscious waves that tumble down their backs? Again, not me.

I have evil, spawn of the devil hair that is a combination of these plus the one thing that makes it unbearable:

FRIZZ!!!

See I have straight bits of hair every now and then, with a few major waves that turn into curly ringlets at the bottom but the most dominant texture is frizz.

Sodding frizz!

I didn't have time to braid it this morning because I spent so much time moaning over my pimple, serves me right really. I'm having a full on bitch fest today due to my depressed state.

Well you would be depressed to if you found out your horse faced sister is able to get a steady boyfriend while you are incapable of even getting a date.

Ugh! I can't believe Petunia has a boyfriend! My mum sent me a letter yesterday night about how happy she is for Petunia and asking when I am going to bring a boy home. Er...how exactly am I to bring a boy home if I can't even get one to date me?!

Yes I can tell you have realised by now this is the reason for my distress. I love my sister dearly and all that but man she is such a cow to me and well, I feel compelled to inform you that she ain't the prettiest snuffbox around.

I am depressed beyond belief at this present moment and I think I will tell Nessa to keep anything sharp or pointy away from me for the remainder of the day.

Sisters are freaking depressing

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Wait, don't hid all the sharp, pointy objects just yet! Daniel noticed that I wasn't feeling to good and offered to play a spot of quidditch with me later. Awww! Isn't he sweet? This is why I like him so much he notices when people aren't feeling their best and tries to cheer them up.

That's turned my day right around

So I have a pimple

So I have disastrous hair

So what?

That has absolutely no relevance what so ever anymore and do you know why?

Daniel asked me to play quidditch with him later!!!!

Hey that almost counts as a date right?

Pft! Do I really care at the moment? No! I get to spend extra time with Daniel! I believe I had run my course with the bad karma and have patched up whatever it was that made me a target for ruin.

I now have a grin on my face that makes a maniac clown look depressed

I'm most likely scarring the young children but you know what? Screw what people think of me, they don't know shit!


Common Room

Potter has a death wish

I swear to god he purposefully goes out of his way to piss me off and embarrass me. I know that sounds ridiculous but it's true, every time I do something that I want keep private he miraculously shows up! It's driving me nuts!

Okay maybe not miraculously because that sounds like I actually want him there but he still shows up everywhere and I am yet to find out how he does it.

You're probably wondering what the devil I'm blabbering about, shooting my mouth off about Potter and his various infuriating habits.

Well Daniel and I were having a grand old time playing quidditch. We play it with just the quaffle and each of us is a chaser and then we become a keeper when the other person is in the scoring area.

As I was saying we were having a great time chasing each other around about fifty feet in the air, doing loop the loops and dangerous dives. I had almost entirely forgotten about my blasted sister and her boyfriend and was completely happy stuffing around with Daniel.

And who should show up?

Yep, you guessed it, Potter.

I swear that boy just doesn't like me, true, he hasn't pulled any pranks on me but it's only a matter of time before he does. He goes out of his way to get on my nerves and thinks he's awfully clever for doing so.

Potter came parading onto the field like a goddamn peacock with Nessa and Tri following. He called us over and Daniel looked just as flummoxed by this as I did. Potter explained that it was an emergency meeting for the chasers and that they needed Daniel also, to see if these new plays would be successful.

By now I was fuming not only had Potter stopped our game of quidditch but he had single handily stopped me from spending any more time with Daniel that night.

Forget fuming I was livid, this jerk managed to stuff me up every time I got close to actually having some quality time with Daniel. I know he's the star keeper but it's not like I'm about to give him some horrid disease that will prevent him from ever playing again. Bloody Potter!

And do you know Potter had the cheek to ash if I wanted to stay and watch. I had to clasp my hands together so I wouldn't jump on him and throttle the little toe rag to with in a n inch of his life.

Right now I am trying, in vain I might add, to calm myself to the point where I won't curse Potter when I see him next. Not working very well

I know! I think it's about time I gave Potter a taste of his own medicine. Which charm to use is the only question, I'll figure something out.


Saturday 25th September – Girl's Dorm

I love Saturdays, it's the one day of the week when you can just full on relax. I don't know why people think Sunday is so bloody special.

I mean first of all you have to get up early and go to church, sit through a sermon about how we're all doomed to rot in hell, then you have to do all that homework you've been putting off because it's due the next day and then you have the family dinner where all your sodding family come round for pot roast.

Ugh! Kill me now!

As you can see I am not fond of Sundays, especially not at home.

But Saturdays are a different matter completely.

On Saturday you sleep in till noon if you like and nobody cares, and when you do eventually raise yourself from your morning stupor there is no evil priest telling you that eating anything but fish on a Friday will land you in hell. There is no stress on Saturdays, you've just finished the week and you've still got a whole day left tomorrow to do the homework.

I love Saturdays

And you know what I have to say I'm learning, I put a repelling charm on my bed last night so Nessa and Rhi couldn't wake me up to go do something that I most certainly wouldn't want to do.

Quidditch practice for example.

The twins have the same values as me, anything that involves getting up before 10 o'clock on a weekend is not worth it. Though even they are up before me today, it's about eleven and I'm slightly peckish, but lunch doesn't start till 12:30 on weekends.

Oh well hopefully an expedition to the kitchens won't cause too much trouble. I think I shall discreetly sneak down there snag a couple of chocolate éclairs from a friendly house elf before grabbing a good book and make my way to the trees by the lake.

Very solitary, I know but I'm not a people person particularly on weekends. My friends will come looking for me later.

Sounds like a plan


The Lake

I love autumn, it's so nice and it's surprisingly warm today. I was feeding the giant squid some left over toast from my kitchen excursion earlier, it's actually pretty nice for a giant sea monster.

I'm in an excellent mood today, must have something to do with the fact I haven't been bothered by anyone all day. Bliss.

Though it could also attribute to the fact that I got Potter back for pulling his training stunt the other day. It took me a day to figure out what would really get his goat but I got there. I carried out my well laid plan yesterday afternoon so Potter would have detention for all of today.

Yesterday afternoon just before lunch, Potter and Black were mucking around in the hall pretending to hex each other and other magic in the hall way. Filch was there watching them like a hawk in case they did some actual magic. They were purposefully antagonizing Filch of course.

But what they didn't know was that I was hiding behind a statue of Demetrius the Delirious waiting for the perfect moment

And my waiting paid off

Potter raised his wand as though about to strike Black when what do you know, slime starts pouring out of his wand, covering Black as well as the portrait of Filch's mangy cat, Mrs Norris, that had just been put up.

Potter and Black were both gob smacked that green slime had come from his wand and were looking at it in awe. Filch was petrified and gaping at the portrait of his precious moggy.

I was doubled over in laughter behind Demetrius gasping for breath. Man, I love that spell, it makes what ever you hit with it squirt out disgusting green slime.

They all just stared in horrified silence for about five minute before Filch came out of shock and started screaming I believe he gave Potter double detention for using Magic in the hall ways and defacing school property. Personally I think the school is better off with out a picture of that... dust ball.

All in all I think it turned out pretty good

1)Potter got in trouble and has a whole day of detention

2)Black got covered in slime that takes for ever to get rid of

3)The painting of the scungy old mop (by that I mean the evil thing Filch calls his cat) is gone for good and now it can't rat on any students to Filch

Well worth seeing, yep, that's definitely the reason for my happiness today, Potter is scrubbing bed pans and Black is covered in green slime. If something should happen to Reggie my day will be complete.

Hey, whoever's reading over my shoulder bugger off before you receive a fist in the face.

It's okay it's just Cam, Daniel and Rhi

Daniel read the bit about Potter and Black and asked me how I knew about that so I let them read what I've written.

They've dissolved into giggles and are asking me if I really did that

"Did what?"

"You did that? You got Potter in trouble, covered Black in slime, ruined the painting of Mrs Norris and are planning to do something to Regulus Black?" accused Cam

I looked at him surprised

"Where on earth did you get that ludicrous thought, I'm a prestigious prefect, I uphold school rules, I certainly don't break them" I said in a pompous voice

They all just grinned at me

"You know Potter and Black were pretty pissed at first, they were vowing to scalp the little cretin who did that" Daniel started

I just looked at my nails unconcerned, I have no reason to worry. I didn't tell anyone of my plans and I was extremely careful, I'm not scared of those two any way. Okay so maybe I am scared but only a little.

Rhi cut in "Yeah, but when they asked around about who did it they couldn't find anyone with any information. Potter and Black both realised the person who did this was pretty smart"

I beamed at this

Cam took over again "And they decided they actually want to congratulate the person who did it. They made an announcement at breakfast that whoever owns up to it will receive a reward of a bar Honeydukes finest chocolate."

I thought about that for a second but it didn't appeal to me, sure I'd love to get the chocolate but then they'd know the identity of the only person who can prank them. Nah let 'em sweat.

"Well if Potter and Black think this person is so smart why are they offering them a bar of chocolate for their identity to be exposed? Surely the person who pulled this prank wouldn't be that easily fooled?" I suggested

Always play innocent and never admit anything, even to your friends

"Dunno, they seem to doubt your intelligence"

Cameron, Cameron, Cameron, I am not that easily fooled

I smiled at him but made no comment

"The Marauders are hosting a party in the Gryffindor common room for our house to celebrate someone finally successfully pulling a prank on the Marauders"

I grinned at this, a party in my honour!

"I'll make sure I'm there then, can't miss a Marauder party now can I, and given the reason for it I definitely can't bail out." I replied

Well this'll be fun now won't it? The Marauders are holding a party because I pranked them. Had I known that was the out come I would have done it earlier.

I don't know where I'm going to put the picture of that wonderful event but it will be some place safe.

Better go get ready for the party, and I'm sure it's going to be one hell of a party


Thankyou to those marvellous reviewers, I almost feel off my chair when I saw that I had four reviews. I'm sick at the moment and have had almost the whole week off school but when I saw all those reviews I lit up like a light bulb! Thanks again!

DeoxyriboNucleic Acid: Thanks for the comment about the reviews but I'm pretty much ecstatic if I get one review! You have reviewed before and you were just as sweet then as you are now! I'm glad you like the whole Lily/Regulus thing. Thanks for your review!

all-american-tease: Thanks for the review, I'm glad you it entertaining, but don't be afraid to tell me if I start rambling on.

fille-chica143: Thankyou for taking the time to review, I'm delighted that you liked it so much, here's your update.

Musicizdbest: Can I just say a whopping great THANKYOU as you have replied so often and it gives me an incredible boost to have a reviewer that reviews almost every time! See your thankyou got the works, bold, italics, underline, I would have made it a different font but that wouldn't show up. I'm a dreadful shutter bug, I just used about 3 rolls of film at my friends party, it's ridiculous really. Thanks again!

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